THE WARRIOR'S GUIDE TO SUCCESSFUL SOBRIETY: How to Gain Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Muscles

By KJ Foster

Recovery Changes Everything

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fostering Resilience LLC
• Release date: Dec 19, 2020
• ISBN: 9780578814940

KJ Foster

K.J. Foster, Ph.D., LMHC, CAP is an expert in relapse prevention and family resilience training. She is the Founder & CEO of Fostering Resilience, Co-Founder of the Center for Sobriety, Spirituality & Healing, and Family Program Director for the Beachcomber Family Center for Addiction Recovery in Delray Beach, Florida. Dr. Foster created and manualized Fostering Resilience Relapse Prevention. She is also the author of "Fostering Resilience for the Family in Recovery" and "The Resilient Warrior Journal." Dr. Foster has been helping individuals and families recover for over 10 years.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

EVERYONE IS RECOVERING

All of us, at some point in our lives, experience something that requires a recovery process. Everyone! I believe all human beings on the planet (truly) are in some stage of recovery at any given time. Whether it’s a medical issue, a trauma, a relationship, any form of loss (i.e. person, job, way of living), or some other physical, mental or emotional issue.

It’s easy to consider just how many people are recovering from physical health issues. Let’s take the most common medical issues such as colds, flus, broken bones, and surgeries. Now, let’s expand this to encompass the millions of people who have, or have had, some form of cancer, heart disease, stroke, or diabetes. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control, half of all Americans live with at least one of these chronic illnesses.

Now, add to that number the percentage of people who struggle with mental health issues, such as psychiatric disorders, personality disorders, and substance use disorders. Addiction, in any form, such as alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling, the internet, or even being addicted to a person, is a widespread and chronic issue in our culture where the word recovery is commonly associated.

There are also a variety of other issues and experiences that involve an emotional recovery process. For example, a loss of any kind involves an emotional recovery process, where grieving is a part of that process. Whether the loss is a loved one (human or animal), job, relationship, or position within the family. Even a pursuit or passion, such as an athlete who gets injured and is forced to suddenly and unexpectedly change their goals. All of these experiences involve a recovery process. Hopefully, you’re beginning to see where I may be on to something.

Considering the fact that everyone is in some stage of recovery at any given time, it’s no wonder there is so much confusion when you hear someone talking about being "in recovery or referring to themselves as recovering." What does that really mean, exactly?

I believe it’s especially confusing in reference to any type of addiction recovery. I’ve heard people introduce themselves and define their recovery in statements such as, I’m someone who is in recovery, or I’m a recovering _______, generally followed by a label of alcoholic or addict. Or, they’ll say I’m a recovered _______. Some people who have a long period of time in recovery may also say, I’m someone in long-term recovery from addiction. You can see how it can be very confusing for those who are new to the recovery process, and even those who are in recovery themselves, let alone those who are not in recovery."

I’ve developed a conceptualization of recovery that I think will help clarify some of the confusion surrounding the references used to describe someone who is recovering from substance abuse or addiction issues.  I call my theory the Warrior Theory of Recovery.  I call this conceptualization the Warrior Theory of Recovery because when you’re battling an addiction you are literally at war. It’s a war that’s waging within yourself. It’s a dangerous war and it's a deadly war. It’s also a war that’s difficult, if not impossible, for most people to understand unless they’ve experienced it themselves.

It's my hope that this book, and the conceptualization of recovery I share with you in this book, will help those who are struggling with addiction issues, those who are already on the path to recovery, and anyone who wants to learn more about the recovery process.  As such, this information is also beneficial for family members. It will help friends, family, and other loved ones gain a better understanding of the addiction experience, a better understanding of the recovery process, and a better understanding of the elements that are necessary to overcome addiction. I believe you'll find this book to be a valuable resource if you are the individual with the substance use disorder or the family member, or other loved one, of someone struggling with substance abuse or addiction issues. 

My conceptualization, presented below, is based on my own personal experience recovering from an addiction to alcohol, and my professional work with thousands of individuals and families helping them to successfully recover.  It's also based on research I conducted on the impact of shame relative to relapse risk and psychological wellbeing, as well as research conducted by Dr. David Hawkins, outlined in his book Power versus Force.  I'll be explaining more about my research later in the book.  Dr. Hawkin's research, however, is the foundation upon which all the other ideas and concepts presented within this book are supported, and  therefore warrants some initial discussion. 

Dr. Hawkin's research was conducted starting in 1965 through 1994 relative to behavioral kinesiology. Kinesiology is a well-established science, with extensive research supporting the kinesiologic response: A positive stimulus provokes a strong muscle response and a negative stimulus results in a weakening of the muscle. What this means is that research has shown that our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions (in addition to our behavior) can create either strength or weakness within the body.

As a result of this discovery and the resulting research, Dr. Hawkins presents an anatomy of consciousness that lays out the arch of human spiritual evolution from its lowest expression and frequency (shame) to its highest (enlightenment). Higher consciousness radiates a beneficial and healing effect, verifiable in the human muscle response, while non-true and negative energy fields induce a weak muscle response.  Dr. Hawkins research indicates that all energy levels below 200 produce weakness within the individual and are destructive of life in both the individual and society at large; in contrast, all levels above 200 provide strength, and are constructive expressions of power.

An example of some of the attitudes, thoughts, and feelings that operate below 200 (weakness) are anger, hate, anxiety, grief, guilt, blame and shame. Conversely, some of the attitudes, thoughts and feelings that operate above 200 (strength) are acceptance, courage, compassion, willingness, forgiveness, optimism, trust, love, joy and peace.  As one advances in the evolution of their individual consciousness to higher energy fields, the process (strength) becomes self-perpetuating and self-correcting so that self-improvement becomes a way of life. This phenomenon can be commonly observed among 12-Step members and other groups who constantly work toward overcoming negative attitudes such as anger, self-pity and intolerance.

The lower regions of consciousness (below 200) are where addictions live and thrive. This is the area I call the swamp. One can become fixated at any of these lower levels. Literally, stuck in the swamp! Almost all these energy fields, and the behaviors associated with them, have given rise to specific support groups. Support groups help to shift our thoughts and perceptions and provide more strength and resilience by fostering attitudes like hope and courage.

According to Dr. Hawkins' research, one must reach an energy level of 200 (courage) in one’s own inner development to be healable. Lingering within the fields below 200 entails a real danger of becoming so deeply rooted in the swamp that one cannot escape. History, however, has noted that this is not always so and there are many who have suddenly broken through to higher levels of consciousness (i.e. a spiritual awakening). Yet, that said, for individuals to make any real progress (i.e. get out of the swamp and successfully recover), it is unlikely to occur alone and generally requires a mentor, spiritual teacher, counselor, or in the case of a 12-Step program, that would be a sponsor.

Based on the research conducted by Dr. David Hawkins and my own research on shame and relapse, I've outlined Four Warrior Stages of Recovery as a way to conceptualize recovery and help individuals to better understand the process of recovery.  I've also identified and present Six Essential Elements of Power that you can utilize and incorporate into your recovery program in order to achieve a stronger, more powerful, and resilient recovery.  Each essential element provides a source of strength and power that will contribute to achieving and maintaining recovery, and successfully advancing through the four stages of recovery. These elements are critical to achieving the strength and resilience necessary to achieve and sustain a full recovery.  Each element will help take even the weakest and most hopeless from powerless to powerful. These elements will help virtually anyone gain enough strength and resilience to achieve successful recovery.

These elements are also universal, in that they can be applied to other issues, not just recovery from a substance use disorder. However, for the purposes of this book, these elements are discussed relative to recovery from substance abuse and addiction issues, without ascribing to any particular recovery program; 12-Step or otherwise.  Let's start by defining the Four Warrior Stages of Recovery.

Four Warrior Stages of Recovery

Stage 1 – Pre-Warrior Stage

This is defined as the stage when an individual is actively engaged in their substance use. This is the stage when a person’s strength has been depleted by their substance use and the resulting negative mindset that occurs as the result of substance abuse.  Some will become completely depleted of their strength relative to their ability to stop using.  They become entirely overpowered and controlled by the addiction to their substance. The addiction, by virtue of the very definition and nature of addiction, becomes the most powerful part of who they are and what they do.  Their true self (spirit) becomes increasingly weak and powerless.  The Pre-Warrior Stage is the stage of inaction.  There is no progress toward recovery in this stage. I also refer to this stage as the Powerless Stage.

Stage 2 – Recovering Warrior

This is the first stage of action toward recovery.  This is