A Christian Divorce

By Christopher Lake

Divorce presents individuals with one of lifes greatest adversities. And Christians are simply not immune. When it occurs, it must be endured . . . and then overcome.

The primary message of A Christian Divorce is radically simple: God calls us to live-out our faith in every circumstance, including before, during and after a divorce.

To be a Christian to be a follower of Jesus Christ means that God has called us to lives of significance . . . not just on sunny days, but on the days when we find ourselves caught in torrential down pours. And divorce is one of the most common down pours experienced in our country.

If God can use the gruesome event of a crucifixion as a catalyst for faith, then the same God can certainly turn any hardship including divorce into an inspirational force to transform lives. Consequently, whether you or a loved one find yourself on the brink, in the midst, or living in the wake of divorce, A Christian Divorce points all who read it to seek Divine Counsel just as aggressively as they seek legal counsel.

In a world that is desperately in need of Christians who are fully embracing and modeling the example of Jesus Christ, there is no greater opportunity to live out the Christian faith than through our own familieswhether they are intact, broken, or breaking. A Christian Divorce encourages and challenges those who find themselves mired in divorce to recognize that now, perhaps more than ever, is crucial time to live out their faith.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 27, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512742107

Christopher Lake

Christopher Lake is an educator of 28 years and spent his formative years teaching English and History. He found an early passion for fiction in college, then enjoyed teaching middle and high school literature in public schools. His inspiration to write formed from the many impactful books that helped shape his adult life. In 2018, Chris decided to write on a regular basis to express his passion for literature.

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© 2016 Christopher Lake.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Author photo by Courtney Teesdale

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-4209-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4211-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-4210-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016907819

WestBow Press rev. date: 05/26/2016

Contents

Forewords

Preface

Consideration #1

Consideration #2

Consideration #3

Consideration #4

Chapter 1 A Christian Divorce: It’s Not Only Possible. It’s Necessary

Chapter 2 Divorce Is an Opportunity to Live Out Your Faith

Chapter 3 Prayerfully Consider the Effects of Divorce on Children

Chapter 4 Prayerfully Consider the Effects of Divorce on Christianity

Chapter 5 Your Lawyer Will Leave a Lasting Impact

Chapter 6 Know Your Options: Collaborative Law

Chapter 7 Know Your Options: Mediation

Chapter 8 Coping with Divorce: Seek Counseling

Chapter 9 Coping with Divorce: God Calls You to Live in Peace

Chapter 10 Coping with Divorce: God Calls You to Have Self-Compassion

Chapter 11 Coping with Divorce: Psychologists Confirm You Need Self-Compassion

Chapter 12 What Is Worth Fighting Over?

Consideration #5

Afterword

Final Message

Acknowledgments

Endnotes

To Melanie, Sawyer, Claire, and Lauren for the love, encouragement, motivation, and inspiration you give me every day.

Let us hold unswervingly

to the hope

we profess,

for he who promised

is faithful.

—Hebrews 10:23

FOREWORDS

Chris Lake is the kind of guy you hope to run into at the coffee shop but hope never to visit in his office. I met Chris in June of 2012 while unpacking a box truck in Dallas, Texas, after returning from a mission trip to western Florida. I immediately liked the guy. Chris is a man who does not take himself seriously. We once played football in the rain in Costa Rica by using a lemon as a ball. But Chris is a man who takes what he does very seriously. What does Chris do? Chris divorces people.

Well, that’s what Chris does for a living. What else does Chris do? Chris is a devout husband and father and a man of great faith. Given his faith, Chris’s profession might seem odd. It seemed odd to me at least. I have, however, grown to give thanks that Chris found himself in this line of work. We need strong Christian men and women in this and (nearly) every other professional field.

Chris is a Christian leader. Please note that it is possible to be both a Christian and a leader without being a Christian leader. Many Christians have strong Christian convictions and values but lead in their places of work through a different set of convictions and values. Christian leaders are those men and women who lead through the lens of their faith. Simply put, Christian leadership is leading others as Christ leads you.

Chris is a Christian leader.

If you are going through a divorce, Chris is a man you’d do well to hear from.

If you have picked up this book for yourself or for someone you care about, allow me to say that I am very sorry. Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences that you can walk through. My hope is that before you made it to this book, you had the opportunity to read a few others and go through a period of counseling, attempting to reconcile the marriage. If you know that it is time to move forward with the divorce, Chris has written this book for you.

As Christians, we stand between the harsh reality that we live in a broken world and the ultimate reality that one day all will be made new. As we anticipate the return of Christ and the restoration of God’s creation, we must live in the midst of the consequences of our fractured world. Divorce is a reality that we will no longer have to deal with one day, but it is a reality that we must presently address.

Chris argues persuasively that it is not only possible but necessary for Christians to maintain the principles of their faith as they walk through their divorce. Christian marriage is entered into under the officiation of a minister and adorned with prayers and blessings. Christian parents pray for their children and baptize or dedicate them before the church. We even bless our animals (or at least some people do). But divorce? We keep our divorce at an arm’s length from our faith.

This habit reveals a lack of faith. We believe that God can lead us through the highs and even most of the lows of our lives, but for some reason we doubt that God can lead us through our divorce. To be clear, I am not suggesting that God likes divorce. Jesus says very clearly, What God has joined together let nothing separate. The Old and New Testaments speak of spouses becoming one flesh. Divorce breaks God’s heart, even more deeply than it breaks your heart. But just as God doesn’t like cancer but leads sick men and women through treatment and just as God doesn’t like substance abuse but leads men and women through recovery, God does not like spouses being rend apart, but God does not abandon us in the midst of it.

God can lead you through this time, and Chris Lake has pointed the way.

Chris’s words are challenging, but in their challenge they provide hope. They provide something else as well. These words are intensely practical. Do not expect merely to be motivated to navigate your divorce through the lens of your faith. Expect to be given the tools to actually undertake a Christian divorce.

You are likely in a difficult place right now. If you are sure that the way forward is through the valley of divorce, I am glad that you have found a guide in Chris Lake.

Reverend Matt Tuggle,

Director of Family Ministries

Associate Minister

Highland Park UMC

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Chris Lake has written a life changing work chronicling divorce as it relates to the Christian experience. Divorce is the ultimate broken dream. Unfortunately, divorce is an epidemic in this country, and being saved by grace does not insulate any of us from the struggles that life brings in a lost and fallen world. We are called to be salt and light to the world at all times, both through the mountaintop experiences as well as when we are broken and overwhelmed by despair. We begin marriage with a three-way vow between God and a man and wife, bathed in love and hope, dreaming of nothing but joy and happiness in the future now that we have found the perfect person to walk alongside.

When a marriage ends and we lose our spouse, the dreams are shattered, and it is all too easy fail to surrender this experience to God. Our most important action we must take as Christians is to not lose God in the process. If we are authentic in our faith journey, we must hold even tighter to Jesus when everything we believed in is in shambles. At those times God seems remote as if he has abandoned us. It is all too easy to turn away when pain endures without seeing a time when there will again be joy.

Chris shares a personal glimpse of how his parents’ bitter divorce affected him as a young man and warns that the damage still reverberates today—the product of choosing lawyers who were focused on destroying the other spouse rather than restructuring the family. From his pain has emerged a sensitivity focused on healing rather than destruction. Healing requires holding fast to faith.

The inevitable truth is that the family remains after divorce. As Christians, we must always bear this in mind through each step. Jesus calls us to conduct ourselves to be faith-focused disciples. Conflict resolution through integrity and even compassion for the one who hurt us more than we ever thought possible, guided by the knowledge that God will somehow use the pain for a purpose. There are options presented for the process—collaborative law, mediation, and litigation. Chris dissects each process together with the advantages and disadvantages of each method. Whether or not a Christian is a willing participant in the decision to divorce, it is imperative that Christians inform themselves as to the different paths and do so with the advice of the right lawyer. A lawyer who does not spend time exploring the options but adopts a one-size-fits-all mentality is the wrong lawyer. Do not walk away, but run if this is the lawyer that you interview. Selection of the wrong lawyer is a mistake from which there may never be a complete recovery. Just as selecting the wrong doctor can result in continuing illness or even death, selection of the wrong lawyer results is a massive waste of money and bitterness that never leaves.

Regardless of the methodology that is chosen, it is imperative to receive