My Daughter My Teacher: A Single Mother’S Journey of Love, Pain and Transformation

By Ermy Ozaeta

"For years, I had been contemplating on writing a book. I just could not decide what to write about. Several ideas floated through my head but somehow, none of them stayed long enough. And then it happened: a confrontation with my daughter that shook me to the core. I decided to embark on this difficult journey of remembering in the hope that I may spare some parents the pain I went through. I also wanted to explore the idea of unconditional love. At first, I did not know what these words truly meant; only that its supposed to be the kind of love parents are expected to have for their children. It seemed easy enough. After all, I have always felt the call to motherhood at the core of my being. Just love your child, right? But how? For someone who grew up without any role model for a mother, for someone forced by circumstances to raise her child alone, it can be quite a challenge."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465390837

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Ermy Ozaeta.

All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011919705

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4653-9082-0

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4653-9081-3

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4653-9083-7

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

105755

Contents

INTRODUCTION

1 TWO EMPTY CHAIRS

2 GOING FORWARD—BY GOING BACK

3 JUGGLING LIFE AS A SINGLE MOM

4 LICA’S GROWING PAINS…

5 . . . AND MINE

6 PANIC ATTACKS

7 ANGER IS AN ACID…

8 CONFLICT IS INEVITABLE, BUT COMBAT IS OPTIONAL… MAX LUCADO

9 GUILTY

10 LETTING LICA BE LICA

11 EXAMINING MYSELF: FEAR AND EGO

12 EXAMINING MYSELF: LIFE DECISIONS

13 HAVE I EVOLVED YET?

14 CONFRONTATION

15 AFTER DARKNESS, LIGHT

16 GETTING FROM THERE TO HERE

17 LEARNING TO LIVE MY NEW LIFE

18 FINALLY, A WORD ABOUT TRADITION!

Epilogue LESSONS LEARNED FROM MY DAUGHTER MY TEACHER

Notes

Acknowledgment

About the Author

To my daughter, Angelica (Lica)

and to my father, Daddy

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When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

—Buddhist Proverb

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August 24, 2010

Hi Thelma,

Thank you for our chat the other night. It opened my eyes to a lot of things.

We’ve focused our talk on my guilt, and where it could have come from. There are a few sources, to be sure, but I think the root of it is this: Whatever Lica is today is the result of my upbringing. If I can bask in her strengths and positive qualities, then I am equally responsible for her shortcomings. While I know that the values that I wish to impart to her are basically sound—and intended for her own good—I’ve also realized that the manner in which I delivered them through the years was flawed.

Not to get into details, but I now know that I’ve wronged her in a lot of ways. The way in which I was raised, was the way I raised her. The toxic cycle must end. My daughter is a brat because I was a brat. She does not show me respect because I did not show my parents—my father mostly—the respect he deserved. Lica, perhaps without realizing it, had been giving me a dose of my own medicine.

I will sit down with her one of these days and calmly, firmly, tell her my expectations without throwing a temper tantrum that I am so wont to do. Whether my behavior is out of frustration, or simply a bad habit, does not really matter. I’ll try my very best to communicate with her in a most loving, adult way.

Humility is something both Lica and I need to learn. In my eagerness to right the world for her, I’ve failed to acknowledge that she is her own person, separate from me. And that, in the end, whatever happens will be what’s right and what’s best for us both—a destiny and future not shaped by me but by the Almighty.

August 25, 2010

Dear Ermy,

What a wonderful letter this is. I wish this can be published so that all parents who feel as you do, overwhelmed and sometimes guilty, may resolve to do right by their children. I love you dearly for recognizing your problems and aiming to do what is best for both you and Lica.

We as parents are as imperfect as our world, but if we attempt to correct our deficiencies we will leave the world a better place for our children, helping them overcome our limitations as they make a life of their own.

My daughters also suffer from our parenting errors, from our intermittent separations, but with God’s grace, they will turn out to be better mothers than my mother and me.

My love and gratitude for sharing your deep thoughts and feelings.

Thelma

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INTRODUCTION

For years, I had been contemplating on writing a book. I just could not decide what to write about. Several ideas floated through my head but somehow, none of them stayed long enough. And then it happened: a confrontation with my daughter that shook me to the core.

I decided to embark on this difficult journey of remembering in the hope that I may spare some parents the pain I