Life Lessons from a Broken Heart

By Selina Meade

Heartbreak comes in many shapes, sizes and reasons from being cheated on, divorce, widowed, financial loss, unrequited love, abuse. The list is endless and unfortunately the pain can feel equally the same. With influences from todays popular culture and her faith, Selina takes you on a journey of self-reflected life lessons from her own personal heartbreak and that of others. Written to inspire, she will challenge you to think and be mindful about how you move forward into relationships. This will cause you to stop, think and proceed with caution to help break from those patterns of the past and to minimize the injuries of unhealthy love attachments. Furthermore, you will be equipped to make positive changes and to determine those that qualify to own the manual and keys to your heart.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jun 7, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512774948

Selina Meade

Selina Meade is passionate about helping others navigate the tender journey of relationships – with oneself, that special someone, friends and family. Thought she’d have the white picket fence by now, including Prince Charming and the basketball team of babies however the dream hasn’t yet evolved in the manner she had hoped for. Faith-filled and still hopeful, she hasn’t given up on her life’s desires but instead has chosen to adapt and pushes forward. Admittedly, she’s broken a few hearts herself and has also had her own heart broken. She well knows first-hand, the pain associated with heartbreak. Known for spouting advice and well-meaning guidance to those she comes into contact with, Selina has chosen to embrace and share her life’s lessons from past challenges. In spite of it all, her strength continues to grow for the great that lies ahead. Although a wordsmith at heart, this is Selina’s first published book.

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Copyright © 2017 SELINA MEADE.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Cover Photography by Adrian Cunningham

http://www.ballyknock.photo/

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-7493-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-7495-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-7494-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017902156

WestBow Press rev. date: 11/01/2017

TABLE OF CONTENTS

To Thine Own Self Be True!

Crippled by Paralysis

Lust of the Eyes

Your Eyes Are Bigger Than Your Stomach

The Heart Is Deceitful

Masquerade Ball

Pushed into Destiny

I Want What I Want!

Bad Boy Syndrome

Repeat Offender

A Jewel in the Rough

Time Management

Dirty Little Secret

Glorified Nanny

Paper Dolls

Labour Pains

Archaeological Digs

Love Is Not Selfish

Homeland Security

Feening and Thirsty!

A Good Fit for Each Other

They Are Who They Say They Are!

Shackled by Choice

Wears Glasses but Can’t See Me!

Pre-approval Process

Personal Dream Team

Everything Happens for a Reason

What Goes Around Comes Around

What’s Your Foundation?

Will You Follow Me?

Man in the Mirror

Are You… . or Are You with, the Cowardly Lion?

Being Someone’s Afterthought

Friends to Something More?

Balanced Interaction

He Asked Me…How My Day Was?

The Ugly Root of Bitterness

When Ego Gets in the Way

In Love……with Being in Love

Become What You Want to Attract

Living Single Successfully

Seduced by Good Looks

The Dreamer

Relationship Red Flags

Dance Choreography

Opportunist

Relationship Valleys

Ladies and Gentlemen

Strength in the Singular

Ornamental but not Functional

The Naked Truth

Mama’s Boy

Ego Stroke

Truth and Honesty

Reflection or Rejection

Relationship Regrets

Second Chances

The Memorandum

(Reading the Fine Print)

Unexpected Packages

Fly-Boy

Are You a Fixer-Upper?

Purposeful Interaction

You, Me, and Groupon

Just Not Good Enough

Needy Personalities

Midnight Friends

Setting the Tone

They Know!

Waiting for Happiness

I Believe In You!

Having Options Can be Good and Bad

Preying on a Church Girl

Breaking Bad

Being There, When It Matters Most

He Chose Me!

Connectivity

For the Spiritually Inclined

Loss of a Spouse

Taking the Initiative

Boys Trapped in Men’s Bodies

Fine Print in the Contract

Heartbreak Mountain

Closure Is Priceless!

Keeping It Casual

The Truth Shall Set You Free

Broken Dreams and Aspirations

Self-Preservation

The 80/20 Rule of Relationships

Mental Strength

A Love of Convenience

My Personal Love Letter to You

About the Author

Acknowledgements

I wish to personally thank the following people who without their contributions and support, this book would not have been written nor published:

I would like to thank WestBow Press for enabling me to publish this book. I would like to express my gratitude to the many people, as part of this process who were highly instrumental in helping me to reach this finished product – an amazing feat that it is! In particular, I’d like to thank the designers for being patient with me as we worked to create the concept of what I envisioned.

I can’t help but to acknowledge those professional contributors, in my sphere of contacts. Your graciousness in lending a helping hand were needed. From the proofing of a sentence to your opinions on designs and photographs and yes, even my stylist, I’m most thankful for your insight. It was exactly what was needed, when needed. With special mention to Adrian Cunningham (my photographer), who captured the exact essence for the book cover. Thank you for your time, your talents and your willingness to part of the momentous achievement.

Given that this is my first book, it really is a culmination of my journey over several years. This book would not have been possible without the support and encouragement of many. These are the individuals who supported me and walked this journey out with me, hand in hand.

Mama Bear – praying for me, listening and even sometimes tolerating me. You really are my best friend!

Papa Bear – never giving up on me! You are like a ferocious lion, protecting your cub and your pain-staking ways that I could never truly appreciate until time thereafter. Your love of me is immeasurable and I’m so grateful that you love me so hard.

Family – thank you for your continuous prayers and patience whilst God continues to reveal how he is working in my life. To be honest, it was that circle of love around my grandfather’s hospital bed that first showed me how God works in and through families. Thank you for that impacting example!

Sistah-Gurls – you know who you are, too numerous to mention individually. Thanks for continuously lifting me up in prayer, being patient whilst listening and holding my hand in the midst of heartbreak. Stay tuned ……my heartbreak was not in vain!

Family of Friends - for always being real, dependable with truth. You never flavoured or peppered anything up. You were hard-core but you did so in love and fondness of me. I appreciate our friendship and value your candor.

Heavenly Father – you’ve never given up on me. You protect me from myself and you are always showing me, your immense love, daily! Thank you for healing my heart like none other! I desire your perfect will and grow in my trust of you, continuously.

Lastly, to those I’ve loved and was in relationship with – thank you for these life lessons. I learned so much and continue to – how to love, how to be cherished, what traits to value, what character (or lack thereof) looks like, how selfishness took and even how courageous could never be. Thanks for pushing me into being a better me and desiring for myself, a whole lot more.

Sometimes it takes heartbreak to shake us awake and help us to see that we are worth so much more than what we’re settling for.

Mandy Hale (Author)

It has been said that the heart can have the power to heal or to break you. What comes to my mind is the sudden and tragic death of Robin Williams. Yes, he suffered with depression, but at the center of it all was heartbreak.

When it comes to love relationships, dealing with the aftermath of a broken relationship can be difficult. Breaking up isn’t easy, and the healing process can be trying. It can take months and sometimes years, and if you don’t deal properly with the effects of heartbreak, it can spill over into another relationship. It is said that the amount of healing time needed should be equivalent to half of the relationship length. In other words, if your relationship was three years strong (or weak), consider a year and a half as the necessary minimum time needed to heal effectively. Ideally, during this time, you shouldn’t even be entertaining another new relationship. This is encouraged so as to garner you the greatest success for a future relationship with someone else. After all, it’s only fair to yourself and that other person.

Let’s face it, heartbreak is inevitable! As much as I would like to prevent you from encountering it, that’s just not realistic. I recognize that heartbreak does serve a purpose; however that does not negate my hope in helping others to minimize unnecessary heartbreak. The inspiration behind this book is to help others to recognize the pitfalls and certain types of people to avoid, what not to become within yourself, attributes to be developed within oneself, and generally speaking, a look at how we can approach love relationship more cautiously and less casually.

I believe in affording credit where it’s due, and as such, I’ve been influenced by comedian and relationship author Steve Harvey. He advocates that we should embrace a ninety-day probationary period in which we use that time to evaluate that potential someone with whom we’d like to be in relationship. Much like any corporate company, you aren’t afforded the full benefits package until you’ve proven that you are worthy of continuing beyond the ninety days. In the spirit of that same concept, I’ve come up with ninety life lessons that are formatted as a daily devotional. As I’m highly inspired by popular culture, you will enjoy the many references of various movies and television programs.

I’m hoping that you will embark on this journey with me as I discuss the various life lessons that I’ve personally experienced and/or witnessed through others. In doing so, I have to share with you some stories of some individuals from my past and, yeah, even some jokers. Undeniably, it has been by the grace of God that I’m able to share this information, which is my truth. My faith is my foundation that has kept me whole and sound when the greatest of life’s challenges have tested me. It is because of challenged relationships that I discovered the greatest kind of relationship: a love journey with God. In the midst of it all, I discovered what true love is, and I don’t regret the road that was paved with potholes and speed bumps. Despite these adventures, this journey (which still continues for me) is less about them and more about me!

I’ve purposely wrote this book in a conversational tone, the same way I would communicate as if you were sitting right across from me. Truth is, I care and am passionate about helping others get better at their respective relationship journeys. If I can help someone to be extra enlightened about their relationship walk, I’ve achieved my goal.

Much love (of the right kind) truly!

To Thine Own Self Be True!

Be your authentic self. Your authentic self is who you are when you have no fear of judgment, or before the world starts pushing you around and telling you who you’re supposed to be. Your fictional self is who you are when you have a social mask on to please everyone else. Give yourself permission to be your authentic self.

Dr. Phil McGraw

(Psychologist and Television Personality)

There’s something truly beautiful about someone being authentic and genuine. In fact, from an attraction standpoint, it’s downright sexy when someone knows him or herself (good or bad) and is unapologetic about it. As you get older, you become more and more comfortable with yourself, and the need to please others or be concerned with what others think of you becomes less of a priority. Like them or not, these examples come to my mind of people who are real and comfortable in their own skin: Whoopi Goldberg, Celine Dion, Oprah Winfrey, and the late former Texas Governor Ann Richards. As for the men, the man who can dish it like none other, Dr. Phil. As for me, here goes the truth. I’ve got flaws, but for the most part, I’m pretty easygoing. No major drama over here, but one thing I can say is I know myself, the good and the bad. For the good, I try to get better, and for the bad, either it ain’t worth it or I’m trying inch by inch to improve. When someone isn’t comfortable with him or herself, he or she often looks to another person to feel a sense of completion or wholeness. But believe me, it all starts with oneself. Until you become comfortable in your own skin, you will never truly be all you can be for your own self and for the love of your life.

Disclaimer: Don’t come to me half-baked. I’m not eating!

I’m always weary of individuals who aren’t firmly rooted and will morph easily or adapt too quickly to please someone else. There’s a difference between adapting in order to reach a healthy compromise and the opposite, when you adapt by minimizing your beliefs and value system. Don’t get me wrong, change agility is a good attribute to embrace, but change for the right reasons. One shouldn’t change his or her persona or character attributes unless these are characteristics that need to be improved upon. I’ve been with someone who was flexible enough to enjoy elements of my world, but what I noticed is that he morphed into the world of whomever he dated, before and after me. Sometimes, it was to the point that he lost root of who he was and what made him unique. He didn’t have a good sense of himself and that is not a turn-on! In fact, following our breakup, I was left with a desire to have certain questions answered. I quickly came to the realization that he wasn’t equipped to provide me with the answers that I needed because he too, didn’t know himself wholly. I was asking that person to be truthful and honest with me when he wasn’t comfortable being honest with himself. If he was honest, he could have owned up to certain rights and wrongs.

Sometimes these individuals either lie to themselves or they may be honestly unaware and blind. I was challenged with the question, How can I hold someone else accountable for what he isn’t cognizant of or is incapable of reasoning? In essence, I was placing expectations on him that weren’t realistic, so essentially it came back to me. I was left with my head down, wondering, how did I not see this in the first place. Had I allowed myself to notice this from the onset, I would have recognized that he wasn’t the right fit for me.

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Life Lesson: You can’t minimize the importance of knowing yourself. When you possess this vital characteristic, it can help to manage the casualties of heartbreak. Never mind, the lost time and the roller-coaster of emotions that accompany heartbreak. Can you imagine that you are crying over someone who never possessed those attributes, to begin with? Essentially, he or she never qualified in the first place! Now that’s a shocking revelation! All those lost tears and time spent, healing over someone you gave too much time and attention to. If you are not completely whole as an individual, essentially you are un-whole for any potential love interest who comes into your life. You have now shortchanged and robbed them of your best possible self!

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Crippled by Paralysis

Everyone who’s ever taken a shower has an idea. It’s the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference.

Nolan Bushnell (Founder of Atari Play System)

We all suffer from this in some form or another. It could be as basic as procrastination to as deep as depression; however, the root cause is still the same. We must move one foot in front of the other. When we repeat the cycle of doing the same unproductive thing, we are never any closer to where we need to be. As someone who can sometimes find herself procrastinating, I’ve learned to identify ways in which to counteract that negative attribute. The key is, I’m learning and am continuously dedicated to working at it. How did I do that? I was driven to combat this trait, challenge myself daily to keep pressing forward so this trait doesn’t cripple me.

Disclaimer: I’m still a work in progress as it relates to this but I’m getting better! After all, I completed this book, didn’t I?

If you are with someone who doesn’t regularly take the initiative, he or she is unlikely to combat that negative trait, preventing him or her from becoming more. Further, when you become the source of inspiration behind someone’s desire to change, it can sometimes mask the truth. That person may easily lose that desire for positive change if you are no longer there to support their growth. If they don’t possess the desire and discipline needed, their ability to progress will be stifled. If they don’t seek out all of the available resources, they are essentially not interested. That’s what that memorandum is saying!

I remember when I first started running. Yes, I was inspired by those numerous individuals around me who embraced running as a sport, but the key is that I was inspired. Further, I started to run on my own, but I was certain to keep this feat to myself. I had to prove it to myself first before coming out. I needed to know that I could run a certain distance beyond the one minute I started off at, so I wouldn’t risk the embarrassment or feel shamed by the achievement of those who are real runners. Believe you me, that one minute was huge and hard when I initially started. I’ve since then continued increasing my minutes and am still nowhere near ready to run a marathon (nor is that my desire). However, I’m getting better and I’ve stuck with it, despite my numerous mini-vacations from the weekly practice of doing so. Not only have I increased my distance and endurance, I’ve developed a true desire to want to get better at it, from purchasing the right supportive clothing, reading magazines and books, and, yes, even embracing the right footwear. When I take too long of a vacation from this weekly practice, I actually miss it. Can you imagine that this achievement all started from one step? I stayed committed to putting one foot in front of the other.

You don’t have to be great to start but you do need to start to be great.

Zig Ziglar (Author, Motivational Speaker)

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Life Lesson: Don’t discount someone who might be struggling with elements of paralysis. Instead, help him or her on that path to becoming better. Encouragement, prayer, advice, resources, and/or a shoulder to lean on, may just be what’s needed. However, make certain that he or she is in a place to fully own the responsibility of moving forward before you take them on as a cause, let alone as a love partner. You will be sorely disappointed if he or she doesn’t do what’s necessary! That’s heartbreak when you fall below your potential because you failed to do anything at all. It’s also equally heart-wrenching when you get a chance to see what you could have been but didn’t become because you didn’t do or try.

Lust of the Eyes

She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to.

Jarod Kintz (Author)

Let’s face it, men are visually and sexually driven. It is what it is and is actually what makes them unique. I wouldn’t desire to take that away from them; however, I would (if I had the chance) balance the intensity sometimes to when it suited me most. I’m just being real. Keep in mind that lust is not exclusive to men. It can be an equal-opportunity owner, but because I’m a woman, I’m going to speak from that perspective. Like, for example, when I’m in the airport struggling with my numerous bags of luggage, and his head is turned in the opposite direction, looking at another woman passing in front of him. It doesn’t always have to be the kind of look that is ogling and undressing a woman, but it can be a look of longing. Where on earth does that come from? I often felt him looking at other women. Almost like he couldn’t see me and, worse, that I wasn’t enough for him. I felt like he was always in shopping mode. That he wasn’t fully committed in his heart to me and was always looking for the next best thing. He couldn’t see the beauty within me and didn’t own me wholly in his heart because he was fulfilled in lust by the object of his attention. When you experience this, it’s truly an awful feeling and can be quite heart-wrenching. Truthfully, that’s coming from somewhere deeper than the eyes and, nine times out of ten, has nothing to do with you.

When someone is driven by lust, they are never really fully satisfied, and eventually the thrill that once was, is no longer (as happens in all relationships). This then begins the hunt for more excitement or something new is initiated again. Lust is satisfied for a moment; however, when that tires out, they long for more. They always want more excitement than the previous. Always upping the ante, and the current is never really satisfied. It can be a cyclical trap of love through lust.

I’ve read that lust is described as the intense feelings one has in the earliest stages of a relationship. Some people mistake this for love, as