To Bind Fast

By Matt Allman

To Bind Fast is a story about value and purpose, and the people who search for them. Their exploration involves their study of human behavior and the type of bonds that people establish on an individual level, a group level, and a grand scale that involves a persons allegiance to both religious and secular ideologies, regardless of individual motives. The story also investigates the question of how to live if no apparent guideposts are available to direct human action. Can someone live without purpose or direction? Or can they create their own in order to live on?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 21, 2010
• ISBN: 9781450020916

Matt Allman

The author lives on the Eastern Shore of Maryland with his dog and his books. He also is surrounded by endless water, and countless birds, as well as the boundless other creatures that thrive in that fertile environment.

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Copyright © 2010 by Matt Allman.

Library of Congress Control Number:         2009914134

ISBN:                 Hardcover                           978-1-4500-2090-9

     Softcover                             978-1-4500-2089-3

                       Ebook                                   978-1-4500-2091-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

Author’s Note

Preface

A Before Thought

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

Epilogue

Dedication

To the Real Fini

Author’s Note

This novel is written in first-person narrative. Every line that is indented is dialogue to which the protagonist/storyteller is a party. Every line not indented is what the protagonist is thinking. There is at no point in the story an Omniscient Narrator. There is nothing all-knowing about this story.

Punctuation Note

The author has taken certain liberties with certain elements of punctuation such as ellipses, in order to indicate pauses in a character’s dialogue or the protagonist’s thoughts. The traditional dot-dot-dot is not used. Instead, any number of dots can occur, without spaces between the dots; and a larger number of dots means a longer pause in speech or thought. Most often in the novel, ellipses occur before a sentence, usually indicating a very brief pause in conversation, or indicating that the speaker is thinking before he or she speaks. Sometimes the ellipses just indicate that the speaker is changing the subject. Ellipses at the end of a sentence usually indicate that the speaker has been interrupted by another party. ….The author has also taken some liberties with capitalization by capitalizing a particular word some times, and not doing so at other times. This was done for effect, and for better presentation of an idea or concept.

Preface

Whenever I get physically hurt, or feel like some exotic disease may be infecting my body, I implement a three-day rule. If the damaged body parts or infection still afflict me after three days, I consider it reasonable to seek professional help. Usually, within those three days, the physical manifestations disappear and things get better—so I don’t need to do anything. But, there are times when that three-day period serves as an incubation period that makes matters worse. And many of us know of that instant when we can get hit by a truck!

A Before Thought

Religion—what does this word mean? Dictionaries usually define it as referring to the service or devotion to a god or something else supernatural. But someone, sometime ago, mentioned to me that the word comes from the Latin root religare, which means to bind fast. Now this notion has been stirring around in my head for about thirty years; and, now, mainly because of the last seven years, I think I’m finally getting used to it.

Day One

Mike, why do you say that?

Because Rush says so! The goddamn Democrats are destroying our way of life. Peloser wants to turn our country into a socialist state.

Are you referring to the so-called bailout last fall; because that was essentially the doings of Bush’s administration? The country’s great leap toward socialism occurred under the previous administration, Mike.

There you go, blaming it on George Bush again!

I’m not blaming it on anybody in particular. I’m just pointing out a fact. Mike, wouldn’t it be easier to talk stupid vs. smart; not Democrat vs. Republican? Surely, Mike, it’s crazy to side with someone who hopes the President fails. Where does that leaves you…me…everybody else? The wish for failure is stupid. Failure would screw us all.

Well, at least that guy has twenty million people listening to him on the radio, Mark.

And that might be the reason why he made such a statement—to keep them listening, Mike! Nothing works better when appealing to a herd of people than an incendiary comment.

You just don’t like the guy, Mark.

You’re right about that. But not because he claims to be a Republican or a Democrat, Mike.

You’re just in bed with the Democrats, Mark!

No I’m not, Mike. I’m not affiliated with anyone. I’ve never counted them, so I don’t know exactly, but I couldn’t tell you if I liked more Republicans or Democrats. But I get the impression that you are all for one and none for the other.

That’s because the Democrats are all pig liars!

That may be so, Mike; but, then again, I imagine that there are as many RED pig liars as there are BLUE pig liars. That seems to be one thing that most of our Congressional leaders have in common—they LIE!

No, the Democrats are a lot worse than the Republicans.

Mike, I think this discussion is going to hell. So it’s time for me to go. I’ll talk to you later, Mike.

God, I wish that Mike wouldn’t call me if he’s just gonna bitch. ….Ah, there’s Boone in the doorway. I wonder how long he’s been there.

Sorry, Boone—just talking to my brother. God, he won’t let go of that partisan stuff.

Boone just shrugged his shoulders, as usual. He wouldn’t get involved with a family dispute, or any dispute, if he could help it—assertiveness was not one of his qualities.

Hey Boone? Did you hear that our illustrious Congress extended the digital TV change over?

Yeah, I heard, Mark. After more than a year of listening to those stupid TV commercials warning us of it! Do they think we’re all idiots?

No, Boone, it was just something easy to vote on and pretend like they’re doing something…or even pretend that they care. Most stations have already switched over to the new format. What a bunch of phonies.

Mark, you sound like you’re down on the human race.

Yeah, I guess a little, Boone. The world is full of so many phonies—all the damn superlatives like super-giant or without compare; all the exaggerated adjectives like incredible or amazing; and, God, all the fake compliments make me want to puke! Watching Congress is like watching a goddamn Talk Show—Blowhards! Everybody is kissing one another’s ass instead of doing their job! …….So what’s up, Boone?

Jonas Hall just called and said he has three feet of water in his basement.

God, that guy’s a pain in the but-tocks! Next thing you know, his house will be floating down the Nile.

What do you want me to do, Mark?

Drive over there and take a look. My guess is that the water is coming in around the downspouts. Remember, he did his own seeding in order to save a penny. My guess is that he never put back the splash blocks. So look for water running down the corners of the walls in the basement. I’m sure it’s not three feet. It’s probably not even three inches.

OK! …See you later, Mark.

It’s amazing how much people lie. Even if this is Hall’s fault, he will turn it around to blame us. Kind of like our geniuses in Congress. Latch on to anything; as long as it supports your position. As long as it proves you right—at least in your own mind, and the weak-minded voters that are too lazy to use their minds! Speaking of which, maybe a cup of coffee will help the state of my mind.

Hey, Jane, I’m gonna head across the street and grab a cup of coffee.

OK. I’ll be here, Mark.

I headed across the street to the sandwich shop. Jane, my assistant, probably thinks that I would be better off heading for a bar. I have been irritable lately. Between the economy and the economy, and, oh yeah, the economy, the world has become uglier lately. More people bitching than usual, and definitely more people lying. It seems like the average person has difficulty being honest when things are running scared. ….At least the coffee smells inviting.

Hey, Mr. Mark, how goes things?

Good, Tim!

How’s business?

Good!

How are the dogs?

Good!

I answered good to just about all queries of pleasantries. I picked up the habit from a subcontractor I once used. The old guy answered good to just about everything—even if his head was in a sling. After I thought about it a year or two, I realized the old guy was on to something—nobody really cares. They only ask how you are so that they can talk about themselves—what I usually refer to as memeism. A word I coined while in college—me-me-ism—it’s all about ME. The simple response of good usually caught people off guard long enough so that you could slip by them quickly without feeling like you owed them a listen.… Hey, there’s that guy, John, down at the end of the counter. I met him at Jimmy’s a couple months ago. ….Good, someone who has the ability to think. Maybe I can strike up a conversation with him.

Hey, John, mind if I join you?

With a nod of his head, and a sweep of his hand over the stool next to him, John provided an answer. John was the only person I had ever known, whose brevity surpassed mine; with one exception—if the subject turned to human nature, then it was difficult to silence him.

Anything new, John?

Nope.

Didn’t know you came here.

I usually don’t.

Where do you normally go for coffee?

7-Eleven. I just thought I would try a two-dollar cup of coffee.

And is it better, John?

Nope.

I haven’t seen you for a while. I enjoyed our last discussion. Anything brewing in your head?

John shrugged.

What do you think of the economy, John?

Sucks!

Yeah. And it doesn’t look like it will get any better soon.

Nope.

We sat there for several minutes in silence. Just when it seemed like it was time to leave, John piped up.

You know, it’s amazing the power of avarice. Combine it with a degree of dishonesty, and bingo you have the makings of a them that have and them that have not dynamics. Push it a little further and you might see the beginnings of a classic master/slave relationship. Sometimes I wonder if Original Sin in the Garden of Eden was less about curiosity and disobedience, and more about who wanted to be on top.

Are you referring to the economy, John?

Yes. The present state of economics has little to do with a person having enough; but has much to do with a person wanting too much—or at least more than the next guy. It seems like the notion of being on top is worth lying, cheating, and stealing. And then one day the lying, cheating, and stealing are exposed, and all hell breaks loose—chaos ensues.

Do you think that the economy is in chaos?

How else would you describe it, Mark? People are behaving irrationally; banks are hiding their goods under a bushel; and fear of the unknown abounds! ….But that’s easy to see. The greed and mendacity that went into the unleashing of the chaos are harder to own up to. After all, as we’re taught in Sunday School, we were created in the image of the Creator. Does that mean that we were endowed with greed and deceit that is characteristic of the Grand Bubba? If so, our inner core stinks more than our rotting dead bodies will one day.

That’s an uplifting thought, John.

The most ironic part is yet to come. As our Wall Street and Congressional Masters attempt to defend against the chaos, their enslavement of the have-nots becomes more pronounced. It takes a lot of workers to keep one Boss Hog in clover. The have-nots, with their sweat and tears, pay for the problems created by the great Potent. Those that have make deals with one another in order to preserve their positions of power. Even if they break the law, things magically work out for them. An old friend of mine swore by the Golden Rule—them with the gold make the rules!

John, you sound a bit like a Marxist?

No—just a realist, Mark. Most people seem content to lead nondescript comfortable lives. Many need only the approval of their families and close friends. Not like the vast majority of Wall Street and Congress, for whom there is never enough. The many seem to prefer their nondescript servitude, whereas many of the more powerful never have enough serfs. There’s always one more situation to try to control, and one more person to enslave. The race to the top—the great greedy thrust for more! Until, of course, the chaos ensues!

So what can stop the chaos, John?

It’s not a question of stopping it. It is always lingering beneath—beneath our everyday lives. It’s when those lives become so saturated with our darker endowments that the chaos rears its ugliness and.….

Just then John is interrupted by Tom, a true pain in the ass, who needs to have everyone notice him. I refer to the need as the look at me syndrome. It’s a variation of memeism.

How are you gentleman?

Tom always spoke way too loudly. John didn’t respond. I did my usual!

Good!

Tom took note of John’s nonresponsiveness and slapped his hand on John’s shoulder, as if to demonstrate the syndrome once again. John didn’t acknowledge it, so Tom finally removed his hand. …But still determined to invade John’s privacy, Tom popped a question.

So, John, what is it that you do for a living, anyway?

John responded with what was more of a grunt than an answer.

As little as possible.

What’s that mean, Old Boy?

Just what the words mean, Old Boy.

I could see that Tom wasn’t going to stop, and I could see John couldn’t stand the guy, so I thought I would throw in a diversion.

Hey, Tom, what do you think about the economy?

I don’t think that it is as bad as everyone says it is. The wife and I are still moseying along. You just have to plan ahead, you see. You got to be prepared!

How does one prepare for losing their job, Tom?

Just have to think ahead! Minimize the risk!

Tom, you’re a county employee. You don’t share the same risk as people in the private sector. When the private sector hurts for money, it cuts costs by cutting employees; when the county needs money, it simply raises our real estate taxes. So your job is not at risk!

Suddenly, John came to life.

Oh, I don’t know about that, Mark. I just heard on the local news that the county is going to put some of its people on unpaid leave; people in nonessential services, like Parks & Recreation. Say Tom, isn’t that you? Don’t you ride around and make sure all of the park signs are straight?

Yeah, I’m with Parks. What did you hear? Tell me! Oh my God, I’ve got to go! I wonder if the Old Lady’s heard anything?

Tom rushed out without saying goodbye. I couldn’t hold back a smile.

Did you really hear that, John, or were you just jerking the jerk’s chain?

I heard most of it; the rest was embellishment. It was fun to see the self-righteous ass squirm. And even better to see him go.

Speaking of go, John, I’ve got to. I wish I could stay and ask you some questions about what you said before Tom interrupted.

Give me a call, Mark.

By the way, John, what do you do with most of your time, besides little as possible?

With a slight tilt of the head, John gave me an answer.

I analyze stuff.

What stuff?

Anything that comes to mind, Mark.

That provokes a question that will have to wait for another time. …Bye John.

As I was crossing the street on the way back to my office, I stopped thinking about John and his stuff comment, and started wondering about the next problem I would encounter. I have always been a fan of the New Testament phrase that it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Until recently, I had thought that it meant that a rich man spends so much time counting his gold that he has little time or interest to consider heavenly pursuits, whatever they might be. Now, I tend to think the phrase has more to do with the more you got, the more PROBLEMS you got. Like the poor woman who lived in the shoe with too many mouths to feed. ….I wonder what John has got. Anyway, I wish there was some way to shed some responsibility, and free up some time. I would have liked to talk a little longer with John. I need the intellectual stimulation. Maybe it will help me shake the numbness that I feel so much of the time.

Hey Jane, any calls?

Boone called, and said he would talk to you when he got back. Fini called and wanted to know if you wanted to look at her book orders before she submitted them.

Yeah, I better. .…Call her back and tell her that I’ll stop by around three. Thanks, Jane!

Why I opened a bookstore, I don’t know. I guess my curiosity to explore another business caught me again. And my interest to feel like I was still part of Academia. Since leaving graduate school, my academic reading has petered out. Lately, I think the only thing I read that is more intense than a newspaper is a Newsweek. …That curiosity thing that provoked me to open the bookstore can be a real problem—the jar of Pandora; one can certainly get their hand stuck in it—to the tune of lots of money and more problems. Once again, the more you got…and so on!

Mark, I have Fini on the phone; she said to remind you that today is Wednesday and the shop closes at noon.

OK, tell her I’ll come now. I’m bored anyway.

I could walk to the bookstore, but it’s better if I drive so I take my truck. Even though the bookstore is only a few blocks away, if I need to go somewhere afterward, it will be more convenient to not have to return to the office to get my truck. Sometimes when I’m out and I get a call to go to a jobsite, I find myself rushing back to the office to get my truck, walking hunched over, teeth clenched, like a stressed goat leaning into the wind. I’ve tried to pace myself at those times, but I find that only complicates the situation. I’ve tried a more upright stride, but it usually results in me stumbling over a crack in the sidewalk. The most comfortable thing to do is to run, like I used to when I was a kid and my father told me to fetch something. Sometimes it seemed like I could run forever. When I run, my tension disappears and I feel good. But I usually only run now when I can take an alley or I see no one around. If someone sees a forty-five-year-old man running down the street, they think the sky is falling, or at least that something is wrong with him. So instead, I usually am the hurried hunchback, and I just arrived at the hunchback’s bookstore. … A little bell above the door rings as I enter. God, I love that bell, although I can’t remember what it reminds me of.

Josephine?

Fini’s real name is Josephine. People started calling her Phin-e when she was a kid because she made sure she finished every argument, and her friends and family therefore found the nickname very appropriate. Fini came to like the notion and the sound of the nickname; but she changed the spelling. She once told me that she preferred the finality in the French spelling of the sound—F-I-N-I. I’m not sure that I followed her reasoning, but I honored her wishes on all our written correspondence.

Hi Mark. Have I got a good one to tell you!

Oh yeah, I thought that I was here to go over book orders.

Yeah, yeah, yeah; but I’ve got to tell you this one first. It’s hilarious!

Go ahead, Fini.

Do you know Harry, the photographer down the street?

Who?

Harry, ah, Harry Fugumi, just three doors down.

No.

Well, anyway, I needed a passport picture. You know I’m going to Greece in June with some girlfriends. You know, because my lazy damn husband is too lazy to get off his ass. ….Anyway, since passport pictures have to be special, my girlfriend said to go to Harry