Misused: Revealing the Fact, Faith, and Truth of Biblical Encouragement

By R.K. Ayers

Using relatable stories from the authors 15 years of ministry experience, Misused reveals the fact, faith, and truth to difficult statements and thoughts like; God will never give you more than you can handle or God should make us happy if we ask for it. The book also addresses hard topics such as why bad things happen to Gods people, and tips for facing liars in your life. The valuable concepts are brought to life in three primary sections:

How society uses feel good statements

The biblical foundation of the statement

What should be used instead

Within these 3 categories readers are empowered to understand the concepts that truly encourage others with biblical truth and compassion. Each chapter ends with questions for thought and discussion, making this the perfect tool for an 8-week devotional, small group study, or personal growth tool.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 11, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512750416

R.K. Ayers

R.K. Ayers is an author, speaker, and regular contributor to many publications. He has more than 15 years ministry experience, and has served as a Chaplain in the military and health care industry as well as an Adjunct Professor for the College of Theology at Grand Canyon University. R.K. is an ordained minister, and endorsed chaplain with the North American Mission Board (NAMB) of the Southern Baptist Convention. He has earned his Doctorate from Liberty University Baptist Theological Seminary. He has also earned pastoral counseling specialties in Pediatric Trauma, Family Crisis, and Faith-based Sexual Behaviors. He is a Presidential Member of the American Association of Christian Counselors and a nationally Board Certified Pastoral Counselor.

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Copyright © 2016 R.K. Ayers.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-5040-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-5042-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-5041-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016912839

WestBow Press rev. date: 8/11/2016

CONTENTS

Preface

INTRODUCTION     SESSION 1: WHY THE BIBLE?

CHAPTER 1     SESSION 2: OVERWHELMED

CHAPTER 2     SESSION 3: THE CHRISTIAN SUPERHERO

CHAPTER 3     SESSION 4: YOU CAN’T JUDGE ME

CHAPTER 4     SESSION 5: TELL ME THE TRUTH

CHAPTER 5     SESSION 6: GOD HAS TO MAKE ME HAPPY

CHAPTER 6     SESSION 7: IT’S ALL GOOD

CHAPTER 7     SESSION 8: WRAPPING IT UP

To Thu-Thao and the boys for allowing me the countless hours to write

PREFACE

I am a chaplain with a passion for counseling. They say confession is good for the soul, and in that is my confession. While so many people expect chaplains to be great teachers and theologians, I simply love to spend time encouraging people in the midst of their struggles and pain. This encouragement can mean that I point them toward Christ or help them understand why bad situations have entered into their lives. Regardless, chaplaincy and counseling go hand in hand.

The unfortunate part is that so many people believe that biblically based counseling—or Christian counseling—in mainstream psychology is the witty ability to make pithy faith-based statements they might have heard from someone else. I have seen and heard it time and time again. Counselors and faith leaders make statements that just are not used in the right context.

Their hearts are in the right place. I know they are trying to point someone to the hope found in Christ, but really they are pointing down a wrong path that might or might not lead to Christ. As a chaplain, I want to see changed spiritual lives, and as a counselor, I want to see changed emotional lives. I have a feeling there are not many people of the Christian faith who desire something different. However, in their desire to help people, they pull what I call canned Christian comments out of their mind with a hope that it will make them and other people feel better.

When I hear people make statements like God will never give you more than you can handle or God makes everything happen for good, it makes me cringe. So many Bible verses are taken out of context or even misused that it saddens me. Some of the verses make complete sense when used correctly, but others just don’t apply to the intended situation.

Working in a hospital environment, I have heard people make these comments as a means to encourage multiple areas of their lives. The biggest question is, why do people say things that are not true or that do not apply to the situation? This question must be addressed, as our society has lost its way in effectively guiding others toward the truth found in Christ.

As I write this book, in no way am I claiming that I have never used any of these statements myself at times of frustration and desperation to help someone get through a difficult situation. When I hear the words come out of my mouth, I always want to kick myself for even uttering them. I know better, and in the long run, every Christian should know better.

Now, before we go further, this might be a good time for me to let you know that I will step on your toes. This book is designed to help you understand what we are against in the world, not what makes you feel good about how you are living your Christian life. There will be statements that might offend you, but you must ask yourself, Am I offended because I resemble the statement, or am I offended because I made the statement?

If you resemble the statement, let me encourage you to make a change in your life that points toward a deeper, knowing relationship with God, one that cannot be wavered by the misuse of scripture or the manipulation of theology by people who just want to make us feel better about ourselves.

If you are offended because I made the statement, please know that it is made not in anger but in frustration. Hypocritical thinking and straying away from the truth of scripture is causing the apathy that our Christian culture is facing today. I only make bold and sometimes blunt statements in an attitude of love—a love for God and His people. We are all commissioned to teach the Bible in truth and spirit.

As a result, I have written this book to help people understand why they say what they say and what they should be able to say. Before we get into the real work, let’s look at why people even say things that are not true or out of context. There are three primary reasons I believe people make these statements. All three are based on the influences—or lack of—in their lives.

1. Some who make the statement simply do not know the truth. It would be irresponsible of me to think that people who use faith-based encouragement know the truth. Many people, even those sitting in pews today, do not know the truth. Some have never opened a Bible or, in today’s society, opened their Bible app on an electronic device. Simply put, there are those who are lost in the middle of their church, some by the fault of the church and others by their own fault. When they depend solely on the church for their understanding of God, they will hear truth but will not understand what the truth really is because their understanding of truth is limited to Sunday-morning services. Unfortunately most are scanning social media or trying to catch the pastor in wrong interpretation by fact-checking on popular search engines. The truth is something learned when we talk about the scripture. Without truth, we are simply giving opinion. As a college professor, I often critique my students on their lack of citations or references. I have had students speak to issues that could only be based in opinion because if they would simply research the subject, they would find their statement to be inaccurate. In the same respect, people innocently make inaccurate statements based on opinion because they have failed to open their Bibles for themselves and learn to understand God and His Word at a deeper level.

2. People make the statements they do because it is what they have always heard. Understand that every one of these statements used in the right context is helpful. The unfortunate part is that we have not really learned what the right context is. We grow up hearing statements like turn the other cheek or the truth will set you free. Almost all the statements in this book are verbatim from the Bible itself. When you look at the verses before and after them, you will see they are misused to manipulate various situations. When I was young, a bully at school wanted to fight me. When I told my dad, he gave me the advice to show love toward him and treat him with respect. And then he would change his ways. This is great advice, but it was very aggravating when he would knock the books out of my hand, push me around, or encourage the other kids to alienate me on the playground. Before we go further, this was a time when bullying was not in the forefront of educators’ minds. This was when you showed leadership and maturity by handling your problems unless they were life threatening. At that time, even telling the teacher resulted in advice versus action. So when I showed the bully respect and compassion, he walked all over me. He treated me as if I were his servant. He would try to make me do things I did not want to do, so finally I told him to meet me at the corner of the school and we would solve the problem with a fight. I am sure it came out differently, but the challenge was on. After school, I made my way to the corner, along with some of the other kids in the school who’d heard of the challenge. I stood on that corner waiting, nervous, excited, and downright scared of what this kid might do to me. I couldn’t show it in front of the other kids though. Fifteen minutes and then thirty minutes passed. After forty-five minutes, there was still no bully. He did not show. I do not know why he did not come, but after that, he did not push me around, and while we had a mutual respect for each other, there was an understanding that I would not bow to his every whim. This is not to say that we should solve all our problems as Christians by fighting. I am saying that we are often told to turn the other cheek. Eventually we become pushovers. This book is also a call for Christians to stand up for what they believe, speak in truth, and stop regurgitating statements that might or might not work. When we look at statements that are said because that is what we have always heard, over time the translation becomes more distorted and misused. As Christians it is not our job to regurgitate these statements, but it is our duty to know what to say, when to say it, and how it appropriately applies to the circumstances we are in.

3. Many people do not know what to say in stressful circumstances, but they want to make themselves feel better in the situation. Unfortunately this is the most common one. People want to feel better about themselves. They want to know that what they are saying might have helped someone. Even more, because they are uncomfortable in their situation, they want to feel as if what they are saying has helped them. When I was working as a medical chaplain, I had just finished sitting in a meeting with a family. The doctors were telling the family their loved one was in the last stages of life. This family was going to lose their daughter, wife, mother, and friend. She was just one person, but held different meanings to every loved one in the waiting room ready to hear the results of the meeting. As we sat in the room, I sat quietly as usual, waiting for my turn to speak. When the time finally came, everyone in the room turned to me, waiting for some great words of wisdom that might provide encouragement in this sorrowful situation. I simply said, After we finish here, let’s gather with your support network in the waiting room for a time of reflection. It was not what the medical staff expected to hear. I had spent time with this family. I knew them, and I had been providing encouragement throughout their stay at the hospital. However, one young doctor was not satisfied so he closed the session with, I know these circumstances can be difficult, but in situations like this, God never gives you more than you can handle. I was floored. First, the doctor making the statement was agnostic. I knew this because the medical professional’s position was made clear to me during other visits to the floor. However, because the doctor did not know what to say to close the conversation and was feeling bad about the news that had just been given to the family, this statement was inaccurate yet encouraged the doctor was made.

We do this all the time. In fact, it is so common that we try to make ourselves feel better that many of us have developed misused statements as part of our normal speech when people tell us something discouraging or we are facing trials ourselves. Ultimately they become cliché and lose their meaning when it really matters.

This is yet another reason I wrote this book. People need to understand what they are saying in the name of the Lord. If you do not make these statements, this book still might help you understand the world around you. I have set up this book for multiple uses, and it will help every reader understand the misuse of these scriptures or sayings.

I have broken down each chapter into sections that can be taught as lessons in a small group or for individual spiritual growth:

1. The first part of the chapter will speak to the statement itself and how society—both secular and Christian—misuse the statement. In this first section, the Bible verses most associated with the statement will be given.

2. The second section of the chapter focuses on the context of the misused verses. This context is based on the verses before and after the misused verse, along with understanding what applications these verses provide for the Christian life. In the same respect, it will speak to why society might misuse the verse and why it is improperly used.

3. The third section is designed to help readers understand what should be used instead. In all my leadership and military training, I have learned that you never thoroughly discuss a problem without having some solution, and that is what this section is specifically designed for. I am not going to tell you something is wrong without helping you find a better solution.

4. The chapter ends with questions that are designed for personal or group reflection. This is to help you get your mind moving in the right direction for personal growth. However, this is not designed to be a self-help book. It is set up to be a personal change book, something that inspires change in the way you help others. This is structured to help you be a better encourager, minister, and brother or sister in Christ.

If you are using this book for personal spiritual growth, I encourage you spend time with the questions in the back after reading each chapter. I have designed this book to read like a devotional that brings light to situations our society faces every day. Take each chapter one at a time, learn from it, and grow from it.

If you are using this book as a small group resource, it is best to have each person read the chapter between meetings. When you reconvene at your next gathering, discuss the chapter and answer the questions at the end of each chapter. The questions are designed to spark conversation, so if the small group discusses the chapter without using the questions, it is okay. That being said, you know your small group better than I do, so if there are other questions, feel free to add those too.

Finally, if you are using this book to have a better understanding of how to help the hurting, this resource can help redirect and even direct others through difficult situations in their lives. Feel free to use the resources as you see fit. The questions in the back can help you guide counseling sessions and help those you are assisting understand the dynamic of their situation.

As stated before, I am a chaplain and counselor. By the nature of the business, I have experienced a great deal of trials and traumas in people’s lives. In this book, you will see my understanding of these statements from both experience and studied knowledge. All the names, locations, and some of the situations in this book have been changed to protect confidentiality and privileged communication. Any examples that reflect real-life people, names, or situations are merely coincidence.

I pray and hope this book brings understanding and clarity in the midst of your struggles as well as helping others understand how God can bring them through their struggles.

INTRODUCTION

SESSION 1: WHY THE BIBLE?

Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.

—Ronald Reagan, fortieth president of the United States

When I was a young youth pastor, I encountered something that seemed unusual at the time, but as my experience progressed, I found it to be more common than I had originally thought.

A boy came to youth group with a Bible in his pocket, and he began to show this Bible to all the kids, stating, This is my guidebook. His Bible held just as much truth as anything we would read from in the teaching time that night. Shortly after showing some of the youth his guidebook, they began to come to me with complaints about what he was showing them. His Bible was a Satanic book of worship.

The boy’s declaration of the truth in his text created a big stir in the youth group that night. Sensing the uncomfortable stir among the youth before the group started signaled me to talk with the young boy. He lived locally and was the only one in his family that dawned the doors of a church, which made the conversation even more sensitive because, depending on what I said and how I confronted the issue, the results could be glorious or disastrous. So I pulled him aside and asked about the book he was showing everyone. Scared and worried, he pushed me and ran out the door toward his home. The young boy did come back a few minutes later, without his Satanic book of worship.

Experiences like these make people ask why the Bible is so important as the foundational book of Christian living. That night in youth group, I was challenged with many questions about all the books people put their faith in or even why the Holy Bible is the truth of what the Christian faith believes. At the time, the only answer I could give was that people put faith in another sacred text other than the Bible because of social saturation that creates confusion for people who are looking for answers to their personal strife and overwhelming stressors in life.

As I matured in personal faith and did more research, I found there are nineteen major religions broke down into two hundred and seventy classifications and more than thirty-four thousand forms of Christianity in the world today. More so, there are twenty-five hundred recognized gods in the world today. It is believed that more than 320 million entities are prayed to or depended on for power, direction, and wisdom. If this didn’t confuse people enough as it is, people searching for spirituality can choose from nearly thirty texts that will supposedly give them direction and purpose on their faith journey.

There is no wonder our society is confused about religion. Each of those texts give principles on how people should live, quality and value for life, as well as some false teachings that display a disregard for humanity as a means of spiritual advancement. When people are in the midst of spiritual crisis, a search takes place. They want something that will work for them and develop their inner confidence—the hope to know, in the midst of their weakness, something greater than themselves has control over their situation.

To have the confidence that something greater than us has control over life’s situations can only come from a place of faith. If people are convincing enough, others will follow and believe, regardless of what is required of them or how crazy the notion might be. While many naysayers might not respect the Bible for its value, both historically and spiritually, many other religious beliefs, spiritual philosophy, and theology comes from concepts developed in the Bible.

The Bible is more complex than a book you read from cover to cover. People should understand what the Bible says, know how to read it, and learn where to look for historical parallels. When this happens, they become aware of the truths found in it. This means that people of the Christian faith can speak with confidence that the Holy Bible is God’s truth based on the Holy Spirit’s prompting. When we speak with the power of God’s Word, as God intended, there is no doubt those who believe will find encouragement, growth, and sustainment through any and every trial they face in the world today.

Simply put, Christians believe in one God-inspired text because the Holy Spirit serves as their counselor through all time and works in everyone’s lives at different levels and circumstances based on spiritual maturity and preparation. The one God-inspired text known as the Holy Bible is essential for Christians because it is God’s Word through His people in all situations until the end of time, not just in the moment it was written.

Through the pages of the Bible, we can see the development of the Jewish faith, God’s law under Abrahamic and Mosaic covenant, and the redemption of His people through the new covenant. Moreover, through the Bible, people can see that salvation is open to everyone: Jew, Gentile, sinner, and favored. Unlike many other religions, the only conditions are based on confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart (Rom. 10:9), as well as love of God and others (Luke 10:27). Many of the other aspects of Christianity are not mandatory for salvation but essential for spiritual growth and a relationship with God.

The issue modern Christianity faces today is common to the church throughout history: preferred theology and inaccurate interpretation. Paul faced these issues as he worked to guide and establish the first-century church. While he was telling people about the simple requirements to receive God’s grace, a group of people traveled behind him, adding other conditions. They were telling the new Christians and those seeking a relationship with God through Jesus that they must follow additional laws to truly be saved. And these additional laws caused Paul to write a letter to Timothy, ensuring he was aware of two specific things regarding ministering to people (2 Tim. 3:13–17):

1. He needed to be aware of false teachers. This is something Paul battled his entire ministry. Timothy was warned against it, and more, it is something we battle in our spiritual lives today.

2. He instructed him to understand how the scriptures are profitable for ministry. By the time Paul wrote Timothy letters of instruction for ministerial leadership, many of Paul’s letters were circulating through the churches. It was important because these letters were not only instruction but also encouragement in the midst of Roman oppression and persecution.

As we look at these verses, it can become apparent that believers today face