Love in the Time of the Internet

By Juan Martin Sanchez

A depiction of both love in its budding period and the eternal search for love that cuts across time and distance. A young man suffers his first pangs of romantic emotion, entangling himself in virtual relationships that lead him only to the starting point. Tom wants to possess that which can't be possessed; he yearns for love, but he's not ready for it. But he's on his way to finding the only thing worth living and dying for: love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503548305

Juan Martin Sanchez

Juan Martin Sanchez was born in the north east of Argentina. He started writing at the age of seven. He took philosophy and law courses and had a serious interest in music. He learned many languages to broaden his literary skills. In 2012, he moved to Poland to be able to make use of his linguistic abilities. There he finished his studies in English, and he has been working as a translator and writer for magazines, and as an English teacher, since then. All his books are realistic and describe his life in Argentina and Poland.

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Copyright © 2015 by Juan Martin Sanchez.

ISBN:      Softcover   978-1-5035-4831-2

               eBook        978-1-5035-4830-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 02/26/2015

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Contents

ISLAND OF RECESSION: Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

THE WAIT: Chapter Five.

ESSAYING LIFE: Chapter Six

MY EXCUSES TO THE READER: Chapter Seven

THE REAL WORLD: Chapter Eight

TO SUM UP REALITY AND DREAMS: Chapter Nine

THE CONCLUSION: Chapter Ten

POSTCRIPT

SOME POEMS:

I

thank my sister Andrea Luz Sanchez for creating the cover of my books, Charly Crump for proofreading this book and Edward Crump for his help in previous books.

ISLAND OF RECESSION: Chapter One

He was living in the deserted island of recession; there were few things going on in his mind and he needed a little more material to articulate some line of thought.

Tom had slept throughout the morning, after a sleepless night. There were few things that made him get out of his sleep routine, either a strong self-annihilating desire or a desire to annihilate something; sleep could be postponed only in those cases. Seriously, he sometimes wanted to swallow life all at once in a night, and he wouldn’t sleep till he got some satisfaction. But, as usual, these rushing sensations brought only the bitterness of disappointment with them. Tom couldn’t get what he needed by the end of the night and, even if it there was a chance, he just stopped caring in the end.

Cindy was a straightforward girl, as far as Tom was concerned; she had the ability to be beautiful and reciprocate kindness at the same time, a strange conjunction of qualities. Tom had seen her through no rose-tinted glasses at any time; he knew she was a beautiful girl and feared tremendously to lose her, so he tried to accommodate her wishes and, more than anything else, tried to become vital to her. Cindy was kind; we’ve said that already. But kindness is such a subjective adjective and it depends much on the person who this is bestowed on. It can also vary from one day to the next, and we can consider something to be unkind today that yesterday was proper and sweet. So let’s say she had something in common with Tom; they were two wet pigeons in the spring of opportunity.

Tom had met Cindy through the internet; he needed a reading partner and felt really lonely and this was the best solution for his dilemma. He generally met people on chatrooms on the internet and added them to a personal programme to chat with people online. But he never actually chatted with them; he had an inability to chat with people even for the highest purpose of learning a language; so he invited them to read something together. They would take turns and maybe say something about the reading, or whatever they could think of while they finished the book. I explain this because many people asked Tom how they were going to read, if they would read individually; some people didn’t really grasp the idea of online reading, although they were totally au fait with speaking to strange people over the internet about shallow topics that by the end of the conversation would be completely forgotten, all this just for the sake of learning a language.

Tom had plans; he planned to learn her language and go to her country and try to make a living in it. Her language was a little difficult though; it’d be easier to write a few more books like this one than to start mumbling her language. Anyway, he was determined until the end of this love to continue with this enterprise, and he hoped that this would be his last love, an everlasting one. Just for the sake of it, let’s name the language we’re dealing with: Polish. Yes, it may be easy for you, Polish reader, or maybe you, Russian cousin, but let me tell you that it was a pain in the neck for our hero. I won’t tell you our hero’s mother tongue, I’d rather leave it to your own imagination, but we wouldn’t be far from the truth if we say that the only thing that it had in common with Polish is that it’s spoken with the mouth. I don’t mean to say he didn’t enjoy learning it, I’m just talking about the progress he was able to make in comparison to the expectations he had. He wanted to learn it by the end of the year, if possible, which means to be able to engage someone in conversation and understand what they tried to tell him. That’s all, you will say, anything else?! But yes, as he wanted to start a new life in a new country he had begun with the conception of his dream: learning the target language. Later on we’ll talk about the progress he was able to make in achieving this: his main goal. Now we’ll focus on his most urgent goal, to be loved by her.

The second time they met, he had asked her if she had a boyfriend; she’d answered that she couldn’t say so because her ex-boyfriend wanted to get back with her. Those were her words; I’m just transcribing what she literally said, though it can sound incoherent. Tom asked her if her boyfriend was pushing her and she said that if he did she would immediately say no and that would be the end. So Tom was screwed up; she still had a link with her ex-boyfriend and she had admitted it, so it was likely that she was going to go back to him. But, on the other hand, she was the only person whom Tom was really interested in; he felt she was the only real thing in his life. They talked regularly, and he knew all her needs and emotional problems; they even shared romantic songs. She had never mentioned her ex-boyfriend again, and this gave Tom a little peace of mind, and hope. He convinced himself that if he had the time to learn her language he’d do it and there’d be no regret when they had to part and he had to face reality; and there was always the chance that the door he was knocking on would be opened to him. He’d set his goals, he’d learn Polish and go to live there at least for a while, at least until his visa expired. He’d make it real, all by himself and with his family’s help; his mother had already promised him a trip when a year ago he’d fallen in love with an Algerian girl, and that would be more expensive as he needed a visa to go there. So he had savings and his father was giving him monthly money to finance his journey; he just needed to choose his destination. That’s what he was planning to do, to go out of the routine of studying in an underdeveloped country to become a second language teacher in some high school. He would risk nothing by learning this language as he had lots of free time from his studies; he’d become more accomplished and satisfied with himself. Then, if he got bored, he always had the chance to give this language up and take up something else.

Besides, there were other incentives; from time to time she would send him some song she’d found on the internet, some nice, others not so much; but this would always boost his confidence. A song by Masterpiece: How I love you, filled Tom with love for Cindy. It was a recited song with a blues background that filled Tom with emotion.

Nice things sometimes happen to nice people, and this was certainly the case; he’d finally been rewarded for years of melancholic quest for a goal in life; he’d found the apple of his eye.

Now, when you’re a writer, you should always try to write about meaningful things, transcendent questions of humanity or simply some pain in your neck that you think could be related to by other people. So many writers speak about writing about things we know rather than developing an illusory human world that turns out to be out of keeping with the rest of our reality. Other writers, on the other hand, think literature should be the medium for our innermost feelings and that these can’t develop in a regular setting but need unconventional ground to properly thrive. I don’t quite agree with this; I think the more familiar the setting is, the more identified the reader feels and therefore he can relate this fiction to his own situation more. You don’t need to be abstract to attract many people to your writing, just be real. I have two quotations to make; one is from my favorite poet, Neruda, and the other from a Yoga book. So I have a bad memory but Neruda more or less said that he never wrote about things that don’t exist. It’s obvious I haven’t closed the idea because I can’t remember the exact words, but I do remember the impression they left on me and this was that, even when we know literature is fiction, we should endeavor to recreate real feelings and things; and that’s why he’s my favorite poet. The other quotation I want to make is from a Yoga religious-philosophical book which says that, to know the whole, we just need to know to detail one of its minimum parts; and this had been good conscious or unconscious guidance on many a decision I’ve made. Then the idea is to write about a simple thing and describe all intricacies it holds. Maybe you could write about your morning habits or recount the history of trouble you’ve had with doing your hair and then set it all in your own backyard, drinking something with your friends who’ve come for a visit after years of uninterrupted detachment. I’m just giving brainstorming; I’ve always had trouble finding a suitable framework for the deluge of my thoughts, but, nevertheless, never considered to write essays or something like that because I like the edge that fiction gives to any literary work.

Is she an angel? Do angels really exist? Has this angel come to better my lot or sink me into a deeper depression? Those were the kind of questions he approached Cindy’s pictures with. She was really beautiful with sweet blue eyes and all, just as in fairy tales; he hoped this wasn’t one of those.

He went to Poland at last, took the plane and went straight there, to the center of his world. She was going out with her ex boyfriend again; she had her life sorted and needed nothing else. She felt complete and Tom’s presence could only cause unrest or at least some itchy weariness. But he was there and would have to deal with that and with her rejection. This was Tom’s daytime nightmare. This was the only fear occupying his mind, besides the natural fear of not being able to be with her, to not succeed in moving to Poland. Tom would have to make do with it, his anxiety, his lack of hope sometimes, his deep regrets and bitterness; he’d have to make do.

He’d made a list of phrases as they came into his mind:

Because love is to be here today.

We learn when there’s no moral to learn.

We’re plants that thrive in the desert.

Anguish is in the fact of not knowing what we’ll do with ourselves.

It’s counterproductive to pity ourselves, as well as all the literature encouraging this.

I’m a song and you must just know how to play me.

It’s all about learning to play the song. It’s all about listening to the song. It’s all about keeping rhythm.

Then came the first conspicuous chat between them both:

Tom: Cindy, good morning.

Cindy: good morning!

Tom: I woke up with a clearer mind. It’s something you said yesterday that bothered me.

Cindy: what? Sorry that I made you worry; I didn’t mean to.

Tom: so I hadn’t thought about that before and I’d thought it’d be easier, but you said two things that worried me: the main one was that you may go to study abroad, and the second one, that accommodation there is expensive.

Cindy: that’s true - very expensive, Sweden is quite a rich country.

Tom: I mean in your country; you said that sometimes you came back earlier from University ’cause you didn’t want to pay the hostel. I knew that something bothered me yesterday, but I didn’t know what.

Cindy: so why do you worry?

Tom: I think both things are equally important, actually, and the first one because…

Cindy: I see, but don’t worry about me, I’ll handle it.

Tom: …as you are finishing your studies this year, you’ll also start your new study this year, in October I think, so that means you won’t be in your country in December, which was when I had planned to visit you; I think I’ve told you that once.

Cindy: I don’t know if I’ll be in my country or not. Do you really want to visit Poland?

Tom: because from December to March is cheaper and at the same time I have my holidays, but I hadn’t considered accommodation. I know in general Europe is more expensive for accommodation.

Cindy: I see, but I have to warn you, Poland is not a very beautiful country; in comparison to other countries, we’re poor.

Tom: so that’s the best part: my money is worth it there; I can afford it, but I have no idea about accommodation. I thought the hardest part was the journey.

Cindy: it depends where you’d like to stay: hostels are relatively cheap; hotels, expensive.

Tom: yes but I’m planning on staying for a loooong time; is it cheaper if I pay a whole month?

Cindy: I don’t know…

Tom: how much does it cost for a day?

Cindy: maybe 30 złoty per night.

Tom: let me see. If that’s the price, I could stay just up to a month; it’s enough I think, maybe a little more ’cause plane tickets are much more expensive.

Cindy: I don’t know if I’ll be in Warsaw or in another place at that time.

Tom: so that was the other problem, I can’t visit you if you aren’t there; it’s simple mathematics.

Cindy: I would not recommend you coming to Poland in December- March, is very cold; it’s not pleasant to travel through Poland when we have a lot of snow.

Tom: I have no choice. Provided I can enter the country. I have just two months holiday and that’s the time I want to spend there, more or less, but a month is enough; besides, it’s the only time flights are cheaper.

Cindy: I think so.

Tom: so, would you stay?

Cindy: I haven’t made up my mind yet; it depends upon my exam results.

Tom: what exams?

Cindy: entrance exams to university.

Tom: come on Cindy; I keep to the not pushing policy, but I think it’s important; maybe you just say yes and if then you can’t, I can wait till next year. I’m in no hurry.

Cindy: I can’t advise you what to do; the University is going to decide if I can be a student there in September.

Tom: so you don’t want me to go; that’s what I’m hearing.

Cindy: it’s not like that; the point is that I don’t know what I’ll do. Supposing I fail the exams in Warsaw, then I can go to Sweden or stay in Poland and study something else (some shitty major like English philology).

Tom: I don’t need a visa to go to Sweden either. I guess accommodation is much more expensive, but the main point here is you: if you want to or not. Of course nothing’s for definite, but if you say yes at least I know what to wait for.

Cindy: if you were coming to Poland during the summer, that wouldn’t be a problem; but from December to March I’ll be busy.

Tom: I know but it’s the only time I can; that’s why I want to stay long, so you don’t feel obliged to spare your time. I can talk to other people meantime; I’ll be sociable in Poland. It’s easier if you don’t think it over: it’s just an idea; it doesn’t mean it has to come out well. But if you say no, I’d be disappointed.

Cindy: okay, maybe, try to find some people in Warsaw… in the best scenario I’ll pass my exam, study in Warsaw (during weekends), so we can see each other at least during weekends ’cause I’m not living there. I’m 100 km from Warsaw.

Tom: so is that a yes? You know I’ll learn Chinese if you have to go to China, won’t I? I’ll have a base.

Cindy: you need people in Warsaw in case of the worst scenario, can you find them?

Tom: worse like what? I know a girl from Warsaw, but we’re just acquaintances.

Cindy: that I fail the exams.

Tom: if you fail you’ll go to Sweden; maybe I can go there at least for half a month.

Cindy: then, option one: studying something else in Poland; option two: going to Sweden.

Tom: don’t worry about that.

Cindy: I’ll try not to.

Tom: so why Warsaw? You don’t live there. I mean, why do you want me to stay there?

Cindy: the best University is there.

Tom: I don’t know anyone there and, when you leave, I’ll have no acquaintances. If I go to your city, I can talk to your grandma in the meantime. I’ll read to her.

Cindy: haha she doesn’t know English!

Tom: don’t worry about the details. Besides, I think I’ll be speaking Polish by that time. It’s not as easy as French but not as hard as Arabic. I thought of something else while I was sleeping, something that bothered me also. You said you have bad pronunciation, or some other deficiencies, but that comes from comparing yourself to other people. I’m deficient in expressing what I’m thinking for example, but what I’m thinking is more complex than what other fluent people I find on the internet are thinking. They just have to handle some innocuous topic; I have to handle my own thoughts and English, and my thoughts are the worst part by far. Let me give you an example: I don’t watch movies. Besides the fact that some of them are idle, I can’t understand what they say, so I prefer audio-books. It’s more rewarding: if I don’t get something, then I read it. I know that’s my strength; I have a lazy ear, and there’s something my phonetics teacher said: not just because they’re native speakers, it means that it’s good English. As in my country there are people who mispronounce Spanish, there’s also the same in London I guess.

Cindy: can you give me that website with audio-books again? I’ve lost the link.

Tom: so I prefer a person like you who takes care of what they say and how they say it, rather than a badly spoken native person. You don’t worry, don’t rush, don’t hurry.

Cindy: I see your point: it’s better to be a well educated foreigner than an obtuse native speaker.

Tom: the communication is better. I’ve talked to native speakers and they don’t care about their language, so I couldn’t make much of it and, about people on audio-chat, I think you shouldn’t talk to many ’cause it’s very normal for you to compare yourself to them. You should talk just to people who are studying the language, I mean professionally, not only as a second language.

Cindy: that’s right, with students and teachers.

Tom: ’cause otherwise it’s unfair. You’re studying it and they’re just taking it as a hobby. It’s frustrating to discover that they can also be fluent. But remember, people are fluent ’til they find they don’t know what else to say. You can be fluent in a topic but completely dumb in another. I can be fluent about rather philosophical or psychological issues, but find it hard to talk about specific things. I’ve found people who are beginners at English and they’ve taught me new vocabulary. Like a girl from Venezuela who taught me flip-flops. I had no idea of that word, but, following the context, I pictured her living in that hot country and I said, yes, those light shoes on your feet. But believe me, she’s terrible at English. I realized it when we were just chatting; she took a lot of time and made many mistakes. Some people have the ability of hiding their mistakes when speaking.

Cindy: she will progress if she really wants to be good

Tom: I think Arabians are one of them, so I don’t worry about your Arab friends being good at English; it’s just that they’re faster, they can solve a linguistic situation faster so they get rid of the communicational hindrance, but that doesn’t mean they know more than you. I’ve seen the other side too: a girl from India who has a terrible pronunciation and writes very slowly, but I know she knows more than me as she explained to me what we read; she remembered everything and I know she hadn’t read the books before ’cause I had chosen those books.

Cindy: cool, she has a good memory.

Tom: There’re different skills. You try to pass your exams ’cause they’re important for you career, but they’re just paper and you can’t do anything with them. I suggest you find your strong points, that is the things you like: interest does wonders; let the world accommodate you and stop talking with Arabs.

Cindy: thanks, I should take your advice :)

Tom: I mean it, or with people who speak many languages; they can be fluent but they know how to manage structure and syntax, that’s why I never talk to multilingual people in that audio-chat room; I despise them. Really, it’s ok if you know many languages, but not if you practice many at the same time. Language is so rich that you can talk even with a baby and find it interesting, but don’t be deceived, it’s not the same interest. They’re just playing with words; we’re trying to build meaning. You should learn to hate, that will help you become more confident; it’s not that they are wrong, but it’s not good for yourself, so try to avoid it. I don’t know what I dreamt last night.

Cindy: neither do I.

Tom: but it must be something very moving. I have a formal question for you. Do you believe in formalities?

Cindy: formalities? I don’t understand.

Tom: so it’s everything that has to do with definitions: to define something, to provide it with boundaries, to classify let’s say, to label it, to give it a name, that’s a formality.

Cindy: I don’t think I need to define everything.

Tom: I think it’s positive because it can help sometimes: when there’s confusion, you can’t rely on anything. Well, I’ll make the formal question and then you’ll see with your eyes. The question is if you could consider me, making allowances for the deficit, as your boyfriend?

Cindy: hmm, you know real life is quite different from the internet; I’ve never met someone online…

Tom: that’s no answer, try to elaborate more.

Cindy: to become a boyfriend