The Madness Within: The Journey of a Future Doctor, an Autobiography

By Terri L. Whitley

As I awoke from a dream, I realized the importance of my book to its readers. I also realized what makes this book different from other books that have tried to re-create the essence of "The Madness Within". "The Madness Within" is not just a collection of thoughts and experiences but it is my own personal account of the miracles that have occurred in my life to bring me to this very purposeful point along the journey of "life". This book contains miracles that can inspire others to overcome the challenges in their own lives. This book shows how I overcame insurmountable odds, ignored family members who told me to give up on my dream of becoming a doctor, and how I survived possible death from a drug poisoning my body. Despite all of these problems and after several hospitalizations, somehow I still managed to graduate from pharmacy school, pass my board exams on the first try, and not only become a pharmacist but eventually a pharmacy manager, shortly after graduation. My life changed dramatically within a few years. I want to share my story so others can know that there is hope for anyone who is willing to take a step of faith in the right direction.

Sometimes, I dont like or understand the challenges that I must endure before the "miracles" but, like everyone else in this world, I realize that the miracle is just around the corner.

Finally, I realized that success with the publication of this book is not measured in sales but in the number of lives that have been improved, hearts that have been mended, and families that have been restored. Although I will probably never really know
how successful my book is according to these parameters, I know that the impact of this book on the lives of others, this is the true measure of success.


THE MADNESS WITHIN is the personal account of a yielded vessel of God; including journal entries and a detailed pharmacological history which highlights medications taken upon discharge from each hospitalization and summarizes major life events.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 10, 2006
• ISBN: 9781450098120

Terri L. Whitley

Behind this smile, lies over 25 years of struggle and pain. Behind this youthful face, lies a tale of the pursuit of a dream deferred. Within the pages of this book, you will witness an account of the life of one of Gods yielded vessels. Vivid images of the madness will impact you, astound you, and even inspire you. Rejoice and share in the triumph of a dream fulfilled. Terri L. Whitley is a native of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She is now married and practicing pharmacy in Louisiana. It has been nearly ten years since she received her PharmD degree at the Xavier University of Louisiana College of Pharmacy in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Book preview

Copyright © 2006 by Terri L. Whitley.

ISBN 13:   Hardcover           978-1-4257-3183-0

                  Softcover            978-1-4257-3182-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Xlibris

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575101

Contents

Introduction

Part One

Chapter One 1028 North Sabine Drive—My Childhood

Chapter Two 12515 King James Avenue

Chapter Three My First Episode

Part Two

Chapter Four Southern University And A&M College

Chapter Five Howard University College Of Medicine

Chapter Six Medical Leave Of Absence

Part Three

Chapter Seven Returning To Medical School

Chapter Eight A Short Trip Home

Chapter Nine Hospitalization—June 8-14, 2000

Chapter Ten Hospitalization—July 15-26, 2000

Chapter Eleven Two Years In A Chapter: A Collage Of Journal Notes

Part Four

Chapter Twelve Xavier University College Of Pharmacy

Chapter Thirteen Hurricane Katrina

Appendix

Pharmacological History

Afterword

Acknowledgments

T o Almighty God, how can I thank you for all that you have done for me? It is to you that I give all the glory and honor.

To my father, William, I will always remember those times that we cried together. Let us now rejoice and thank God for what lies ahead.

To my mother, Emilie, thank you for shedding light on the darkness in my life, both literally and emotionally. I love you so much. You will always be my number one prayer warrior.

To Reneé, Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions, you are my inspiration!

Introduction

M anic-depressive disorder (bipolar disorder) has been both the best and the worst thing that could have happened to me. It is because of bipolar disorder that I have a profound respect for the mentally ill. It is because of bipolar disorder that I have a level of maturity that could only be attributed to the many struggles associated with the illness. This includes the severe mood swings that have become the normal state of my existence. The manic episodes interrupt my life and my delusional world appears to crumble. Then, something inside of me overcomes the dark veil of delusion that covers me and I return to a functional state, the cycle begins once again.

Despite my illness, I returned to medical school with a better sense of purpose and direction. At that point in my life, I knew that God wanted me to be a doctor and I did what it took to achieve that goal. Unfortunately, my life took a strange twist and I decided to leave medical school for a second time. I wasn’t sure of my future. I had found contentment as a pharmacy technician for a while. Then, something inside of me longed for more. In 2002, I applied to Xavier University of Louisiana’s College of Pharmacy. I was accepted and began pharmacy school in August of 2003. I am continuing my journey as a future doctor.

My hope is that this book will touch the lives of those who suffer with mental illness and give them hope to keep pressing forward. I could have given up on my pursuit of a career in medicine. Surely, there were enough hurdles that I had to clear to reach my goal. I have learned that it is when times get rough that we must keep going until we achieve all that God has placed in the divine path that we call our destiny. In my case, that pursuit of a career in medicine may very well end up in some other division of healthcare. I find satisfaction in knowing that until I breathe my last breath, anything is possible.

If I had listened to the opinions of those around me, I may not be where I am now. In about a year, I will finally achieve what has been so hard to attain. I will no longer be a future doctor, I will be a doctor. In May of 2007, I will finally receive my doctor of pharmacy from Xavier University of Louisiana. It is very ironic that I will be receiving the highest degree possible at the same school that served as the location for my first taste of mania. After over fifteen years of suffering, I have regained my strength, my courage, and my self-esteem. I love myself again. I have a normal life again. I have a normal relationship with God. I can see myself as a viable partner in a healthy marriage. I’m not afraid of pregnancy or childbirth. I can honestly see myself as a good mother.

Throughout my life with bipolar disorder, I have met many others who have touched my life in one way or another. Most of the people in my life have been transient. My family, however, has been a constant source of stability, love, and nurturing. My mother and father have both taken the position as the primary expert in charge of my recovery in the most difficult stages in both my most depressive and most manic states.

It’s funny how people change after they have experienced a touch of the madness within me. It is very difficult to learn the bitterness of betrayal at such a young age. Friends