Just Keep Praying:: A Journey About Life, Death, and Living

By Susan Eidson Claxton

Fourteen years in the making, Just Keep Praying: A Journey about Life, Death, and Living will take you on a journey that could forever change how you look at life and death. Susan started the journey more than forty years ago.

Have you ever felt that God has abandoned you? Susan did; however, she was able to reconnect to God in a very special way.

Just Keep Praying will take you on Susans journey, but it may not be so different than your own journey. As you read through the journey, you may see yourself in the anger, fear, happiness, and other emotions that Susan shares with raw honesty. You will come away from this experience with renewed hope and understanding that prayer can help you through your journey of life. Yes you can survive tragedybut more than that, you can learn to thrive after a tragedy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490857930

Susan Eidson Claxton

Susan Claxton is an educator and professional helper. She holds a master’s degree in human services and a doctorate in naturopathy. She has been teaching students in the area of helping for eighteen years. Relevant to this book, she has taught classes on death, dying, and bereavement as well as suicide prevention, intervention, and postvention. She also leads a group for survivors of suicide. Susan has presented at various national and regional conferences for human services since 1990 on subjects including respite for children and adults with disabilities, grief, suicide, organ transplantation, Native American culture, and personal growth and development. Additionally, she is a Christian and has been fortunate to overcome significant losses in her life through God’s grace. While this is Susan’s debut non-fiction book, she has authored a peer-reviewed journal article on organ transplantation and has written a few poems that were published in the Old Red Kimono magazine.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Beginnings

I was raised in an average middle-class home in the suburbs of Georgia. Both of my parents were Christians and stayed married for almost forty-one years (a rare accomplishment these days) until my dad died on September 20, 1999. My parents were in love with each other, and it was obvious to everyone around them. They still held hands and went on dates until Dad died. I used to think that they looked very cute. Yet they were not doing it because they were cute but because they were in love. That love spilled over to their two children: my sister and me.

For the first nine years of my life, I was an only child. I was a pretty good kid. I didn’t get in trouble, at least not more than anyone else my age. My sister, Patricia, was born on November 9, 1968. She was like my own personal dress-up doll. I loved being a big sister.

I was raised in church, but at some point, Daddy stopped going to church. I am not sure why he stopped going. I just remember praying and asking God to make Daddy go to church with us. One Sunday morning, he was up and ready to go when we were. It wasn’t long after Daddy started going to church again that he rededicated his life, and soon after that, he was called to preach.

I was not the typical preacher’s kid. My dad was a great man, but he ruled with an iron fist. He was very strict, which did cause some rebellious moments, but all in all, I stayed out of trouble. I have heard some stories about how stubborn I was (still am). I really think that stubborn temperament has helped me survive these past thirty years. I am not going to tell you my whole story of growing up, but I want you to know that I grew up in a loving Christian home, I went to church, and I became a Christian when I was seven years old. What would eventually happen in my life did not make sense to me.

I think it is sometimes harder to grow up as a Christian than to become a Christian when you get older. The reason I think this is that you just experience life and Christianity without realizing how wonderful it is to have a relationship with God. I think you (well at least I did) take that relationship for granted. I was a good person, I didn’t get into trouble, I read my Bible, I went to church, and I tithed. Why would God do this to me? Yes you read it right; I wanted to know why God would allow me to experience such heartache (more on that later). This would become my mantra, and you will read it often as we go on this journey together.

Chapter 2

High School

My senior year, I met my soul mate. I had dated (if you could call it that) some, but those relationships were all very superficial. I began praying for God to send me someone that would love me and care for me. When I was growing up, women had jobs, not careers. They got married and had kids. So that was my prayer. I wanted God to send someone who would love me, marry me, and be a wonderful husband and father to my children.

I knew Jeff from band, and I knew he was a football player. I think we may have even had a class or two together. We had not really talked, but I knew who he was and he knew who I was. When I was writing this, I asked him, Do you remember when you first saw me? He surprised me by saying, Yes, in seventh grade band. It turns out he noticed me because he liked red hair. And to think I hated having red hair growing up!

Our journey did not begin for several more years. I was a senior and one day I was walking around in the school cafeteria, looking for a place to sit. I was upset because all of my friends had gotten a different lunch period. That’s when I spotted Jeff. He was sitting alone, so I asked if I could join him for lunch. He said that would be great, so we ate lunch together that day. The next day, I didn’t see him. I was very disappointed. Later, I saw him in the hall. I remember walking up to him and telling him how disappointed I was that I hadn’t seen him at lunch. I told him that I would love to sit with him again the next day. Thus, we began eating lunch together. We also started meeting in the gym before school and we played cards with a group of friends. I was going home each night, telling Mom about this wonderful boy at school.

I really liked Jeff. He was such a nice guy. Jeff was not stuck up or egotistical like some of the other football players. He was very shy, in fact. People say opposites attract, and Jeff is definitely opposite from me. He is the strong silent type and I love to talk.

I guess we had been meeting for lunch for a couple of months, but he never asked me out. I did not feel like I was getting anywhere, so I gave up on him. I stopped meeting Jeff in the mornings and did not seek him out at lunch.

Things were not going so great with the guy I was hanging out with. He was really a jerk and a bit of a bad boy. My rebellious streak was coming out.

Jeff and I had a mutual friend who said that Jeff really liked me, but he was just too shy to ask me out. I later found out that he was telling Jeff that I really liked him and that he should ask me out. He was playing matchmaker, so thank you (you know who you are) for talking me into giving Jeff another chance.

Another good friend grabbed my arm one day as I was getting off the bus. You’ve got to stop hanging out with that sweathog. You can do better than that. Jeff likes you, and you like him. For those of you who may not know back in the 70s this term was used in a popular television show called Welcome Back Carter. It referred to the kids at school who just got by and did not necessarily have goals or aspirations.

I knew he was right. This guy was not good for me. I knew he was not the kind of person I wanted to marry. When I got home, I prayed about it. So I decided to give Jeff another chance.

I started meeting Jeff at lunch and in the mornings before school again. One day in February, as we were walking to the gym, he asked me out of the blue if I liked to go bowling. I said yes, and we continued walking. When we got to the gym and we met up with our friends, we sat down and started to play cards. Nothing was said, and all of a sudden, he asked me if I wanted to go bowling with him that weekend. I could not believe it; he asked me in front of our friends.

I took a deep breath and casually said yes. I gave him my phone number and told him to call me later. When I got home, all I could talk about was Jeff. My parents had just walked down to the neighbors’ house when the phone rang. It was Jeff.

He asked me if I wanted to go with him and his brother Andy to the basketball game that night. I was so excited, but I remained calm. I did not want to blow this. I told him I had to ask my parents first. I put the phone down and ran down the street to ask my parents. It was a school night, but since it was a school activity, they agreed to let me go. I ran back home (this was way before cell phones), so when I made it back to the phone, I was out of breath. I somehow managed to slow my breathing before picking the phone back up and saying in an ever so calm voice, Yes, my parents said I could go. My prayers were being answered. Jeff liked me; God was sending a man who would become the center of my life for many years to come.

Jeff and Andy picked me up soon after I hung up the phone. I have no idea what we talked about. I am sure I kept the conversation going, because I loved to talk (still do). My daddy used to say I could talk the ears off an elephant. I was also nervous, so I am sure I was talking nonstop.

At the basketball game, I hoped Jeff would hold my hand. I mean, handholding was a first-date and even pre-date action to demonstrate that you liked someone, right? I also wanted to show off. Jeff was a handsome guy and a football player. I wanted everyone at school to see me with him. But alas, he did not hold my hand that first night.

After the game, he and Andy took me home. Jeff did walk me to the door, but there was no good-night kiss. Since we had won the basketball game, we would be playing again the next night. He asked me if I wanted to go. I told him I would check with my parents but I thought that they would say yes.

The second date was much like the first: me talking, us hanging out with his brother and friends at a basketball game. He still did not hold my hand. I remember on the way home from the game that I put my hand on the seat between us (when I had gotten in the car, I had made sure I sat more to the middle of the seat). I tried to be casual and kept talking when suddenly I felt him grab my hand. It is still funny when I think about it; he grabbed it like he was afraid I would run away. I just kept talking and acted like nothing had changed. When we got back to my house, he was still the perfect gentleman and did not kiss me goodnight.

I have to say I was very disappointed. I also began to doubt myself. What if he was going to keep our date because he had already asked me to go bowling with him Saturday? Maybe he didn’t like me. When I went inside and readied for bed I began to pray. I know I was young, and you may think how in the world could two teenagers really fall in love? What could I know about relationships? Well I cannot explain it, but I knew that Jeff was my soul mate. I prayed that God would help Jeff fall in love with me.

Our third date was our originally scheduled date. We were making progress; I kept praying and asked God if Jeff was the right person and to please help him overcome his shyness. I was falling in love fast but I was not sure if Jeff really liked me much less if he was falling in love with me. I need not have been afraid. Our love grew. It is that love that has kept us together even after our challenges. I have heard that often people who go through what we have end up in divorce but I believe that God put us together that day because He knew I would need a helpmate like Jeff. I just kept praying and God answered my prayers.

I am nine months older than Jeff so I graduated a year earlier than he did. Being high school sweethearts was difficult when we were in school together but with me in the work force I found myself doubting his love for me. I was so jealous of him, I was not secure in our relationship, and I consistently doubted myself and therefore him. Looking back I know that God sent Jeff to me because he knew the trials we would face together and I would need a protector. Jeff once told me that he believed God sent him to me so that he could take care of and protect me. I believe that with all my heart.

Jeff graduated in 1979 and it was decided he would go to college. I was so angry. I just knew he would meet someone and I would be just a distant memory. I prayed daily that God would keep us together. God did not disappoint. I think maybe this time away from each other only strengthened our love. I give Jeff and God the credit for that. Jeff was kind and patient with me. He never let on that I was