Hey! What About Me: How to make yourself and others a priority in a world of indifference, impulsivity and distraction

By ALLAN J KATZ and NORA CHILDERS

Modern day slavery is being compelled to act, somewhat unconsciously, which does not end up serving our own good.  It’s as if there were a “master” demanding and compelling us to do something which ultimately is not in our own best interest. Every day, millions of people all over the world, subject themselves to the slaver

• Language: English
• Publisher: Loyalty Marketing Publishing
• Release date: Jan 31, 2020
• ISBN: 9780578627496

Book preview

Preface

There is a strange relationship between modern-day slavery and freedom. On the one hand, people want the freedom to do as they please, without restrictions, rules, deadlines, people, society or religion telling them what to do.  Yet a society without rules, laws, deadlines and leadership leads to chaos.  Freedom to do as we please without considering others makes everyone and everything else less of a priority.

Modern-day slavery is being compelled to act, somewhat unconsciously, which does not end up serving our own good.  It’s as if there were a master demanding and compelling us to do something which ultimately is not in our own best interest. Every day, millions of people all over the world, subject themselves to the slavery of work, technology, people and emotions; rushing past their lives in a robotic frenzy, a quest for instant gratification, despite the future consequences of their spouses and partners saying, HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?

Conversely, we can enjoy freedom even with restrictions and rules, when the restrictions and rules are specifically designed to bring us closer to our own authentic self through spirituality, trust, mindfulness and play. The Journey to Freedom combines these pieces into one system, exploring the elements that enslave us today and the gentle path toward true freedom and emotional integrity.

On the Journey to Freedom, you’ll discover how to temper out of control emotions.  You’ll discover why we let other people and situations annoy us and how to begin to trust and protect ourselves. You’ll discover the fine line between letting technology enslave our precious time while balancing it with healthy play. And, you’ll discover how to transform your life into becoming a human being instead of a human doing.  In this book, I will refer to this sense of slavery as addiction, while presenting the character traits needed to extinguish these defects of character as described in the 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.  But you don’t have to be an addict or have an addiction to benefit from reading.  It succinctly presents the problem and the solution and anyone who feels enslaved to work, people, technology or their emotions will benefit.

Addiction is defined as an obsessive-compulsive behaviour which a person tries to stop and continues to occur despite his best efforts to stop on his own. Addiction then spins out of control and begins to affect his money, job, relationships and health. It’s really slavery to a substance, process or behaviour which continues despite dire and dangerous consequences.

Freeman Dyson is quoted as saying, "It is our task, both in science and in society at large, to prove the conventional wisdom wrong and to make our unpredictable dreams come true."

I present actual case studies and journal entries of what real people endure along the journey to freedom from modern-day slavery.

1Tech Distracts Us

I will distract myself to avoid my feelings, family and friends

In years past only medical professionals and emergency workers had beepers which alerted them to an emergency.   Today all of us have cell phones and every call becomes an emergency.  A person can be in the middle of prayer or meditation and if his phone rings, he will interrupt his dialogue with G-D to answer his phone.  After all, who is more important, me or G-D? Usually, it’s his wife telling him to go pick up some groceries on his way home.

Psychologically it’s all about ego.  A person says to himself, I am so important that I might miss the get-rich-quick deal I’ve been waiting for, for the past 10 years, so I interrupt what I’m doing and answer the phone. We become enslaved to the notion that whatever we’re doing now is not as important as what may be on the other end of that phone, even if it’s 6:30 in the morning.

We’re so enslaved to the phone that we get up from the dinner table to answer it when usually it’s a non-profit organization asking us to leave our old, dirty clothes outside in a bag for them to pick up.

Every bit of technology has its benefits and drawbacks.  What enslaves us is our need for instant gratification and the possibility of finally fulfilling our dreams of wealth and happiness. Yet, sooner or later we’re up late at night playing video games because we can’t sleep from the stresses of the day and we still are not happy, wealthy or fulfilled.

Technology distracts us to avoid feelings, family and friends.  Just look around the next time you’re in a restaurant and observe how many people are talking to their spouse and how many are talking or texting someone else and avoiding the person they are sharing dinner with. In many aspects of life, as you will discover, a spouse is caught up competing with all these distractions and does not feel like a priority in the relationship. This leads to disagreements, resentments, lack of intimacy and is one of the main reasons couples come to counselling.

On the darker side, while technology opens the door to the world at our fingertips, it also creates opportunity for us to keep secrets, have private emails, apps and messaging accounts which lockout prying eyes, who might catch us in infidelity, sexting, dating apps or watching pornography; continuing our enslavement to fantasy. If you don’t believe me, ask your spouse or partner to look at their phone and watch their reaction.

Television and movies reflect the mood of society.  In the mid-20th century, almost every movie showed someone smoking a cigarette.  Today, it’s rare but we’re already seeing people smoking marijuana, getting high, drinking to excess and supposedly having a good time, or simply killing people because they don’t agree with their twisted point of view. The media is exposing us and our children to violence, sexual video games, promiscuity, adultery and a life of fantasy. We have become enslaved to keeping up with the lack of social morality to fit in, so we don’t look like some religious fanatic. When this happens, we become like a kite on a windy day, swaying and dipping in every direction yearning for stability and smooth sailing, thinking we are free to do what we please without restrictions or a moral code of ethics.

TV shows like Breaking Bad and The Wire feature drug dealers using cheap burner phones they later dispose of so they won’t be detected.  Teenagers have picked up on this role model innovation and now use these phones behind their parent’s back after their real phone has been confiscated because the teen is spending time on snapchat, kik, grinder and dating sites that promote meeting people for instant sensual gratification. Teens also use a burner phone to post on social media sites their parents don’t know about.  Technology is teaching our children to be sneaky, tricky, lie and hide things from their parents. I’m 18 and I can do whatever I want they say, as they have a free place to live, eat and live in a filthy room of their own doing, with no respect for parent’s wishes, rules or boundaries.

Superhero movies, games, apparel and paraphernalia are enslaving our children into thinking they are invincible; if they just become a superhero in their own mind, they can do no wrong, and they will surely let you know, they are in charge!  Then they use the power of fantasy to influence friends and family to bend to their supernatural will.

Universal Studios movie Good Boys is an R-rated Pre-Teen comedy, which focuses on kids who curse and tell adult jokes, of which many don’t even understand.  Since its R-rated, it’s not for teenagers. (Will you allow your child to attend?) 12-year-old Jason Tremblay plays one of a trio of friends spewing forth obscenities and sexual innuendoes.  Variety magazine calls it an energetically uninspired bad taste comedy." Jason’s parents told him if he wasn’t the star of Good Boys, they would probably not let him see it.  The creators of this foul mouth, culturally degenerate film say it might be the first R-rated live-action film starring only children. Another societal milestone not to be proud of!

Another form of technology enslaving us is needing to have the latest tech gadget.  People stand in line or camp out all night to be the first to get the latest smartphone; when what they have is not much different than what they’re going to get. Yet, the ego persuades them they need the latest and greatest to feel important, thinking everyone else will be impressed with having the latest cellphone with an upgraded camera.

Life online has become dangerous. Mass murderers post manifestos on free speech websites letting us know they are about to murder innocent people.  This makes the internet a toxic force for evil in our society.  We have mastered technology into a monster that is eating away at the core morality of our society.  Cellphones, created originally to make calling people easier, have now morphed into cameras, texting devices and apps which distract us from the very people we say we want to stay in touch with. And you better answer their text within 5 seconds or they will suspect you of doing something wrong behind their back!

Deepfake technology makes it possible for people to morph themselves into scenes from iconic movies and TV shows.  It uses artificial intelligence to produce doctored photos, video and audio recordings.  This has caused an uproar worldwide where privacy is being marginalized posing risks to national security.

Parents, teachers and administrators of U.S. schools are becoming concerned.  More schools are using technology to help students do homework, research projects and take notes.  Parents feel the school devices are undermining their ability to limit screen time.  After all, these are the same devices the children are using to spend hours playing video games, looking at YouTube videos, texting and emails. Julie Jargon reports in the Wall Street Journal, September 4, 2019, children find ways to bypass the schools’ internet filters and can find their way to YouTube and other sites, exposing them to inappropriate and violent content.  They can kill time in class by shopping online and playing games."

Parents will justify their children’s need for 24/7 cellphone usage in case there is a school shooting or an emergency.  But what distracts our children most are these same parents’ who text their children during the school day, causing focus problems and distractions. Several schools have banned cellphones and found text messages from mom and dad are big distractions. Important matters like have a good day, love dad, Eat your vegetables, Don’t get into any fights, Uncle Tom will be picking you up from school today, I have a dentist appointment. I don’t know, but I managed 12 years of grade and high school without being constantly called or messaged. My parents lived 3 blocks away, I made my own breakfast and rode my bicycle to school, all without a cellphone.

Teenagers and Cellphone Addiction

The future looks even dimmer. According to Jamison Monroe, CEO and Founder of Newport Academy, Each (social media) ‘like’ increases dopamine, just as cocaine and other drugs do.  In adolescents, the brain is rapidly developing and the pleasure centres are all coming on board.  Thus, when teens derive addictive pleasures from social media, it can be a recipe for ignoring real-world pleasures, such as building true person-to-person relationships.

Research by the National Institute of Health hypothesized that social media use predicted reductions in positive affect and elevations in negative affect.  However, contrary to expectations, social media use was not found to predict self‐esteem or paranoia. Further analyses revealed that posting about daily activities (e.g. Facebook, Instagram, etc.)  predicted high positive affect and self‐esteem, whereas posting about feelings and venting on social media predicted low positive affect, low self‐esteem, high negative affect and paranoia.

Seidman (2013) proposed that posting about feelings and venting on social media is an emotional form of self‐disclosure, whereas posting information about daily activities is general self‐disclosure. Recent research found social attraction towards social media users was lower when posts contained highly personal or negative self‐disclosures and negative online disclosures by individuals with low self‐esteem receive undesirable responses due to the negativity expressed.

Moreover, these surveys showed that adolescents who spent more time on social media were more likely to report mental health issues. Meanwhile, teens who spent more time on non-screen activities, such as in-person social interaction, sports, exercise, homework, and print media, were less likely to report mental health issues.

In addition, a CNN study of 13-year-old teenagers and social media found that participants who checked Facebook or other networking sites between 50 and 100 times a day were 37 percent more distressed than those who checked just a few times a day. Those who checked more than 100 times a day were 47 percent more distressed on average.

Here are the latest statistics on the teenage use