Marrying Right

By Davison Kanokanga

This book is for those who want to avoid the pain and misery of marrying the wrong person. It is a useful guide for spinsters, bachelors, divorcees, widows and widowers who are considering or might want to consider marriage. It is a useful tool for pastors, church leaders, youth leaders and marriage counselors. This book prepares you for marriage. It helps you to be a good candidate for marriage. It also equips you to be able to know what to look for in a potential spouse.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Feb 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504999922

Davison Kanokanga

Davison Kanokanga is a senior lawyer who practices law in Harare, Zimbabwe. He is the author of several books on love, marriage and relationships. He is also a radio and television personality, a marriage counselor, a preacher and a conference speaker. Davison and his wife Gwendoline are the founders of The Marriage Centre which offers pre-marriage and marriage counseling services as well as the senior pastors of Impact Christian Centre, a bible based church in Zimbabwe.

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© 2016 Davison Kanokanga. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse   02/12/2016

ISBN: 978-1-5049-9991-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-9990-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5049-9992-2 (e)

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Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Website.

CONTENTS

Dedication

Introduction

Before You Choose A Marriage Partner

Common Mistakes In Choosing A Marriage Partner

Red Flags

Pre –Marital Sex

Marrying Right

Soul Ties

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to my sons Prince and King and all those who might one day want to get married. My desire is for you to marry right. If you follow the teachings in this book you will not go wrong. You will marry right. When you marry right you will live right.

INTRODUCTION

My other titles, Keeping Your Marriage Intact, Your Marriage Can Work, No Mountain Too high to Climb, The Divorce Proof Marriage, Marital Bliss and The Love Life, focus largely on married people. I this book I shift my focus from married people to unmarried people. I focus on bachelors, spinsters, widows, widowers and divorcees who might want to consider marriage.

After counselling so many couples. It became apparent to me that most of the marital problems that were presented to me by my counselees could be traced back to what either happened or did not happen before the couple got married. Most people get married without asking themselves and their mate some relevant questions. These are common mistakes which people make in choosing a marriage partner. Some people ignore the red flags that pop up while they are dating their potential spouse and go ahead and get married with huge red flags hanging over their heads. Yet others marry for the wrong reasons. Whilst others marry without the benefit of meaningful pre-marriage counselling.

I have put together this informative, educative and instructive book with the intention of helping people to be good marriage material, to know how to choose the right marriage partner, to know why and how to avoid engaging in pre-marital sex and to know why and how to marry right.

This book will help you avoid the headaches and heartaches of a wrong marriage, if you want to marry right get a copy of this book. If you are a parent and want your children to marry right, then get them a copy of this book. If you are a pastor and you want your congregants to marry right, then encourage them to get a copy of this book.

Never marry anyhow. Marry right.

CHAPTER 1

BEFORE YOU CHOOSE A MARRIAGE PARTNER

The starting point of adequate preparation for a great marriage is actually during the single years before you even get to know, meet or choose your marriage partner.1

The word prepare means to make or get ready for use. Before you can even think of looking for a marriage partner, you must first understand the institution of marriage. Here are a few things you need to know and understand about marriage:

• Marriage is God’s idea

• Marriage is the highest human relationship there is

• Marriage is God’s gift to man

• Marriage is a school of learning

• Marriage is a mystery.

The law in Zimbabwe defines marriage

A sui generis contract by which two persons of the opposite sex, who are not only competent to marry generally but are also competent to marry each other, consent to marry each other in terms of a ceremony prescribed by law before a marriage officer thereby conferring upon themselves a legal status of a public character and creating between themselves a legal relationship by virtue of which they are obliged to remain so married to each other and to observe conjugal rights towards each other exclusively, until their marital relationship is dissolved, either by the death of one or both of them or by an order of a court of competent jurisdiction2

From a biblical standpoint, marriage is not a contract but a covenant.’

‘You ask, why? It is because the law is acting as witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner the wife of your marriage covenant."3

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

These are some key questions which you should ask yourself before you think of choosing a life partner. Below are some of the critical questions which you must ask yourself:

• AM I MARRIAGE MATERIAL?

It is a fact that not everyone is marriage material. Marriage is not for everyone. The following discourse which Jesus had with his disciples brings out this point clearly:

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except, for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery. His disciples said to him if such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry. But he said to them All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it is given for there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s wombs and there are eunuchs who are made eunuchs by men and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake"4

In the above discourse, Jesus identified three types of eunuchs. There are natural eunuchs, that is to say those that are born with physical defect which makes them impotent or makes them not have a real desire for marriage, or sex. Then there are forced eunuchs. These were made eunuchs by others probably through castration for whatever reason. Finally there are voluntary eunuchs. These are