Shattered but Not Broken

By Phree Walls

Shelly Long, a very successful Doctor originally from Las, Vegas, Nevada fights constantly to draw a line across her atrocious childhood. Her flamboyant lifestyle of being a highly attractive, wealthy mistress seeking nothing but, what an unavailable man can financially provide for her. Driving around town in her hot-spicy red 1965 Chevy Malibu SS Convertible fully restored, always looking and smelling good with the masque of a smile, dissembling who she really is behind the doors of her true misery.
The life of her two foster sisters Whitney and Sweets portray the critical perspective of weak women, in the eyes of Shelly. However, she is possessed with sin and bonded by her own bitterness and hate towards Christ. What will Shelly do when the tables turn and her fabulous life becomes pieces of pain shattering right before her?
This debut novel by a talented new novelist breaks all the rules and will keep you reading from sunup to sundown. Don't miss this one!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 24, 2014
• ISBN: 9781493128013

Phree Walls

Author Natasha Phree Walls, a loving mother, phenomenal writer, poet, and motivational speaker, who was raised in Del City, Oklahoma and lived in Hanford, California before she migrated to Charleston, SC., She is also the founder/CEO of A Word Spoken Poetry Production which is dedicated to the movement of poetry and self expression. Author Phree Walls developed an aspirant appetite for literature at a very young age. This is when she began to write poetry and short stories with an ambition to inspire and give voice to the voiceless. Her talent became a tool of healing for herself as well as others, by her exceptional ability to use words to evoke emotions and describes life’s situations in a meaningful way.

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Phree Walls.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013920461

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4931-2800-6

                Softcover      978-1-4931-2799-3

                eBook             978-1-4931-2801-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 02/19/2014

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

551188

CONTENTS

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

This book is dedicated to my angel.

Paul (P.J.) Leonardo Divinchi Walls Jr.

You were so strong and brave; your strength will always live within me.

R.I.P. Dear Child

Mommy will always love you.

To my beautiful children,

Quintaisha, Constintly, & Heaven

You are my inspiration.

Always remember that there is no dream too big.

Love Mommy!

CHAPTER ONE

I ALWAYS WANTED to become free from all the things that hindered me from becoming the person I desired to be. At a point in my life there were so many uncertainties, I didn’t know my abilities or dreams. Thinking that living a formal life would become a way to hide behind my fears, hurt, and anguish from a forever buried childhood. My past became buried by the outer layer of my fabulous and successful life. Still, I could never fool me; no matter how many luxurious flowers were sprouted over my life inside the bitter shell I was shattered like drum beats splattering a symbol of corruption.

As I reminisce on the way I once lived my life, the path of destruction staring me in my face screaming with a deep tone of arousals that never was heard within my soul. I remained ungodly and disobedient to Christ. Although, I was not 100% sinful or wicked my life became defined by the blindfold placed upon my eyes that guarded my truth of becoming free from the sins that continued to destroy me.

My name is Dr. Shelly Long; I am 28 years old born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada. I moved here to Washington State when I was emancipated from state custody at the age of seventeen. I am an educated Black African American woman that is classified by her mark to evoke sexual interest from every kind of man. Down to the no good run-over shoe wearing man standing at the corner with a beer in his hand to the white t-shirt and creased denims rocking one-hundred thousand dollars of white gold around his neck, and I must not forget Mr. Multi-Million Dollar Business man. Truly, I own every external aspect of me from the top of my Brazilian silk to the bottom of my Gucci footprints. I am five-nine in height and weighing one-hundred thirty-five pounds, small waist and a plump round rear-end. I am the epitome of sexy, but it is definitely not on purpose.

I intensely dislike the idea of too much attention. My mean streak suddenly occurs every time I’m approached by the no-good men standing at the gas station every day, as I am going to purchase fuel for my car. My attitude is sour when it comes to men and this was driven by the many men that hurt me along with the ones that loved me and I could never love them back. Of course, the conversation always starts off with my hot-spicy red 1965 Chevy Malibu SS Convertible fully restored. As I open my door face frowned because I am saying silently to myself, please, don’t speak to me, but it never fails, I hear a rusty based outburst, What size is the engine?

"Damn!’ I say to myself.

With an attitude I respond, four hundred and six CU IN with three hundred and twenty valve covers, and a seven-hundred R-4 transmission.

I sometime feel like my car is sexier than me, she gets lots of attention! I am in love with the birth of classic performance cars. My boyfriend of 3 years, Ellis Lee, Everyone calls him Ell for short. He surprised me with my car as a graduation gift last year when I graduated from The School of Medicine in Washington State.

Ell is the owner of Lee’s Hot Rod Specialty Shop. The shop builds repairs and upgrades classic performance cars. His business is very successful. He has Customers from all ends of the country that do business at Lee’s Hot Rod Specialty Shop ranging from casual enthusiasts to serious collectors. This is a big accent to Ell’s business. So with all of that being said I am sure you can sense where his pockets stand, which all goes along so well with me.

In the eyes of everyone behind the closed doors we appear to be a progressing couple, but we are doomed so many disadvantages just because of the type of relationship we are having. Ell is a married man with three children and to top that off we have a sixteen year age difference. I know this is not right. The thing is I don’t desire a man of my own. I don’t trust any man as far as I can throw him and as you can see Ell is an example of why. Even if there was love in my heart for a man it would not be a man that cheats on his wife. I am fine with gifts, money, dinner, and a sexual encounter every now and again just to satisfy my own personal desire. Most of the time, I want him when I want him and not when he wants me. Many times I have wondered why he cheats on his wife with a woman like me. Don’t married men cheat for excitement? Well, there is not much of excitement between us other than is pen writing digits in his checkbook.

In spite of my fairytale I have the right man to go along with my plans. Ell is a tall dark-skinned, muscular, strong man. His dreadlocks are like silk, when their wrapped between my legs of lust. His calm and eager eyes send chills through my body because I know that I have him wrapped around my fingers so tight that he doesn’t know how to let go. This is not love, and I don’t want to feel anything more than to crave the hunger of wearing a relationship where I blossom wealth. Buried behind truth each one of my days aren’t complete without a mask so thick it becomes impossible to see through the many shades of colors invisibly painted all over me. I am a wounded women lost into despair, found by my hateful peace. I will never forgive the pain afflicted upon my life I carry a heart that has been hardened. A mirror of broken glass, crumbled beside my feet.

Whitney and I have been friends for over 17 years. We met in a foster home and were like sisters ever since. Whitney is the mother of three children a girl age 13, and two boys age 12, and 5 years old. She is a great mother to her children, and one of the most loving women you could ever meet. Her only down fall is MEN! Not because she picks them badly, but, because she chooses great men who seek monogamy, and she always becomes the cheater. I don’t know what the spell is that she possesses upon men, but they love some Whitney and all the love that comes along with her. As she is the most beautiful full-figured woman you could ever meet, she knows how to carry her weight. Unlike some full-figured women that wear clothes just because their made in their size. Well, I have never seen Whitney in anything that did not compliment her size. Since we were young long before her children came along she was always on the thick side and always wore the best clothes. Her personality is so humbled. I often ask myself how she stays in a place of peace throughout the many obstacles she has faced in her life. Looking back 15 years ago, Whitney spent so much time on one guy that was surely taking her for granted. She waited on him thinking they would get married and he turned around and married his secretary at work. She was completely faithful and submissive to this guy. I had never been in a serious relationship so I didn’t understand what she was going through. All I wanted was for her to forget about the jerk. I still remember Whitney being torn into pieces though. Her oldest two children were only two and three at the time. I believe this was where it all started with her, she is afraid to open up to another man like she did back then.

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Last night before I went in for my shift Whitney called me crying.

I have ruined my life forever.

What’s wrong girl is everything okay?

She responds with silence, I keep the phone to my ears waiting for her to say something. There is no sound for at least three whole minutes. Finally, with a dry crackling sound in her voice, He is not his father, she says.

At this point I’m clueless as to who, what, when, or where. I am not sure whether or not to speak, ask questions, or allow her to vent so I remain silent as she continues to cry out.

Lenny is not LJ’s father.

In complete shock no words are coming out of my mouth. LJ is Whitney’s two year old son. Lenny is Whitney’s boyfriend of nine years. He is a successful musician for a well known band in the metro area. This man could literally have any woman he wants, but that is not what he wants. He loves him some Whitney.

Are you sure, I say in shock.

Yes, I am sure. I always knew it, I had been cheating on Lenny for the past 6years with a musician at church, she says.

All I can think about is how Lenny raised her older two kids as if they were his own. The two of them fight non-stop, however, they share a passion that is unbreakable. He has never left Whitney’s side. Even throughout her deceit of cheating on him with multiple men.

You can’t be serious. What are you going to do, have you told Lenny? I ask.

No, he doesn’t know, but, I think that it is time for me to tell him. His family has begun to question the texture of LJ’s hair, plus LJ’s biological father is threatening to tell him if I don’t. I can’t live this lie any longer.

This is all a complete shock to me and I really don’t know what to say. How do you think Lenny is going to take this, have you figured out how you’re going to tell him this? I ask.

I don’t know what I am going to do. I have prayed day in and day out searching for answers from God and I still do not know what to do, she cries.

This girl always knows how to get caught up in some mess. This situation is crazy and I am walking on glass with my response because I don’t want to say anything that is going to make her feel worse then she is already feeling.

Whitney, it’s time for me to get ready for my shift. I really don’t know what to tell you to do. You’re going to need to follow your heart and do what is right. Lenny and LJ are the innocent ones in this situation. I say this much but really I am very uncomfortable with this type of topic. I’m really glad that the time sped up so that I could have an exit out of this conversation.

Okay, I really do need to talk to you though. I will call you tomorrow, she says.

It’s going to be alright, we will talk tomorrow.

By now my thoughts are penetrating through my head reflecting on a situation in my childhood that I have a strong emotion towards. I have never shared anything about my childhood with Whitney so she has no clue that what she is telling me hurts my heart. Whitney is always doing some shocking things. As long as we have been friends I did not have a clue. When she mentioned LJ’s hair texture I was left in suspense, LJ does have soft curly brown hair; which neither she nor Lenny has. It is fair for me to call her a loose candidate when it comes to sex. Truly, I really feel bad for Whitney, but in my opinion it is not about her, it is about the child. Poor baby, how will Little LJ feel once he is able to understand all of this mess that he was born into.

After the conversation I did need to get ready for work. While getting dressed there was an unexplainable feeling settling within me. It almost felt like I became depressed and dwelling on things in my past. Questioning my true faith, where does it lie inside of me? There is something imbedded that I am not letting out. How do I breathe again, is how it feels. As I travel this road I am in fear and nobody knows. My friends expect me to have all the answers to their problems and I don’t have the answers to my own. From their view of my life, my job title insist that all of my advice is precisely accurate or exact which most of the time I am at a loss of words. My friends have a totally different view on life then me.

I am an Obstetrician at the Medical University of Valley Metro Hospital, which is one of the most advanced hospitals in the area. Medical University of Valley Metro has grown from a small private medical school in the early 1930’s into one of the nation’s best academic health science center. With a 600 bed medical center and four colleges that train approximately 2100 healthcare professionals every year. We are the forefront of the latest advances in medicine, with world class physicians and ground breaking technology that most of time is a first of its kind in the world! The physical aspects of this hospital will have you almost fooled. As you pull up in the parking lot the number one catch is the very big island that goes around the building and not to mention the gorgeous greenery that surrounds the enormous cherry brick building. Very nice, but, as my foster mom would always say, what may look good on the outside, can very well be tarnished, bitter, and hot as hell on the inside. There has been some days at work where cases have been like a mystery that has left me with an initiative