“Marriage” Is for a Life Time

By Dr. John Nordman

"Marriage for a life time" was written to guide two young people through the time of courtship to raising their children. It offers guidance through situation that will make the difference between a great marriage and divorce. He offers Biblical guidance in the raising of children; to give them a change to face their future with confidence and success.
Marriage is for a life time and when a mother and father turn to God and trust Him, their marriage will be joyful and successful.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris AU
• Release date: Jun 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9781514496350

Dr. John Nordman

Dr. Nordman and his dear wife of fifty years have enjoyed a life time of contentment and friendship. As a Baptist Pastor his weekly dealing with marriages and teenagers has given him a keen insight into what is needed to be a family of joy and peace.

Book preview

Other books by Dr. JT Nordman

Divorce

Old Testament Outline

Biblical Theology of the Old and New Testament

The Gospel of James

The Making of a man-of-God

The Book of Ecclesiastes

Mr Nobody

Mr Somebody

MARRIAGE

is For a life time

DR. JOHN NORDMAN

Copyright © 2016 by Dr. John Nordman.

ISBN:   Softcover         978-1-5144-9634-3

             eBook              978-1-5144-9635-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Scriptures taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Rev. date: 05/19/2016

Xlibris

1-800-455-039

www.Xlibris.com.au

741684

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Chapter 1: Family in General

Chapter 2: Boundaries

Chapter 3: Pre-marriage

Chapter 4: Marriage

Chapter 5: Husband and Wife

Chapter 6: The Home

Chapter 7: Children

Chapter 8: Parents

Chapter 9: Succeeding as a Single Parent

Chapter 10: Rearing One of God’s Special Children

Questions

Notes

Dedicated first

To my wife of over fifty years whose love and encouragement had made everything in my life turn out better.

Second to my proof ready, and encourager Laura Steers for her hundreds of hours spent doing what I could not do.

Foreword

There has never been a more needful time than now for a book like this. The disintegration of traditional family values, the ever-increasing economic pressures placed upon families coupled with the fragmentation of the family unit and separation from extended family members, this book provides timely counsel. In the words of Modecai to Esther, this book has come for such a time as this.

My wife and I have known John and Gwen Nordman for almost half of their married life (25 years). Two words come to mind when I think of this couple - faithful and consistent.

Credibility is built day by day, week-by-week, month-by-month and year by year. The testimony of the Nordmans fifty-year marriage is the greatest endorsement for this book.

As a pastor, teacher and author, I understand the enormity of the task and at times the reservations in tackling the topic of marriage and the family in the twenty first century. Thankfully, Dr Nordman takes us back well before this century and build the foundation of his thoughts and advice on tried and tested principles and precepts of the greatest manual on the family - the Word of God.

Thought provoking and challenging questions have always been a trademark of Dr. Nordmans writings. True to form, this book is filled with carefully crafted questions designed to take the reader on a journey of examination and discovery. Together with the biblical principles and advice from personal life experience, this book provides helpful insights to any family willing to put the truths into practice.

The chapter content covers the entire spectrum of the family from the proverbial hatch, match and despatch of life. With personal anecdotes and relevant illustrations, the author brings the Bible truths to life with useful practical ideas that do not just leave you emotionally charged with a warm and fuzzy feeling. Rather, you will be armed and equipped to take your parenting, marriage and family life to another level.

Whilst you might not agree with every suggestion and idea, just remember they are just that - a suggestion. However, the warnings and truths of the Bible clearly expounded and by Dr Nordman together with the plain admonitions are what every reader should endeavour to follow.

I always believe what it takes to be a good husband and father is simply being a good Christian. Likewise, what it takes to be a good wife and mother is simply be a good Christian. This book will help you in this pursuit.

Dr. Robert Bakss

Pastor, Lighthouse Baptist Church

Rockhampton Australia

Preface

When I decided to sit down and plan a book on marriage, I thought that I had all the answers. After I looked in my Bible, got up off my knees, and left my Pastor’s study, I was ready to plan my book. I have put everything I believe into these pages and, by the grace of God, it will help you on your way.

In my preparation, I went through the Devonport Library and found 64 books on marriage in general and 83 on rearing children. That made me stop and wonder, Do we need another book on marriage and rearing children? After much time in prayer and thinking about the subjects, I came to the following conclusion: Writing another book on marriage is like telling a carpenter how to use a hammer. Therefore, I set out a set of principles and guidelines:

1. Few books on the family tell the complete truth on the husband and wife union; this one must.

2. There are fewer books on the rearing of children. We seem to lump boys and girls into one and thereby try to explain their growing up. This, you cannot do, so I will take the time and tell the differences.

3. Just about all the books on marriage and family are philosophical in nature, so I will write on how to and what to do and not to do.

4. Most of the books on family use more than one version of the Bible to make a point and to explain their position. I will use the King James Bible to be consistent and for the book to be God’s opinion and not my own.

I do not believe that I have all the answers on marriage, but I have been married to the same wonderful woman for fifty years and have a wonderful relationship with my children, who are married to godly men who are in full-time service. Having eleven grandchildren (all of which are saved and on their way to Heaven) and one great-grand daughter makes me feel somewhat qualified to speak about the blessing God has brought to us, because we have uplifted Him and tried to walk in His ways.

To you who have just started out on this path of life, from my heart may I tell you it is wonderful if you start out in a good, Bible-believing church and both of you are saved. If this book finds that one of you is not saved or you are not in a good church, then my prayer is that you make it so. There is no substitute for having a pastor and living inside the Word of God, and by that I mean that King James Bible.

So as you embark on this wonderful journey, please enjoy the blessings that God has for you and your children.

J. T. Nordman, Th.D., Ph.D.

As you sit to read this book a while,

Be ready to stop, think, and smile

For within these pages are rules and all,

To help those who are seeking not to fall.

My heart and tears cover every page.

I have searched the truths from all age.

In God’s Word, where truth is found,

Marriage is set; its rules are bound.

So enjoy your read on what God sees

If interested, seek from your knees.

I plead for understanding in the read.

I pray and ask God but to plant a seed.

Chapter 1

Family in General

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

Marriage is the very foundation of society, as we know it. The study of marriage, the family, and home life is the study of the most fundamental and basic institution in society. The family is to the home as the footings are to a house; everything rests on them to make the house stable, secure, and useable into the future. The enemies of God have trained their guns to destroy the very existence of the family and marriage. The line has been drawn in the sand. It is this line that Satan and his crowd are trying to wipe out, and it is this line we must, at all costs, preserve and defend. It is crucial to such a defence that Christians understand and reaffirm the biblical principles concerning the family that God intended.

We are in a time of biblical disruption. The foundations of God’s institution of marriage are shaking. There is no doubt that the values and practices of our society are being attacked from all sides. Basic principles and the old landmarks are being challenged. The young and old are discarding old ways, both the good and the bad. We hear of the young digging down into the roots in an endeavour to destroy the very basis of society. Today we are dealing with questions about same sex marriages, trial marriages, and living together without being married. There is not the slightest concern about the immorality or the morality of being married. Today, may I say, it is past time for the church of Jesus Christ to take a stand on the Word of God concerning marriage.

The first principle that needs to be understood is that God, not man, ordained marriage. Marriage is not an option. There is no truth in the thinking that marriage is an idea that today is not needed. Indeed, some who hold this view think that there are better options. Marriage was fine for its time, they say, but now we’ve outgrown it. Now that we have the pill, legalized abortion (murder), and same sex marriage, most of the usefulness of marriage has disappeared. Many things in life are just good philosophies and opinions that are fine for just a time, but they are to be discarded when something better comes along. Marriage is dissimilar. Marriage is the picture of the love and marriage of Christ and His church, which will last for eternity and is not subject to change or alteration.

The first marriage was brought to our attention in the Garden of Eden, with God Himself setting the paradigm. It is important to notice the word that God uses to illustrate marriage; that word is covenant. In the book of Proverbs, God warns against the adulteress who flatters with her words, who forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God. (Proverbs 2:17) In leaving the husband whom she married in youth, she is accused by God of forgetting (and breaking) His covenant. Marriage, then, is nothing less than a covenant ordained by God. A covenant in scripture is a solemn arrangement involving a ruler and a subject. A covenant is imposed on the latter by the former, and entails blessings when kept and a cost when broken. When one enters into marriage, he enters into a truly sacred and uniting covenant, set inflexible by God Himself.

God had refused to accept the offerings of His people. They asked why. He replied in Malachi 2:14, Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. God argues that a wife is a companion and wife by covenant. A marriage is a covenant made in the presence of and by direction of God. God ordained marriage; we have no authority to change marriage as we please. God set the rules and He expects us to submit. Nothing outside of His laws and commandments is a marriage in His eyes and the eyes of His church. Today we have false prophets leading blind churches away from the Word of God and destroying God’s covenant. (2 Peter 2:1 But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.)

The second principle: because marriage is of God, marriage is good. The way some people speak about marriage, disparage it, make light of it, and joke about it, one might think that marriage is of no importance. It might be hard for some to believe that marriage is the glue to hold a nation and family together; it is good. God ordained marriage, and sex is part of that wonderful union. It was given to bless and to bring together in love and compassion a man and a woman. Sexual relations are holy, righteous, and undefiled, unless perverted by sin. The marriage bed must be kept undefiled, says the writer of Hebrews (13:4). In Ephesians, Paul paralleled the marriage relationship to the holy relationship that exists between Jesus Christ and His church (5:22-33). That is what marriage should and can be like. In the Book of Revelation, Jesus spoke of His relationship to His people as that of a bridegroom to a bride (19:7-9; 21:2). So, then, God considers marriage both consecrated and virtuous. Outside of marriage, immorality called; whores, whoremunger with the off spring as bastards.

In the second chapter of Genesis (verse 18), these interesting words appear And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. God then took a rib from Adam and formed woman from it. God made woman as a help meet. Why? Because it is not good for man to be alone. The fundamental, ordinary, and most natural state is the state of marriage for those who have come of age. The purpose of man and woman is to be married and then to have children. That is what God intended. There are those who will live all of their lives outside of marriage. There are people to whom God has given the special gift of celibacy. That is what Paul says in I Corinthians 7. God created woman for Adam because He said that celibacy was not good. It is, therefore, better for a man to be married. One look at man’s inability to take care of himself makes obvious his need for woman. It is not good for him to be single unless directed by God. As a rule, a man needs a woman.

Now what is a woman? Why, specifically, was she created? Why did God not create just the man? What is it that she must do? She is to be fundamentally (according to Genesis 2:18) a help meet or helper. Woman was created as a helper for man. Well, what does that mean? It means a helper who is meet (appropriate for or made suitable for man). She corresponds to or complements the man at every point. She completes the man. God created woman because man needs her help; that is a Bible basic. She was created as a suitable helper to stand with him in life to help in every way. The idea of woman as a helper is a key concept that has been lost in modern marriages. A woman does not conceive herself as a helper anymore. Woman would like to think of herself as one who ought to be helped. The modern woman thinks of herself as somebody who stands in exactly the same place as her husband. She may have many ideas about her role, but she probably does not embrace the notion of herself as a helper. Standing in the shadow gladly is where God wants her; that is God’s position for her role in life as a helpmeet.

Freedom for a woman, her liberation, is found when she steps up to the position that God intended for her to hold. Women’s Liberation movements fail to recognize this, thereby unwittingly consigning a woman to a life of confusion and emptiness. In understanding and living according to her correct role before God and before her husband, she will find a life of joy and freedom. In no other way may a woman truly be at peace. For now, this one thought should be fixed indelibly in one’s mind: the woman was created to help her husband.

As a helper, she complements him; she is suitable for him; she is meet for him; and she completes him.