I Don't Love You: Love is an obligation. Like is a choice.

By W. D. Roye

Relationships are a gift; they are a privilege. A deep and meaningful connection with another human is something you earn because of who you are. It's not something to which you are entitled. We must never forget that people can disappear from our lives at any moment. Even this gift of being alive and the opportunity we were given to live this l

• Language: English
• Publisher: W.D. Roye
• Release date: Sep 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781735766218

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Copyright © 2020 W. D. Roye.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

Used Oxford dictionary for all definitions.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 The Power of Words

Chapter 2 You Get What You Think You Deserve

Chapter 3 Is It Family Bonds Or Is It Bondage?

Chapter 4 A Good Partner Is A Great Friend

Chapter 5 Love Alone Is Lonely

Chapter 6 Putting Like Back Into Relationships

Endnotes

To my loving wife, children, family, and friends that has put up with my ups and downs, my rights and wrongs, the highs of my success and the lows of my mistakes. They taught me that it is not only important to be there for others, but it is just as important to be there for yourself.

Life is not just meant to be lived. It is meant to be experienced.

INTRODUCTION

Truth is more valuable if it takes you a few years to find it.

French proverb

Iknow the title of this book may be alarming to some people. I don’t love you, that seems harsh to say. It’s not something most people have ever heard. But to say I don’t love you is liberating to me. It brings things into perspective.

To me, to say you love someone comes with a hefty dose of responsibility, while simply liking someone allows you the freedom of choice. We can tell someone we love them, but if we don’t also like them, what does that love really mean? Wouldn’t you rather spend time with someone you like? Someone you enjoy spending time with, someone who makes you laugh and who appreciates the person you really are? Do you expect all of your friends to love you? Or isn’t it more important for them to enjoy being around you and like being your friend?

This is just a sliver of the swirling thoughts that have gone through my head in recent years. How we use words is important, and the meaning and intention behind each word is very powerful. How we have collectively used the terms love and like has shaped our relationships since birth, whether we know it or not.

And that’s really what this book is about: relationships.

I was asked by my editor to tell you a little about who I am so you can get to know me and view me in the light of a relationship expert. I think everyone, including my editor, will be a little disappointed. I’m no expert. I have no PhD. I have not written any famous books, and I don’t work in a tall building with a big name. I don’t even have a degree in the psychology of relationships. I’m just a person, like you, who has had experiences. Some good, some great, some disappointing, and some heartbreaking. They say the best person to understand the pain of a disease is someone who has had it rather than someone who has studied it.

To move on with my life, I’ve been forced to either learn from my mistakes in relationships or suffer the pain of having them eat me up from the inside and make me powerless. I have had to turn my back on people I cared for and have had the backs of family, a friend, and a lover turned on me. The only silver lining I gleaned through the years of failed relationships is the ability to self-reflect, deconstruct, and analyze the events of those relationships so I can grow and learn to do better.

One of the earliest relationships and confusion with the concept of love and using the word was with my mother. We were a family of five and I was the youngest child. I was quiet and introverted. I was always smart as a child, and as any child, I worked hard to impress and gain the love of my parents, especially my mother. When my brothers were getting into trouble, I was behaving. When they were getting bad grades, I was getting good grades. One day I asked my mother, Who do you love more, me or my brothers? The answer amazed and confused me. My mother said, I love you all the same. How could this be? This stunned me to adulthood. I did not yet know about the other components that form a relationship.

It was not until I was in my own adult relationships and saw others in relationships and how loosely the word love is used that I started understanding. I have witnessed a lot through the years. I have seen relationships that were abusive, but the couple both would say they loved each other. I have been in relationships where the words I love you were used with all the passion that a person can have, but then that same person would do things that led to the relationship’s demise. I was astonished by how people would use those words—those special, powerful words—in such a