Laughter Is the Best Medicine: Medical Epigrams of J.H. Goldfuss

By Joseph Haynor Goldfuss

Brevity is the soul and wit of this publication; however, the medical industry is the largest and most complex combination of human resources ever assembled, earning it a status well worth writing about. Certain epigrams are gentle and subtle, and others quite caustic, but all contain some form of social or scientific commentary. If the reader has a morbid sense of humor, this book will be especially enjoyed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 14, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465392077

Joseph Haynor Goldfuss

J. H. “Joe” Goldfuss was born in New Jersey in 1948, was educated at Fordham and Columbia Universities, and currently lives in Texas. He is retired from a business career spanning four decades, working for companies ranging in size from IBM to his own consultation firm, in virtually every capacity. His epigrams were originally written for public speaking purposes, but later became a primary hobby and passion. His experience with the medical profession is far more than he would have elected.

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Copyright © 2011 by Joseph Haynor Goldfuss.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011960123

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4653-9206-0

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4653-9205-3

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4653-9207-7

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

Edited by John W. Alvarez

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DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my pharmacist, Kay Rider, who saved my life, and to Helene Hansen and Bruce Lodi, my deceased family. I also dedicate it to my close and long-standing friend, Jorge Herrera, who would have written it himself had I not beat him to the punch.

INTRODUCTION

I owe a great debt of gratitude to the notable Bruce Lansky, author, editor, educator and scholar, who set me on the right path toward completing this work. I wrote the book under the assumption that the reader could find humor in medical disorders, such as I’ve suffered, and in doing so alleviate some of the pains of being human. After all, laughter is the best medicine! Some epigrams are silly, some wise, some morbid and some bawdy, but all are intended to uplift the reader. I am legally blind, I am inoperable, and have a lengthy list of medical disorders, including great pain. The humor in this book has also helped me to contend with what I face on a daily basis. The epigrams are presented in a haphazard sequence in order to mimic the topic at hand.

• It’s called a medical practice because that’s exactly what they do.

• The single, most important course for a medical student is law.

• I wish to live to 100, if only to annoy my doctors.

• Every doctor’s office has a hidden, locked room to protect the witch doctors and potions they use for their patients.

• Cross a psychiatrist with a computer and you get a motherboard.

• We have birth and death, and physicians in between.

• Voltaire said that we pay doctors to give names to our diseases; funny he never mentioned mansions.

• Doctors are in their glory when their patients do all the talking.

• Medical advice is what we accept when we’re gullible enough to listen to gibberish, and too lame to run.

• Chronic, intractable pain is the sensation we have on the way to the clinic, and on the way back.

• You know you’ve got the wrong doctor when he walks around in circles three times before being seated.

• When it comes to doctors, there are the best, and then, there are the rest.

• The most reliable medical technology is the billing system.

• It’s not that I distrust doctors; I trust they’ll do exactly what I think they will.

• The only thing worse than having no doctor is having a doctor and wishing you didn’t.

• A doctor’s visit yields higher blood pressure because that’s the best way to measure built-up frustration.

• It’s strange how difficult it is to obtain prescription drugs,