Before They Graduate

By Cheryl Lynn Martin

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 KJV

The experience of having one or more teenagers living in your home can be exciting and exhausting at the same time. This book addresses the realization that it can also be a very rewarding experience.

Before They Graduate is a simple, fast and informative read; a pro-active approach to your childs future, while training them up in the way he or she should go.

Every teenager, at one time or another seems to think they already know everything they need to know about growing up. However, most teenagers are craving guidance and encouragement from their loved ones, as they tackle lifes difficult transition into adulthood.

As you read Before They Graduate, you will discover the creative steps Cheryl, and her husband Gary, implemented while training up their own children. Allowing each child to be actively responsible for his or her own future has proven to be a winning formula and a beautiful testament to the loving, respectful relationship they continue to have with each of their children.

Parents with a child of any age, can benefit from Cheryls personal experiences, highlighted struggles, and the blessings she continues to enjoy as a mother whose four children are as different from each other as night is from day.

God bless you as you get to know Cheryls heart for you and your child, as you enter a season of life where what you do now will have a significant impact on your childs futureBefore They Graduate.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 18, 2015
• ISBN: 9781490890814

Cheryl Lynn Martin

Cheryl Lynn Martin lives in Southern California with her husband, Gary, who has been the love of her life for the past thirty-eight years. Together, they have raised four children, each being Cheryls favorite. They are also blessed to have (at last count) five grandchildren. Cheryl has said time and time again that her greatest challenge and most rewarding job has been the job of being a motheralthough that saying may have to take a back seat now that she is a grandmother.

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 Cheryl Lynn Martin.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Graphics/art by Anthony Martin

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission.

All rights reserved worldwide.

Notes and Bible Helps copyright 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1993, 1996, 2004, 2005 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. New Testament Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

ISBN: 978-1-4908-9080-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-9081-4 (e)

WestBow Press rev. date: 08/31/2015

Contents

Introduction

Preface

1. A Tool

2. Tug of War …Are You Kidding?

3. Change Begins with You

4. Defining Your Position

5. Money Matters

6. Your Child’s Natural Gifts & Abilities

7. The Before Letter

8. What? A Contract?

9. So Tell Me What You Really Think

The Contract from our Children’s Point of View

10. Especially for You, the Graduate

11. Final Thoughts from the Author

Special Thanks

About the Author

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This book is affectionately dedicated to my husband Gary.

Gary, so begins another day where

I’ll pretend we’re starting out in life,

instead of ending up.

Introduction

If you have a child who’s getting ready to graduate from high school, you may have questions or concerns about what happens after your child graduates. For example, do you ever think about the relationship you and your child will have after they become an adult, especially if they plan to continue living with you? Have you thought about whose responsibility it will be to do certain chores around the house, or who will be responsible for future financial obligations? Does your adult child have specific rules they must follow as long as they live in your home? At what point do you back off and allow your child to make their own decisions regarding their future?

If you find yourself asking any of these questions, then Before They Graduate is the perfect book for you.

Although this book was intended to be helpful to parents whose child is close to graduating from high school, its content will be helpful to any parent whose child still lives at home. It’s never too soon to start preparing your child for adulthood. As a matter of fact, the sooner you begin the process, the easier it will be when that time comes. On the other hand, it’s never too late either. This book can help you to help your child accept the responsibilities of becoming an adult. Whether they continue to live in your home or are encouraged to be on their own. Like a baby bird being nudged out of its nest, this book can be a positive tool you can use to help prepare your child for a life of independence that each of you can be proud of.

Preface

As I write this book, I am 55 years old. I married my best friend Gary, when I was 18. We’ve been parents for 34 of the 36 years we’ve been married, so I feel confident we know a little something about marriage and raising children. Whenever I use the word I, I most often mean we. The partnership my husband and I have goes beyond our marriage vows; it trickles down into every area of our lives. That being said, you’ll understand why I could not have done any of the parenting Why’s, How’s or When’s without Gary.

We are blessed to have one daughter and three sons. All of them have grown up to be respectful, loyal, hard-working and loving adults. We are also blessed to have loving relationships with each of our children and their extended families. The relationship we enjoy with them didn’t just happen overnight, nor was it by luck. It took hard work and prayer (a lot of hard work and prayer) but the payoff is priceless.

The catalyst that jump-started the process of writing this book came to me one day after meeting a successful business owner. We got to talking, one topic led to another and he began telling me about his own three adult children: two daughters and a son. One of his daughters worked with him at his store. His other daughter opened her own business across the street from his store. And then there was his son, who hadn’t yet made a decision about what he wanted to do with his life. The son was basically sponging off of his parents and having a great time doing it. I began telling the store owner my story and what worked with my kids, explaining the contract idea and my desire to someday write a book about it. His sincere response was, Why didn’t you already have this book written so my wife and I could follow your example? It would have saved us so much trouble and made our lives so much easier. A total stranger’s comment made me realize that if I took the fear I had about writing a book and I replaced that fear with the idea that if this book helped even one family achieve the kind of relationship I have with my own grown children, it would all be worth it. Someone once told me, There is no success without risk of failure. There is no reward without hard work. There is no opportunity without criticism. There is no true leadership without trust in God. Good advice for anyone stepping out into the unknown. I took this advice to heart and began working on Before They Graduate.

Getting along with an adult child isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it takes a little creativity. Along with the creativity, you’ll need wisdom for how you use that creativity so your efforts will benefit both you and your child. I believe with all my heart that any wisdom I possess comes from my heavenly Father. Because of Him, this book is the tool you now hold in your hands.

It is my hope that my relationship with you will grow more personal as you read my story. It’s a story of success between parents and their adult children. Parents who took specific steps in formulating a system they felt necessary to pass on to each one of their children Before They Graduate.

Chapter 1

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A Tool

A tool is any physical item that can be used to achieve a goal, especially if the item is not consumed in the process. Informally the word is also used to describe a procedure or process with a specific purpose. (Wikipedia dictionary)

A tool is anything used as a means of accomplishing a task or purpose. (Dictionary.com)

Before Gary and I had children of our own, we were blessed to see a film series called Focus on the Family. Dr. James Dobson, author of The Strong-Willed Child, and Dare to Discipline, was the main speaker throughout the series. One thing Gary and I noticed right away was how Dr. Dobson used scripture to back-up the reasons why he felt parents and their children should carry out certain responsibilities, a certain way, while living together. Having the opportunity to hear and see Dr. Dobson on film gave me something more to think about long before I planned to write this book. I wanted to write my book in the same way I would speak to someone in person.

After finishing the Focus on the Family film series, I rushed out to buy two of the most important books I’ve ever read, apart from God’s word, when it came to how I wanted to raise my children. Reading The Strong-Willed Child and Dare to Discipline was like having Dr. Dobson sitting right next to me, having a loving conversation with me about my children. Dr. Dobson wrote the way he spoke. He didn’t write one way and talk to you another way, which could cause someone to think that maybe Dr. Dobson didn’t really write his own books,