My Life As a Kitchen Witch

By Red Tash

A short non-fiction book about an accidental kitchen witch and the "spells" she has concocted for her life at home!

 

His face was red, his mouth a sneer. I don't remember specifically what the fight was about, but I do remember one thing he said. Angry, grounded, and lashing out, my son reached deep into his bag of insults and produced: "You're a witch, Mom!" A look of triumph twinkled in his eye. What a sick burn.

I was supposed to be hurt, I'm sure. Instead, I laughed. "You're going to have to try harder than that." As he seethed, I tried not to smile. "A witch is a wise woman. She's crafty and learned. She's seen a lot of things, and not much scares her. Yes, son. Your mom is definitely a witch."

I never thought I'd say that. Ever.

 

"What a wonderful book! Between the recommendations, the recipes, the advice, and the laughs, MY LIFE AS A KITCHEN WITCH left me magically refreshed. If you need to show your self some care without neglecting you responsibilities and loved ones, you need this book." ~Amazon reviewer Marian A.

 

"Creative and insightful. A fantastic reminder to not be so hard on myself while still striving for unlimited potential. Can't wait to try the spells. Especially Bacon Love Spell." ~Amazon reviewer Michelle F.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hawthorne Gallup Publishing
• Release date: Jun 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201767587

Red Tash

I’m Red Tash. I write dark fantasy.What is dark fantasy? It’s a cocktail of imagery from the most secret places of your mind. It’s scary, at times funny, imaginative, and simultaneously familiar. If you like Stephen King, Neil Gaiman, or Holly Black, you like dark fiction.I have written fiction and poetry as long as I can remember. I hope you like it.

Book preview

Table of Contents:

Chapter 1:  Out of the broom closet

Chapter 2: Bacon and other love spells

Chapter 3: DO NOT EAT! Potions & other poisons

Chapter 4: Demons, familiars, and other minions

Chapter 5: How to hover, weightlessly

Chapter 6: Eye of Newt and Totally Out of Milk (more recipes)

End Notes

Chapter 1:

Out of the Broom Closet

––––––––

His face was red, his mouth a sneer. I don't remember specifically what the fight was about, but I do remember one thing he said. Angry, grounded, and lashing out, my son reached deep into his bag of insults and produced: "You're a witch, Mom!" A look of triumph twinkled in his eye. What a sick burn.

I was supposed to be hurt, I'm sure. Instead, I laughed. You're going to have to try harder than that. As he seethed, I tried not to smile. "A witch is a wise woman. She's crafty and learned. She's seen a lot of things, and not much scares her. Yes, son. Your mom is definitely a witch."

I never thought I'd say that. Ever.

Well, it's spooky season now, folks, and I've been gathering my pumpkins for carving, my cider for drinking, and my black cats for worshiping. We just finished two weeks of what I call Teacher Break (school calls it Fall Break, but it's definitely not a break for anyone I know.) Life's pretty good here in the Tash Treehouse, although it's never been more full of work. The book you're reading springs forth from that work—the work I've enjoyed and the work I've dreaded. The work of my family life, and the magic of managing six separate lives, not counting all the animals.

Before I share with you all the tips and tricks and magic spells I've picked up over the years of performing practical magic, I long to tell you how I got into this blessed mess. If you're primarily interested in Bacon and other Love spells, feel free to use the table of contents, I won't mind. This chapter is mostly for my longtime readers, who have asked from time-to-time about my vanishing act over the past few years.

Have you watched that show, The Magicians? Like an unsuspecting Quentin pre-Brakebills, I sometimes feel like I got sucked into an alternate reality. There was the future I thought I was planning as a working author, the courses I thought I was plotting, both for myself and my characters, and then...there was my actual life, which was what happened, in the words of John Lennon, while I was making other plans.

When you first met Red Tash, online publishing was new. While I had young children and a new baby, I furiously wrote and released dozens of ebooks for creative expression and profit. It was so much fun, I thought nothing would ever stop me from whipping up more. I had goals! I had schedules! I had resources! At the same time, I was working on getting healthier, after a lifetime of neglected health conditions. I was blossoming in the loving care of a devoted husband. What could go wrong?

This is the part of the story where it's tempting to paint my child's then-undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder (ASD) as a curse. Maybe an evil fairy like Maleficent cast a spell on my family, right? No. Let's get real. Every single person has challenges, and sometimes there is no one to blame.

You have challenges, too, I know, which is why I thought I might drop a collection of kitchen witchery on your doorstep and see if any of these spells or potions can help you like they have helped me.

So, yes, my family had a lot of unforeseen challenges. ASD, food allergies, three teen boys inhabiting my home at the same time, a growing little girl, a marriage to maintain...despite all the blessings, we had daunting, mysterious challenges to figure out. While this isn't an autism book, per se, I must tell you, folks: despite how far we have come in this culture with regard to autism awareness, there is precious little in the way of handbooks when it

Reviews for My Life As a Kitchen Witch

[Ashley Wankel · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

2.5 good content but seemed better suited to a series of instagram posts than a book

[catherine riddell · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

When I bought this book I was expecting a memoir along the lines of the amusing Coarse Witchcraft trilogy by Rupert Percy/Suzanne Ruthven. Instead this book is in the style of those annoying recipe blogs where you have to scroll through meandering conversational style comments to find the recipe. There is no magical observations around the recipes and a few comments thrown in containing other suggestions (simmer pot in the middle of the section on orange glass cleaner).

It’s so close to what I was looking for (domestic witchcraft) but could simply be another cookbook. Disappointing.