Why I Cried: Tales from Hysterical Pregnant Women

By Jennifer Johnstone Lopez

Enjoy an easy read of short, hilarious stories from hormone-fueled pregnant women on the brink of chaos - trimester by trimester - as they comically navigate their new feelings, aggravations and unexpected tears. Lots of tears.

From breakout author, Jennifer Johnstone Lopez, Why I Cried - Tales from Hy

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jennifer Johnstone Lopez
• Release date: Apr 7, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578893679

Jennifer Johnstone Lopez

Jennifer Johnstone Lopez is a mother of two kids, Cameron and Caroline, and wife to a serial entrepreneur, Ricky. She is also an international award-winning digital marketer, and co-founder and managing partner of Jalapeño Digital, an ad agency lovingly deemed her "third child." Jennifer loves to cook, entertain and tell stories. This is her debut book, though she is credited with many other published works including articles and blogs in her field, as well as poetry dating back to 2002.

Book preview

Introduction

Let me start by telling you a bit about myself – about who I am currently, anyway. I say this because I am the type of woman who reinvents herself every two years or so. With that unabashedly out in the open, it’s important that you’re getting an up-to-date version of me (and I’m not just talking a change of hair color, ladies).

In the last two years alone, I’ve gone from being a 28-year-old award-winning digital marketer, leading multiple teams at large ad agencies on the West coast, to a 30-year-old breastfeeding mama running my own advertising agency at home in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I went from eating loosely Paleo and walking to work with coffee in-hand to being a fierce work-from-home mom on Weight Watchers, living in my first purchased home with my loving (and oddly quiet) husband, two pit bulls and a teensy little 4-month old, Cameron. With a boat. Can’t forget about the boat.

These very different versions of me have a few key things in common – the true meat of what makes me who I am. First, I am an extremely overly-animated person. Second, I love to tell stories, even if they are the same ones you’ve already heard. I find them hilarious each and every time! In all my storytelling, there are lots of over-exaggerated hand-motions and more than a few different voices that I like to test out. Often at my own expense.

So, since I’m writing this as a book (instead of making it into an award-winning major motion picture) I’m going to need you to imagine that you’re getting the works when you read it. Envision it being a lively conversation with your best girlfriend, and not a monotone bored-to-tears let me tell you about myself portion of a blind date! Same goes for my writing style. I’m an English Writing minor, and together we can both call 1-800-I-GET-IT. I can’t stand authors who start sentences with and or but, have dashes out of nowhere, and periods looking like snowflakes on a beach day. BUT, I’m trying to tell you some stories here, with as much emphasis as there is in my soul, so you’ll have to make do.

As you might have guessed by now, without a kickass music career, and an acting career still on the rise, I am not the Jennifer Lopez that you’ve come to love over the years. However, I do hope to make an impression on you.

To do that, I want to dig deep and tell you that the best constant in my life, and the biggest part of my life is my marriage. You know, the white-dress-and-said-our-vows kind of marriage. Not the actual license and legit health benefits kind. Meh.

My husband Ricky and I have been together for nearly 14 years – about half my life! Only within the last three years had we been trying to get pregnant. It took a year for anything to stick. Even then, we went through two heart-wrenching miscarriages. But finally, as one obnoxious person put it, the third time was a charm.

In late July of 2017, I found out that I was pregnant FOR THE THIRD TIME. With so many pregnancies almost back-to-back, I joke that I was pregnant for nearly a year and a half. And, I often use this stat to cover my ass regarding my weight gain (+58lbs), as well as all the weird hormonal crying moments.

But this last pregnancy was different. Mainly because I had an extreme (or you know, probably the typical) amount of the HCG hormone pulsing through my mom-bod! With my earlier pregnancies, I wasn’t producing enough HCG. It was something I needed to monitor nearly every 48-72 hours during each pregnancy. It just never got to the right levels.

With this third pregnancy, I experienced the full-blown morning sickness. I was throwing up outside a classy NYC breakfast joint on my way to a new business pitch, and getting overly emotional on video chats with my then-boss. Which is when I knew it was the real deal.

Fast-forward to March 2018, and my husband and I finally had our son we always dreamed of (uh-oh, already crying) Cameron Alexander Lopez. He has brought such an incredible amount of joy into our home. He has not only made us parents, but better, more dependable and selfless people altogether. As I write this book, it occurs to me that this is wholeheartedly for him. This book is for Cameron.

Cameron, this is so you know how bat-shit crazy your Mom was during the 9-months that made you. And how patient and loving your Daddy was through it all. In sharing these stories with you (ALL of you), I want to introduce not only my stories but also stories from other pregnant women. Women I was lucky enough to experience pregnancy and parenthood with.

One group (Michelle, Ashley and myself), who did not share stories here, but is worth giving a huge nod to for their support made up what we called the Prego Gringa Wives – now renamed