Living with a Vagina: Show Me Yours, I'll show You Mine

By Paul Payten

Whether we are female or male, we all are influenced by our physical structure and in our world the feminine gender has a particular and extensive role in our daily lives and future development. Because women are capable of giving birth and men are not, they have been valued, used and abused over millennia and in as many and diverse ways as ther

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookTrail Publishing
• Release date: Sep 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781951505592

Paul Payten

Little did I know that he was preparing myself for writing while at 8 yrs old I carried a pocket dictionary in my school blazer. Moving right along and my first major exercise was to co-author with friends: a psychologist/songwriter and an architect/sculptor, a handbook to change public practices, attitudes and behaviour towards a more sustainable world, it was published by Fairfax Books, Sydney in 2008. So, in 2019, after 2 and a half years of contemplation and building my courage, "Living with a Vagina'"is published and available via major distributors. Is this the end of my writing? Well, I see the possibility of greater research into the development of self-determination and human evolution... Who knows?

Book preview

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Copyright © 2020 by Maggie Richardson

Paperback: 978-1-951505-58-5

eBook: 978-1-951505-59-2

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020915421

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This is a work of nonfiction.

Ordering Information:

BookTrail Agency

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Kansas City, MO 64114

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Foreword

1. Is there really a difference? – aren’t we all humans, who says there’s difference, spirit/consciousness 9

2. Where the differences begin – PAM, genes, tradition, scriptures, Mosaic law, religion, homosexuality 16

3. Health and Happiness – hygiene, maintenance, health, smell/outputs, menstruation, circumcision 31

4. What we see is not what we expect – my first touch, Chinese whispers, do we need to see, or just feel and trust, anus anxiety, orifices 37

5. The myth and the facts of experiences – being inspired or burnt, what next, which way do I want to go, dirty/hidden, disease, taboos, menstruation, soul’s evolutionary journey regardless of gender, more light on exit, body image/envy 52

6. Ongoing interaction/commitment – is it worth it, embracing the whole/hole, what is healthy, what is possible, who’s boss, the Great Divide, gender imperatives 61

7. Unseen influences – do they/we realise it is happening when it is, how can we tell, what medicine says, emotion/feelings, protected resource, intersex – hermaphrodite, psychological influences 70

8. To talk or not to talk – when is it ok, to whom, self talk, When vagina is excited it can talk tough or demand strange things – owner has not learned the language yet 89

9. *Wonderment – just how amazing is it, how best to achieve the big O, is there more to life than... 101

10. Societies – matriarchal vs patriarchal, history of yoni, harvest, fecundity, fertility, womb fury in Greece 114

11. What do we want now – equality, education, freedom, ecstasy, accepting that which we can not see/look into: ear, nose, anus, vagina 120

12. Arousal – public vs private, visible or not, masturbation* 131

13. Comparison – who are we really thinking of? Body type 137

14. Sharing – can men share more than women 147

15. Conclusion 160

Foreword

Let me say right here and now that I do not intend to demean or criticise women and their ‘parts’. By vagina, I refer to and include the reproductive organs, of which the labia or vulva – read vagina - is the only visible component, hence the focus. Breasts, although inherent in the female reproductive system and visible, are not generally discussed here, even if this is seen as a grave omission by some.

Neither do I seek to objectify or poke fun at arguably the most amazing feature of the female anatomy, yet, if it seems that way, it is simply my clumsy attempt at being specific or particular and talking about only one part of the magnificence that, to me, is ‘Woman’. I trust I will demonstrate my respect for and love of my fellow man albeit opposite sex and I ask that you read on and then assess this piece as being relevant as a whole, or in parts, or not.

Up front, I don’t have a vagina, so I really have no actual idea what it is like to live with one. However, may I also say that in fact, at some stage in my development, I kind of did have a vagina. So did every other male alive, kind of. Literally speaking, during our human gestation, before the genes have decided which way they will go: male or female, we are all equipped with what could develop into and become a life condition, the foundation of a vagina. So, there is a very minimal and deeply unconscious sense within us men, even if very short lived and prior to birth, of what it could feel like.

Why mention this, you may ask? Well, I guess I feel that there is much not accepted about the similarity of the sexes, as much as there are perhaps false differences propagated across the centuries of our civilisations. For these several reasons, I thought it could be useful to ponder our basic and inherent characteristics, as a way of pointing out how we have developed away from them, to the point of developing our current beliefs which prove less productive or supportive of us as mature adults and a race as a whole.

In my personal case, it could be said that I retained a semblance of a vagina into my postnatal life, even up until today, due to one of those quirks of natural selection. You see, I was born with an incomplete or undecided penis which needed modification by surgery for me to appear and function with comfort and practicality as a man. They, my parents and their consulting doctor, felt that for me to continue life with my somewhat deformed male organ would cause trauma and perhaps other emotional and psychological issues for me. Besides, I feel sure they felt it would not have been healthy either.

Such was the perception of my beloved parents at the time, in our modern world here in Australia in 1949. The corrective operation took place when I was only 2 years old and I was altered and scarred physically for life. This area of my physiology became an embarrassment for many years as my ‘new’ self – I won’t go into this now, though I may revisit the matter later on. Emotionally, too, I still carry scars and mainly due to vaginas and their owners, though I have found a way to be accepting and in fact thankful for what I do now have. More later on this, too.

Primarily, I write this piece in an attempt to bring some common understanding, knowledge and misinformation to light, from both male and female perspectives, about what goes on for women with regards to the influences of having a vagina. I feel there is often a tradition of ignoring and even mystifying what is so important and common about this topic and I also attempt to illustrate how men are affected by their owners and also how we respond to not having one. I also apply a little humour where and when I can and have incorporated some personal anecdotes, as well as testimonials from both sexes, in an effort to create a balanced viewpoint and assure the world that we are not all in the dark or in shock about vaginas, or even envious of them.

It may appear that I am disrespectful of women and their wondrous organs at times, just as I may also seem to disparage or over simplify men and their tools. Yet, in each case, I seek only to engage you, my reader, in a way you might relate what I offer to yourself and your experiences. Perhaps you could feel some empathy with those around you, male or female. I am also aware that our society and education system is in a quandary as to how to assist, manage or get involved in the whole question of sexual intelligence and that is where I see a major part of this whole topic sitting.

How humanly sensible can we be today about vaginas and their part in our life? Ok, I see I could well be accused of objectifying female and male genitalia, however I wish not to beat around any bush or avoid reference to them, for whatever reason. In fact, to name them in print is a liberating feeling and perhaps by seeing the terms and references to them on the page may equally bring a feeling of acceptability and relaxation around the topic for you.

Just to be clear, in this exploration I generally refer to a vagina as the whole female genitalia and a penis includes the testicles. I do this to because for my purposes it is easier to relate to two rather than many bits and pieces they incorporate with diverse and sometimes misleading names. At the same time, I also wish to avoid the practice of giving pet names to our parts. Colouring our discussion with names of any flavour could derail the whole conversation about my desire to reduce bias or prejudice that exists.

Lastly and importantly, I wish to steer clear of overburdening the clitoris as the latest or only focus of pleasure making, even if it is very influential in the deepest way for pleasure and/or pain. Hormones and many other factors need to be included when describing what affects women in their daily lives and how they influence partners, co-workers, family and friends.

My operation

As a result of my own surgery, I think I can say now that it was a better decision made back then than for me to have to now cope with a sex organ that initially went both ways, as it were. It is from this position that I come in my attempt to illustrate the challenges, benefits, exhilaration, frustration, power and wonder that any woman experiences in living with a vagina.

And the journey can now begin.... What is it like living with a vagina?

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in...however, one can see right through them. Anonymous

1

Is there really

a difference?

Aren’t we all human? Who says there is that much of a difference? What about at a spirit/consciousness level?

I mean... is there a reason to even talk about what living with a vagina is like, as opposed to living without one? Is there a real variation between the Life of Riley and Being Jane?

Well, for a starting point, ask any bloke in the street and they will probably say that there is no doubt a huge difference. Naturally, most women would agree with this, too. In other words, universally and naturally, it is acknowledged that vaginas are different from penii (penises) and we are not only talking about appearances here. They have different operating systems, totally diverse regimes of care, not to mention quite obviously different stamina levels when it comes to, well, most things. Especially in contests such as peeing up walls. Oh and, well, penii do not generate and pass live embryos, of course.

I suppose we need to start with the most obvious differences and they are naturally the physical appearance and structure, addition or absence of some organs. Truly, the sex organs of both sexess, so particularly different in shape and technical details, are designed to be complementary to each other and have a clear biological function based on their design, which nobody can deny. They are made for each other and fit like a hand in a glove or, oh yes, like a penis in a vagina, actually.

See, already we are challenged to accept the numerous differences of one from the other and even start to question the very basis of the Grand Difference: the outer versus the inner reality! Yet, if we relate to this outward appearance as the real variation, it is quite deceptive when it comes to actual physiological differences between them, because in many ways they reflect each other in the way the parts react, function and develop. In the womb we all start out very much the same set up and after a while the variations begin to appear, so, apart from the eventual, mature shapes, we are all made of the same stuff, come from the same place and need the same things to be healthy and happy. These conditions and variations will be looked into later, as I want to stay with the sameness for a bit longer here. By this I mean I feel it is worth building a foundation that assures us of the innate humanity of both sexes.

One could not dispute that men and women see the world from very different perspectives, so indicating there are many mental and conscious differences between them, however, we cohabitate and in some case, totally harmoniously and for long periods, albeit with one only of the opposite sex. On the one hand, some heterosexual marriages and partnerships last 50 and more years, most of our human life span, though these are relatively rare. On the other hand, more same sex relationships are observed to last as long. These could be construed as examples of how we can be the same in how we live, that is, enjoy the same lifestyle, ambience, general living conditions and interests.

These cases could also be said to prove that we can be much the same, male with male, female with male or female with female, and it is certainly the case that couples of either sex which are together over extended periods become more and more alike, mentally physically and emotionally. Or else, how could they stay with the other, one might ask.

Does this mean that a small minority exhibit the true sameness of the sexess or are they the exceptions to prove the rule of opposites? Or are these cases examples of subjugation of one by the other or perhaps the self sacrifice of one for the other? Does this mean we can pretend or pervert ourselves to be the same as the other? For my money, the fact that what are virtually permanent relationships of this kind offer insight into the possibility that at some level we have a very similar consciousness, which can coexist in peace, overriding the traditionally inherent and psychological differences the rest of us live with.

Alternatively, after further research and contemplation, these relationships that endure so long, may well be simply nurseries of consciousness, for either partner. I mean, relationship is the basis of our existence, be it with self or others. Universally, acceptance of self and other, I feel, is the primary learning that comes from relationships and therein together dwells the sameness,