God, Change Me

By Tara M. Kingsley

From a life filled with abuse and darkness, Tara M. Kingsley emerged into freedom. In her deepest regrets and most heart-wrenching moments of pain, Tara's personal memoir explains her journey to whole

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tara Kingsley
• Release date: Apr 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578859606

Tara M. Kingsley

Tara Kingsley is a graduate student at William Jessup University. She is studying leadership with a concentration in executive coaching. She has lived in Northern California her whole life and is a mother to two children. Tara has a heart to see people come to understand who they are in Yeshua.

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Copyright © 2021 by Tara M. Kingsley

All rights reserved.

First Edition

ISBN 978-0-578-85959-0 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-0-578-85960-6 (Digital)

All rights reserved. This book is protected by the copyright laws of the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below. All Scripture quotations are taken from the KING JAMES VERSION (KJV): KING JAMES VERSION, public domain.

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Foreword

What would it look

like if your soul were bared to the world? If you could be fully transparent, spilling out the ugly and the beautiful, the struggle and success, would you? Could you? Could you be that courageous? I’m not sure I could be, but my life has been immeasurably blessed by a woman who is.

Tara Kingsley, daughter of the One True King, survivor of the wilderness, and warrior in this world, has this courage. Her story of pain, sorrow, rebellion, and redemption outlines a rawness and honesty few have ever been able to express. The revelations that have changed her life and destiny in this world are a light on the hill, a beacon pointing the way to Jesus Christ. Her love and devotion to our Lord and Savior are inspiring and dictate how she lives her life daily—from her morning (and sometimes all day) time with God to her battles with the Spirit and the humility with which she walks through her toughest moments.

Tara has taken the accumulation of her trials and blessings and has chosen not to swallow them into the depths but to organize them in her first literary work, in obedience to God. Tara was obedient in her call to write this book, as the chapters and content were literally given to her by God. In short, this book will bless you as it has blessed me. I pray you will read this with an open mind and open heart. See yourself in this story—your own struggles, your own obedience—and remember you are loved, you are worthy, and you are valued by the Lord of all creation, who looked down and found the world was left wanting without you in it. You may be in rebellion right now or you may have overcome rebellion. No matter where you are right now, remember this: You are still loved.

May the Lord bless you,

B. Toth

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

1   Complete Frustration

2   It’s Them, Not Me

3   Help Me, God—I’m Drowning

4   God, Rescue Me

5   Revelation—I Can Only Change Me

6   Why Aren’t They Changing?

7   Father, Change My Heart

8   Change My Heart and Change Me

9   What Is This New Heart You’ve Given Me?

10   God, Renew Your Righteous Spirit Within Me

11   Thank You, God, for Changing Me

12   Thank You, God

Appendix A

Introduction

I do not remember

a time in my life when I did not believe in God, but I viewed God as simply my fairy godfather. I did not have a clear understanding of how much He genuinely loves me as I never saw myself as lovable. As a family, we went to church every Sunday, and sometimes we went to a midweek service too. Unfortunately, I really disliked church and do not remember a time when I ever wanted to be there. I did learn all the Bible stories though.

Which is why I knew the Bible story of Jonah. If I had to compare myself with one person in the Bible, I would say I most resemble Jonah. Jonah had a word from the Lord (Jonah 1:1–2), and instead of being obedient to the Lord, Jonah fled from God’s presence. If you are not familiar with this story, Jonah’s disobedience toward God found him in the belly of a very large fish. His actions also greatly affected several people whom he had dealings with along his path of disobedience. But there is another aspect of the story of Jonah as well. Another reason Jonah didn’t want to do what God told him to do was because he didn’t think the Ninevites deserved God’s mercy and grace. For a very long time, I felt the same way about certain people in my life. 

My story is not much different from Jonah’s (minus the big fish) in that I started running from God’s presence when I was about nine years old, mostly because I chose to believe the lies of the enemy rather than focusing on the truth in God’s Word and how much He truly loves me. I believed I would die before I reached the age of twenty-one. I remember at sixteen, when I got my driver’s license, it said under 21 until 1992. I thought, Yeah right, like I will be alive by then. I allowed the labels that this world put on me to shape my mind instead of believing the truth of God’s purpose.

My first experience with marijuana was when I was nine years old. I blackmailed one of my older brothers, and he caved to my pressure. I was by no means an easy or