Empty Arms: A Woman's Journey to Wholeness

By Sharon Moses-Burnside

Empty Arms is one woman’s real life struggle with a painful miscarriage and the loss of her six-week old baby. It is a journey through life and the disappointments that can come with it when expectations are high, but the end result is far from what is anticipated. Empty Arms is a woman’s journey… however, this book is for anyone going through a crisis or trying to get to the other side of grief.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 22, 2010
• ISBN: 9781450062398

Sharon Moses-Burnside

Sharon Moses-Burnside, J.D., M.S., is a gifted author, poet, speaker and vocalist. She has been writing and singing since she was a child. She desires to wake up the nation to a limitless God through entertaining ministry in theatre and arts. No stranger to heartache, Sharon hopes to serve the masses with Spirit-filled uplifting and encouraging performances. Since she is multitalented, she is not limited to one genre of music, or one area of ministry. Sharon crosses over to diverse audiences with her energetic stage presence, engaging, dynamic speaking ability and boundless vocal style

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Copyright © 2010 by Sharon Moses-Burnside, J.D., M.S.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, including but not limited to photocopying, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews, without prior written permission of Sharon Moses-Burnside, J.D., M.S.

Request for information should be addressed to:

Sharon Moses-Burnside, J.D., M.S.

830 Forest Fir

Houston, Texas 77067

[e-mail]

832-228-5389

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

72144

Contents

Acknowledgments

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1 I Don’t Know Yet

Chapter 2 Pop Goes the Cervix

Chapter 3 Legally Violated

Chapter 4 A Ram in the Bush

Chapter 5 This Too Shall Pass

Chapter 6 Introducing Kennedy Elise

Chapter 7 What Really Happened?

Chapter 8 My Breasts Were Crying

Chapter 9 Eighty-four Bottles of Milk on the Wall

Chapter 10 Taking It Back!

Chapter 11 Angry with God

Chapter 12 Fighting God

Chapter 13 Resting in God

The Sinner’s Prayer

Acknowledgments

First, I must acknowledge my husband, the love of my life, my rock of Gibraltar, Kennedy’s father, and my dearest friend. I am so glad that you are a mighty man of valor, and that you are a man of integrity. I am so glad that you had the strength to carry the both of us, and the night vision to see when I could not find my way through the darkness. Thank you for your patience and support for anything and everything that I have attempted to do and specifically for this book. You knew I had to write it, and you made room and time for me to get it done. I will treasure you forever.

I would like to thank all my family—aunts/uncles, brother/cousins, including my godparents: LaVaughn and Dan, my god sisters and brothers, my father- and mother-in-law: Clarence and Rita, my sisters- and brothers-in-law for their most generous support through this difficult time. I would not and could not have made it without all of you. At some point of this trial in my life, each and everyone of you stepped in, at times individually and at times collectively; but you were there for me, for us. I want you all to know that you are awe-inspiring in my eyes. I will be forever blessed by your willingness to reach out and touch in very different ways, but they all helped me to make it through this journey. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love you all infinity*infinity to the 50th power + 1. I think that’s much longer than forever.

To Uncle Larry, my uncle/dad; you are my favorite!

Thank you Zellisa!

To Lakewood; my church family, I say thank you. You helped me make it through the rough spots. Thanks for the phone call, Doddie. Wendell, you really are muy famoso!

To my coworkers and friends, please don’t change! The world needs more people like you. Karen and Ada, I just wanted to say your names! Harry and Alyce, you stepped in just in the nick of time!

My college classmates, you didn’t forget me even though we were years from school and graduation. I am so blessed to still be in contact with you all.

To my beloved dog Angel, thanks for being my companion for so many years. You were a good dog and truly a man’s (woman’s) best friend. I miss you so much; I miss you like you were human! You really were the best dog ever!

Aunt Mo and Aunt Polly, I love you both with all my heart. You have been my surrogate moms, and mama knows… mama knows.

Finally, Mama, you were not here physically, but I know that you were/are here in spirit. I would be nothing without you! Thanks for all your prayers.

Dedication

To Kennedy Elise Burnside, you were here for such a short time, but you changed me forever. I will treasure you for all eternity. Thank you for the opportunity to be your mother. Know that your time here was not in vain. Because of your death, I have given birth to my dream of becoming an author. Because of your life, I am now more sensitive to the needs of children living on this earth. You will forever be mine, and you will always be my blessing. You taught me things about myself that I would never have had the opportunity to learn. I miss you greatly, and I can’t wait to see you again.

Mama! I think of you every day. I miss you more and more as time goes by. Life is not the same without you, but you taught me well, and I am fine. Every day that I breathe, the memory of you makes my life a little easier. I will love you forever. Always, your little girl.

Carlo, what can I say? You deserve me! Who knew it would be you? God did, and He made the perfect choice! Thank you for coming back into my life when I needed you the most and hanging around for all the extras. My husband, my friend, my love. Siempre mi Carlito.

Introduction

The stress of losing a baby is more than one person can bear. Coming home without the package you left with inside you for so many months is not the way it was supposed to be. After all, you had plans, you had a future, you had high hopes and dreams; and now that seems to have been taken away from you.

To make matters worse, it seems that everyone around you is giving birth. Everywhere you look there is another perfect little newborn; a painful reminder of your terrible loss. Ironically, not only are you acutely aware of the newborns, but also because babies grow up… you are now even more aware of children. For now you notice children of all shapes and sizes, some healthy, some not so healthy; but they are there, they are alive, bringing their parents full circle, having completed the whole process from conception to birth. This is particularly true if this would have been your first child.

Yet you have nothing to show for your efforts, nothing to show for all the pain you have just gone through. You are confused, angry, hurt, disappointed and devastated! You have lost your vision, your prospects seem dim, you feel unstable and insecure. You have nothing to hold on to, nothing to rely on, and nothing but questions running around in the crevices of your mind. The questions only make matters worse though because the answers not only seem to be avoiding you, but are also completely nonexistent.

So you retreat internally, act out uncontrollably and you continue to exist equally with other life-forms on the planet. You hurt all over; inside and out, because instead of coming home with a baby; a bundle of joy to nestle close to your bosom, you have empty dreams, empty hopes, and worse, empty arms.

I understand.

You see, I lost my newborn baby too. I feel the need to tell my story, to talk about my loss, because I want the world to know that my baby existed. I want people to be aware of the fact that she stopped by, even if it was for a short time. I want everyone to know her name. However, before you read any further, I must tell you that I don’t necessarily have an answer for you. I’m not sure that I can help you understand why you are going through this. I can’t explain your situation away any more than I can explain my own. As a matter of fact, as I write this book, more questions may present themselves.

Here is a brief synopsis of my story: My baby was alive for only six short weeks. She was born prematurely on November 20. She wasn’t due until March. I carried her a total of twenty weeks and two days. I was still counting her gestational period when during a routine exam, I found out that I had to have an emergency C-section.

When my baby was born, she weighed in at a whopping 415 grams. She was such a tiny, little thing, but she