Ages and Stages: The Adventures of a Young Lesbian in the 1970'S

By Nicole Swisse

Being born in Ann Arbor, Michigan, in the 1950s was interesting because Nicoles life would span many cultural, political, economic, social, and certainly personal situations. This book has been written after many years of self-reflection in an attempt to provide her story of the experiences and struggles of a girl growing up within a nuclear family, which caused self-exploration and personal definition. Certainly the strong family values of her middle-class familythe country club lessons in tennis and swimming, horseback riding lessons, and babysittingcreated a dream for Nicole. The dream was to graduate from college, marry a rich man, and live on a horse farm with a pool and a few children.
Yes, that was a dream! Nicole was not aware of lifes ages and stages!
Attending a Grateful Dead concert in 1971 under the influence of drugs with a girlfriend from the dorm changed Nicoles life forever! A motorcycle accident a few years later caused a near-death experience and ten days in an out-of-body experience, which confirmed that a change in her identity was occurring.
Nicole moved numerous times during the seventiesEugene, Oregon; East Lansing, Michigan; Boston, Massachusetts; Houston, Texas; Manchester, New Hampshire. She has earned a bachelors degree, a masters degree, and finally thought she was getting closer to her dream (minus the horse farm). But sexual identity was still unsettled, thus ages and stages continued.
Only now after the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage does Nicole finally feel comfortable to share her story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Nov 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781504959964

Nicole Swisse

Nicole spent years of self-reflection and personal definition as a girl growing up within a nuclear family, which caused self-exploration and personal definition during the 1950–1960s. She moved numerous times during the seventies, which provided tremendous variety of experiences and knowledge. She earned a bachelor’s degree, part of a master’s degree. Only now after the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage does Nicole finally feel comfortable telling her story. Nicole now lives in Washington, DC.

Book preview

© 2015 Nicole Swisse. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 01/11/2016

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5997-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5995-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-5996-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015918217

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Chapter 1: The Age in which we began…….

Chapter 2: The Times They Are A-Changin

Chapter 3: Time to Begin My own Life

Chapter 4: Grateful Dead & Coming Out

Chapter 5: Still in my 20’s - yet another stage…..

Chapter 6: Back to Eugene (Fall 1973)

Chapter 7: Michigan (Fall 1973 – Fall 1974)

Chapter 8: Fall 1974 – ’75 into 1976

Chapter 9: 1977 Houston, NYC, Boston

Chapter 10: Back to Boston!!

Chapter 11: Guess Boston IS Home!

Chapter 12: Big Rapids then Kelly and Annette

Chapter 13: Lasell (July ’80 - May ’81)

Chapter 14: May 1981

Chapter 15: Memorial Day week (1981)

Chapter 16: Invitation to Provincetown

Chapter 17: Arrival in Provincetown

Chapter 18: Provincetown - it was a wonderful night…

Chapter 19: Weekend in Rockport

Chapter 20: BBQ - Reunions with old friends

Chapter 21: July 1st and Supplyside paper

Chapter 22: July – Sept 1981

Chapter 23: Early October 1981

Chapter 24: Ogunquit, Me.

Chapter 25: The Head of the Charles

Chapter 26: Weekend after the Regatta

Chapter 27: Last weekend before election

Chapter 28: The News Dec. 1981

Chapter 29: Dec. 1981 (Uncle Frank and Kelly)

Chapter 30: Ultrasound (February 1982)

Chapter 31: Baby names (Feb. – April 1982)

Chapter 32: Baby shower and Birth

Epilogue

About the Author

It is so important,

showing you my world.

It’s happiness, it’s sadness and the difficult times

- sharing with you. Perhaps this will help you understand…

What happens next depends on what happened before.

Chapter 1

The Age in which we began…….

An age of social conscience was beginning during the 1950’s & 60’s. The traditional nuclear family consisted of WWII vets who returned home and were attempting to recreate the harmonious family which they had grown-up in (1915 - 1927). They returned from the war in the mid to late 1940’s. After getting married and having children the economy, at that time, did not require two incomes. So, the wife’s job was to stay at home providing all the housekeeping chores with merely roof, food and car as her income. Yes, the stay at home Mom cooked her family’s meals, guided the children in social, educational and domestic responsibilities. She basically created the foundation for the children to come home to and hopefully flourish!

By mid-1950 the NDSL program was created by Congress to provide loans for the returning Korean vets to pursue higher education. Thus during the 1950’s there was a significant growth of the middle income population. As the men/fathers became better educated and moving from blue collar to white collar professional jobs this disenfranchised the married couples. The husband’s interests changed along with his education; he was developing more broadly which alienated many women who felt left by the side as he pursued his own interests. Therefore, the previous sincerely happy and content marriage began to experience emotional stresses. The unit of husband and wife was less strong and often it continued predominately for the image, their status had to be maintained.

Many of their children could feel this marital disenfranchisement in the 1960’s. However, at that time we were convinced by our parents that would we were safe; no more wars! Our mainstream, middle class would continue to flourish.

There were many demonstrations for civil rights during the 1960’s. Rights of all kinds were being introduced and demonstrated for. Not only blacks but women and gays began meeting to coordinate their efforts for recognition and acceptance. This was an era of many demonstrations. Oh and let’s not forget Vietnam protests. I remember 1966 – 69, while attending Pioneer High School, we would skip school to attend anti-Vietnam rallies at the University of Michigan.

And THEN, the English Rock Era began -

The Beatles made their premier appearance on the Ed Sullivan show, February 9, 1964. The event took everyone by surprise because this was a standard family show which nearly all families watched together on Sunday evening. Ed Sullivan was the epitome of the straightest – All American guy yet he introduced an entirely NEW look and sound –—

The Beatles were radically different from the mainstream American music scene. Wow, did they blow the minds of those WWII vets and their wives! But they felt like a blessing to us! We had begun enjoying some American bands but the Beatles represented a fresh, new image and a gentle, melodic, romantic twist to music which was sincere, down to earth and often soul searching. It was very much appreciated by us teens!!

By the time the Beatles arrived - we children were budding into our teen yrs. Those of us in Ann Arbor were children of University of Michigan, deans, professors, doctors, dentists and lawyers. In that cultural setting we had been enjoying activities, which our parents hoped would strengthen our intellectual and athletic capabilities, in addition to expand our cultural awareness. The gymnastic coach at the Univ. of Michigan bought a huge farm, in the late 1950’s and converted it into Ann Arbor’s 1st Swim & Tennis Club. Many of us took swimming, tennis, diving and trampoline classes there. Some of us took horseback riding classes at a horse farm on the Huron River. A few of us advanced to jumping, drill team and dressage. Later that horse farm was sold and converted into the 2nd Swim & Tennis Club in Ann Arbor. We shared a privileged childhood with no awareness of any other lifestyle. So the Beatles and all the English Rock Era made our minds turn with so many questions - - just at the time we were going through the stage of changing our age: from children to teens. Thus, Stages of Ages began:

A family in my neighborhood had 4 children when the mother delivered her 5th, Robbie. She asked me to begin babysitting for her. I discovered that I loved caring for children. I had no younger siblings so this was all new to me. Because Mrs. Janson wanted to be available for the other 4 children she trained me to care for the newborn. I learned to change diapers, feed and then burp Robbie and of course bathing him. These did not feel like chores to me – it felt so natural, I loved it. During those initial years of babysitting I dreamed of marrying a man who was wealthy enough that we could own a horse farm and have children 37870.png That was my dream until……I discovered women…..

Summer camp experiences began the summer after 5th gr. I went to a YWCA camp, for 2 weeks, not far from Ann Arbor, for the next 2 years. It was a great experience for a girl to begin personal exploration and learning responsibilities within a group. Each girl had daily chores in addition to keeping our bed and personal space neat. Classes in swimming, canoeing, sailing, archery, arts and crafts allowed us to make our own choices which felt liberating. If I only knew that this was the beginning of my lifestyle changes. It was here that I began to realize that I can like who I want and take the classes I chose. There was some freedom of decision at camp. Arriving home was weird because my family would judge my decisions and verbally let me know if they approved.

My best friend since toddlerhood, Elisabeth, and I had always followed our fathers around as though we were their sons. We raked leaves, shoveled snow, helped in their basement tool rooms fixing things. Elisabeth lived near the Huron River and we enjoyed going for long walks along the river. Both of our dad’s enjoyed fishing and had taught us at an early age. Occasionally we’d take a rod and some worms to the river to try to catch some fish. It was so quiet and there were no people around to be bothered with – it was just us and the animals along with the weather.

Elisabeth and I both went to Camp Takoma, the YWCA camp and upon arriving home from camp we decided to ask our dad’s to help us build a tree-house. They agreed and told us that they would provide assistance for the beginning so we wouldn’t get hurt "but after we get the floor built you two will be responsible for designing and building the rest. It seemed to us that they understood the need to get away from the home environment and our mothers who were so controlling. This was our own place….and we spent many weekend afternoons in our treehouse by the river.

The summer after 7th gr I began a Play camp 9 – 11:45 am on Saturdays. The parents in our neighborhood could drop their children at my backyard where I had activities organized for them which gave parents a few hours to do errands. Gee, I invented Day Care on a small scale and I was only 13 years old! I should have kept that up and pursued it as a business in later teen years but back then girls were not encouraged to start a business. My parents told me this is good practice for you to be able to have a large family, when you get married – there was no recognition of my being a good organizer, leader or anything related to being independent of a man/husband.

Also that summer I was sent to Camp Crystalaire, in northern Michigan, for 3 weeks. In addition to the swimming, canoeing, sailing and arts & crafts this camp had a stable with 20 horses and a nice ring for riding lessons. I had been riding every Saturday in Ann Arbor, for 3 years so this was my favorite class at camp. Another unique thing about this camp was each week there were field trips on Thursday which every camper had to go on. These usually involved a camping experience overnight.

My favorite trips were the horseback overnight and the Manitou Island, 4 day trip. On the horseback trip you were responsible for one horse for the entire 2 days. We left Thurs. morning with backpacks and headed out across the hills filled with cherry orchards on our path to Lake Michigan where we’d set up a campsite on the beach. Riding through the orchards was such fun because we could pick cherries from our saddles as we rode through. The first year I felt that setting up tents was so unnecessary because with the perfect summer weather the tent would shield us from watching the stars. However, I learned on the first night why it is always good to have a tent set up even if you don’t sleep in it. After our campfire we were told if we wanted to put our sleeping bags out on the beach and fall asleep under the stars that was OK. In the middle of that night though it started to rain, and those tents looked good 37872.png

The other terrific trip was to Manitou Island. This involved leaving early Thurs. morning to catch a ferry into Lake Michigan. Camp Crystalaire owned an old abandoned house on a beach of Manitou Island. This island only had dirt roads and very few cars that were brought by people that owned summer cottages on one part of the island. There was an old general store with gas, convenience store and the Post Office. This was the most popular trip partially because you got to stay for 3 nights. Arriving in the afternoon we would set up camp and become familiar with the beach nearby. The second day would be a total beach day and meet people who may be camping nearby. We were quite surprised to find that a boys camp also staying on Manitou nearby us. After swimming with them our counselor suggested that we invite them to have a campfire with us that evening.

We had to build a fire to cook our dinner on and it was timed to finish near sunset so when the boys arrived we had little daylight to build the fire larger and then settle down in a circle to begin getting to know each other. A counselor would suggest a topic and we would go around the circle taking turns making a comment it. Some of us had become friendly with the boys, at the beach, so we felt a bit comfortable with them. We continued talking and adding wood to the fire for a couple of hours. When the counselors finally told us that it was time to get some sleep. They told us that they had made an agreement that we’d probably like. Part of our tradition at Crystalaire was to walk the entire perimeter of the island, 17 miles, the next day. The boy’s camp had a similar tradition so we decided to do the hike together.

In our sleeping bags, on the sand outside the house we awoke around sunrise. We ate cereal for breakfast and made sandwiches for our lunch. The house had no running water only a hand pump. Thus we had to pump water into jugs for the hike. There were about 15 of us campers and 3 counselors so we shared the responsibility of pumping water into jugs. We learned at that point that one girl should not have to carry all the weight thus we could take turns pumping. Many things are learned in camp – and sharing the load is one of them.

The boys walked up to our campfire area around 8:00 am and we began the day long hike. Our counselors told us that with the water on our left and dunes on the right we would have a limited width of beach depending on the dunes and waves. The group consisted of about equal number of campers and counselors from each camp. This worked out very well because as the day began we walked in groups and as the day progressed we partnered up with those who we seemed to get along with best. The counselors stopped us about every hour for a little water brake and to apply sun lotion as needed. By noon we found a place with some trees for shade to sit under for lunch. Taking a rest really felt good by that point. Most of us probably didn’t realize what such a long hike would feel like. Nor the difference of walking in sand vs. a hard surface. Fortunately, we were young and in good physical health. We sat in groups and enjoyed the rest, the food and the shade. After a while we heard OK, we can’t get lazy – there’s still another 8 miles to walk!!

As the afternoon progressed I found myself really enjoying one boy, Tory. He had light brown hair and was a little taller than I. He had blue eyes, a cute smile and seemed to be a gentleman at heart, although he was still very young. Tory also had a lot of energy and we would take turns walking into the waves and kicking water at each other. Got ya, we’d say if the water hit the other. By mid-afternoon it had become very windy and overcast. My legs were wet below the knee and as the wind became stronger it blew sand on the back of my legs. That was a strange sensation on my sensitive shaved legs. As the wind continued to get stronger more sand was pelted into my skin. Finally, I asked the counselor if we could stop so I could look at my legs. OK, briefly – it’s about to rain and we have to keep moving she said.

I asked Tory to look at the back of my legs and tell me how they looked. Certainly, I couldn’t sit in the sand so I stood while he examined my legs. I could feel him brushing his hand down my legs I hope you don’t mind this, Tory said. We had paired off alone and talked about personal stuff; our family, friends back home etc. as we walked. I had learned that his father was a doctor and that Tory wanted to become a doctor, also. For this reason I felt very safe in his hands. Well, the entire back of your legs is covered with sand. Some of it is falling off but the wind doesn’t seem to be dying down. Nikki, I think it’s probably best if I leave the rest on there to sort of protect your legs. If I remove it all and then more sand blows on it will make new lil’ cuts with each piece. If I leave some sand there then the new sand will just fall on the old sand. Quite scientific, I thought…..He was not only sensitive but a SMART guy! This impressed me so we continued walking together the rest of the hike. Rain eventually came and we all asked how much longer is this hike? We were told about 1 – 2 more miles.

We arrived back to our campsite wet, sunburned and smiling. And I had sore legs! The brief rain was ending at the end of our walk so the boy’s counselor invited us to come to their campsite for a campfire that night. This was a pleasant surprise to many of us girls. We rushed through making dinner after we washed off in the lake. My legs were so red from the sand I had to put some lotion on before putting my jeans on.

Arriving for the campfire we sat near people we’d been talking with during the hike so I obviously looked for Tory. He was building the fire and asked if I’d like to help him. Sure, my Dad has taught me well about making campfires, I said. That night I realized I had made a new friend and he happened to live about one hour from Ann Arbor! We both enjoyed watching the stars and discussing philosophy.