Here's Why You Can't Find Love

By Ted Santos

"Ted Santos shows readers how to achieve a life-time partner that shares your purpose for taking this life's journey and to endure all enjoyments and challenges that will enter your path." - Linda Brown, Ph.D. 

"I have applied the principles in this book to my personal relationships with friends and family.  Te

• Language: English
• Publisher: Briley & Baxter Publications
• Release date: May 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781954819177

Ted Santos

Ted Santos is a coach and an advisor. Whether it is coaching CEOs of midsize to large companies looking to create a breakthrough or advising individuals on how to have successful partnerships, he uses his understanding of human behavior. To share this knowledge with the world, he has written a book on a subject every person can relate to: relationships. Here's Why You Can't Find Love will help you discover counter-intuitive approaches to creating interpersonal breakthroughs in love, work, and play.

Book preview

Copyright © 2021 Ted Santos. All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying recording, or taping without the written consent of the author or publisher.

Briley & Baxter Publications | Plymouth, Massachusetts

ISBN: 978-1-954819-04-7

ISBN: 978-1-954819-17-7 (e-book)

Book Design: Stacy O’Halloran

Cover Design: Mackenzie Wells

Cover Art: Maddy Moore

Contents

Preface

The Interview Begins

Acknowledgement

Affection

Love

Did You Sign the Contract?

Why Relationships Fail

Preface

My Genesis

Before I dive into this wildly interactive conversation, I would like to share a little about myself. As a very young child, I preferred sitting with the adults while the other children played outside. I would hear my uncles talk about women. They would often say women should come with instructions. That stuck in my head. As a child, it sounded as though men were complaining about being unable to understand women. To assure that I did not fall into the pit of complaints, I came up with a background solution. At nine years old, I decided I would be the guy who understood women. I even thought I could write the instruction booklet for other men to read.

At nine, I read books about sex, female anatomy, Q&As from women with a psychiatrist, and miscellaneous magazines that talked about the things women want from men. The Q&As were particularly interesting because the questions came from real women with important concerns about sex, dating, challenges with men, and understanding a woman’s body during sex.

By twelve years old, I was certain that any woman who spent time with me would find me irresistible. In fact, I would look at couples and think to myself, if she spent time with me, she would forget his name. Also, at eleven, I started to train my body through serious exercise. I wanted a body that was physically appealing to a woman—and I wanted my body to perform during sex like no other man.

So, from the age of nine, I not only read books and magazines, but also interviewed friends of my mother and aunts. I wanted to confirm my findings in the research I had done. I continued the mindset of interviews throughout my teenage years. It also spilled over into my dating life. By fourteen, it seemed that it would be in my best interest to study human behavior in general—men and women.

If you guessed there is a flip side to being well informed, you are right. Through my research, I had become mature beyond my years. That left me as a fourteen, fifteen, or sixteen-year-old who was much more mature than the girls my age. As you can imagine, not too many seventeen-year-old girls are interested in a fourteen-year-old man-boy. Even my freshman year of college was filled with situations where upper class women told me I was too young. They did this despite already having an affinity for me. It was not until I was nineteen that I was able to date women in their late twenties and thirties.

Nevertheless, in college, I continued my research through books and interviews. Of course, I found psychology courses interesting. What I found more interesting was economics. Economics is sociology with financial components and mathematical equations to predict human behavior.

While economics intrigued me, my major was marketing. For me, marketing did not predict human behavior. It shaped it in masses. To do that, you had to understand mindsets and current desires of people. With marketing, you can make people desire things they did not know they desired. Look at the cell phone, especially the iPhone.

At some point in my late twenties, I had already gone through a string of, what most would call, successful relationships. While they were successful, they were just good. I was after more than good.

In the meantime, my professional life became the center of attention. I became a sales trainer. I worked for Sandler Sales Institute, and that job was more than a career. It expanded my desire to learn about people. They focused on the psychology of sales. For me, it was a perfect match for the man I had become. The methodologies I learned were designed to uncover what people really wanted or what they wanted to avoid. It was especially good for handling acrimonious prospects.

Sales training supported my next career move, which was an executive for a rapidly growing transportation logistics company. At this point, I was living with a woman for the first time. As a woman, she was great. I met her when she was in law school. So, it was fair to say I could use logic to reason with her. Much of my research about women was extremely useful in maintaining a good relationship with her.

As a woman, she was supportive of my career. She was a great sounding board for me to talk about any challenge at work. As a result, I excelled in my career and made a decent amount of money. That allowed she and I to travel throughout the United States and abroad together. In addition, in my professional life, my research in human behavior and sales training was instrumental for me being able to empower people in an enterprise that was going through growing pains. For the first time, I felt as though all my skills and knowledge were being used. It was a great time for me. There were times that I hated the weekends. The weekend interrupted the fun I was having at work.

After five years of living with this woman, I pursued a childhood ambition. I left the United States to live abroad. For two and a half years, I went through eight countries: Belize, Panama, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, and Mexico. I traveled from one country to the next by plane, bus, boat, and horse.

I lived in cities, jungles, and small villages. I even lived with Mayan Indians in the jungles of Belize with no electricity or running water.

Not only was this adventure a personal aspiration. It continued my studies in human behavior. It was amazing to see that people were people no matter where I went or the language they spoke. I was also able to see a new and empowering perspective on community. In the United States, communities are obliterated from divorce and crime. In the jungle, in villages with 330 or 550 people, I experienced community in a way big cities have not been able to replicate. I also saw how people collaborated when money was not a motivating factor.

When I returned to the United States, I had $55 to my name, and it was borrowed. It was January 15th, 1999, and I was here as a pit stop. I was going to make money and leave the country again. However, I eventually found myself being an entrepreneur. I later sold the business and worked for a consulting firm that specialized in transforming behavior and corporate culture. I was fascinated with this even more than the sales training. The training in this consulting firm was like a language of its own. Some of the methods matched what I had discovered through my research and experience. Except, they had done more research and were much more sophisticated than me.

This next phase of my career took me down a much-desired path. I was now positioned to train, develop, and advise leaders of organizations. Everything I learned from human behavior, as well as being an executive, became part of my tools to service clients. I became an advisor to CEOs of midsize to large companies. I built boards of directors, changed corporate culture, and helped them execute breakthrough initiatives.

Through this training, intimate relationships became even easier. By now, I had dated countless women and decided to live with a beautiful South American woman who was twenty-one years younger than me. The first cohabitation lasted five years. The second was three.

Here’s Why You Can’t Find Love

The focus of this book is love relationships. However, the principles are relevant to any relationship. This work stands on the shoulders of a methodology that is designed to help people or organizations produce breakthroughs in their relationships. The heart of the book revolves around one question: What would be a breakthrough in your love relationship? It shows how a breakthrough in your love life can have reverberating effects in every aspect of your life.

I was invited to a celebration for someone I have known for decades. She invited about twenty-five of her friends and employees. I was the only man. After most of the women left, there I sat amid five women. Throughout the night the conversations were general and pleasant. At some point, it became very focused on relationships. They wanted to hear brutal honesty from a man’s perspective—an honesty that could only be conveyed with a high level of comfort and trust amongst the six of us.

This story is an interview of me, Ted Santos, by five women: Susan, Tasha, Andrea, Kelly, and Leslie. Of the five, Susan is the one I have known for many years. Kelly and Leslie were strangers. I had met Tasha and Andrea on one other occasion.

As a word of caution, the content of this conversation can easily be considered counterintuitive. The challenge with counterintuitive conversations is you will be tempted to understand it through that which you already understand. In fact, it is safe to say you were taught to make sense of what you do not know by logically connecting it to what you already know. That works when information flows in a linear sequence built upon your current knowledge base. However, when it comes to things you did not know, that logic

Reviews for Here's Why You Can't Find Love

[sophia_smith_28 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

The book challenges old paradigms about relationships it’s a destroyer of cognitive dissonance! It’s a must read for anyone and everyone who wants a relationship that will thrive and be successful.