Never the Same

By Kas Pitkin

As a manager of a real estate agency, Sam is successful, driven, financially stable, and has her life set out. But this came with a price: Sam never let anyone too closeuntil one regretful moment that changes everything. Suddenly, the wall Sam has built around her heart starts to crumble. Sam is faced with losing the things she has always held closeher career, her reputation, her stability.

Sam is forced to take another life path, which begins opening up old wounds she deliberately sealed. She learns the value of relationships and one jump of a journey into discovering what really matters.

One mistake happens to make Sam Locum never the same.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Jul 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524515324

Kas Pitkin

As a young girl, Kas Pitkin was forever dreaming up stories and would spend hours creating tales and comics. As an adult, Kas lives in NSW with her two sons. Kas’s passion for writing has walked alongside her as she studied creative-writing courses at university while completing a bachelor’s degree in social work. With so many ideas of characters and worlds to create, Kas would often start stories, but another idea would grab her, making her leave her first story behind. Her dream was always to write a completed novel, which is what she did in making her novel Never the Same. Never the Same is very dear to Kas as although it’s fictional, she draws upon real life experiences throughout her life that have both impacted and shaped her, making her never the same.

Book preview

One

T he sight of the dusty, old, red station wagon parked outside her house made Sam’s throat tighten. She had just arrived home after a ten-hour shift and had no idea who would be visiting her at six o’clock. Sam did not like surprises. As she made her way up the steps of her timber porch, she heard a quick shuffling of feet followed by a nervous cough. Her eyes caught him as he got up from one of her fancy outdoor beach chairs. He looked older and much thinner.

‘G’day, love.’ His voice was gruff as he looked nervously towards his only child. He was struck by her beauty despite her tightly sealed mouth and the dark-chocolate unwelcoming eyes that bore into his. His hope that she would be welcoming quickly vanished. ‘I know it’s been a while.’

Understatement of the century, Sam’s mind quickly corrected as she crossed her arms.

He coughed again nervously. ‘I’ve just moved up.’ He saw Sam’s eyes widen. He noticed her tall black heels and fancy skirt. He wondered what she did for work. Something professional, judging by her classy look. ‘It’ll be nice to see you a bit more.’ His voice trailed off. So many times he had dialled her number only to hang up. There was so much he had to tell her… yet how?

‘What are you doing here, Jeff?’ Her voice stung with resentment.

Her choice of address made him squirm. There was more silence as he struggled to string his words together. ‘I’ve just retired and bought a little shack near the beach.’

Sam continued to stare at him. He could feel her overwhelming disapproval and bitterness leak into his pores.

‘We haven’t spoken for a long time, and if you haven’t noticed, our relationship is practically non-existent.’

Sam’s tone matched her steely eyes, and her words stabbed him. He wanted to plead with her to think it through and hear him out, but her demeanour warned him to back off. He looked at her sadly, wishing he could see a glint of forgiveness or even willingness in her face.

‘It’s too late. Too much time has passed.’ Her voice was final.

‘Okay…’ He felt as though they were talking about a business proposal. He looked at her one last time, hoping she would see how much he wanted to get to know her.

‘Take care, love.’ His words were a strained whisper.

Sam watched him silently make his way towards his Ute and drive away. It was a long time before she walked inside.

Sam scrubbed herself furiously in the shower as Jeff’s visit raided her mind. Who did he think he was, rocking up to her place wanting to forget everything and live happily ever after? Fat chance. She knew he had wanted to rekindle their hopeless relationship. He had tried bridging the wedge between them a number of times over the last five years. Before that, Sam had heard nothing from him and hadn’t even known where he lived. He had left when she was a baby. He had vanished like a puff of smoke. She had grown up knowing her father didn’t care about her.

Sam eyed herself in the mirror as she dried. The shower had partially helped her regain composure. I have to be in control. Tonight was the big annual work party, and as manager of one of the local real estate agencies, a lot of eyes would be on her, sussing her out amongst all the idle, insincere chit-chat.

She was grateful for the passing cocktails at the entrance of the extravagant Beachside Restaurant. The traditional work party got grander every year. Colleagues from all the local real estate agencies were invited. Sam thought it ridiculous; any other day, these people would be gossiping about each other and trying to snatch away customers. Yet tonight, everyone acted like long-lost friends, wired with excitement and half full of booze within a half hour of arriving. Sam resented Jeff all over again as she took a generous sip from her Cosmopolitan. Who did he think he was, showing up at her place? She expertly hid her anger as she wandered around, idly chatting with colleagues. Any unusual behaviour would quickly become gossip. Port Macquarie was a small town, and news travelled fast. All drunken antics would spread like an out-of-control fire by the next week.

I need air. Sam suddenly felt as though she was suffocating and quietly escaped onto the restaurant’s balcony. Watching everyone scoff endless hors d’oeuvres and quaff French champagne was making her feel sick. She welcomed the black sky and the clear shining stars that looked like sparkling diamonds. Then, out of nowhere, she heard a husky voice say her name. Turning around, her eyes focused on a face she had met but couldn’t remember.

‘Confused? I’m Sterling, your biggest rival from Port Real Estate.’ He grinned. ‘We spoke briefly at the last function.’

Sam scanned his bright-green eyes and blond hair. But it was his towering height and smug grin that triggered her memory. It had been a quick exchange.

‘May I say, Sam, that you are looking amazing tonight?’ Sterling sounded as fake as the rest of them, but right now, Sam enjoyed the banter. It distracted her.

‘Why, thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself.’ Sam shot Sterling a cheesy smile. He handed her another cocktail that seemed to appear from thin air. ‘You read my mind, Sterling.’

‘That’s what I’m good at.’ The two clinked glasses and downed their cocktails. It wasn’t long before many cocktails were downed, and Sam was beginning to feel light-headed. It was now past midnight, and the flirting and wild dancing had begun. As Sam and Sterling made their way back inside, the noise of exaggerated laughter and loud music hit her ears. She winced.

‘Would you like to go somewhere more comfortable?’ Sterling breathed in her ear. All Sam could think of was escaping the blare that was making her head spin even more. She linked her arm around Sterling and nodded. Quick as a flash, Sam found herself in a cab with Sterling shouting his address to the driver. As the cab pulled into the street, he tugged her clumsily against him and nestled his mouth near her ear. ‘I thought we could continue our fun at my place.’ The thought of her father’s station wagon in her driveway and going back to her apartment alone was extremely unappealing. She found herself nodding silently.

Suddenly, Sterling’s mouth covered hers. He kissed her eagerly with an aggressive impatience. He was as horny as hell, and Sam’s body did it for him. He felt his excitement rise to an almost unbearable level as his hands fumbled roughly at her breasts through her dress.

Sam found her hands responding, yet her head whirled. All she knew was she wanted desperately to be distracted. She wanted to escape the re-opened wound of her father.

The cab came to a stop, and the driver gave out an exceptionally loud cough. He was relieved to reach his destination as the two were petting heavier by the second. He didn’t want his cab to be used as a bed. Sterling put a fifty-dollar note into his hand and mumbled for him to keep it despite the driver’s protest. They staggered out, slamming the car doors and giggling like two naughty teenagers. The driver watched them stumble up the driveway. As he pulled back out onto the road, he knew there was no question what they would be up to tonight.

I shouldn’t be doing this. Sam felt her clothes being ripped off and Sterling’s mouth clumsily envelop her own. Although her body was responding, her mind was numb. As she watched Sterling tear off his own clothes and push her back on his bed with a ridiculous scoff, she kept wondering whether this was really happening. She felt his sweaty body slide on top of hers, and his lips attack her again. Within moments, he was thrusting heavily into her. Her body rocked forcefully up and down and heard his deep panting. His whole body was roaring with desire, and his lovemaking was intense.

Moments later, Sterling groaned loudly and landed with a thud on her chest. ‘That was so good, Sam.’ He gave out a satisfied sigh and rolled off, staggering into his en suite. She heard a loud swishing sound followed by an enormous belch.

Sam quickly yanked the sheet over her naked body. She felt dissatisfied, emotional, and sick. Sterling lazily walked back into his room and slumped on his bed beside her. ‘Now I could really do with a sleep.’

He grinned at her and turned around. His back was like a tall shield. Sam angrily tried to fight back the tears she felt stinging her eyes. What’s wrong with me? Her guard was down, and she didn’t like it one little bit. Within seconds, a snorting sound shot through the air, and Sterling was snoring loudly. It seemed a lifetime before Sam drifted to sleep.

Two

T he real estate world had been insanely busy, and Sam was swamped with organising house inspections, leasing rentals, selling homes, managing staff, and hitting targets. She welcomed the busyness as it allowed her to move on from her grandiose mistake with Sterling and almost pretend it never happened. It had been five months and she hadn’t heard from him, yet all of her colleagues somehow knew about their one-nighter. They had given her lots of cheek which she was still trying to live down. She hated people knowing about her intimate life, especially her work colleagues. But sleeping with a rival wasn’t the smartest thing to do either. You are such a fool, Sam L ocum.

The office had been chaotic all morning and Sam felt tired. She sat at her desk, checking urgent emails whilst rubbing her temples. She could feel the onset of a headache. She’d been getting them a lot lately.

‘You okay, Sam?’ Lisa appeared in front of her, her large blue eyes scanning Sam’s face. ‘You look so worn out.’

‘I’m fine, Lisa. Thanks.’

Sam gave her a quick smile and got back to checking her emails.

‘Don’t overdo it, Sam. Lisa warned. Although I know I’m wasting my breath.’ Lisa flicked her hair, as though making a final point to her speech and strutted back to her office, muttering as she went. Sam fought the pounding in her temples and slaved on. But as the day wore on, she got progressively worse. By early afternoon, Sam started feeling dizzy and had to go into the bathroom constantly to wash her face. As she quickly washed her face for the sixth time in an hour, she saw Lisa’s reflection staring at her in the mirror.

‘Sam, you look like crap. Go to the doctor and then go home. We can manage without you.’

Lisa’s tone was demanding, matching her boisterous personality. Sam usually would say no, but she was feeling so sick that she allowed Lisa to talk her into it.

‘Make sure you go to that doctor.’

Lisa wagged her finger as though Sam was still at school. Sam felt too ill to mind and nodded, leaving discreetly. She didn’t want the whole office knowing she was crook. She hated having to leave as it was; she had so much work to do.

Thankfully Sam’s doctor could slot her in and she only had to wait twenty minutes before seeing him. She had become his patient shortly after moving to Port. Smiling photographs of his wife and daughters were scattered in every corner around his room and an enormous glass jar crammed of multi-coloured jellybeans sat on his desk. There was not a time when Sam hadn’t seen him chewing on a jellybean. She was sure he scoffed a few before calling each awaiting patient. Surprisingly though, the jar was always full. It sat there, looking as important as all of the health posters and doctor’s tools.

‘So what’s troubling you, my dear?’

Sam could see traces of blue jellybean on his teeth, and despite feeling awful, she smiled at him.

‘Well I’ve been feeling really tired. I don’t know why as I’m not doing anything differently. I’ve also started getting dizzy and hot. It’s been getting worse.’

Sam subconsciously rubbed her temples. The Panadol she had taken hadn’t helped.

‘I see you’ve also been getting headaches from the look on your face. Are you still overworking, Sam?’

Doctor Timmons’s voice was tender. He raised his bushy greying eyebrows at her, waiting for an answer.

‘I don’t overwork, Doc.’

He wagged his finger and put on a stern face.

‘Oh yes, you do, my dear.’

Sam smiled again feeling like a naughty child.

‘Okay, enough with the fun and games. Have you been stressed, Sam?’ Doctor Timmons looked at her intensely. Sam thought for a moment.

‘Work has been very busy lately, but it’s nothing I haven’t been able to handle.’

She decided not to tell him about her father. She hadn’t seen him since that night some five months before. And she hadn’t spotted him around Port… yet.

‘Okay. Have you had sex in the last three to four months?’

Sam grimaced at the memory.

‘Yes, I had sex about… five months ago.’

Doctor Timmons’s eyebrows rose again. He paused.

‘You could be pregnant.’

Sam instantly dismissed the idea.

‘There’s no chance of that. I’ve been on the pill for ages.’

Doctor Timmons thought for a moment. His kind blue eyes looked at her warmly.

‘Your symptoms sound like possible pregnancy. Although you’re on the pill, it sometimes, for different reasons, doesn’t work. Headaches, fatigue, dizziness… they can all spell pregnancy.’

Doctor Timmons glanced at Sam’s flat stomach.

‘And some women don’t start showing until five months.’

He watched the frown form across Sam’s forehead. He could see her trying to retrace the time, trying to pinpoint when the symptoms began. I can’t be. Please, God, I can’t be.

‘No. There’s no way I could be, Doc. I can’t see how. I think I’m just run down.’

Doctor Timmons smiled at her gently. Reaching across his desk, he patted Sam’s hand.

‘Let’s be sure and take a little test.’

His voice was gentle. He had come to know his patient very well, better than Sam realised. Sam stared at his desk for a long time. She felt her body tighten and her head pounding harder than ever. What if I am? After a moment, she nodded silently, knowing there was no way to avoid the situation.

‘Okay. Let’s do this.’

Wasting no time, Doctor Timmons swung around on his chair and grabbed a package and a specimen jar.

‘Go do a pee in this jar and I’ll get your test ready.’ He handed Sam the jar and raised his finger to halt her for a moment.

‘Take a few of these fellas. They help me a lot.’

He unscrewed the massive lolly jar and offered Sam his prize jellybeans. Sam couldn’t help but smile again as she took a few jellybeans and made her way to the toilet.

A few minutes later, Sam re-entered the room, looking as white as a sheet. The few moments alone forced her to think about her possible situation. It had taken a while to wee as her shaking hands made holding the specimen jar challenging. The doctor had undone the packet containing the pregnancy test and wasted no time dropping the stick into the jar. He turned around in his chair, allowing Sam to see the results alone. Sam’s eyes were glued to the stick. She watched it slowly absorb her urine. She knew one line meant negative, and two lines positive. As Sam watched a second line appear abruptly on the stick, she at first did nothing. Her eyes refused to take in what they were seeing. The pregnancy line had appeared within moments. She didn’t even hear herself gasp out loud, or see Doctor Timmons spin around to check she was all right. The look on her face said it all.

‘From what I’m seeing, Sam, I don’t need to tell you you’re pregnant.’

She didn’t respond, didn’t even move. She was rooted to the spot, entranced at the test that looked a million times bigger than what it was.

‘Look, Sam, I know this is not what you planned, but sometimes these things happen for a reason, for the best.’

His comforting words did nothing to stir her. She sat silent as he did a routine blood test and checked her blood pressure.

‘This confirms what I said before where you’re showing typical pregnancy symptoms. I predict these symptoms will pass shortly and you will feel normal—even better—soon. At the moment, you need to get plenty of rest; your body is currently doing a lot of work.’

Sam nodded robotically, hearing Doctor Timmons’s voice but not his words. He handed her some pamphlets on pregnancy options and gently patted her back.

‘You can come and see me anytime, Sam. I know you need time to absorb this news. Try not to do it alone. I have written you a doctor’s certificate for some time off. I am happy to write you a referral to see a counsellor. I strongly recommend you take it up.’

Sam didn’t even feel herself stand and make her way to her car. She lost all sense of time. Forty minutes later, she drove out of the car park.

Three

S am took up Doctor Timmons’s suggestion and had a few days off. She knew if she went to work, her staff would sniff out something was wrong. That was the last thing she wanted. She didn’t want anyone knowing her situation. Not even Sterling. Sterling. She couldn’t believe what had happened. A one-nighter with a man she barely knew had resulted in a baby between them. Shit. She was 33 years old for goodness’s sake! She knew that Sterling had used her that night. She had woken in his bed to find him already gone with a note saying, ‘Had fun, baby!’ It humiliated her knowing she let herself get so tipsy and sleep with a total dimwit. Dealing with the mistake of giving herself to a stranger was big enough; comprehending that they had created a child together was another matter.

She had spent the last two days sitting on the lounge, dumbstruck, still in the clothes she wore from the doctor’s appointment, and watching the colourful screen of her television. She hadn’t cried. The shock of her situation deadened her, making her feel as though she had been doused to the bone with disinfectant. But she had made one call to the women’s health clinic. Her appointment was this morning at eleven. She was too numb to feel sick about what she was going to do. Her ability to feel had been sucked dry, matching her dry eyes. She didn’t even shower before leaving. Her hair stuck up in short clumps everywhere, and her face still had traces of the make-up she had been wearing three days before. The possibility of someone she knew seeing her down the street didn’t even enter her mind.

Mechanically she drove down to the clinic. She didn’t even remember steering her car or locking the door. One minute she had been at home, the next she was sitting in a cold seat staring at the front desk of the clinic as the receptionist called a name.

‘Sam Locum?’

Sam instinctively looked up. A lady dressed in a pale blue blouse and pants with a name badge was looking at her kindly, a careful mix of sympathy and professionalism.

‘Yes.’

Sam’s voice came out as a croak; she hadn’t used it in two days.

‘Come with me to one of the private rooms.’

The nurse waited for Sam to stand and led her to a pokey room down the end of a white hallway. The room felt cold and clinical. Sam started feeling dizzy again and shivered through her thin work cardigan. The nurse gently closed the white door and sat behind her desk, facing Sam.

‘My name is Marjorie Watkins, Sam, and I’m one of the doctors here.’

Marjorie’s green eyes looked warmly at Sam for a moment. There was a pause.

‘After your phone call to us, we required access to your blood results from your doctor to confirm your pregnancy. We received a fax from pathology this morning of your results, and as you already know from your urine test, you are pregnant.’

Despite knowing full well she was pregnant, a wave of raw shock crashed through her. This should not be happening. Doctor Marjorie allowed some time to pass.

‘What you don’t know however, Sam, is how far you are in your pregnancy. Most women discover they are pregnant roughly six weeks after conception. This is usually because they have either been trying to conceive or have had the dreaded morning sickness.’

Doctor Marjorie paused again, and Sam wasn’t quite sure where she was going. Her voice became softer.

‘Sam, your case is different in that you’re a lot further in your pregnancy. You are actually twenty weeks.’

Sam’s eyes grew wide. What? Why hadn’t she realised? Her belly hadn’t grown; she still had been getting her periods. There had been no clues besides feeling run down. The only thing that did add up was the timing of conception, which made total sense, yet Sam’s mind refused to believe it. As though reading her thoughts, Doctor Marjorie continued.

‘Not all women experience the familiar symptoms of pregnancy you hear about. In your case, you are experiencing fatigue, dizziness, and are generally feeling unwell. The fact that you are still on the pill has kept you getting your periods, although you may have realised that were lighter, different in colour, or shorter in duration.’

Sam noted that this had been the case. She had simply thought it had to do with feeling under the weather. Although Doctor Marjorie was ticking all of the mystery boxes, Sam wondered where she was heading with the conversation. Marjorie instantly read Sam’s concern and looked at her gently.

‘Sam, I’m afraid that you are too far in your pregnancy to have a legal abortion.’

There was an infinite silence as Marjorie let her words sink in. The silence grew a presence of its own as Sam sat stunned and shocked. She felt as though her ability to think and feel had suddenly left her body, like some sort of major falling out, leaving her alone and helpless. She didn’t hear Marjorie’s condolences nor did she hear Doctor Marjorie discussing counselling options and antenatal appointments. Whatever that meant. All she felt were her legs unsteadily walking her out of the clinic ten minutes later and her hands shakily holding the bunch of pamphlets and contacts she’d been given. Doctor Marjorie had found her an obstetrician and made her an appointment for the next day. She had witnessed many women in the same traumatised state and hoped that like the others, Sam would soon come around and enjoy the little life growing inside of her. The hot shower forced out the emotional plug Sam had lodged in her body for the past few days and she sobbed uncontrollably for an hour. Her tears streamed down her breasts and belly in torrents until there were none left. My life is ruined. Her career was over; her reputation was destroyed, and life as she knew it was over. She didn’t want to be a mother—never had—and now she had no choice. Gosh, Sterling was a shocking choice within itself. Sam literally had thrown up amidst her sobs at the thought of having to tell him. Her life had turned upside down in a flash and there was no way of ever going back.

As she got out of the shower, her skin felt crinkly and numb. Instead of being refreshed, she was drained and her eyes felt as though they were made of lead. Sam knew she had to call Sterling. The shower had exposed the hard-hitting reality. I must face this.

After putting on her dressing gown, she looked up Sterling’s number on the real estate contact list she kept. She felt humiliated that she had to find the father of her baby’s number in a database. It slapped her in the face how little they knew of each other despite the massive connection they now shared. She had no idea how they would deal with this; she certainly wasn’t going to try suggesting a relationship. I’d rather die first. She found Sterling’s number after scanning through the listed surnames and, with trembling fingers, dialled his mobile. After a few rings, she heard his laidback voice.

‘Yeah.’

Even the way he answered made Sam cringe. She fought to find her voice.

‘Sterling, it’s Sam.’

There was a momentary pause.

‘Oh, Sam! How ya going, babe?’

She hated him referring to her as though she were one of his ‘babes’.

‘Actually, not too great. Are you free to talk for a moment?’

Even Sam’s grave voice didn’t faze him.

‘Yeah, sure, babe.’

Sam heard a lady’s voice mumble something in the background. She didn’t have to guess what he was up to. A moment later, he spoke again.

‘What’s up?’

Sam suddenly felt violently ill. She could envision him sprawled on his up-market lounge, probably naked, gazing out of the window without a care in the world. From the little she knew of Sterling, she could tell he was a man who got whatever he wanted, and with no regard for anybody else. She fought back the nausea and took a long breath.

‘God, Sam, what is this? You sound as though you’re about to tell me all of the real estate agencies in Port have been burned down or something. How about telling me how sexy our time together was?’

He dropped his voice then.

‘I had a great time with you, even though we both were a little shit-faced. We could arrange another little rendezvous?’

Even the way he spoke repulsed her. She couldn’t believe he had the hide to flirt with her when he had another woman waiting for him in his bed.

‘Actually, that’s why I’m calling, Sterling.’ Spit it out, Sam. She had to bite the bullet and tell him. Sterling’s constant banter was only making the phone call harder.

‘There’s no easy way to say this but unfortunately more has come out of our rendezvous as you call it. I’m pregnant.’

There was a huge pause. Sam couldn’t even hear him breathing. She knew she had knocked the wind out of him, something he obviously wasn’t used to.

‘WHAT?’

Sterling’s voice roared into the phone.

‘I know this is a massive shock, Sterling, for both of us, let me assure you but . . .’

‘How can you be so irresponsible? Aren’t you on the pill?’

Sterling’s sudden outburst took Sam off guard.

‘Excuse me, Sterling, not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I was on the pill, and yes, I am responsible.’

‘Well obviously not, Sam, or we wouldn’t be having this fucking conversation.’

His voice spat accusation, and Sam found herself growing furious.

‘Excuse me, Sterling, before you go blaming this on me, my pill for some reason did not work. The pill doesn’t always offer one hundred per cent protection and we weren’t exactly thinking straight that night to consider using more contraception.’

‘What do you mean the pill doesn’t always work? I’ve never had this issue, and believe me, I’ve slept with a lot of women.’

Sam felt another hot wave of sickness rise up her throat. She couldn’t believe she was one of those stupid women on his sex list and wished desperately that she could turn back the clock. This conversation was getting worse by the second, and he hadn’t even heard the rest of it yet. As if hearing her thoughts, Sterling spoke.

‘Well I don’t want any baby, Sam. Get rid of it.’

His words sliced through her.

‘I can’t, Sterling.’

‘What do you mean you can’t? I’m telling you now, Sam, I’m not having no baby.’

He said it as though his own child was a new phone connection deal.

‘I’m too far pregnant, Sterling, to have an abortion, otherwise I would have.’

‘YOU’RE KIDDING, AREN’T YOU?’

Sterling’s voice escalated. ‘How the HELL could you have not known, Sam? Are you that fucking dumb?’

Furious tears blinded Sam’s eyes.

‘How dare you!’

‘As far as I’m concerned, Sam, you’ve made one big fucking mess and you’re sure as hell not dragging me into it.’

Sam could not believe his pig-headedness and stupidity. His aggression unnerved her.

‘It’s not all my fault, Sterling. May I remind you that you played a big role in this happening? I was going to say huge, Sterling, but that would be the over-statement of the year.’

Her sarcasm only made him more furious.

‘It is all your fucking fault. It’s your responsibility to make sure you’re covered when you’re planning to go find somebody to fuck for the night.’

Sterling’s true colours were surfacing in leaps and bounds, and Sam found herself suddenly hating him.

‘For your information, Sterling, what I did with you is something I deeply regret.’

‘Well for what it’s worth, you were a lousy fuck anyway. I don’t care what you do, Sam, but I’m having no part of this.’

Sterling’s cruelty slapped Sam through the phone.

‘Believe me, Sterling, being involved with you is the last thing I want. But this baby is yours and you will be hearing from me. You do have the responsibility of child support.’

‘Fuck that, Sam. I’m not paying no child support.’

His voice was childish and sulky. Sam felt like correcting his poor grammar then slapping him to top it off.

‘We’ll see about that.’

Sam heard the phone click and knew he had hung up in a huff.

And once again, Sam felt foreign tears run down her cheeks.

Sam had a restless night. She kept dreaming of Sterling and his sweaty body rubbing against her. She was running desperately after him with a swollen belly, screaming his name hysterically. He was turning and laughing at her. His face was twisting into a horrible frown and shrieking, ‘How fucking dumb are you?’ over and over, his voice insane with rage. She woke up drenched in sweat and was surprised to find her hand set securely on her stomach. It was eight o’clock in the morning and Sam couldn’t believe she had slept in. She was used to waking early, like a reliable alarm, and getting ready for work. This morning she felt heavy-headed and disorientated. She remembered she had a nine o’clock appointment with the obstetrician. She had another shower and forced down some plain toast and tea.

The obstetrician office was beside Port Macquarie’s public hospital. A massive sign spelling MATERNITY WARD made Sam break out in a sweat. This is not real. It’s just some cruel prank and Sterling is the horrible clown.

‘Hello, my name is Amy. Can I help you?’

The receptionist looked at Sam brightly. Sam found herself stumbling to talk, something she