Dopey Bastid: (A Sequel to “8” Center Field in New York, 1951-1957)

By Xlibris US

DOPEY BASTID is the sequel to 8 Center Field in New
York, 1951 1957, the historical fiction account of Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle and Duke Snider, as told by three thirteen year old friends in 1957. The best buds discuss their baseball idols as they complete a book report in their 8th grade class. Well, the three friends are now at it again twenty years later. One of the three has become a noted sportswriter for the NY Daily News and decides to compose a sports novel. His two amigos offer their help as the recollections of dumb decisions made by players, managers, owners and sportswriters are brought to light. The true accounts of such blunders, predominantly in baseball, football, basketball and boxing will have you scratching your head, as you laugh out loud, perhaps shed a tear, and reflect about the meaning of friendship. Oh yeah, I guarantee that you call at least one individual described herein a dopey b-------!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 22, 2013
• ISBN: 9781479724123

Book preview

Copyright © 2012 by Lou Saulino .

Library of Congress Control Number:   2012918097

ISBN:         Hardcover            978-1-4797-2411-6

                  Softcover               978-1-4797-2410-9

                  Ebook                     978-1-4797-2412-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

Contents

Introduction

Chapter I The Awakening

Chapter II Who’s a Dopey Bastid?

Chapter III Screwing the Splendid Splinter

Chapter IV You Blew It, Casey

Chapter V Premature Retirement

Chapter VI Sports Chat

Chapter VII Joe Willie, Where’s Johnny?

Chapter VIII Bucky F——g Dent

Chapter IX Gil, You Made Us Proud

Chapter X There’s No I in Team

Chapter XI Ali, the Bayonne Bleeder, and Rocky Balboa

Chapter XII Tell Me No!

After the Publication of 8 Center Field in New York, 1951-1957, sports industry enthusiasts who became familiar with the book commented:

Enjoyed it and gave it the highest compliment, I passed it on.

Bill Lyon, noted sportswriter, Philadelphia Inquirer

This remarkable baseball story that covers all of the ball clubs that were playing simultaneously in the great City of New York and its boroughs. Mickey Mantle, Duke Snider, Willie Mays…what an amazing time to be alive as a baseball fan in New York.

Pat McMahon, longtime broadcaster and sports anchor who interviewed the author as the host of KAZ TV’s Morning Scramble in March 2011.

……and now the sequel, Dopey Bastid

"Dopey Bastid is a worthy sequel to 8. The continuing saga of the three close friends is both amusing and heartwarming. Their descriptions of the foibles of sports personalities will entertain and enlighten even the most dedicated sports fans. The chapters on Ted Williams and on the 1960 World Series are especially terrific. Saulino has done it again."

Joe Carriero, retired environmental engineer, hitting instructor, and author of How to Hit Slow Pitch Softball.

"Lou Saulino follows up his coming of age baseball based novel 8 with Dopey Bastid, a broader scoped sequel. The new novel follows what happens next to the three young heroes growing up in New York City in the 1950’s. Dopey Bastid covers a wide world of sports stories while watching the friends mature. With enlightening details and unique perspective the author shares humorous insights through his fictional trio of likable characters. Although the anecdotal tales are linked by these individuals, the incidents read like an eyewitness report by a funny spectator. The famous retelling reminds the reader what it is like to hear stories from the friendly guy sitting next to you at the bar. Mr. Saulino successfully combines deft humor with perceptive observations to make his new novel an entertaining read."

T.A. Olsinski, author of Death by RX.

Dedication - For my brother John, who is always there for me, my cousin and younger brother, Roger, always a staunch and loyal supporter, and in apology to anyone I have called a Dopey Bastid with malicious intent.

Introduction

Dopey Bastid is a sequel to 8, Center Field in New York, 1951 -1957. The latter, a historical fiction account of Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle and Duke Snider, was told through the eyes of three 13 year old best friends in 1957. The statistics and discussion of the Hall of Fame center fielders are authentic. The reader digests this information as the good buddies prepare their required 8th grade book report, which they are allowed to submit as a team. Of course there is constant arguing as to who is the best center fielder in New York, as each of the three young teenagers promote their individual favorite player; Willie, Mickey and the Duke.

Do you have to read 8 to enjoy "Dopey Bastid"? Hey, it wouldn’t hurt, but I have endeavored to convey the spirit of 8 in the opening of this book, and as a matter of fact, Dopey Bastid, commences where 8 left off, with a recollection of events which concluded that story.

Why the title? Please be assured that the use of Dopey Bastid as a designation for the book is done without looking to take offense to anyone. Hey, I even changed the spelling of the second word in the original title. Author’s Note: A special thank you to my good friend, Joe Carriero, for the suggestion. Dopey bastard just happens to be one of my favorite expressions, and I have used it often, without malicious intent, over the last twenty years. I try not to waste it, saving it for family members, friends, close business associates, and quite often for myself, after what would seem to be a foolish question, answer, or action. In the context of this writing, the term is used to identify sports world figures (sportswriters, players, managers, coaches, owners), who have made decisions which upon close inspection would have to be identified as dumb. There is a dopey bastard (bastid) for every notable event discussed in the book, which takes us through the sports of baseball, football, basketball, boxing and brief recollections regarding hockey and horse racing. The main story is told in 1978. Therefore, no events which had taken place after that year are included.

Do not despair however. The dopey bastid sports stories herein will have you scratching your head or becoming furious if your team or a beloved athlete was involved. OK, here is a quickie. What would you have called M. Donald Grant, the NY Met owner, for precipitating the trade of Tom Seaver in 1977? If you review who they received in return, I would surmise that 95% of Met fans and most knowledgeable sports fans would have called him then or would even call him now, a Dopey Bastid!

BE060027.jpg

Stanley Laurel (at left) with Oliver Hardy, kinda looks like…..you guessed it…..a dopey bastid. As you read the sports stories contained herein, I believe that you will agree that the decisions of sportswriters, players, managers, owners and fans will often have you thinking to yourself, that guy was definitely a real dopey bastid!

Chapter I

The Awakening

1

After John had loudly exclaimed, Lou opened his eyes, Lou’s parents ran into the hospital room, closely followed by Joey and Bob. John was desperately trying to talk to his brother as his parents and best friends waited with bated breath for a sign that Lou could indeed utter a few words. Lou, it’s your brother, John. Can you speak?

What the hell is that supposed to mean, you dopey bastard? Of course I can speak. What’s all the fuss about? As Lou was deluged with hugs and kisses from his mom, dad, and brother, Joey’s and Bob’s emotions were torn between happy tears and chuckling over the dopey bastard comment of their best friend.

The word of Lou’s miraculous awakening from the coma quickly filtered down the hall, and now over forty other friends and relatives were embracing each other and rejoicing over the news of the thirteen-year-old’s apparent recovery. Fifteen minutes later, after a thorough checkup by the doctors, the information was confirmed: Lou Marciano would be fine.

Sister Marie Angela was so happy that she kissed Father Mike to an extent that caused him embarrassment. This was just what Joey and Bob needed to lead a chorus of laughter so heartfelt that it could be heard throughout Astoria General Hospital. Now the two eagerly awaited word that they would be allowed to get back in to see their compadre.

The doctors were cautious, recognizing that only two persons at a time could visit Lou and limiting the stay to two minutes each. Rest, with close monitoring of the patient, was the mandate.

After Lou’s mom, dad, and brother, the next visitors were Joey and Bob. The two-minute limit was significantly violated; they had their brother back, and they weren’t about to be cut short. If there were to be an upbraiding by the powers to be, so be it. After apprising Lou of the events immediately after the abrupt end to the baseball practice several days prior, the three friends were soon back to a discourse on Willie, Mickey, and the Duke. This was interrupted by an introspective comment from Lou. Did you guys think that I was going to die?

The expression on the faces of Joey and Bob gave Lou his answer. Neither responded; Bob handed Lou a copy of the poem that they had written for their friend, and the two left the room to give others a chance to say hello. What the hell is this? Where are you guys going? Lou then read to himself.

Much More than Friends

A poem by Bob and Joey

Hey, pal, this is Bob and Joey, how are you doing

lying there?

Things won’t be the same without you if you’re gone,

and it isn’t fair.

How would we replace your pranks at school and your

stupid jokes?

We’d miss seeing you run the post pattern and the excitement

it invokes.

The baseball team is missing their shortstop, who will help us

with our math?

Geez. Who is going to remind you, to take your

weekly bath?

No more card games in your basement is too painful to

think about.

Attending McClancy High School without you, has

us cause to doubt.

You always said that you never distinguished between

your family and a special friend,

We now understand what you meant, you never

did pretend.

Our getting together to write the Report was the

best thing we ever did.

We were able to argue and scream but, more

importantly, laugh and kid.

We will be saying good-bye to Duke and Willie, but

know you’ll watch Mickey, even if from above.

We think of you as our brother, buddy, and send you

our prayers and love.

Lou wished that his friends were still in the room so he could tell them how much the poem meant to him.

He then reflected on a poem he had recently written but never shared with anyone. He was fraught with the realization that his coma episode virtually had given him an answer to the question he had posed to himself.

I, why?

Until the day I die.

Only then will I know.

I, why?

Chapter II

Who’s a Dopey Bastid?

1

The high school years (fall of 1958 through the spring of 1962) were fraught with countless new class antics, unceasing stickball, touch football, and basketball games on the asphalt and concrete playgrounds of Jackson Heights, and by senior year, introspection relative to colleges to attend and potential careers. Fortunately, each of the three cohorts was highly acclaimed on the Monsignor McClancy baseball team, leading the Crusaders to the CHSAA championship game in 1962 before succumbing to Archbishop Molloy. Joey, pitching and playing first base; Lou, at shortstop; and Bob, patrolling center field in similar fashion to his idol, the Say Hey Kid, were all attributed with All-City Honors.

The arguments of the three regarding Willie, Mickey, and the Duke, after the untimely move of the Dodgers and Giants to the West Coast, were much less intense. Duke was never really the same. The superstar from Brooklyn gradually declined, leaving the argument of best center fielder as a battle between Willie and Mickey.

In keeping with their St. Joan of Arc book report, and much to the chagrin of Joey, Lou sustained the statistical reporting of Mays, Mantle, and Snider. During the course of their high school years, Lou produced the statistical summary sheets for the three center fielders. Prior to the 1962 season, he also compiled the overall summary sheets for Willie, Mickey, and the Duke during the eleven years that they all played in the big leagues at the same time, that is, 1951-1961. This created the climate for Bob and Lou to continue their lively debates.

Joey had luckily discovered a new icon to admire: a left-handed pitcher who was highly touted as a young Brooklyn Dodger and was now evolving in LA, Sandy Koufax. That was fine with Lou and Bob. They each had an ace on their respective ball teams; the Yankees had Mickey’s good friend and the top pitcher in the AL, Whitey Ford, while the Giants were now touting a high-kicking right hander from the Dominican Republic, Juan Marichal.

Joey was also commencing a love affair with the new baseball team in New York City, the Mets. He was able to watch one of his former Brooklyn Dodger favorites, Gil Hodges.

Bob was not sold on the new expansion team fashioned in the image of the Brooklyn Dodgers and his NY Giants. He even scoffed at the idea that the Mets were playing their games at the Polo Grounds. That stadium should be reserved for Willie, he asserted.

Lou still had the Yankees. I really don’t give a shit about the Mets.

Author’s Note:

The following seven statistical sheets are offered for informational purposes. The first two sheets appeared in the book 8 Center Field in New York, 1951-1957. They are summary sheets for Mays, Mantle, and Snider for the years that each played in New York. The second sheet reflects the years 1954-1957 only. This is an eye-opening revelation of the eminence of the three great middle outfielders during that four-year span. It was treated separately due to the fact that Mays had missed nearly three-quarters of the 1952 season and all of the 1953 season as he served in the armed forces.

The newly developed sheets are for the four baseball seasons that ended with the three boys in high school, namely, 1958, 1959, 1960, and 1961—followed by a full summary sheet for the eleven-year period between 1951 and 1961. The term OBS was used by the boys to reflect the sum of on-base percentage and slugging percentage. Apologies to Bill James, who created the commonly used term OPS.

1951-1957 SUMMARY STATS

1.jpg