When Does It End

By Aimee Blackburn

The journey into adulthood is never easy. For those born into poverty, the struggle is harder as there are so many hurdles to overcome.

This book tells the story of someone who has lived such a life and her many trials and tribulations along the way. She was faced with more downs than ups, experiencing heartache, tragedy, grief, and loss. Through it all, she remained focused and never gave up. Faith, hope, and perseverance played a major role in her life. Putting one weary foot in front of the other, step by merciful step, she continued on her journey through lifenever once giving up and trusting in the Almighty to pull her through. Putting her faith and trust in him and placing her life in his hands, she believed that what couldnt kill her would make her stronger and resilient. God stood by her throughout her tough long journey, shielding, protecting, and sheltering her from the merciless tides of life; building her up and sustaining her; and equipping her with love, wisdom, and understanding beyond measure.

She withstood all that life threw at her and achieved victory beyond measure. Whenever she was down to nothing, God was up to something. This is a truly inspirational read. Touching, heartbreaking, sad, motivational, educational, and memorable.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Mar 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546282457

Aimee Blackburn

I was born Aimee Blackburn on Two Rivers Farm way back in the woods, in a British colony in Africa in the year 1960. We later moved to a big city where we lived in a poor community and in an extremely impoverished household. I was the sixth surviving child in a family of eight children. We lived from hand to mouth as my parents never went out to work. We were dependent on help from the local Roman Catholic Church and social welfare. Poverty and trying times notwithstanding, the early years were beautiful I had not a care in the world. We lived on a large plot and planted our fields during the rainy season. Food was abundant in the home then, though most times we lived from day to day, barely scraping a living. During my primary school years, I loved attending school where I met many new friends. Reading became my greatest passion, and I devoured as many books as I could get my little hands on. This all changed in my teenage years when my country faced internal war. My life was turned upside down and I experienced a great deal of pain and suffering. As a teenager, I chose the wrong paths and travelled the wrong roads. Looking back, I realise that what I lacked most was guidance. I later settled down to married life and became a devoted wife and mother. I have been through many trials, and have come through a stronger and a better person. I have learnt to make the best of any situation I find myself in, and to work to the best of my ability at anything I do. I am a widow, and have two grown sons, who work and live in another city. I was inspired to write this book because of the revelation which came upon me when I took a closer look at the situation in the world today. I too was faced with many trials in my everyday life. Still, under immense duress, I persevered. I learnt to be thankful for the little things in life. It is my hope that this book will serve as an example of the power of perseverance, and that no matter how bad and hopeless things may appear, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. May this book help to guide you on your journey towards the light.

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© 2018 Aimee Blackburn. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Published by AuthorHouse 03/15/2018

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018903375

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8246-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-8245-7 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Dedication

About The Author

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1 The Early Years

Chapter 2 The Teenage Years

Chapter 3 Growing Up

Chapter 4 Love, Romance and Life

Chapter 5 Death

Chapter 6 After Death

Chapter 7 Moving On

Chapter 8 Learning to Live Again

Chapter 9 Faith and Continuity

Prologue

Dedication

In fond memory of my belated husband, mother, father, sister, brothers and stepson. To all my other family members, friends, neighbours, schoolmates and workmates who are too numerous to mention by name, who have passed through this life on earth. To all the wonderful times we spent together; gone, but not forgotten. All the beautiful memories are imprinted in my heart, and no one can ever take these away. Life is a special journey that every one of us embarks upon. We don’t know what lies ahead as we take each step. The first step leads to the next, until we finally arrive at the very last step; the end of the journey. Some journeys are long, and some, unfortunately, not so long. When we are called by our Maker, we answer. Not a single one of us knows when our journey will come to an end. We must learn to commit to the Lord whatever we do, and all our plans will succeed. Live your life to the fullest. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. This is why today is called the present. Pray to the Lord, always. He will answer you. Do not, however expect the Lord to answer you in your time. Just know this: if you pray in sincerity, and you truly believe, whatever you ask of the Lord, you will duly receive. Whenever you pray and make requests to the Lord, thank Him after you have prayed, and believe that you have received. With faith and trust, nothing is impossible. Without hope, you cannot survive. The Lord is my anchor in life’s often turbulent ocean. He is peace, joy, love, happiness, fulfilment, success, hope, prosperity, satisfaction and divine health.

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

under heaven:

A time to be born and a time

to die,

A time to plant and a time

to uproot,

A time to kill and a time to heal,

A time to tear down and a time

to build,

A time to weep and a time

to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time

to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time

to gather them,

A time to embrace and a time

to refrain,

A time to search and a time

to give up,

A time to keep and a time

to throw away,

A time to tear and a time

to mend,

A time to be silent and a time

to speak,

A time to love and a time

to hate,

A time for war and a time

for peace.

Eccl 3: 1-8

The Bible version quoted throughout is The New International Version vii.

About The Author

I was born in Africa – in Zimbabwe to be precise. I grew up and lived under an African sky, all my life. At present, I am living in a neighbouring country, South Africa. I have been living here for over ten years. I had to make a very painful decision in the year 2006, when I was forced to leave the country I loved; the land of my birth. This move was influenced, mainly, by politics and unstable governance. We were faced with hunger, unemployment, poverty, lack of medication, closure of hospitals, clinics and schools, constant striking by civil servants and employees from the private sectors, lawlessness and disregard for human rights. We were forced to recognise and vote for only one party. All these factors influenced and contributed to my final decision. Life, after all, is about making choices, the right choices. This was a very painful choice for me to make, but after much deliberation and soul searching, I knew that I was making the right move. I prayed and fasted daily, and spoke constantly to my Lord and Maker.

After the death of my husband and lifelong partner in January 2005, my lifestyle had changed drastically. Putting food on the table had become a virtually impossible task. I seriously weighed my options; I really had very little say in the matter. I had to brave it out, like many others before me, whilst I still could, before I became scarred, mentally, physically and emotionally. Getting out was the only available option. Financially, I was in a rut. I worked as a bookkeeper and lived in a beautiful company house out on a farm in the countryside. Perks were plentiful, and I could never have wished for better employees. Alas, the local currency I earned was depreciating at an alarming rate. Only foreign currency was acceptable now; our local currency could purchase virtually nothing. As a recent widow, and now single parent, aged 46, starting afresh in a foreign land was alarming and frightening. Extremely daunting in fact. How would I cope? I had never imagined leaving home, the beautiful land of my birth, this country I so loved. It was in my flesh and in my blood. This country was me; my very being, my existence, the air that I breathed, the life I loved and lived. The sunrises, the sunsets, the days and the nights. The winters, springs, summers and falls. The good times, and the bad times. Many of our friends, neighbours and family had steadily been immigrating over the years, mainly to the United Kingdom and neighbouring African countries. I loved my country, and up until this time, had never dreamed of making a life elsewhere. My heart weighed heavily in my chest. I was filled with pain at the very thought of this parting with the land and the people I loved. I felt hurt and angry. I was filled with fear of the great unknown. I did not feel in the least bit adventurous. Who would be there for me? To hold my hand, to comfort me, to love me and guide me, to lend me emotional and financial support in times of trouble? To shoulder my burdens and to share this sadness I was carrying within my heart? This parting seriously unsettled my mental and emotional stability.

God had blessed me with two sons. Fortunately, at this stage of my life, my older son had completed his higher education and had achieved a college diploma. He was employed, and just about managing to keep his head above water in these difficult times. My biggest concern was for my younger son who was aged nine. If I truly knew the hardships that awaited me in this new life, I would never have been brave enough to make the move. However, the Lord asks us not to question His decisions.

There was a long, lonely, winding and rocky road ahead of me. I soon understood and realised that hard times don’t kill; they only build you up, and make you tougher, more resilient. Truly speaking, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Foreword

This book is based on a true story, the story of my life. Names of places and characters have been changed. Three important incidents inspired me to write this: the death of my beloved mother in August 2009, my healing by the Lord Jesus Christ in February 2010, and the reality of my 50th birthday in July 2010. Shortly after my 50th, whilst I was praying, a revelation came upon me; the Lord Jesus spoke to me. A major change to better my life would occur after this birthday. God was ready to place me in the highest realm. I believed. I trusted. I had faith. Life at the present moment was far from easy for me and my young son. I was struggling financially and emotionally, and living in deplorable conditions. I was still in deep mourning for my late, beloved husband. I missed him desperately and sorely every single day. I was in dire straits. I had no one to turn to or to confide in. There was no one to comfort or cheer me. I was living from hand to mouth, merely scraping a living. I was in constant terror of the landlord’s knock on the door. Always worrying and wondering how we would get through the next day. What would we eat? Would we spend the night out on the streets? I was afraid to answer my cell phone. Would the school lawyers call again, demanding school fees? Times were hard, and friends were few and far between. Life had truly become unbearable. Is there any justice in this world, I wondered? Finding employment was extremely difficult. Whenever I secured work, the wages I earned were meagre. Even then, I was still willing to work, but somehow, even these menial jobs never lasted. For one reason or another, they always came to an abrupt end. I was becoming desperate. Should I commit suicide? Should I turn to prostitution? Should I join up with gangsters, thieves or robbers? Perhaps these robbers would successfully commit a crime and cut me in on their profits. But, even then, fortunately, I had no one to connect me to any crooked deals. I was constantly in tears. At nights, sleep totally evaded me; I tossed and turned all night. I was reaching breaking point; the point of no return. I had to constantly remind myself that the best things in life are free. God given. The Lord never demands any payment from us. The air we breathe, the rain, the sunshine, the four seasons, the beautiful trees and flowers and grasses surrounding us, friends, family and love. The senses of smell, touch, taste, seeing, hearing and feeling. I reminded myself, Just try to get through today. Today has enough troubles of its own. Tomorrow will take care of itself, as impossible as it seems.

I did not give up on life; I persevered, I plodded on. I held on to my faith. I prayed. I trusted. I believed. I constantly spoke with God. I felt a great need to share my life with the outside world. The Lord urged me to follow my heart, and to share my life with others. My loves, my happiness, my struggles, my heartbreaks, sorrows, pains, hopes and aspirations, perseverance, goals and achievements…. I asked, Lord, where do I start? My life is an open book already, readily available to anyone who cares to turn a page and read. God answered, Have faith. In life, nobody is picture perfect. Everyone has a dark side, skeletons locked up in the closet. At some time, you need to take these skeletons out of the closet, to be aired. This will lighten your burden. You will feel clean, fresh and new, after shedding this heavy load.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11: 1

Introduction

"Is not wisdom found

amongst the aged?

Does not long life

bring understanding?"

Job 12: 12

Having just turned 50, I ask myself, Where have the years gone? I do not feel old, nor look aged. I thank the Lord that I have aged gracefully, just as good wine matures with time. I believe in the saying, You are as young as you feel. I feel very young at heart, and can clearly recall the days of my youth. I feel truly blessed. Thankfully, I have no regrets. The Lord has blessed me with good health, love, compassion, intelligence, understanding and happiness. If you have not loved, you have not lived. I have lived and loved and been loved in return. It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. The Lord has been good to me, and I thank and praise Him daily. The Lord is our God of today, tomorrow and forever more. Everything we experience happens for a reason. In order to reach a certain destination in life, we must get past the hurdles set out before us, and overcome these, one by one. The Lord has a way of peeling the scales off our eyes, so that we may see life clearly. Not through rose-tinted glasses. Throughout life, we are constantly faced with ups and downs. We must deal with the downs in the same manner as we deal with the ups, as the one comes with the other. Love usually comes with pain, and pain usually comes with love. You can’t really experience one without the other. Without love, our lives are incomplete. We are living in limbo.

Before making decisions in life, give it all to Jesus. He is our guide, and He has plans for each and every one of us. He created us in His own image and likeness. He gave us dominion over the fishes of the seas and the birds of the air. Whenever you pray, pray in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, and pray according to the Lord God’s will. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, to redeem us once and for all. He did not need to die for us, more than once, in order to redeem us and save us from being sinners. Once was enough. There is, and there will never be, any other God, before Him, or after Him. He is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. In February 2010, when the Lord Jesus healed me and saved me, He made me a new being.

What is impossible with man, is possible with God.

Luke 18: 27

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Chapter One

THE EARLY YEARS

I was born at home on a cold, windy and drizzly day in July, in the middle of winter. Hospitals and doctors were for the more affluent in our society. I was the sixth surviving child out of ten – my mum had lost two children at birth. I was born into a very poor, Roman Catholic family in 1960. Two boys were born after me. Our family was made up of five boys and three girls. I was the youngest girl.

My early years were by far the best. I had not a care in the world and enjoyed growing up in my large, poor family. I had a God-given right to enjoy my childhood to the fullest. The clock could never be turned back, so I played and had fun. Later on, I attended primary school, then high school. From my early years, I was very disciplined. I was given small household chores and little duties at Sunday school, and more tasks later at church, primary school and high school. From a very early age, my parents, teachers, neighbours and peers taught me to follow the correct ways and paths in life. I was reprimanded for my escapades and naughty habits. Thus, I learnt to understand and know the difference between right and wrong. I was raised in the best possible manner. Good morals and morality were instilled in me. I was taught to be responsible in life. I knew I was not only loved by my parents but also by the whole neighbourhood. I was the pride of many, and I would never let them down.

From the very beginning, I learnt to acknowledge and put God first. I believed and understood that God is a very important part of life and that He is life. I had great respect for Him. I honoured and revered Him; in fact, I was in awe of Him. I prayed to the Lord before meals, in appreciation. Before I went to sleep, I gave Him thanks for bringing me through another wonderful day, and when I awoke in the morning, I gave thanks for the next beautiful day ahead. I understand God is love.

I was taught to have respect for myself as well as my elders, friends, family, peers and neighbours. I began to understand that respect is earned, as I learnt to respect and honour others.

When I was very young, I remember reciting the following prayer before every meal:

Thank You, Lord,

for the food we eat.

Thank You, Lord,

for the birds that sing.

Thank You, Lord, for everything.

Amen.

Train a child in the way

he should go, and when he is old

he will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22: 6

In the year of my birth, our country was a British colony in Africa. I was born way back in the woods, on a farm in the rural homelands. It was known as Two Rivers Farm. Shortly after my birth, my parents moved to the city. We lived strictly under British rule and laws. White people governed and ran the country accordingly, not blacks. Growing up as a so-called coloured child meant nothing to me. It had no impact on my life whatsoever. I had no reason to stress or worry. My mum was black, and my father was coloured. My dad had emigrated from South Africa and married my mum, who was a local resident. Most of the families in the neighbourhood had parents of mixed blood. Many had white fathers and black mothers. I was too young to understand the implications of living under British rule in Africa. We lived in a coloured suburb, where most of the residents were extremely poor. Our family was one of the poorest.

We shared a dilapidated semi with another family. This family was very underprivileged too – even worse off than we were. They lived in squalor, and their house was riddled with bedbugs, lice and dirt. Their clothes were always in a deplorable state. They constantly complained of hunger and the children were forever arguing and bickering amongst themselves. Loud, angry voices could be heard, raised in dispute. Slaps often resounded throughout their house. Both boys and girls enjoyed bullying one another. The mother was a rotund, little woman who was always mumbling to herself, totally oblivious to what was going on around her. She mostly lived in her own world. She hardly voiced her opinion or reprimanded her children. She was a docile person and was never angry at her kids. Their dad too was a very quiet man, who minded his own business. He never raised his voice, kept to himself, and was kind to us all.

We were taught not to air our dirty linen in public, and private matters were to be settled discreetly behind closed doors. It was of paramount importance that we adhered to these instructions, as my dad was a very strict, no-nonsense man.

I can never recall a time when either of my parents went to work. My father must have been at least 25 years older than my mother. We survived mainly on help from our local Roman Catholic Church and the social welfare, which greatly supported the coloured community in those days. We attended church regularly, and we believed and trusted in the Lord with our hearts and souls. Our parents instilled the fear of God in us from a very early age. Though Satan roamed back and forth amongst us, across the entire earth, we did not fear him. The devil had to tread carefully when he encountered God’s territory. God was by far much greater than he was.

Somehow, we always ate and had a roof over our heads and clothes