Seeking Love, Marriage and Family: How to Reach Happiness

By FRANTZ MARS

Coming out of the womb, we did not come with the knowledge, so therefore Love, Marriage and Family are things one has to learn. The title of this book really describe the book. Love, Marriage, and Family. Most people think love is something mysterious, love is one of the most used word in the English language, but also one of the most confused word. Love is a choice, since you have to pick who you want to love, there are so many types of love. Marriage is a vocation, vocation means a calling from God, in another word you are called to love your spouse to consecrate your life to your partner, to commit, with intimacy, and passion. Marriage is not for everyone, one of the most problem people are confronted with in a marriage, the ladies don't know the purpose of a man in a marriage and the men don't see why a lady is necessary. This book exposed the physiques of both gender, the ladies can endure more than the guys, they are conditioned to carry, nurture, deliver, push, sensitive, which is of their beauty. But the guys are very physical, they have strength, discipline, smart, more logical. Looking at it they are quite different but they were created to complete each other, they will get together and create one human being. As Humans God expects us to live as a community which is a product of families, When God said love your neighbor as you love yourself, if you have to enumerate your neighbor, who should be your first neighbor, your first should be your spouse, then your children. So society expects a great participation of your family to have a nice world. This book is pretty deep there are so much to learn, Definitely you will have a great time reading this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 13, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499005905

FRANTZ MARS

Born in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti from a middle class and nuclear family.  I had the privilege to grow up with great moral and principle values, they allowed me to enjoy society in every aspect. I came to the United States as a teenager in 1977, I found myself in a community of black and white, pulling me each side, I had to be very diplomatic to survive, since there was a fight almost everyday after school between black and white. I am grateful to the Lord Almighty for according me the grace to write this book.  In college I took a lot of social classes, I enjoyed them, one of my last classes was Love, Marriage and Family in which I learned so much.  I always said to myself, I need to put that class in perspective, as I found out 97% of the population of the world are not educated.  I attended a lot of seminars about marriage, I also learned a lot doing my researches. This book is full of contents, there are so much to learn in this book, consider it as my participation to better this world.

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MORAL VALUES AND PRINCIPLES

We have a tendency to look at someone and measure that person’s intelligence. The person may be much smarter than you imagine, created in the image of God. Which image? Since we don’t look alike, it is the intellectual image. Jesus himself said that we should be able to do even more than he did. That is a tangible proof, and we are quite smart. But there are ways to gain and use that knowledge. We are living in a world today where people ignore the Word of God. Everybody wants to be a leader for the sole purpose of taking advantage of the less fortunate. It is unacceptable to see a well-developed country, such as the United States with a population of fourteen million adults, that doesn’t know how to read or write. Can you imagine at this point in life that there are countries that don’t have universities with master’s programs, and those that have such programs, you have to ask yourself what they are teaching these kids today? There used to be an era when whatever profession the parents went into, the children would follow. For example, if my dad were a doctor, I would follow in my dad’s footstep. If he were an engineer, I would want to be like my dad. Today, these kids don’t even know who their dads are. Instead these days we have sperm donors. Sometimes children see a guy in the house. He eats, sleeps, makes loves with Mom, and goes. The kids are not exposed to quality times and don’t have a father as a role model.

These days we have guys coming out of big Ivy League schools, becoming CEOs, and making two hundred thousand dollars a year as salary, but their bonus is fifteen million dollars a year, and the company is going under, can’t save it, and relies on the government to bail them out. We have to ask ourselves what they learned and if they were worthy of all these money. Today, just the United States alone has enough food to provide the world three times a day, but somehow, with lack of morality, we find most of the world in misery. Members of government everywhere are rich. They get paid to take care of the people, but instead they are looking out for themselves. The leaders of yesterday, the old kings, had prestige and integrity. Once they came into power, they used to keep their promises. The leaders of today look more like pimps than leaders, with no moral values and principles. Yes, there is a way; we need to respect our mates, our family, the society, the community, and the world. Let’s take a moment to think about our role in the community of life. For example, as members of life between us, in our midst we have appreciators of nature, conservationists, explorers, or philosophers, who are also members and have meaning on this planet.

Human beings play an outstanding role. What would the world be like without the consciously chosen role of humanitarian? How much bloodshed has been averted by those who fill the vital role of peacemaker? Imagine this world without churches. How would it be? In our families, almost all of us fill roles called parent, child, sibling, grandparent, and extended family member. But in the communities, we find ourselves belonging to roles encompassing almost every field of human endeavor. Due to temperament, circumstance, environment, the past, or other factors are almost one-of-a-kind role. In addition to these, there is a whole variety or range of activities we engage in life depending on the kind of work we do, the interests and abilities we have, our particular circumstances, and our place in the universe. These roles are obvious because these are what we do in life. They are links to home, work, school, and so forth. It is quite fortunate to have several roles. What will give you great directions in life to fulfill these roles are your character, your principles, your moral values, and the way you were brought up in life. Respect for one another helps you work in harmony. Don’t lie. Without lies, you can earn the trust of others—your family members, your coworkers, etc.

It is the same in a relationship; you will need trust to have intimacy in the relationship. These values, we usually get them right at the beginning of our lives. Some parents have the tendency to create a scary mode in the children’s mind where the children are scared to tell the truth because they don’t want to get in trouble. How should a relationship between parents and children be in order to avoid all these malicious acts? A parent is a parent no matter what. Parents should not be harsh or abusive in order to get their child to behave. Growing up, I used to get a lot of punishment to the point that I used to be very scared of my father in particular. Sometimes, upon hearing him coming in the house, I would start shaking, asking myself if I did something bad, because I was scared of punishment. In a way, it was good for me, but I was not loyal to him because of fear. With my experiences, I decided not to be harsh with my children, so I ended up with a daughter who is more related to her mother and going to speak her own mind no matter what. She can’t see my affection toward her. My son is different even though I am not harsh with him; he picks up all these lies I used to apply on my dad and applies them on me. Therefore, this character must run in the blood or this trait must run in the blood.

If you take a hard look at the role you are responsible for, it is not easy. There is so much to handle, and your inner values and needs have to fit. Some roles can be mandatory, and you have to apply a lot of conscious decision to them. Sometimes, there are a lot of people who end up being parents while they don’t have business being parents. They don’t have principles, have no moral values. It is just a family without direction. Some parents think their roles as parents are to dress their kids, feed them, and take them to school. They don’t think about spending quality times with the children, creating family activities. A lot of parents would love a nuclear family. That is great, but sometimes in life, things happen, and whoever is in charge must know how to handle the family if one of the parents is gone, like a father, for example. There must be a well-respected member of the family to take over, such as a grandpa, an uncle, or a man in the family. It is quite clear a dad may be in a better position to teach a boy how to play sports or how to defend himself. This is the logic of life. It is the same for the mother if she passes away. There must be a grandma, an aunt, or a well-respected lady in the family to take over. In the same token, a lady may be in a better position to teach children how to cook, because in reality, a child needs both genders as parents. There are things in life a girl may need to understand that only a well-respected man in the family may be able to provide. There are things a boy may need to understand that only a female may be able to explain to him.

Growing up in a nuclear family, everyone has their role. If the car breaks down, they know whom to look for. If the kids are hungry, they know whom to call. These are things that allow the children to have principles and be responsible. Parents need to be on top of things, teaching the kids the difference between good and bad, not scare them and make them think there are consequences if they do something bad. They just have to learn the right thing to do and what not to do.

Some celebrities these days are having kids for the sake of having kids. They don’t think about the kids’ education. They just pick someone and have kids. True, the kids grow in a rich environment but with lack of education—it seems to be acceptable to society. When it comes to moral values, we have to pay attention to our roles in the family. It may be common. We need to enforce ourselves properly and be great examples, not let the kid consider Uncle Bill as a role model, because Uncle Bill brings a different girl to the house every week. Moral values should start with the adults. They have to set examples and patterns for the kids. Communities these days are not worth anything. In yesteryears, parents used to say to the neighbors, I am going out. Can you keep an eye on my kids for me until I come back? Things are totally different these days. You walk down the streets and kids will not even say Hello to an adult. In today’s world, we are too busy to be parents. We don’t have time for the kids. The parental role has diminished in importance relative to other roles.

Certainly, there will be confusion and chaos without moral values. If moral values disintegrate, everything disintegrates. Health disintegrates, prestige and integrity also disintegrate, poverty attains dominance over affluence, and societies and civilizations crumble. When we pay attention to these values that society has always held sacred, then order emerges out of chaos, and the field of pure potentiality inside us becomes all-powerful, creating anything it desires. Out of great moral values, we obtain great leaders.

A great family education is, we believe, to be of greatest importance and of the highest priority in our lives. It is different for each person, depending on where he or she comes from. How well you are able to identify your moral values determines the degree to which you will come to know and understand the real you.

There is a certain age that moral values start having an impact in our lives. Searching for role models begin at a very young age. As a young guy growing up, I had a friend of the family as a role model. He was cool. He had a lot of ladies, but I did not see it as cheating. He ended up catching HIV and infected a lot of the ladies. I imagine, if I were following in his footsteps, where I would be today.

I remember when I was eight years old, while growing up in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, my family had two servants, an old lady and a young one named Elsie. They both were pretty nice people. One day, Elsie was about to wash something in the backyard. I was observing her with great attention. She had a bucket filled with water, soap, a brush, and a small chair she was going to sit on. I decided to play a trick on her. I was not thinking what the consequences might be, and I only saw how funny my trick could be. So I was getting ready. Once I saw her approaching the chair, my plan was to pull the chair under her so she would fall on her butt. While she was going to sit down, I pulled the chair. She was trying to save herself from falling, so she grabbed the bucket of water, which eventually fell also. So Elsie was on the ground with her clothes wet. Suddenly, I looked to my right, and I saw my dad standing there. I did not know how long he was standing there, but I started shaking. I guess it was obvious for him what happened. He did not say anything. He went into his bedroom and called me. Then I knew for sure—I was in trouble. When I went to his bedroom, he asked me what happened in the backyard. I told him Elsie was going to sit down and she fell, but I did not say that I pulled the chair under her. He said, Can you tell the truth? I repeated the same thing that I said before. He asked me what kind of punishment I deserved, and I claimed I didn’t know. There was a whip made out of dry cow skin twisted together. He hit me thirty times with the whip. My skin was scorn. Not only that, at that time, my dad was a member of the Haitian Soccer Federation. I had the privilege to go in the stadium for free every time there was a game. That week, there was a big game coming up. It was my favorite team against one of the top teams in the nation. When there was a game like that, I would usually do my best in school to finish as one of the best and bring home a great report card so I could attend the game.

On Monday morning, I went back to school. My friends were expecting me to attend the game. I was so embarrassed to tell them the truth, so I lied to them and even explained how the game was. But in the afternoon, my dad went to the school to pick me up and saw the son of his friend and decided to give him a ride. My friend got in the car and decided to talk about how lucky I was to have a dad like that who could take me to the game. I was trying my best to shut my friend up so he would stop talking. I did not want my dad to find out that I lied to my friends. But my dad heard everything and decided he did not want to embarrass me in front of my friend. He waited until we got home to put me on my knees once again for lying.

Looking back on that experience, it becomes clear to me that honesty and integrity are the best policies. My parents did their best to provide me great moral values, but it was not until I reached maturity and gave myself to God—because in the Bible, Jesus said, Let your yes be yes and no be no—that I realized what honesty and integrity can do for a person. It is so nice to sit among friends telling you they trust you, not the others. It is like a good credit card or credit score. It reminds me of my dad, who had an oil company on his responsibility. But coming to the United States, he had to start all over. He came to a point where he was not making much and wanted to buy a car. He went to a car dealer. The finance department checked his credit. Although he was not making much, they told him to pick any car he wanted. It is the same for when it comes to moral values. Friends like you, trust you, and will recommend you. These are some great values parents should instill into their children’s mind as they approach adulthood. Thinking of what I did to the servant, I believe that I paid the consequences. If I knew what I would be facing, probably I would not have done it. Moral values are the driving force behind your behavior that will help you get to places. It is your inner peace, and you can modify values that are harmful and not working for you.

Individually, our moral values have their origins from many sources and experiences. Some are genetic, especially those common ones we will find in the human race or demographic area. Most societies value life itself and feel sanctity about it. Being able to survive is one of the basic foundations. Some people would rather see others staying alive. I guess that explains why parents die for their children. We have quite many of our values formed during childhood, from our initial awareness of and interaction with parents, siblings, and others in our extended families. We also add values from friends and peers. As we grow up, some of the values are from what we may call our invisible committee, or the invisible people some of us enjoy following, like celebrities, and consider having no value, all those in our past and present who touch our lives. We also have some committee members that can be powerful mentors and heroes who help us discover what is inside us while serving as examples of what are possible in our lives. Others, knowingly or unknowingly, may quietly but insistently let us know what we should be doing with our lives. Parents, siblings, teachers, colleagues, and supervisors at work, even some who may not be alive, have their impact in our moral values and can necessarily bring out the good in us. It is important to remember that the most important member of that invisible committee is you.

Identify your true personal moral values, which are things that are important to you. Whatever you get, don’t expect them to be your last, because you refine them as you grow older.

These things that are important to you can be people, activities, places, or feelings. All that you mentioned are important, but you have to look for things that are your true moral values, those that you feel belong to you. It is hard to identify them because they are deep inside, and sometimes we can’t find words to describe them. Here are some of them:

Those things that are really important to me.

People, activities, or things—those I would consider to matter to me.

Those things I would do when I am not under pressure.

What would be the most important things to do if I had six months to live?

How will people remember me when I died?

What are my talents? What am I good at?

Do I enjoy sharing?

Do I keep a lot of secrets inside me?

What do I do when I feel a sense of harmony?

What do I always feel to accomplish?

What do I dedicate my life to?

What can I do to help others?

Great moral values provide a great sense of responsibility for who you are, what you think, and how you react. You create your mood. Victory provides happiness, not pleasure—victory over self, negativism, self-pity, petty-mindedness, sin, and apathy. You notice and keep it in mind. You absorb ideas. You follow great people. You keep your word. Be sincere. Commit sparingly but keep the ones you make. Constantly build your diction so you can communicate properly and improve your IQ and think more deeply. Speech and the ability to express through spoken words, sentences, and paragraphs are precious gifts from God; therefore, do not use profanity.

Another plus is to listen carefully to what others have to say, and take advantage of what you think may enhance your world. Read things related to all aspects of life (jobs, kids, and the world in general), and seek to internalize worthwhile things. You must seek opportunity for formal education that will help you learn and grow. You have to learn everything you can about your department and company that will enhance your ability to do a better job.

There are also moral values on health:

Work out to maintain your physique or keep in shape at least three times a week for one hour.

Limit your fast food to no more than once a week.

Make sure you get to spend quality time on weekends.

Laugh and smile quite often.

Identify and mitigate stress sources.

You can also work on a format that will better suit your style and temperament.

You have to fight to be honest with yourself.

Know your strengths and limitations in all settings.

Refuse to lie to yourself about your motives for any action or thought.

Strive to know and acknowledge your motives and impulses no matter how base or noble.

This life procures a lot to you. It is very important to return to the world some of what has been given to you.

It would be quite beneficial to commit your time and resources to serve others in ways comfortable to you.

You should provide to your community the benefit of your competencies.

Some hours should be committed to community service.

It is very important to enumerate your moral values, because there will be times that you will face some situations and you have to decide on the spot between two courses of action that may or may not bring you inner peace. Well, my family is important; then again, I think it would be better to open a store—these things happen all the time. Uncertain decisions—they have a special name for them, the end justifying the means. Don’t wait until you are facing difficulties to force yourself into the prioritization of your values. When enumerating your moral values, it is necessary to put the most important values at the top and the least at the bottom. In order to come up with a great solution, you have to do a deep soul-searching. The process of identifying the values can be helpful when you have to evaluate yourself.

Many conflicts with family and career values are not so much about if they are good or not, but rather about their importance, their priority. They determine your success and how much energy you really apply. Overall, you will look at where you stand during the process, then you can decide to add or eliminate or change your interpretation, understanding, and definition of a particular value.

In the book of Proverbs, the Bible mentioned literally that where there is no vision, people perish. In another word, it means, What is your personal mission in life? When you have no vision in life, you can consider yourself living in the dark, which is similar to negative emotions you experience when you manage your life the same way. When you have no vision for your life, for your career, for your family, for you personally, for what you want to accomplish, you have no vision of where you are headed. As you create vision in your life, you become excited and gain a lot of energy. You can’t wait to get up in the morning. There is a sense of urgency, a divine impatience for life.

Having a personal mission in life is not enough. You must be motivated. The cemetery is considered as the richest place on this planet because a lot of great ideas end up in the cemetery as the person was not motivated enough to bring the idea into reality. Having mission statements will provide a lot of important positive emotions beneficial to people such as the following:

Create joy.

Have peace.

Make a difference.

Raise a fine family.

Contribute to society.

Bring beauty into people’s lives.

Excel in your field.

One of the most profound and beautiful benefits is to recognize, promote, and inspire the divine connection in yourself and others. It is not just enough to live on this earth; you must have a vision, a dream you want to accomplish. You must have an objective and be realistic about where you are and where you want to be. It is your participation in life. Since life is short, you don’t want to go through life without your participation in life. With determination, do what you want to do and know why you want to do it. The last piece of the puzzle is how you are going to do it. You must have a plan and go step by step. There is no way in life one can accomplish something without the basic of principles and motivation. Sometimes you can have fear of failing, but with great principles and motivation, you will overcome the fear of failing. In life, there is a time when you will face difficulties that will prevent you from achieving. In the Bible, they call these mountain monuments, when Jesus said you can move a mountain. Mountains are considered as obstacles you will face in life.

In order to be a great head of the household, you have to be a great example for the children. As a person of great moral values and principles, your mate will be proud of you and give you all the support you may need in life. Good or bad, the community will have their eyes on you. But no matter what you do, there will be people trying their best to bring you down. By being sincere, with good moral values and principles, you will create opportunities for you to be a leader. Showing them how much you care and how you deal with your family will be a great reference.

Good principles can be serving as a measure to see how the family is progressing, especially the children, their behavior, their studies, their approach to society, and in every aspect of their lives. In life, every generation brings an innovation; that’s what pleases people. As cultures change, parents have to pay pretty good attention to the children and to themselves. Sometimes there will be some implementation needed according to the way of living, the priorities, and how to achieve your goal. Establish the differences between short-term goals and long-term goals, and sometimes you will confront urgent goals.

There will be times when you also have to embrace organizations, such as church, school, company, associations, etc. These entire characteristics associate and dealing with human beings are not easy. You have to be very diplomatic and even have to lower your standard of living sometimes to reach your goal.

Relationships are not concrete. Great moral values and principles are needed in order not to hurt your partner. Knowing how to deal with your mate is a plus, as well as knowing what to say and what not to say, because violence comes in many shapes. It is not only physically that one can express violence; sometimes a person can be violent verbally. So it relies on you and your judgment to know what will be the reaction of your partner based on the way you express yourself.

THE COMPATIBILITY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Compatibility is the key to a long-lasting relationship. Because it is the ability to coexist with another person, you have to find a common ground and spend more time together.

The major problem facing people today in a relationship is that they don’t know how to pick their mate. Mostly they base their choice on how good their mates look physically. Some of them even say they are not getting married because of money. We are living in an era where 90 percent of divorce cases are due to economic situation. Therefore, when you are looking for a mate, make sure that he or she has some money or is working. If not, he or she must be going to school and has some potential to succeed in life. You must realize that you and