Raising Adults: Preparing for Eighteen

By Terry Allen Sutherland

Raising Adults is the name of a series of books written by Terry Sutherland, an average parent with an unusual idea about parenting. Preparing for Eighteen is just the first installment of at least ten books and possibly many more.
Terry will present a lecture series about these concepts. The motivation of raising children to be adults by the time theyre eighteen is the very survival of the entire human race. If that doesnt make this parenting book sound overly dramatic, your life is wildly exciting.
This first book is arranged around three pillars: individuality, humanity, and virtues. It is structured within eighteen chapters that discuss the various kinds of things that are found in adults who have high integrity and sound character. It discusses the qualities of adults who are capable and ready to take over their own lives and contribute significantly to humanity, starting at only eighteen years old.
The book is not scholarly but anecdotal. The content is the perspectives and experiences of Terry Sutherland and his wife, Pam, as they raise their own children to be adults by eighteen. There are specific questions and sincere attempts to provide at least one valid answer to each of them. There are some serious life events discussed that create an emotional roller coaster the reader will not forget.
By the end of this book, the readers will understand what it means to have children and the responsibility of parents. Anyone with kids will want to raise them with purpose so they take over their lives by the age of eighteen. When children become adults, they begin to either improve or drain the world and the human race. With the information in his book, Terrys readers can raise their children to be adults who add value to the human race.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524620561

Terry Allen Sutherland

Terry Allen Sutherland started as an infant in 1966. The launch of the inevitable adult happened in Gary, Indiana. Terry struggled as a young boy because many people thought he was a young girl for the first few years (small, soft, pink). Terry grew up in a small town in Indiana and graduated from high school in a small town in Indiana as well. At about ninth grade, Terry was diagnosed with a retinal disorder called Stargardt’s disease. Basically, it meant he would continue losing sight through adolescence then level off at legally blind until his geriatric years. Terry made a conscious choice to thrive despite the circumstance. After graduation in 1984, Terry attended Vincennes University, where he met the woman who would complete and contain him. He married Pam Hall in November 1987 in Stockwell, Indiana. Pam and Terry moved to Indianapolis in 1988 and started their own family in November 1991 with Angelise. Spencer joined the group in January 1995. Terry eventually returned to his undergraduate education in IT and math at the University of Indianapolis in 1994. He graduated with a 3.0 in 1997. Terry has worked as several kinds of technology professionals since then. He saved the world from the Y2K computer disaster in 1999 and eventually incorporated himself as an independent IT consultant in 2009. Now, after thirty-five years of overcoming blindness, thirty years of marriage, and twenty-five years of parenting, Terry has decided to redefine parenting. With Pam’s careful, unconditional guidance, Terry has the confidence and fierce determination to help other parents raise their children with purpose. “Train up a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6, ESV).

Book preview

Raising

Adults

Preparing for Eighteen

Terry Allen Sutherland

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2016 Terry Allen Sutherland. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 08/15/2016

ISBN: 978-1-5246-2057-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5246-2056-1 (e)

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and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®) copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. ESV® Text Edition: 2011. The ESV® text has been reproduced in cooperation with and by permission of Good News Publishers. Unauthorized reproduction of this publication is prohibited. All rights reserved.

Contents

PROLOGUE Operator’s manual

Proverbs 22:5 - 7

Chapter 1 Preparing for parenting

I.   INDIVIDUALITY

Chapter 2 I Am… (Self-awareness & Self-respect)

Chapter 3 I Can… (Self-confidence & Self-realization)

Chapter 4 I Ought… (Self-motivation & Self-reliance)

Chapter 5 I Will… (Self-discipline & Self-control)

Chapter 6 Self improvement

II.   HUMANITY

Chapter 7 Relationship perspective

Chapter 8 Love

Chapter 9 Sexuality

Chapter 10 Humor

Chapter 11 Creativity

III.   VIRTUES

Chapter 12 Empathy

Chapter 13 Honesty

Chapter 14 Humility

Chapter 15 Responsibility

Chapter 16 Critical-thinking

Chapter 17 Common Sense

Chapter 18 Facing eighteen a peaceful transfer of power

EPILOGUE: Author’s reflection

This is dedicated to the ones I love

This book is for all human beings who care about how children are raised, and adults are made. But, it is dedicated to these specific human beings:

Pam, you are my eternal partner in the greatest romance ever known. You make all things possible in our marriage. I am the clumsy oaf who compliments your boundless grace and beauty. This work is my labor of love for you and everything you’ve done for the rest of us. I have ideas about parenting, but only because you introduced them or exposed them.

Angelise and Spencer, my darling children, you are the firm ground, the deep soul, and the driving passion that caused this book to become reality. You are the reason I know these things. Your mom is the reason I survived the education.

Hall family, you’ve all shaped me. I married your Pam for better or worse. When we started our marriage, I was worse, but you all have made me better. I love you all.

Aunt Jean, you rescued me from mediocrity. I was a child incapable of true adulthood and self-actualization. I would never have grown up without your careful preparation and hard work. Also, thanks for not throttling me when I was a screaming baby.

Ken Maisel Sr., you are my step father by marriage, but my only dad by right. I learned from you how to be a fun, accessible dad, not just father. You truly were a dad in the trenches for our whole childhoods.

Scripture References Source Citations

Bible Gateway Website

Proverbs 22:5-7 (ESV)

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?

search=proverbs+22&version=ESV

Psalm 139:1-24

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/

?search=Psalm+139&version=ESV

Galatians 5:13-23

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/

?search=Galatians+5&version=ESV

1 Corinthians: 13

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?

search=1+Corinthians+13&version=ESV

PROLOGUE

Operator’s manual

The objective of this writing is not to guide non parents into the production of perfect adults or perfect people, or the refining of Imperfect children into perfect adults. This writing is meant for parents who don’t otherwise think about a specific end intended by their parenting. Most parents typically consider the means for surviving today and preventing major catastrophe tomorrow, with a significant focus on this coming week’s end. I mean for people to learn some very specific concepts about the purpose of parenting, not the perfection of parenting. I only added this brief passage because at this time, our kids are well estranged from perfect, though legitimately capable of being an adult (when the mood strikes). One of them actually invented a statement about the other: … isn’t autistic, just genius adjacent. Neither of our kids is autistic. Currently (though we both expect this to shift any time now), one of our kids doesn’t have a filter, but the other doesn’t really have much of a processor. The disturbing thing is the amount of intellect both of them demonstrate with the greatest ease. The point of this book, therefore, is to guide parents in preparing children to encounter adult life, knowing the core of what to expect, and what will be expected of them.

Raise your children on purpose. With your eyes fully open, and a joyous ferocity of intent, prepare yourself for your child’s life to end at the hands of the adult they are meant to become. Raise your children up to become adults intentionally, and on schedule. You are a member of the entire human race, and may decide to contribute at least one other person to our little group. If you do, there is something you need to know about the contribution process and some quality control guidelines. This book you are now reading is the manual on how to operate that parenting process. Take nothing for granted. Do not blindly conduct your parenting operations casually and with hopes of a fine adult happening by random chance. You have chosen the monastic life of role model, physician, priest, comforter, teacher, et cetera ad nausea. Pursue excellence in each of these roles as though your work will one day be presented to God Himself for judgment. As a matter of fact, it will. Moreover, your work will be judged by the human race even before God gets His final say.

Raise your children with purpose. Raise them to be motivated, self-starting adults when you finish the first eighteen years of parenting (step one of three in your new life). Finish this first phase by the time they are eighteen because there are yet two phases of your child’s life in which you will participate.

The work in the following text is a culmination of years pursuing a desired result – a respectable, self-sufficient, thoughtful person. Over all, I have discovered it is far easier to be a respectable person than to create one. I’ve seen some families make it look incredibly easy, while others make it look impossible. The following wisdom is retrospective, and anecdotal. Do not associate any scholarly pursuits or depth to anything said after this. I am not a behavior list, nor a psychologist or psychiatrist, nor an expert of any kind in any childhood or parenting profession. I am simply a parenting veteran, by the Grace of God. God chose to send me the perfect mother for my children – praise His infinite wisdom. I merely have the gifts of recognition and recollection. I can also write a pretty good spell. All I have accomplished here is to organize my observations about people I have encountered, and my discovery of truths that lead my wife and me to specific practices and goals for our approach to child rearing. If anything herein is useful or fits your parenting philosophy, implement it and raise your children to act like somebody. Raise them to do something worth a lick. These are things my grandmother (who raised me) said to me as instructions. All I ask in return is that you add more respectable contributors to the human race. Here, therefore, is the thing I have chosen to do that’s worth a lick. I hope this book I have written in obedience to Honey’s enduring command makes her as proud of my work as she is of me and the people my kids had become when she passed over.

I’ll look at four main ideas over this lengthy discussion. First, I’ll explain my issues with how people are not raising their kids to become adults today. Next, I’ll explore what goes into a good quality person, and set a deadline for when that person should be ready. I’ll continue the overall discussion with a subordinate theme of choices, consequences, and accountability. Finally, I’ll infuse the ideas of being a minor child’s parent, an adult’s parent, and a grandparent as three stages in the journey you start when you create a new person. The paragraphs in the main core of the text are organized by discussing four, specific questions, which are outlined in Chapter one. The book is divided into sections that focus on specific ideas. This first section is introductory, but there are also sections labeled Individuality, Humanity, and Virtues. These are major sections with their own designations because they are the theme of the chapters that follow. The reason for this organization is to clarify the part of living the ideas in those chapters’ impacts. Any biblical passages included herein are intended for meditation and prayer for context and the reader’s edification. They are indicative of my source for the philosophy on which their section is founded. Now, please read on, learn and enjoy.

Proverbs 22:5 - 7

5 In the paths of the wicked are snares and pitfalls, but those who would preserve their life stay far from them.

6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

7 The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.

My Bible-wise brother in-law, Greg explained this passage to me once. He said, It isn’t about the traditional idea people usually think it is. He was animated now, People always use this in the wrong context. The always use it like it means train up a child with religion and they will return to it when they retire or something. He paused to collect himself through his enthusiasm, It actually means we have to teach our children how they should be, not how we think is the right behavior, but the qualities they should have to be the right person they naturally are. We have to teach them to be true to themselves, and be the best they can while they do it! Greg only ever really got excited like this when he had gained some truth or knowledge that was genuinely deep. In this case, it was a significant grasp of powerful wisdom. I always have great reverence for Greg