Unbridled Gifts: Bipolar Disorder - A Family Affair

By Carolyn Lantzy

Join author Carolyn Lantzy in Unbridled Gifts: Bipolar Disorder-A Family Affair and discover the symptoms of this disorder and you will see/learn/discover how other mental disorders can mimic the onset of this insidious disease. This glimpse into these illnesses provides v

• Language: English
• Publisher: Book Vine Press
• Release date: Jun 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781954941991

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Copyright © 2021 by Carolyn Lantzy.

ISBN 978-1-954941-98-4 (softcover)

ISBN 978-1-954941-99-1 (ebook)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Printed in the United States of America.

Book Vine Press

2516 Highland Dr.

Palatine, IL 60067

For my Two Unbridled Gifts

Contents

Preface

In the Beginning

The Early Years

A Little History

A Taste of Depression

A Taste of Mania

When There Are Co-Occurring Disorders

A Trial of Medication

More About Medication

What Worked

References

Author Biography for Carolyn Lantzy

Preface

Bipolar disorder is an insidious disease and when coupled with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or another disorder, it can cause a multitude of problems inside and outside the family structure. These problems range from internal chaos to acting out in the community. I know this firsthand, you see, as I am a parent of two children with both bipolar disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). This is my story about how this disease affected my family and me, including how we emerged from its devastating effects.

If you have picked up this book and decided to read this far, I am assuming you, someone you care about, or someone you parent or care for has been identified with or diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I am writing this book for you. It is about my reactions in dealing with this form of mental illness. It is about my journey through grief, to finding acceptance. Along the way, I had to learn that my children do not readily understand or recognize that they have a mental illness, nor are they aware of their behaviors and their impact on others.

Their disorders do not totally define my children or their personalities. As a result, they have had to overcome life’s obstacles and have had a harder path than most. They do not readily identify with their peers. Yes, it has been harder for them to fit in some social circles. However, they have never let those issues get in their way. They have met challenges head on with their strong wills and tenaciousness, pushing onward toward their goals, such as engaging in extracurricular activities that boosted their self-esteem.

This book is also about my own mental illness and my struggle with major depression and how it affected my children’s lives. It is about how I had to learn to forgive myself, let go, and let God. With this in mind, I want to provide a message that bipolar disorder, with its components of mania and depression, is not created in a vacuum and that it typically runs in families. I have also provided examples from research that in many respects supports my experience and gives further insight into the disease. I wrote this to let you know you are not alone in coping with either your, or your child’s, mental health issues.

Bipolar Disorder has typically been seen as a disease found only in adults. In the 1980s, a child would not have been specifically diagnosed with this disorder. We have since found that the symptoms of child bipolar disorder do not mirror the adult onset of the disorder. Too many know too little about how or why bipolar disorder occurs in children or what to look for. While raising my children, I had no navigational tools to guide me. Literature was scarce regarding how to raise, discipline, or cope with these children who are emotionally needy powerhouses.

Family members and friends were even less knowledgeable than I. In addition, they were also less understanding but quick to offer advice on how I was not properly raising my children. I tried their suggestions, but they never seemed to work. They felt my children were unruly and that I did not discipline them enough, that I was too lenient, and that I was unable to control them. I was left feeling hurt, guilty, and responsible for their behavior and blaming myself for passing down my damaged genes to them. As a result, I isolated myself and no longer associated with these critical people. I could not see their criticism as constructive, as I took it very personally. In this respect, I had difficulty setting boundaries between myself and others, as I would always take on their suggestions. I also had difficulty comprehending what was happening with my children. I felt self-pity and cried out in desperation. I felt punished and did not understand why I was given such a burden, one I felt so ill equipped to handle. I would look at other families and see how calm and serene their children were. Some part of me longed for a family like that. I had not yet learned of my children’s unbridled specialness.

Along the path, I have run the gambit from consulting psychiatrists, to having counseling, to taking medication, and even to being hospitalized for my own bout with this menacing disorder. At the same time, I have also had to take on the role of advocate for my children. Schools did not readily accept their mental illness and did little to make accommodations to their needs. I have had to work with teachers who knew little of the mental illness and its impact on the learning process. I had to stand up for my children when they were defined as behavioral problems who needed physical discipline like a good old fashion whooping. Due to my background in education and training in psychology, it was assumed by everyone that I knew how to deal with problem children and that I should be able to come up with my own solutions.

Throughout my children’s elementary school years, I was involved with the teachers, who worked with me to deal with my children’s difficulties. As they moved to middle school and high school, I did not have as much contact with the teachers, as there was a different teacher, for the most part, for every subject. At this time I also had to work through the political maze of guidance counselors. At my children’s middle school, my involvement was welcomed. My husband also became more involved in their schooling as I was going back to graduate school. The guidance counselors and teachers were more willing to work with my husband and me as problems crept up. Those years seemed to go more smoothly and were definitely easier.

Our experience when our children entered high school was very different. I had to get a psychiatrist’s diagnosis that my children clearly had a learning handicap and qualified for a 504 Educational Plan for children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, combined type. This is designed to provide special help within the classroom for children with attention deficit disorder. I was sorely disappointed when I had to come up with my own children’s IEP (individual educational program) for use within a regular classroom. The school did not involve the school district’s school psychologist to assist in the process. In hindsight, I now know that was what needed to have happened and if it had not, I could have then requested assistance from the county board of education. From the onset, I had to request a parent/teacher meeting called an ARD (Annual Review and Dismissal—a meeting where all the teachers, school psychologist, principal, and parents meet together). Here I met with all of the teachers and the guidance counselor at one specific time.

The guidance counselor gave up on my oldest child during her sophomore year. The counselor had no suggestions for us. I felt lost, and no matter how hard I tried, I felt that I did not have the answers. Additionally, I felt I had no real backing from the teachers. Their take was that when children reach high school, they need to be responsible for their own actions. Many of my oldest child’s untoward behaviors were labeled as oppositional and within her control and if the school provided assistance, that would mean it was enabling my child. A day did not go by when I did not have the thought, will my daughter graduate from high school?

My children have taught me a lot about life. They have a fire and flame for life I never had. They have fearlessness about them. They were also gifted with strong will. I projected my feelings on to them and feared that their uniqueness would prevent them from grasping life and that they would use it as an excuse for not living. In contrast, they feared they would be singled out and sought desperately to fit in. Despite the odds, each of my children have learned to develop relationship skills that have resulted in long-lasting friendships with people who make their specialness shine. I thought my job was to give them the tools to get over their uniqueness—in dealing with relationships with males, getting a job, or taking care of their daily needs. They did not graciously accept my advice. Rather, they fought to find their own way. I had to learn to back off and detach with love—something that I am still learning how to do.

Today, my children possess many talents. They are caring, loving, young adults full of life and dreams. They, however, do not fit the norms of many of my peer’s children. For example, my oldest ran away from home at age eighteen, never went to college, and seems to go from job to job. I have had to learn to lower my expectations and let go, so they could grow and excel in their specialness. That does not