From Misery Alley to Missouri Valley: My Life Stories and More

By Reza Varjavand

Introduction

The act of writing is an act of optimism. You would not take the trouble to do it if you felt it didnt matter. Edward Albee

When I was visiting my native country of Iran a couple of years ago, I was fortunate to have been given an invitation to do a presentation at a local high school in my hometown. It was indeed a cherished and somewhat adventurous opportunity for me because I had not done any presentations to high school students before, let alone in Farsi, my native language. When I entered the big room where the presentation was to be given, I met a large group of enthusiastic students between the ages of 16 and 18. Because high schools in Iran are gender-segregated, the students were all boys. I had prepared nothing for them in advance because the invitation was spontaneous; consequently, I decided I would be spontaneous, engage them in conversation, and see what would develop. I began with some introductory remarks and then I thought I would capture their attention by asking them a question. I told them that good teachers are good story-tellers; they tell all sorts of stories in order to stimulate their students engagement in the subject matter and to get important points across. Then I asked the question, Do you know what the most important story is that you can tell? A few of the students raised their hands. One of them happened to be in the front row; his hand was higher than others, and I could tell from his facial expression that he had an interesting answer for me so I let him speak. He said the most important story a person could tell is the story of your life. His answer was not only remarkable but also unexpected because it was given by a 16 year old boy. I tried to imagine how many noteworthy life stories this very young man could tell; in any case, his answer set the tone for the rest of my presentation. I began to speak to the students about my own high school experience here in Iran when I was their age.

From that time on, I have often thought about this young man and his answer. This experience eventually led to my decision to gather together some of the things I had written in my spare time over the course of a few years and publish them in the form of a book. The content of this book is comprised of memories and some reflections on my life experiences from when I was growing up in Iran, as well as, musings on some contemporary issues of the day from my perspective as an economist, or a Muslim, or as an immigrant parent raising children in the United States.

I believe the words of Edward Albee quoted above. The act of writing is an act of optimism and I do it because I believe it does matter. For me, the optimism Albee refers to is similar to President Barack Obama writing about his audacity to hope, and this book is the result of my daring to dream. When I look back on my poor younger years in Iran as one of seven children of illiterate parents, my journey at times seems almost unimaginable. It was my great good fortune to have been the youngest of four sons born to my farmer father; therefore, I was not needed to help with the farm so I was freed from that filial responsibility. This freedom allowed me to dare to dream. My curiosity and love of learning drove me to work hard and to strive for something more coming to the United States, becoming an economics professor at a Chicago university, and raising bicultural children.

The second part of Albees quote is just as meaningful; I took the trouble to write because writing does matter. I believe that communicating ones experiences, thoughts, and opinions with others is one side of an essential conversation that has been going on since the dawn of civilization. Cavemen began this communication and conversation when they first felt compelled to share the pictures of their lives, and their world at that time, on the stone walls of their homes and gathering places. This conversation has continued

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 14, 2009
• ISBN: 9781524533779

Reza Varjavand

Reza Varjavand, Ph.D. was born and raised in the city of Qum, Iran. He attended the University of Tehran and received a Bachelor of Science degree in economics in 1971. He came to the United States in 1973 to pursue graduate study. He earned a master‘s degree in business administration from the University of Central Oklahoma in 1976, and a Ph.D. in economics from Oklahoma University in 1983. Dr. Varjavand is currently an associate professor of economics at Saint Xavier University in Chicago, Illinois. He continues to publish professional papers, review books and give professional presentations in the field of economics. Dr. Varjavand received the Scholarship Recognition Award from Saint Xavier University in 2005 and 2009, the Distinguished Faculty Award from the Graham School of Management, Saint Xavier University. Dr. Varjavand resides in the Chicago suburb of Orland Park with his wife Maryam, their two sons, and a daughter. This is Dr. Varjavand’s first book.

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Copyright © 2016 by Reza Varjavand.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2009903319

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4415-2675-5

                Softcover        978-1-4415-2674-8

                eBook             978-1-5245-3377-9

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Contents

Acknowledgment

In Search of an Identity in Diaspora, an Introduction to the Expanded Edition,

Part I: The Childhood Memories

Our No-name Alley

The Rhythm of Life

Tribute to My Beloved Parents

The Communal Conflicts

The Islamic Ordination

Revisiting My Roots

The Passage

Oklahoma, Here I Come

My Very First Bus Ride

How I Became My Older Brother

One Man’s Trash, Another Man’s Livelihood

Religion as a Coping Mechanism

A Letter to My Children

Part II: Finding the Humor

Sir, Are You Iranian Too?

Being Ignored

We, the Short People

Say No to Erectile Dysfunction

Where Do All These Tall Iranian Ladies Come From?

Don’t look at me left left, Fun with translation

Culprit by Default

In Monica We Seek Profit

Part III: Ruminations

Overcrowding, No Excuse for Complaint

Being Afraid of Your Own Death

Raising Bicultural Children

Does Parenting Matter?

Are We Worried About the Wrong Things?

Changing the Face of We the People

To Swim or Not to Swim, That is the Question

To All the Students I Have Taught: Fun with Economics

About the Author

Endorsements

Acknowledgment

W ithout the unprivileged kids of my childhood community in my hometown, Qum, Iran, I would not have had the inspiration to write my life stories. I think of their lives as candles that burn continuously to brighten the lives of others. I would like to express my gratitude to them and wish them all well wherever their lives have taken them.

I give special thanks and heartfelt appreciation to my beloved parents. They both passed away a long time ago. But may they rest assured that no matter what the impact this book may have in leading others to deeper understanding, it is dedicated to their everlasting love and memory.

I am grateful for America, a country that has allowed an immigrant like me to take a dream birthed in poverty and bring it to actuality.

Most of all I want to acknowledge my love and gratitude to my wife Maryam for her unfailing support. She put up with me all these years in loving marriage, and especially during the time when I was writing different pieces of this book. I also lovingly thank my delightful kids, Melody, Nader, and Nathan. Without their patience and sacrifice this project would not have been possible. Their lives have enhanced mine immensely.

I thank Sister Rose Wiorek, RSM for her editorial service.

I also thank the readers off and online who read the preliminary version of many of the pieces of this book and made helpful comments.

The act of writing is an act of optimism. You would not take the trouble to do it if you felt it didn’t matter. — Edward Albee

When I was visiting my native country of Iran a couple of years ago, I was fortunate to have been given an invitation to do a presentation at a local high school in my hometown. It was indeed a cherished and somewhat adventurous opportunity for me because I had not done any presentations to high school students before, let alone in Farsi, my native language. When I entered the big room where the presentation was to be given, I met a large group of enthusiastic students between the ages of 15 to 18. Because high schools in Iran are gender-segregated, the students were all boys. I had prepared nothing for them in advance because the invitation was spontaneous; consequently, I decided I would be spontaneous, engage them in conversation, and see what would develop. I began with some introductory remarks and then I thought I would capture their attention by asking them a question. I told them that good teachers are good story-tellers; they tell all sorts of stories in order to stimulate their students’ engagement in the subject matter and to get important points across. Then I asked the question, Do you know what the most important story is that you can tell? A few of the students raised their hands. One of them happened to be in the front row; his hand was higher than others,’ and I could tell from his facial expression that he had an interesting answer for me so I let him speak. He said the most important story a person could tell is the story of your life. His answer was not only remarkable but also unexpected because it was given by a 16 year old boy. I tried to imagine how many noteworthy life stories this very young man could tell; in any case, his answer set the tone for the rest of my presentation. I began to speak to the students about my own high school experience in Iran when I was their age.

From that time on, I have often thought about this young man and his answer. This experience eventually led to my decision to gather together some of the things I had written in my spare time over the course of a few years and publish them in the form of a book. The content of this book is comprised of memories and some reflections on my life experiences from when I was growing up in Iran, as well as, musings on some contemporary issues of the day from my perspective as an economist, as a Muslim, or as an immigrant parent raising bicultural children in the United States.

I believe the words of Edward Albee quoted above. The act of writing is an act of optimism and I do it because I believe it does matter. For me, the optimism Albee refers to is similar to President Barack Obama writing about his audacity to hope, and this book is the result of my daring to dream. When I look back on my poor younger years in Iran as one of seven children of illiterate parents, my journey at times seems almost unimaginable. It was my great good fortune to have been the youngest of four sons born to my farmer father; therefore, I was not needed to help with the farm so I was freed from that filial responsibility. This freedom allowed me to dare to dream. My curiosity and love of learning drove me to work hard and to strive for something more – coming to the United States, becoming an economics professor at a prominent Chicago university, and raising three successful children.

The second part of Albee’s quote is just as meaningful; I took the trouble to write because writing does matter. I believe that communicating one’s experiences, thoughts, and opinions with others is one side of an essential conversation that has been going on since the dawn of civilization. Cavemen began this communication and conversation when they first felt compelled to share the pictures of their lives, and their world at that time, on the stone walls of their homes and gathering places. This conversation has continued through the ages and is one of the lynchpins and benchmarks of human civilization and culture. The medium of writing invites the reader to see through the eyes of another the simple accounts of ordinary things, and in so doing hopefully deepen their awareness of diversity, stimulate thought, and ignite imagination. This book, even though it is my own personal sometimes lighthearted version of life and contemporary issues rather than a scholarly tome, is an expression of my desire to contribute my voice to this age-old conversation.

I am grateful to you for taking the time to read this book. I hope you find it interesting, humorous at times, perhaps thought-provoking, and well worth your precious time. Even though one’s childhood memories are his or hers alone, sharing them with others can be an immensely rewarding experience for the writer and the reader. Recording one’s memories can help foster an appreciation of one’s life as well as inform others about who we are and how we got to where we are now. Reading the thoughts and opinions of others can also help bring to light important issues that may otherwise remain unnoticed, provide a different perspective on things, and invite disagreement and/or further discourse. I leave you with a popular image put forward by Max Gropius, an authoritative guide on research and writing: The human mind is like an umbrella. It functions best when open. I invite and welcome your openness to what lies within these pages.

In Search of an Identity in Diaspora, an Introduction to the Expanded Edition,

I t seems unfashionable for Iranians to reveal much about their personal life let alone write a memoir for modesty and the risk of exposing their private life to public scrutiny. However, this seems not a serious concern for some Iranians like me who have immigrated to the US especially those who departed Iran after the advent of Islamic Republic in Iran. Numerous autobiographies have been written by the Iranian-American as well as Iranians living in Europe most of them by women who left Iran primarily to escape what they considered the unbearable restrictions imposed on them by the Islamic Republic government. These women have told unbelievable tales in their memoirs regarding the unjust treatments of women and voiced their concerns regarding human right abuse in Iran. They have presented intriguing accounts of their upbringing back home, the memories of their childhood, and the ordeal they have endured after revaluation. Their narratives have become especially appealing to American audience because only bicultural immigrants can tell such interesting stories.

Many of these autobiographers who left Iran after Islamic revolution, try to explain why they left behind their home country, family, relatives, and friends in an attempt to justify the resulting sense of guilt and allegation of disloyalty. For female biographers especially oppressive treatment, imposition of so called Islamic dress codes, inequality under the Islamic judicial system, and subjugation to the whimsical man-made rules and regulations have played the decisive role in their decision to leave. Claiming to have been victimized by the regime, has been especially a popular justification for these authors who believed they were treated unjustly under the strict rules of Islamic government. Their narratives are especially enticing to the human right activists who use them to press for their cause as well as the American audience at large who have the luxury of enjoying the equality and freedom under the law and often take such privileges for granted.

Despite all the adversities, many of these authors have tried to construct an identity in their new country nurtured basically by their Iranian culture. While many want to pretend that they have not changed ethnically, they have not been able to resist the inevitable infiltration of enticing American pop culture into their life and the temptation to indulge into Western lifestyle. No matter how steadfastly some of them have tried to preserve their authentic identity, many have eventually succumbed to and had no choice but to assimilate to the culture of their new country and occasionally undergone acculturation. After all, they must protect themselves from being the target of stereotyping and prejudicial treatment by blending in.

Historically, Islam has been considered as a pivotal element of the identity of the Iranians living in Iran or abroad. This seems, however, less of the case for those who reside in America or in Europe notably after revaluation. Unwilling to put up with the disparaging treatments, they have tried to leave their homeland instead of submitting to strict Islamic ruling. They don’t want to identify with something that they have ran-away from to begin with. They have especially resisted adaptation and have guarded against the intrusion of Islamic traditions into their new life by clinging into Iranian traditions and culture namely their distinct Persian heritage and historical riches such as Persian Empire, Shahnameh – the book of kings, Persian names, Zoroastrian religion, Iranian food and music. These have been revered as the core values for Iranians in diaspora. Some have even denounced the intrusion of Arabic language and Islamic traditions into their new identity by insisting that they wish to be identified as Iranian-American and not as Muslim-American, a further testimony to their aversion of what they have considered as intrusive hegemonic Arabic culture in their life. This is well fathomable given widespread negative publicity, backlash, mistrust, and the fact that almost all the atrocities, terrorist attacks against the US and the West are carried out under the name of Islam or masterminded by radical Muslims.

Seeking a non-religious nexus to bonds the Iranian-Americans together, these authors strive to distant themselves from extreme Islam that seems so detested in the US. They have tried to promote the image of Iranians by invoking their own pre-Islamic values and glorious distance past as the beacon of the new collective identity in America.

While the influence of native language, Farsi, on the Iranian-Americas’ identity must not be overlooked, their success obviously depends, among other things, chiefly on mastery of English language and social and communication skills. That is evident by the fact that most of them, especially those who came to America before Islamic revolution (myself included), have truly relied on education as the most promising means of their success in America. Their offspring who are born in the US, however, my not experience the same difficulties their parents did, as the first generation of immigrants, who wrestled with issues germane to bilingualism.

Realistically, bilingualism is not an obstacle, rather a life-enhancing amenity. Its positive influence on the works of Iranian-Americans autobiographers is evident from the style and the grammatical structure of their writing and especially when they try to add additional intellectual savor to their writings by a dose of Farsi expressions/proverbs unique to Farsi language and their native literatures. They have told stories that only non-native Americans can duly articulate. What is undeniable is that both languages are contributory to the success of these authors, English as an indispensable tool especially for social and economic success and Farsi as the channel through which they can connect to their ancestral linage and their cherished memories. Farsi is the language that helps them to tell their emotional stories, and present their rich poetries. Many stories the Iranian-American authors tell are intercultural and are designed to highlight the differences in perceptions, values, judgments, priorities, humors, rites of passages, and the way people live in different countries. Bilingualism among other things has led to a hybrid identity for immigrants.

Undoubtedly, we Iranian-Americans embrace the heterogeneity of the new environment we have chosen to live in; we strive to emulate the good traits of both native and of the host country’s cultures to build a strong reflective dual identity. Most Iranian-American women, for example, have tried to preserve their Iranian custom by refusing to wear Hijab, deemed as the most outward indication of being a Muslim in America. They see no point, nor a spiritual value, in complying with something that they do not agree with and/or forced on them by others. Occasionally, I see a Muslim women wearing tight jeans and curve-revealing dress along with fancy and colorful veil that is often decorated with ornaments, implicitly proclaiming the compulsory nature of Hijab, pressured by peers, parents, or others.

The Iranian autobiographers have done a superb job of storytelling, bringing into public purview the critical issues that people in Iran grapple with while exposing the oppressive nature of the theocratic government in Muslim countries in general and in Iran in particular. Revealing to the world what kind of mockery the ruling Mullahs have made of Islam, the religion that they try to idolize.

Empirical data show that Iranian-Americas are unique and a very successful minority group in America, career wise, financially, and otherwise. Many of them may still struggle to build an identity and seek their place in this great nation and to establish their deserving niche in American society. The fact, that unlike some other minority groups, they don’t have a heavy accents or any distinct physical characteristics that make them readily recognizable makes blending in easier for them while they may refuse to be fully acculturated.

Iranian families are traditionally reserved and closed-knit. Although writing a memoir seems to blur the line between private life, which is closely guarded in Iran, and the public life, Nonetheless, some first-generation Iranians in the United States have used the freedom of expression and the intellectual resources available to them to put their private life on public display by writing a memoir. Many have also utilized this opportunity to expose injustice, oppressive treatments, human right abuse, prejudicial treatment, absurdity of religious decrees, and other issues under the wrap of storytelling, actual or fictionalized narratives, recreated memories, or talking about their family, friends, and colleagues. The main concern of these authors, myself included, is to construct an identity that they want to be recognized with not the one crafted by the media or perceived by the ill-informed public. They want their country to be known by what it was known for before the revolution