My Twisted Life, but the Grace of God That Saved Me

By Patricia Yvonne Nixon

A book of written word or poetic expressions of my addiction, my hurts, my confusion and pain as I sought a revelation of who I was. "You were the monster I thought was in my closets and under my bed, I could feel and not see. I am confused. Is love pain? Or pain love?You distorted my reality, turned lies into truth and truth into lies. Is love supposed to be this way?How can I find release?You have controlled so long.You have taken a child's song and turned it into a nursery rhyme that no longer rhymes. You have stunted my growth. Even though I am grown. You can't pretend to protect, you can't do both."

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 24, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512742510

Patricia Yvonne Nixon

She has come from the bottom having died in her addiction in November 2003. Having fought her personal demons of her past. And having sought help from those in a professional capacity to understand her pain and not judge. She is now in a Singing Ministry at her church Trinity AME Zion and no longer walking up and down the streets looking for drugs. And her father can rest at night knowing she's at home. Her family has been restored! And she is currently working on her trial sermon. Glory to God for he has taken off the mask of negativity and put on the light of love!

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Copyright © 2016 Patricia Yvonne Nixon.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-4250-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4252-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4251-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016908186

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/18/2016

CONTENTS

6 X 9 CELL

180' DEGREES

A NEW GRATITUDE

2003

A POWER GREATER

ACCEPTANCE

2003

A PORTION OF MY TESTIMONY

ALL MY MISTAKES

BELIEVE

BELONGING

BROKENNESS

DEATH OH DEATH

CHOOSE TODAY

CRAZY

CAN WE TALK

COME SWIFTLY

CHANGED

DEAR MOTHER

CRACK DEALER

CRACKHEAD

DEAD, BUT STILL ALIVE

DON'T QUIT

DON'T SLEEP

DON'T WISH YOUR LIFE AWAY

DELIVER ME

DON'T WORRY

FORGIVENESS

FACE OFF

FRIEND STRENGTH IN JESUS

FREE

FOR REAL

FATHER, DON'T FORGET ME

I DIDN'T ASK

HALF A BLOCK

HABITS

FRIENDS

HOPE

FORGIVENESS

HIDDEN JEWELS

HE IS

HOW MANY?

I AM WITH YOU

I WILL PRAISE YOUR HOLY NAME

HOW CAN I

GET IT RIGHT

I REFLECT

I

I WONDER

I SWORE

I THOUGHT

IT'S QUITTING TIME

I'VE LEARNED

IN A VISION

JUST A LITTLE WHILE

LESSONS LEARNED

IT HAPPENS

KILLING TIME

IN MY MIND

IN THE DISTANCE

INDIFFERENT

IT'S GOING

JUST

LOVE DOESN'T DIE

LIVE

MASK

LIFE

LOST GIRL

MOMENT

MY LETTER TO A FRIEND

TO MOTHER (BARBARA JEAN NIXON-THOMASSON

MY CHILD

LEAVING YOU

NOTES ON GOING THROUGH MARCH 14, 2012

NOT YET

NEVER

NO TITLE

NO WEAPON

OH HOW WONDERFUL

ON THIS JOURNEY

ONE DAY AT A TIME

OPENED DOOR

OLD FRIENDS

ON EAGLES WINGS

PEACE

PROMISE ME

QUIET OF THE NIGHT

QUIET STORM

OVERCOME

REAL FEAR

POSSESSION

PRAY

RELEASE

REMEMBER ME

QUESTION

REMORSE

SECOND CHANCE

REMEMBER ME

ROAD WELL TRAVELLED

TAKE IT EASY

TEACH ME TO LOVE

I SEE YOU

SOMETHING NEW

SACRIFICE

THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME

STUPID PEOPLE

SECRET

SURVIVOR

TAKEN BACK

THE CALL

THE OTHERS

THE TRUTH

THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND

THE VIAL

HERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD

THE MASTER PIECE

HERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, GO

THE HAND OF GOD

TRYING TIMES

VICTORY

TIME

UNTITLED

TWISTED

TO WHOM

I TRIED MY BEST

WHY NOT BELIEVE

WHATEVER IT TAKES

WHEN

WE ALL HAVE OUR CROSS TO BEAR

WELL DONE

YOUR SMILE

YOUR GRACE AND MERCY

WOULD YOU

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To Clarice Allbrooks-Goins, Barbara Jean Nixon, Barbara J. Roberts, Stephanie Treadway {Counselor}, A. Adams {Counselor} from Wake Tech, N.C.C.I.W {DART Program},The Women of N.C.C.I.W and Officers for their support and tireless listening, Perry Point Drug Counselors, Sharon Toah {Prayer Partner}, Rosie Barnes and Joseph and Margaret Jordan respectfully. I wish to acknowledge those who have been down in the darkest hours of my unbelief. But thank God they were Bold enough in their own faith to shine a light into my darkness. I acknowledge also that I could not change me. But fully repented of all my sins, confusions and lifestyles to become the person God already knew I was in Christ. To fully submit to God's will and see that the dreams I thought were dead, are very much alive in Christ. I acknowledge Jesus Christ as my Savior and give Him what's due Him Praise, Worship and my free will. Blessings and continued peace to those in Christ Jesus. But also to those who will soon be coming home to the Lord in Faith. Keep getting up! It Matters! Jesus really is waiting with outstretched arms. Seek Him while He may yet be found. Amen!

THE DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to Our Risen Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Who wrote this book through me His willing Instrument. I give God all the Glory and praise for making this project manifest. I also dedicate this book to my mom Barbara Jean N. Thomasson, Reverend Henry E. Nixon and Leathia Beulah Sturdivant Nixon, and Frances Watkins, all deceased but supported my every endeavor. Clarice and Fred Goins, Dwain Jasper Stevenson{dad}, E. S. Nixon, Reverend Anthony Ford, Reverend Dr. Paul and Sharon Murphy of Trinity AME Zion Church, Sister Gloria D. McNeil, the Nixon family and last but never least, Toni and Joseph Stafford. To those who are still struggling in their various prisons in life. Whether they are self-imposed, unintentional, physical or mental, Jesus can and will bring you out. Just know that God is in control. He is Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End, Author and Finisher, Doctor and Healer. Be encouraged for he has the keys to life and death. He will never leave you nor forsake you Hebrews 13:5. And Jesus can still use your circumstances for good. Man doesn't have any say, But God has ALL say! Praise Him!

6 X 9 CELL

Sitting In A 6 X 9 Cell

Thinking About My Sins

And Will They Take Me To Hades?

All My Wrongs Coming At Me

Like Movies On A Screen

Only I Can See

Diligently I Pray

Lord Have Your Way

I'm Seeking Forgiveness

So That I May Forgive

And Hoping For Forgiveness

So That I May Have Another Chance

And Live

The Doors Are Locked

There Are Slits For Windows

I'm Sleeping On A Concrete Bed

You Can't Imagine The Thoughts

Swimming In My Head

6 X 9 Cell

No Fresh Air Scents Or Smells

I Already Feel Like This

Is A Living Hades

The Keys Constantly Jingling

Hardly Any Room To Blow Off Steam

Or Walk Around

The Eerie Silence At Night

Except For The Mechanical Doors

Opening And Closing

Closing And Opening

Things Like That Are Hard To Forget

Sitting On The Side Of This Bed

With A Heaviness And A Hung Head

Right Now I'm Being Spirit Led I Feel A Presence Beside My Bed

I Can Feel Release

The Pressure Is Gone

Even Jesus Comes

Wherever You Are

He's Never Far

God Still Calls You

Even In A 6 X 9 Cell

180' DEGREES

I Was So Self Absorbed

Self Obsessed

Self