How to Be Happy and Successfully Single: Before Marriage

By Tina A. Swain, MA, LPC, NCC

It seems like a lot of single people are not happy. Why is that? They either long to be married, are tired of the dating scene, are divorced but still unfulfilled, or a wearing a mask to hide the pain of loneliness. It is easy to desire or expect for others to make us happy, but that does not work. Even if it seems to happen, it is only temporary.

How To Be Happy and Successfully Single will assist you in finding happiness within yourself. It gives insight that will aid in increasing your self-awareness and authenticity. This book will help you: Focus on You, Define It for Yourself, and Stop Repeat Relationship Cycles. Included is an Action Plan that provides thought provoking questions and exercises. If you give attention to the areas in your life in which you can improve or make changes, it is anticipated that you will be on your way to being Happy and Successfully Single.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 26, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479747344

Tina A. Swain, MA, LPC, NCC

Ms. Tina A. Swain, MA, LPC, NCC is a: Speaker, Author, Life Strategist, and a Licensed Counselor. She has been in private practice for over 10 years with her company, Swain Therapy & Counseling, LLC. She is also the owner of Imani Publishing which publishes: inspirational, self-help, spiritual, and children’s books. Ms. Swain’s personal goal is to encourage and motivate the people whom she encounters. She assists in promoting people to being the change agent in their family and within their community. Ms. Swain has served as host of the “Talk to Tina” radio show. She has also been a guest on several radio shows. In addition to the workshops she has designed focusing on: Relationships, Being Single, Becoming an Author, and Entrepreneurship; Ms. Swain enjoys speaking to various businesses and community organizations. Ms. Swain resides in Illinois. She is in the process of creating a series of children’s self-help books to assist young people in handling various life experiences.

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Copyright © 2012 and 2016 by Tina A. Swain, MA, LPC.

Library of Congress Copyright Case    # 1-845678031

ISBN:      Softcover   978-1-4797-4733-7

               eBook        978-1-4797-4734-4

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The information contained within this book is not intended to diagnose or treat any type of physical, emotional, or mental conditions. The author assumes no liability in the application of suggestions or exercises written in this book.

Print information available on the last page.

Edited by: Imani Publishing

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Cover Photo by: Lynn's View Photography

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Rev. date: 02/18/2016

Xlibris

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www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgement

Introduction

Part One: FOCUS ON YOU

I.   Happy and Successfully Single

Part Two: DEFINE IT FOR YOURSELF

II.   Know What You Want and What You Don't Want (You Have a Choice)

III.   Honesty

IV.   Good Character

V.   Financial Responsibility

VI.   Mutual Libido

VII.   Shared Faith / Like Values

VIII.   Currently Unemployed, not Chronically Unemployed

IX.   Friends with Benefits

Part Three: STOP REPEAT RELATIONSHIP CYCLES

X.   Emotional Investment vs. Emotional Intelligence

XI.   You Can't Change Another Adult

XII.   Issues from the Past

XIII.   Insecurity

XIV.   What Did You Learn From Your Divorce

XV.   The Short Answer

Part Four: My Action Plan

My Action Plan

An Excerpt from Rebirth and Rejoice

How to Identify the Right One

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my Heavenly Father. You have blessed me to write yet another book. Hallelujah! You have given me so many ideas and such insight into my life and even into the lives of others. I thank you God that you have imparted in me the ability to help people and to help them to realize the strength they have within themselves. I also dedicate this book to my grandparents, John and Geneva Chambers, for being major contributors in my having a relationship with Jesus Christ and for being great advocates for education and civil rights.

Acknowledgement

I want to acknowledge a member of Toastmaster's Club South (#765675), Mr. Dolphus Williamson, who told me once after critiquing one of my speeches; you know this stuff, you don't have to use notes or anything, you already know this stuff, just talk about what you know. I have replayed this over in my head several times and it reminds me, I do have something to say that will benefit others and I am to say it assuredly and with confidence. Thanks Mr. Williamson.

I also want to acknowledge two friends who spoke of how they wished they had known how to identify the right one prior to marrying the first time. Both expressed this wasn't something that was taught in their households and felt such a discussion may have had an impact on later decisions. Thanks Lester and Desiree, you're the reason why I felt it important to add the How to Identify the Right One component to this book. We learn better and then we do better.

Introduction

Some years ago I was in prayer; well, actually I was complaining - to God about how I was helping a friend and being the sounding board for her and educating her on various matters of the heart. This began to take a toll on me and one day I remember saying to God, I'm always helping her, who is going to help me? I heard a voice, which I later learned was the Holy Spirit, say to me, you will help others just as you've helped her. My relationship with God has since grown tremendously and I can recall that being spoken to me. Fast forward to present day.

There are several books and materials on relationships, dating, and marriage that are written by people who have been divorced one or more times or who have suffered negative relationships. I'm sure those materials are excellent and those authors are speaking from their experience. But consider a book written by someone whose experience does not come from a hurtful past, but one who looked at relationships, dating, and marriage different than most so as to avoid certain pitfalls and repercussions.

Ever since I was young I can remember telling people, I have a heart for marriages. Because I felt this way I thought that I was to provide pre-marital and marital counseling in my counseling practice. After I began providing this service the Holy Spirit caused me to realize that although what I was doing was good, I was to do it on a much larger scale. So rather than assisting individual couples on a weekly basis, I was to establish various formats so that several people can be assisted at once. In addition to this, my focus is to be on single individuals. My charge, as expressed to me through the Holy Spirit, is to address persons that are single so that they can have themselves as rightly put together (emotionally, mentally, and spiritually) as possible so that they can be utilized for the benefit