Good Grief God!: To Encourage, Enlighten, and Entertain Those Who Have Lost a Loved One

By O. Chuck Olsen

Lets face itlosing a loved one stinks!

To encourage, enlighten, and entertain those who have lost a loved one

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 27, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453573839

O. Chuck Olsen

Born in Brooklyn, New York, O. Chuck Olsen is a retired marketing communicator. A graduate of Pace University in New York City, he holds a BBA degree in advertising. He has served as a marketing executive at advertising agencies, banks, insurance companies, trade associations, and at a national beer/ale brewery. His communication skills gained recognition in magazines and a public relations book. Staff/Sergeant Olsen received an honorable discharge from the U.S. Air Force following the Korean War. While stationed at Edwards Air Force Base in Muroc, California, he had a role as a Russian soldier in a John “Duke” Wayne movie. He has also appeared on national television as a winning quiz show contestant. A widower since March 2002, he resides in a retirement community in Manchester, New Jersey. He is blessed with three children and five grandchildren. Good Grief God! is Chuck’s first book. (Ecclesiastes 1:9 says “There is nothing new under the sun!” Thus the author gives credit to wordsmiths who encouraged, enlightened, and entertained OCO.)

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Copyright © 2010 by O. Chuck Olsen.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2010913343

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4535-7382-2

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4535-7381-5

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4535-7383-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

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Contents

FOREWORD

PREFACE

Dedication

ENCOURAGE

AN ARTISTIC NEIGHBOR

ANNIE’S CHANCE

WHY DID GOD LET THIS HAPPEN?

CRYING IS GOOD

MOURNING INTO DANCING

WAVES OF GRIEF

GOOD NEWS

AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

HOW ARE YOU COPING?

WHEN WORDS FAIL, TRY SILENCE

THE BEST IS YET TO COME

TWO YEARS DOWN THE ROAD

LESSONS FROM THE SEA

WHERE DOES TIME FLY?

GETTING A GRIP ON GRIEF

WARNING:

WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN

WARNING:

WHEN I AM AN OLD MAN

DARE TO LIVE AGAIN

A WINTER SOJOURN

GRIEF COUNSELORS ALSO CRY

UNDYING LOVE

BLESSED IS A CHEERFUL GIVER

HEALING LETTERS

THINKING ABOUT

A SUPPORT GROUP?

EMILY POST ON GRIEF PROTOCOL

COMFORTING WORDS

NEW LIFE FROM ASHES

THINGS TO PONDER

I PASS THIS WAY ONCE

ARE YOU A KEEPER?

WHERE ARE YOU?

A MOTHER’S LEGACY

WOMAN WISDOM

WAYS TO BEAT DEPRESSION

ENLIGHTEN

MAKE HEALTH WISHES KNOWN

LOSS

A TORTURED LIFE

TIMES DO CHANGE

WORLD WAS NEVER MEANT FOR ONE AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU

BRAINS FOR RENT

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

DIAL M FOR MUSEUM

AMERICA’S GODLY HERITAGE

WHAT’S A PROVERB?

FINAL WORDS

BETTY’S PARTING WORDS

VOTE FOR CHARACTER

TRIPPING WITH MARY

BY LILLIAN GURLEY

MRS. SCROOGE

HAVING A BAD DAY?

A GRANDFATHER’S PRAYER

NEIGHBOR’S GRASS GREENER?

TREASURES OF LIFE

HINTS TO MAKE LIFE EASIER

BATH, BABY, AND BRIDE

WHAT ARE YOUR WANTS?

REHEAT AMERICA’S MELTING POT

ONE OF LIFE’S GREATEST PLEASURES

BLUE DAY WORKSHEET

GRAVE FACTS

BREAKING MURPHY’S LAW

WHO AM I BY MYSELF?

THOU SHALT NOT

GIVE BAD ADVICE

LEGAL CAMOUFLAGE!

PEOPLE AND PETS GRIEVE

FOR EACH OTHER

LAUGH, AND THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU

WEEP, AND YOU WEEP ALONE . . .

JOYFUL HEARTS

AND SERENADES

TERRIBLE MEMORIES

MADE LESS PAINFUL

OUTLOOK IS EVERYTHING

STOP THE BAD GUYS

NOTES ON HOSPITAL CHARTS

WITH AGE COMES WISDOM

THE WORLD IS YOUR CLASSROOM

HOW TO GET ATTENTION

CAN YOU COUNT TO A BILLION?

CONGRESSMEN,

PAY ATTENTION TO THIS PAGE!

GOOD GRIEF TREASURE MAP

GREATEST CHRISTMAS GIFT

A DIVINE CHRISTMAS

STROKE OF TIME

DON’T COUNT YOURSELF OUT

THE RAMBLING PRAYERS OF A WORRYWART FATHER

DO YOU KNOW YOUR U.S. PRESIDENTS?

WHAT CAN YOU BRING TO THE COMMUNITY TABLE?

MORE WORDS TO LIVE BY

CHURCH BULLETINS

FRAN’S GRAVE DREAM

THY WILL BE DONE

TWELVE WAYS TO TURN A CHILD INTO A DELINQUENT

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN

ASK NOT WHAT YOU CAN GET–ASK WHAT YOU CAN GIVE

CRUISE TO FORGET

I’M FREE

HOW TO KEEP FRIENDSHIPS

WORDS TO LIVE BY

ONE-LINE WISDOM

"STICKS AND STONES

MAY BREAK MY BONES . . ."

LET EVERY HEART

PREPARE HIM ROOM

STRESS MANAGEMENT 101

HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESS:

’TWAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS

BRING THE TISSUES

LIFE’S LIST

CALL THE SPECIALIST

SAY WHAT?

DEMENTIA TEST

TIPS TO HELP YOU LIVE BETTER

AAH, THE GOLDEN YEARS

FIREWORKS

OPEN MOUTH, SAY OUCH!

TAIL OF TWO PATIENTS

GRIPE SHEET

INFLATION BLUES

LEADING LADIES OF THE PAST

BEST FOOT FORWARD

WHAT IS YOUR WORTH?

LIFE IS A MERRY-GO-ROUND

VOTE FOR THE RIGHT CANDIDATE

KEEP DIGGING

BETTER TO GIVE THAN RECEIVE

BUYER BEWARE

GIVE A GIFT CARD?

HOSPITALS CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH

HEART BELONGS TO DADDY

RALLY AROUND THE FLAG

ENTERTAIN

HAVE THE DUKE READ OVER ME!

STEP UP TO THE PLATE

I WAS ORDERED TO SHOOT

THE DUKE

TOMBSTONE BROWSING

IS THERE A CURE FOR SAD?

C H U C K L E S

TRUTHS ON AGING

WHEREFORE ART THOU?

AWAKE THE DORMANT LOVE

HOW SWEET A LETTER IS

DADDY KNOWS BEST

I REMEMBER PAPA

RX FOR A COOL YULE

FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES

TRIBUTE TO MAN

HEY, KIDS, WHAT’S LOVE?

TAKE AUNT VICTORIA–PLEASE!

WRITE IT DOWN

COURT HOUSE BLOOPERS

LIFE CAN BE A FEAST

LOVE MAY MAKE THE WORLD GO ’ROUND BUT LAUGHTER KEEPS US FROM GETTING DIZZY WEEK

APRIL IS NATIONAL

HUMOR MONTH

PERFORMANCE GUIDE FOR MEN

MEN STRIKE BACK

OLDER WOMEN ARE

THE CAT’S MEOW

REMEDIES FROM INDIANA

MY FAVORITE THINGS

I’LL BE A MONKEY’S ATTORNEY

TIPS TO THE SCHOOL GRADUATES FROM YOGI BERRA

THEY TRIED TO TELL US WE’RE TOO YOUNG

MUSICAL REISSUES

A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY KEEPS YOU FROM GOING CRAZY

THEY ARE NOT COMEDIANS

QUICK-WITTED COPS ON POLICE CAR VIDEOS

DOGGIE HOOPLA

MICKEY MOUSE FOR PRESIDENT!

CHILDREN BEWARE

Q&A FROM AN AARP FORUM

EMPTY NEST DISORDER

WOMEN KNOW THEIR PLACE

STELLA AWARDS

FOR LEXOPHILES

(LOVERS OF WORDS)

MACHINE MADNESS

EPILOGUE

ON THE COVER:

FOREWORD

Let’s face it–losing a loved one stinks!

The loss may have happened a few days ago or a decade ago–an aching heart doesn’t tell time. It has been almost nine years since my mom, my dad’s beloved wife, passed away.

My brothers and I miss her very much. We wish she was still here to guide our family. Hope is found in those people who believe God brings good things out of something bad. After Mom died, Dad used creative juices to help others. He founded the Good Grief Puppet Group. Later, he launched the Good Grief Gazette, a monthly newsletter.

His labor of love gave birth to this book. Good Grief God! was created to ease his pain and others in the same boat. Dad’s dream is to have readers find and enjoy the rainbow after the storm. May his insight, humor, and experience not only encourage but enlighten and entertain.

A caring daughter,

Linda Jensen

PREFACE

Music Stopped for Dance Queen March 7, 2002

dancing.jpg

You have turned my mourning into dancing;

You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.

–Psalm 30:11

On February 16, 2002, Chris was diagnosed with cancer.

She died March 7, 2002!

Chris was laid to rest at the Brigadier General William C. Doyle Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Arneytown, New Jeresey. Two days later, Chuck drove to his son Mark’s home in Crystal Beach, Florida. Here, they mourned the loss of wife and mother.

Unable to cope with the unbearable loss, they enrolled in the Palm Harbor Hospice Bereavement Program. When Mark returned to work as a massage therapist, Chuck remained alone with memories–and son’s cat. Chuck didn’t stay around the one bedroom apartment. He strolled on the beach where he and Chris once walked.

One lonely day, he drove to the Greek Sponge Docks in Tarpon Springs. Here, he purchased four puppets: one for the three children and one for himself. His puppet resembled an old geezer. (He and Geezer developed a strange relationship.)

Chuck had one session in the Palm Harbor Hospice Bereavement Program. Linda Jensen of Hamilton Square, New Jersey, requested he come back for Grandparent’s Day at Alicia and Erica’s school. With only memories to fill the lonely trip home, he spoke to the puppets. Upon arriving home, Linda and husband, Allen, and Reverend Steve Olsen (oldest son) and his wife, Debbie, had spared him the heartbreaking chore of removing Chris’s wardrobe.

Unable to think logically about a future without Chris, he and Geezer filled the lonely days hosting pity parties. They dined on Hot Pockets as they watched rented videos. A grave task at a church bereavement seminar was to write a goodbye letter to Chris. (This was the beginning of hypergraphia, a condition which caused him to write continuously.)

Reluctantly he scribbled the following words:

Dearest Chris,

Your nurse’s training taught you about medicine, exercising and regular health check ups. So why didn’t the frequent coughing and rapid weight loss wave a red cancer flag? We never had a chance to enjoy the retirement home or travel to Norway and Sweden. After five weeks in our new home you were with the angels. God and I had a tug-of-war: He pulled you toward glory; I yanked you toward our cozy retirement nest. And Steve was on knees pleading with his Heavenly Boss to return you to us.

Oh I miss you so. My desire was to dance with you another 44 years. I cherish our life together. I leave you with one red rose, two red eyes and three words–hasta la vista!

Lovingly yours,

Chuck

A few months later, he enrolled in the Home Health/Van Dyke Hospice Bereavement Program at Community Medical Center in Toms River, New Jersey. It was grief facilitator Kathy Brommeland who urged the group to journalize feelings. (Chuck took the advice and leaned heavily on therapeutic writing to survive.)

The Van Dyke program bonded nine widows and two widowers. They contacted each other when struck by unbearable grief. Eventually, laughter replaced crying. The Good Grief Puppet Players were born. T-shirts were designed, a dozen puppets were purchased, and puppet scripts were created. A Good Grief Gazette newsletter was created. Soon, the monthly GGG got a web site: www.freewebs.com/goodgriefgazette.

Most of the original GGG members continue to entertain, enlighten, and encourage those who tread water in a sea of grief: Elaine Clay, Joan Dickert, Edna Ellison, Marion Handerhan (deceased), Lillian Gurley, Mary Lenner, Mary McSherry (deceased), Sol Schwack (deceased), Winifred Van Brunt, Ann Wojcicki, and O. Chuck Olsen.

Dedication

The book is dedicated to Chris and mates of the above original GG members.

ENCOURAGE

Image1302.JPG

AN ARTISTIC NEIGHBOR

Marie Franco created many of the illustrations for Good Grief God! Born in Brooklyn, New York, she and husband, Nick, are neighbors of the author. The Francos are no strangers to grief. In 1974, their seventeen-year-old adopted daughter, Maria, was killed by a reckless motorist.

Through faith in the Lord, Marie and Nick survived the loss of the most precious treasure in their life, daughter Maria. To help heal the loss of a child, the grieving mother became involved in painting, crafts, and writing. Here, she shares a poetic tale about a seashell found on many beaches. Marie’s short story of love and hope follows.

The Sand Dollar

On this shell so small and fragile

Nature has portrayed the life and death of Jesus, the Son who God hath made

Christ was born on Christmas at the midnight hour

And etched upon the Holy Shell

The poinsettia, Christmas flower

Traced upon the other side

The Easter lily pure and white

To remind us of His Resurrection and everlasting joy and light

The center of the lily is the star that shone above

On the night He was born.

To fill the world with love

The nails in hands and feet

And the wound put in His side

Are the five holes you see

Telling us of how He died

Five white doves are found inside when you break the shell apart

Bringing love and peace forever to your heart

ANNIE’S CHANCE

Marie Franco

Annie Robbins had not had an easy life.

As she sat in Rosie’s Café drinking coffee, she looked at the watch. I’ll have to go in a few minutes to be on time for my new job. She had not completed the requirements to be a registered nurse but told Dr. Benson she had the experience. He agreed to try her for two weeks to demonstrate her RN skills. Her salary would be less, which helped the doctor financially. Patients were farmers and migrants who often paid for services with chickens, eggs, and produce. Annie loved the long hours, short pay, and the poor patients.

Again, she checked her watch. She took her cup to Rosie. On the stool by the cash register sat a neatly dressed grey-haired man. Good morning, he said. Ann walked past the stranger. As she drove to the doctor’s office, she glanced in the rearview mirror and saw an attractive silver-haired woman. Men were drawn to her soft brown eyes, full lips, and high cheekbones. She had no time for a man in her life now!

She had left the pain in New York City, getting away from ex-husband, sister, and brother and a drug-addicted daughter, Cindy. The only one she missed was son Paul, who had committed suicide. The funeral and divorce were over, so were the arguments with sister and brother who tried to cheat her out of parents’ $17,000 inheritance. Upon arriving in Idaho, she searched for a used car. In her search, she noticed a Room to Let sign. After viewing the room, Hilda Huber, the landlady, invited Ann to have a cup of tea. When the subject of work was brought up, Hilda volunteered Dr. Benson’s name.

On Monday, Annie had her usual cup of coffee at Rosie’s. The same man greeted her with Good morning. Again, she walked past without a word. He was not there on Tuesday. Rosie explained he had lost wife to cancer three years ago. He lived alone in a big house on the other side of town. His father, an architect and builder, had built the town, a bank, two hotels, and a restaurant. When more people started settling in the town, his business expanded to shopping centers. His son carried on the business when the father died. He has two married daughters, three teenage grandchildren. Rosie concluded that he was a good man. On Wednesday morning, when he greeted her, she smiled and answered, Good morning. At the office, she asked Dr. Benson about the stranger. She learned that he was a respected and lonely widower. A better man is hard to find.

The next day, he was on the stool by the booth where Ann sat. He swung around, pointed to the empty seat. May I join you? She nodded. Welcome to Emmonstown. Are you getting along okay? She answered, I will be as soon as I find an apartment. He asked, Furnished? Again, she nodded. Maybe I can help. I’m Frank Theodore Whitfield. He held out his hand. She shook it and answered, Ann Robbins. He continued, I know a couple moving to California. I’ll call them for an appointment over the weekend.

Ann was happy with the apartment. It was on the second floor with a private entrance, a living room, dining room, an eat-in kitchen, a large bedroom, and a small room that could be used as an office. The couple was leaving the furniture. The rent was reasonable. And she had almost told Ted to get lost. Her ex-husband’s name was Frank, but when he had added, Friends call me Ted, Ann smiled. Each morning, they met at Rosie’s cafe. He talked about wife, children, and grandchildren. She wasn’t ready to share, not yet . . .

After she felt comfortable, Ted was invited for dinner. He brought wine and flowers. Pasta and a roast chicken were on the menu, followed by coffee and dessert. He smiled through dinner and gave kudos to her cooking. Poor man, she thought, he really is lonely. Ann, will you come for dinner? Do you cook? she asked. I can cook, but housekeeper Miranda cooks the special items. Say you’ll come for dinner. She nodded.

Breaking with the Past

The following week, one of Dr. Benson’s patients paid him with two ducks. He gave them to Ann. She called Ted. Do you have a duck recipe? I have never cooked one, and now I have two. Of course I have a recipe for duck. How did you know it’s my area of expertise? Come over Sunday, and I’ll show you how to make Duck Supreme. We’ll have lunch first and then prepare duck dinner. He gave her the directions to his house.

She dressed in a navy blue pleated skirt, a soft pink chiffon blouse, pearl earrings, and navy blue shoes. After checking appearance, she and the ducks drove to Ted’s house. In twenty minutes, Ann was at an archway with a brass plaque bearing the number on the directions written on paper. In front was a three-story brick house with a red door and a circular driveway.

Ted answered her question, "Yes, I live here, thanks to old Dad who built the house. Come in, and we’ll have lunch on