Stick with Me and You’Ll Be Wearing Diamonds: Bi-Polar Memoir

By Nancy Anne Lockwood

This story is about a woman who suffers from bipolar / manic depressive disorder. The book takes you through her tormented childhood with a stressful life. The author uses music to write, and the words are some of the greatest lyrics ever written. The character portrayed is a real-life woman, who is threatened with permanent hospitalization and fights to come back to reality. She has had many lovers, but the one who means the most is someone who has recently died of cancer. The story depicts her feelings about his death and the fact that she believes he is guiding her to write this novel.

Michael Jackson and the character of her lover died within two weeks of each other. The author uses many of Michael Jacksons songs to write, as well as Frank Sinatras.

The book is like a tug-of-war between the author and the family of a very talented woman. The author has been writing since the age of seven but does not publish a single thing until she is 72.

You must read the book carefully to really understand its meaning. The author uses music to express her innermost thoughts. She is a good Catholic, who had fallen away, and she comes back for Gods help.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 3, 2017
• ISBN: 9781524590888

Nancy Anne Lockwood

Nancy Anne Lockwood shares many hurdles in her second book, My Beautiful Gal. Nancy is battling bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia at the same time. They are both debilitating diseases. Her bipolar disease has meant many incarcerations, which is difficult due to the rehabilitation. It is very difficult to follow her through each hospitalization both mentally and physically. Nancy Anne resides in a small suburb about forty-five minutes away from San Francisco, California. Nancy’s passion has always meant learning new professions. Being so close to the city allows this way of learning. Nancy has many talents and shares them with others. They are gourmet cooking, oil painting, photography, gardening, and listening to music, especially George Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue.” Her rose garden is her pride and joy.

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by Nancy Anne Lockwood.

ISBN:      Softcover      978-1-5245-9087-1

                eBook          978-1-5245-9088-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 03/15/2017

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Contents

Dedication

Avenue of the Fleas

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter eight

Chapter nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter eighteen

Chapter nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my loving husband Jim, who adored me through this devastating illness!

Avenue of the Fleas

There are freeways which make life easier in mind, body and spirit. The speed limit is what you set for yourself. You can travel as fast or as slow as you’d like. The violation you will receive for speeding is all up to you. Take your time. Plan well when making decisions about your future.

The avenues are less dangerous than the freeways. We have the freedom of choice as to whether we stay in the fast lane or take things one step at a time. The avenues have more STOP signs so we can catch our breath and decide which shops we want to put our efforts into.

Take an inventory of what is important to you. Establish priorities. Set time limits. Remember!

Do not set your goals so high you can’t attain them.

© Nancy Anne 1983

Introduction

This story is about a woman who suffers from Bi-Polar/Manic Depressive Disorder. The book takes you through her tormented childhood, with a stressful life. The author uses music to write and the words are some of the greatest lyrics ever written. The character portrayed is a real life woman, who is threatened with permanent hospitalization and fights to come back to reality. She has had many loves, but the one who means the most is someone who has recently died of cancer. The story depicts her feelings about his death and the fact that she believes he is guiding her to write this novel.

Michael Jackson and the character her lover died within two weeks of one another. The author uses many of Michael Jackson’s songs to write, as well as Frank Sinatra’s.

The book is like a tug of war between the author and the family of a very talented woman. The author has been writing since the age of seven, but does not publish a single thing until she is 72.

You must read the book carefully to really understand its meaning. The author uses music to express her innermost thoughts. She is a good Catholic who had fallen away and she comes back for God’s help.

Chapter One

It was February of 1941; a joyous birth preceded the horrific tragedy of Pearl Harbor. I was given the name Nancy Anne and weighed seven pounds. I was a brunette with dark brown eyes. My father was of Jewish decent; my mother was English and Irish. They argued over how I was to be baptized and they finally agreed on Episcopalian. My father was not a practicing Jew, and my mother had been raised Catholic, so this was their choice. If I were old enough to know better, I would have said, This beginning could later lead to trouble in paradise. My father had been a pitcher for the San Francisco Seals in the thirties. He was now in the furniture business. My mother was Joyce. My name was derived from the Nancy Ann Storybook Dolls and I had quite a nice collection of them growing up. They were dolls from every country in the world, and I played with them endlessly. They had porcelain faces and hand-painted feet and hands.

My early days were relatively normal for a postwar child. I had a few close friends, but spent most of my time alone painting in our first house in San Mateo, CA. I was very interested in pleasing my parents and looking for constant recognition. I learned to make my own clothes at a very young age, the fifth grade to be exact. They were wonderful outfits, and I was the only one in my class with a different outfit on any given day. I also entered several essay contests and won many of them. It was then I decided that someday I would like to be a writer. Flower arranging came naturally. I loved flowers and they were my best friends. I taught myself how to arrange and make corsages when I was nine. When I was ten years old I had my first manic attack. I woke up in the middle of the night and thought my stepfather was jumping up and down on my back. I was afraid to open my eyes for fear it was true. I could feel my heart pounding and the perspiration was running down my face. I buried my face into the pillow. My back actually felt as though someone was hurting me. I waited until the anxiety subsided and then opened my eyes. I was frightened. I have never shared this with anyone before. I did not divulge this to my parents. This was just the first of many episodes.

Her friends said Mother had a starlit way about her, although she was never quite sure of herself. At seventeen she had been named the first Fiesta Queen of San Mateo County. She had traveled to the Texas Centennial in 1936 as her prize for winning the contest. Mother had then gone to Hollywood to screen test, and it was there she met Clark Gable and Jimmy Stewart. My mother had her visions of stardom cut short by her father’s suicide in late 1936. He had gone to South America in the early 30’s to mine for gold and contracted malaria. The fact that he may have been manic—depressive could have been the cause of him taking his own life. He shot himself in the head in the basement of their home in Broadway, Burlingame, CA. My mother had had some words with grandfather before she went out on a date that night. They disagreed about what coat she should wear. Mother partially blamed herself for her father’s death due to that argument. I have always felt that I inherited the bipolar disease from my mother and grandfather. Although mother was not diagnosed as a manic-depressive until she was 60, the doctor said she had been bipolar for many years. She denied the illness, and never took any medication.

Mother was a real beauty, and my father met her and fell head over heels in love. Mother was trying to escape the sorrow of her father’s death when they married in 1940 in Mexico. She was 21, and my father was 24.

Grandma Wood, my mother’s mother, would babysit me while my mother worked at Treasure Island in San Francisco. Everywhere Grandma took me I had to take my two make believe friends along. Prio and Preet were their names. Grandma Wood always had a lit cigarette in her mouth, and I still think that was the cause of my starting to smoke at an early age. Prio and Preet went to the grocery store, the bank, the shoemaker and wherever Grandma took me. It was a great deal of fun, having invisible friends. I can still picture Grandma in her brown and white hounds tooth coat and brown cloche hat.

My Grandmother Mason (Dad’s mom) passed away when I was in the third grade. She had a heart attack while taking the ferry to Vancouver, BC. It was a shock as she was only 50 years old. I was forbidden to go to the funeral so I sent along pink gladiolas with my father. Grandma M. loved me