Living with Death, Dying with Life: The Story of an Incredible Journey

By Joyce Burlingame

Life had thrown us a lot of curves in our thirty-four years of marriage, and with each curve we thought we had seen it all. Then the next curve would come

This is the story of our final curve together. It was by far the hardest and yet the most blessed curve of all. From the beginning we understood that what we were about to face was not just for us but for the benefit of others. And so I share the hardest, most blessed nine months of our lives with the prayer that it will bless and encourage you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 29, 2015
• ISBN: 9781490898971

Joyce Burlingame

Diagnosis: Terminal cancer. That was the shot that launched their journey. Joyce Burlingame, former teacher, pastors wife, and mother, spent the next nine months caring for her husband and watching the many ways God proved Himself as they faced the inevitable. From Columbia, South Carolina, to heavens gates, Gods unfailing love was unmistakable.

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Copyright © 2015 Joyce Burlingame.

Cover art by Joyce Burlingame

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This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible ® Copyright © 2003, 2002, 2000, 1999 by Holman Bible Publishers. All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-9896-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-9898-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-9897-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015911316

WestBow Press rev. date: 07/28/2015

Contents

Acknowledgement

Introduction

News About Scott

When It Rains It Pours! Please Pray for Us

Coping

General Update

Not From But Through

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh! (It Beats the Alternative!)

Then Sometimes You’re Just Too Tired to Laugh…and That’s OK Too.

Thank God for the Blackberry

Update

#2 – OK, Now for the Truth…

Update

A Word

Unbelievable!

Please Pray

Oh That Cat!

Faith is the Victory

Prayers Please!!!

We Got the Pathology Report

To My Sister, June

Call to Surrender

The Lord is My Rock

Before You Call, I Will Answer

Another Day

Field Trip Accomplished!

Monday Update

OK…Is It Monday Night or Tuesday Morning?

A Blessed Boring Day

God’s Amazing Grace

God’s Continuing Grace, and Early Morning Humor

Week One Done, and a Blessed Evening

Embracing Our New Reality

Unbelievable!

When Scott and Joyce Have an Adventure, They Don’t Do it Halfway!

Clarifying the Ambiguity

If You’re Still Up, Please Join Me in Prayer

When God Says No

When God Says Yes

Week Two – Done!

Your Unfailing Love is Better than Life Itself

Early Morning Short Update

Monday Afternoon Update

Tuesday Morning

Grandma B’s Day Off

Thursday Morning Update

To Our Dear Friends, Family, and Those to Whom This is Forwarded…

Ordaining Our Next Pastor

I Can’t Believe It!

Personal Update

Monday Afternoon

And a Wonderful Day Was Had by All!

OK, So I Don’t Know What Day it is!

Please Pray

Answer to Itch

Email to Marilee

The Mystery of Unanswered Prayer

Gut-Wrenching Reality

Grieving Scott’s Hair

Joy Comes in the Morning

Tuesday A.M.

Thursday Morning Update

Update and Perspective from Scott

The God of All Comfort

My Creativity is On Strike. This is Just Another Update

Thanks for Your Prayers

No Sermons Today…Just Facts

Catching Up

A Couple of Difficult Days

Our 35th Anniversary

Our Anniversary

Friday Morning Update

Tools

Thursday Morning Update

Friday, After the MRI

Jehovah Jireh!

Have a Chuckle…It’s On Me.

Sunday Update

Wednesday Morning

What a Day!

A Word from Scott

Saturday Morning Update

Another Day

How We See our Present Situation

From Scott

48 Hours of Random Blessings

Request for Encouragement

Wednesday Update

Update to Wednesday’s Update

Drawing Back the Curtain

Short Friday Update

Welcome to Our Roller Coaster

Thursday Prayer Request

Suffering and Comfort

Saturday Update

The Real Question

Friday’s Good News

Monday Update

Decisions

Friday Update

Saturday morning

Tuesday Afternoon ….No News on the MRI Yet

We Haven’t Heard Yet

Quick Update

Our Roller Coaster

Great Peace

Discipline

Tuesday after Thanksgiving

Just Trust Me

God Answers Prayer

What Do We Do with This Awful, Unbearable, Heartbreaking Pain?

Walking the Valley

Follow the Bouncing Ball

It’s Monday!

Tuesday AM

Scan Complete

The Day God Did My Grocery Shopping

Quick Update…Back From the Doctor

Two Down, Thirteen More to Go

Happy New Year!

Today’s Prayer Requests

Thoughts from Scott

A Trying day

Sequel to a Trying Day

End of a Wild Week

Snowy Morning

Broken

Thursday Morning

Here’s Hoping

Back From the Doctor

Bear With a Very Tired Caretaker

Pressing On

Monday Morning Update

Wednesday Evening Update

Wednesday Morning Update

Just Received a Good Word!

Sunday Update

A Word From Scott

To Our Church Family

Saturday Update

A Happy Day

My Apologies to the Disciples

A Quick Update, and a Couple of Prayer Requests

Let’s Go Racing!

Continuing to Run the Race…Though At a Slower Pace

Monday Morning Update

Please Pray

So Weary

Hands & Feet, Mashed Potatoes and Banana Pudding

Deeper Waters

Laughter and Tears

Addendum to Laughter and Tears

A Weary Monday Morning

The Water is Splashing Around our Ankles

Laughing All the Way

The Calm After the Storm

A Difficult Day

Keeping Watch

Still Waiting

The Battle is Over

Epilog

Remembering

Post Script

Quiet

Grief

The Other Side of the Valley

Adjusting

Glimpses of Grace

So What Now?

Promises Kept

Endnotes

Acknowledgement

Many people stood with us and helped us through this journey. My deepest love and thanks to my daughter, Carol and son, David, Carol’s husband Rory, and David’s now-wife Rachel; to Scott’s brother Jon and his dear wife Marilee; to our awesome friends: Joey (who succeeded Scott as pastor of our church) and his wife, Mechelle; Doug and Niccole; Jeremy and Deb; Steve and Marji, and their sons who daily moved mattresses for us; to Emily, who with Rachel and Marji helped me in the house so I could care for Scott; our wonderful hospice nurse, Pat; my grief support group leader, Nancy; our friends who made surviving financially a possibility; and to family and friends who held us up in prayer and encouragement.

Introduction

We were a originally a family of four, now grown to a family of seven: Scott and Joyce in Columbia SC, daughter Carol and husband Rory and their two daughters just fifteen minutes away, and son David in Oklahoma, headed for Japan with the Air Force. Scott worked for a gym franchise as maintenance supervisor and pastored our church. I was unemployed and served as worship leader at church. Life had thrown us a lot of curves in our thirty-four years of marriage, and with each curve we thought we had seen it all. Then the next curve would come…

This is the story of our final curve together. It was by far the hardest and yet the most blessed curve of all. From the beginning we understood that what we were about to face was not just for us, but for the benefit of others. And so I share the hardest, most blessed nine months of our lives with the prayer that it will bless and encourage you.

I

dedicate this book to you, the reader.

At the outset of this journey I sent emails to my family and my church for prayer. By the time our journey ended, the emails were going to people all over the world. God raised up a mighty band of people who prayed for and encouraged us.

News About Scott

June 13, 2010

Six weeks ago, Scott sprained his back and has been seeing the chiropractor for the problems this has caused with his walking. Then last week, while buying supplies for work, he stood up under a steel pipe and hurt his shoulder. A few days later, on a very rainy, wet day, his foot slipped and he fell out of his work van. To break his fall, he grabbed the safety lattice on the back window, causing additional injury to his shoulder. After a night of no sleep and great pain, I took him to urgent care. We were sent to an orthopedic doctor, who said he thought it might be a torn rotator cuff.

Scott is on pain medication for the shoulder and is finding it hard to move around enough to keep his leg muscles from freezing up. He will be having an MRI as soon as we can make the appointment. He has missed several chiropractic appointments and may miss another one tomorrow because he cannot get on the table nor lie on his stomach even if he could get on the table. Because he is missing these treatments, his walking, which was just beginning to improve, is as bad as or worse than it was when he first sprained his back.

I have been taking care of my responsibilities as well as Scott’s household duties, plus taking care of Scott. Up until Thursday he was going to work in spite of his pain. But at this point things are so bad I am not sure when he will be able to go back to work. I know he will try to long before he should. Added to all this, I have developed an awful throbbing toothache, and the pain is radiating up the side of my face. I have an emergency call in to my dentist. Please keep us in your prayers. We could use a miracle! Discouragement is lurking at our doorstep.

When It Rains It Pours! Please Pray for Us

June 14, 2010

Dear Family (church and biological!)

Scott is continuing to have difficulty walking. I am encouraging him to walk more, but it is not easy. The pain medication is helping with the shoulder, although it makes him a bit loopy. My throbbing tooth kept me awake last night, and now I am plunged full tilt into caring for Scott’s needs today and cannot get help for my tooth until tomorrow at the earliest.

Coping

June 16, 2010

Dear Family,

Monday was a bad day for Scott. He nearly fell trying to get out of his chair. I drove him to the corporate office to deliver some paperwork and we went to get subs for lunch. He was really a sorry picture: right arm in a sling, limping badly, and using a walking stick. A dear older woman (we wish we had learned her name!) came and sat down with us and started talking about the Lord, and how much she loves Jesus, how life is all about Him, and how He has things in store for us that we can’t imagine. Wow! Scott and I were blessed, refreshed and encouraged! (Was she an angel?)

Monday afternoon I took Scott to the chiropractor. He said Scott has lost a lot of ground. (I already knew that!) Workmen’s comp details are still not worked out. They are willing to cover his shoulder, but not his sprained back. Once this issue is settled, we will able to make the second appointment with the orthopedic doctor and schedule the MRI.

There was an important meeting at work yesterday and Scott dragged himself into his van and drove to the office. I nearly had a fit, but Scott is going to do what Scott is going to do. It actually worked out. He was encouraged just to be able to be at work, although he suffered for it last night. He is planning on going to work this morning, to the chiropractor at eleven, and then coming home. He has some typing that needs to be done, so he will dictate and I will type.

The dentist saw me Tuesday morning and found I have an abscess resulting from a badly done root canal. It is the same situation (with a different tooth) as two years ago. I told the dentist I couldn’t go through redoing the root canal. Last time it took me over a year to recover. I told him to pull the tooth, and he agreed. So I am on an antibiotic. He says it will give me about six weeks before I have a problem with the tooth again, and maybe by that time Scott will be on the mend and I can have it pulled. The pain is still with me, but it is subsiding. Last night I slept through the night for the first time in a long time. Neither Scott nor the thunderstorm woke me up!

Otherwise, life is just boring and mundane…Ha! Gotta keep a sense of humor!

General Update

June 16, 2010

Thanks to all who are praying for us.

Scott was planning on going to work this morning, but I was very worried about his ability to drive and gently told him so. Of course, that was hard for him to take, but a few minutes later he asked me if I would be willing to be his chauffeur for the day. I was more than willing!

We went to the office to do some paperwork and then went to his chiropractic appointment. (He needs to go three times a week. Because his insurance does not cover it, I am not seeing the chiropractor as often).

After his treatment, we stopped by the corporate office of the gym to work out the problems with workmen’s comp, which took a couple of hours. Scott is doing better today. I am totally exhausted. I think the antibiotic and the infection are both getting the better of me. Fortunately Scott had so much phone work this afternoon that we never got around to the typing. It’s a good thing. I might have hit him over the head with it! We can do that tomorrow. (The paperwork, that is!)

In spite of all, we praise God for the sweetness and the humor that is present, even in the stress. For now please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Not From But Through

June 17, 2010

This morning I took Scott to work to finish up more paperwork and to meet with one of his subcontractors. It went well, but took all his strength and when we got home he couldn’t even lift his feet to climb the stairs. He made it into the house, but with great pain and effort and help from me. Our urgent prayer request is this: the new gym is opening Monday, and Scott is managing the move-in and the many details that go along with it. It is absolutely imperative that he be there for at least three hours in the morning. He has delegated everything he can, but there are still things he must be there for. Please pray that he will be able to make it through the morning. I will be drive him there and hang out in the bookstore until he is finished with his work or his strength runs out; whichever comes first.

Today’s praise is that the workmen’s comp claim was approved and we were able to make the appointment with the orthopedic doctor for Monday.

Praise also that I have not had an adverse reaction to the antibiotic, and am starting to feel better.

I asked the Lord to deliver us from this trial, but His word to my heart is that it is a trial we must go through, not around. So we will press on, trusting Him, and praising Him for our wonderful friends and family