Lost but Found

By Serene S.H.

"We all have our own timeline in our life achievements. It was definitely a tough journey but worth a lifetime.

Torn between a lost past and a new found opportunity, how would Rachel be able to endure the journey towards her bright future?

May this story brings you hope and motivation in enduring your life's journey."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Apr 3, 2018
• ISBN: 9781482882322

Serene S.H.

I want to inspire others in a different way by achieving my dream of self-publishing before I am thirty and for my readers to look at things in a different perspective. While leisurely reading my book, I hope they gain more motivation and strength to move on while enduring tough times and also being grateful that they are able to enjoy the good times, leading to eventually the thought of giving back to society by being humble and kind themselves.

Book preview

Copyright © 2017 by Serene S.H.

ISBN:         eBook         978-1-4828-8232-2

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

Contents

Prologue

1: A window has closed;

When improper grieves met each other

2: Drowning in grieves;

Looking for new leaves to turn.

3: Sharing the agony;

In an unexpected confrontation

4: While a window close in my heart;

An unexpected key to a door came.

5: Stuck at a crossroad;

With the key in hand to an unexpected door.

6: Turning over a new leaf;

Unexpectedly encountering new doors

7: At any time of despair,

Family is always the essential refuge.

8: To face a fresh start;

Revolving new encounters.

9: As your grief lingers,

My fears got entangled.

10: With the new beginnings;

Comes the unsettled past

11: A little bliss of happiness;

Blessed upon others

12: Letting go would be easier,

If only no one held on.

13: New encounters,

Of a doppelganger.

14: The wind;

Before the storm

15: Time to summon some bravery;

For the darker days.

16: If it takes my life,

To make you realise it all,

17: A proper closure,

To lead a better future.

18: Realization of growing up;

Letting go and move on.

Epilogue

Prologue

Dear heart,

I’m sorry I broke you into pieces. I’m trying my best to patch you up again.

You know a new encounter is often somehow expected but a goodbye is never expected. It’s so… abrupt and yet in a speed of light.

When it hits you, sometimes it’s too hard for us to hold up to the burden. Some people even couldn’t pull themselves up to accept the goodbye.

Will we ever find hope and happiness again?

Is there any hope left in the world to spare us some?

Can happiness ever find its way back to us again?

How do we learn to get up from this fall?

What did I do to deserve what we did?

Was what we sacrificed wasn’t enough?

Was I not even worth the time?

Perhaps time was going too fast. I didn’t realize the turbulence and had been patching up holes behind me but as I went along, there were bigger holes to patch. When I realize, I guess I had not enough soil to patch them anymore.

How could I be so blind, perhaps ignorant?

I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this to happen either.

What can I do to stop it from happening any further?

Or perhaps, was it too late already? Yes, it is too late.

Conscience had been telling us we need to move on. I needed to get up and stay strong. It wasn’t the time to be swayed.

The reality was harsh on us as we had to let go many things in life and now I have to plan my direction again. But I am too weak and fragile to face the harsh reality in one shot though.

I knew I needed time. Sometimes I wished to have this agony and pain taken away from me. Sometimes I wished I could skip this dark and painful experience. But we both know I couldn’t.

The window I chose before had closed. Its curtains were slowly drawing closer. Its light which used to be shining brightly through was already dimming, little by little, till it was pitch dark.

I knew I couldn’t hold on to the window anymore but to search for other windows to light them up again or perhaps, even better, doors opened widely for us to enter and embraced its challenges.

I need to and I must.

Lost.

Chapter 1

A window has closed;

When improper grieves met each other

It wasn’t a peak season for the homestay to be packed due to the hot weather as it still rains occasionally. She decided to perhaps stay for a week and maybe extend. It was a two hours drive and when she arrived it was almost evening due to the lengthy procedures in office. She quickly went to the receptionist to check for rooms. Luckily they were quite empty for a Monday.

After she checked in, she was too lazy to check on her room and missed out on the sunset that she went to the sea side and took a stroll. She had left her phone in her car and only had her wallet.

Just when she was finding a place to seat she saw a small stone hideout which was rather hidden away from the beach. She went down to explore and it was a decent place that she decided as her comfort place to maybe sketch and color a little while she did some soul searching.

She sat by the hideout for awhile to absorb the breeze and tried to push all her worries away to enjoy the moment. She didn’t seat long there as her stomach started to growl and she went over to the diner. She took a seat near the steps at the entrance and the waiter came with the menu.

The homestay served local specialty and she ordered a bowl of Laksa which is a chilli shrimp paste broth with vermicelli, chicken strips, shredded eggs and prawns to go down with a glass of freshly brewed sugarcane. It was a local delight with its own acquired taste. She was enjoying the scenic view of sunset and wished she had her sketch book with her when the owner, Jonathan spotted her enjoying the ambience.

Hi… is your dinner alright? Jonathan greeted. She was startled from her day dream looking towards the seaside. She smiled nodding to signal it was alright.

Good to hear… I’m the owner of the place.

Hi… please to meet you. Is the crowd huge on weekdays? Or maybe later in the weekend?

I am expecting a group of tourist but you shouldn’t worry much as they will be hiking a lot. He noticed her mood wasn’t cheerful as how usual visitors would be but he stopped himself from asking further. She nodded in acknowledgement. Enjoy! He said as he walked off into the diner.

Rachel smiled as she didn’t pay any attention to him but continue staring at the sunset thinking about what she needed to do next about her life while absorbing the facts of the recent events.

Jonathan was the owner of the homestay which has up to 15 rooms in two bungalows. He inherited the business from his late father who recently passed away. It took a huge impact on him that he decided to close down the business by the end of the December just to let their frequent visitors enjoy one last time the scenic beach that he helped to take care of since he was a young boy. He decided to pay a visit to her sister living in overseas and perhaps help out on her fashion business franchise there.

He noticed he didn’t ask for the girl’s name earlier and neither did he introduce himself. As he squatted down to pet Mike, a five years old Terrier, he told Mike the next time he speak with her, he should introduce himself at least as he watched Rachel heading to her room passing by the diner. Mike was excited at Jonathan’s statement and barked at Rachel but Rachel didn’t notice them both watching her from the diner. Jonathan asked Mike if he liked her too and Mike barked at him indicating a ‘yes’ leaving a huge smile on Jonathan.

Jonathan found Mike by the beach whom was a stray lost puppy. He waited for many days for the owner to pick him up but eventually he knew Mike was abandoned.

When he first tried to approach Mike, he wasn’t very friendly and most of the time he was very sad and moody. Jonathan never gave up on pampering and caring for Mike while he was a lost puppy and Mike gotten used to only Jonathan. Eventually, after constant exposure from Jonathan, Mike has grown used to the other staffs in the homestay too.

Jonathan’s nanny, Aunt Jenna manages the kitchen with Quinn, a long time serving staff. There were Charles and Ric who were staying nearby town but occasionally came to help out with the business’s logistics and tour to the uphill park by the homestay. There were also Sally and Lynn who were in charged of house keeping. Jonathan generally took charge of the over whole business’s matters and at times, although he had gotten used to it, it didn’t feel the same anymore without his dad.

He missed having to prepare breakfast for him or attend to his needs while he was busy running errand in the bungalows. He missed night time stories by the swing in front of their house; reminiscing about the good old past and their imaginary future which were yet to be achieved. Now, he sat by the routine all by himself with Aunt Jenna occasionally accompanied and comforting him.

After the light dinner, Rachel decided to head back to her room to freshen up after collecting her luggage from her car. She then head back down the small hideout she found with her sketch book to continue drawing and take some time to ponder on her issues again.

Rachel felt so lost that she still couldn’t determine her future neither was she able to overcome her current rage and mixed emotions. She hasn’t decided how long she would stay out but she definitely didn’t want to be alone in the room.

The misery she felt yesterday when she left the park was still intense whenever she was alone.

It was devastating. It felt as though the whole world of positivity had tumbled down. The world felt so cruel and cold for her. She felt very lonely and she could see her future literally falling off just like the jigsaw puzzles pieces. She couldn’t get the sight of the last moment off her head.

She was expecting to share about her day while listening about his before sharing about their plans for vacation which she was very excited about but instead her back then long term boyfriend had spoil her entire moment of anxiety when she caught him with another girl whom she couldn’t recognize as his friend or family members. Rachel had been with her long term boyfriend for five years and both families were family friends. Their family was confident of them tying their nuptial knot soon but all dreams remained as it is.

Daniel had been cheating on Rachel for at least six months without Rachel knowing. On the day where Rachel was supposed to meet him to plan for their vacation at their usual café, she had the feeling he would propose to her but instead she caught him kissing his illicit lover goodbye before he met up with her. She received multiple missed calls from him on the night itself and her instincts were strong that he was cheating.

She couldn’t bring herself to believe her eyes but she had to hear from his side. She recalled all the calls and texts he received from one particular name, Anna. She didn’t read them before but she wondered who she was. Because she trusted him, she didn’t want to question him back then.

After a couple of hours being stunned, seating at their favorite park’s bench, she tried to calm down before mustering all her courage to ask him to meet her there. The first thing he did when he came was telling her how worried he was and did his sweet talking but she could tell now that it was not real. It hurt her even more.

Who is Anna? Rachel asked abruptly in the midst of his fuss.

She watched his reaction being surprised that she mentioned her name.

It’s nobody… Daniel shrugged as he calmed down from being anxious and fuss he put on earlier.

Tell me sweetheart… Rachel tone became relax but with sarcasm. Was she the girl you kissed goodbye earlier at the roadside to the café? Rachel was squinting at him for an answer.

Deep down, Rachel was hoping so much for him to deny it and tell her it wasn’t true or perhaps to tell her it was just a long lost relative. She wondered why was she so pathetic to face the reality and rather let him lie even more.

Instead, he immediately blew up in temper as he stood and shouted at Rachel.

You have been intruding into my privacy by checking my phone hasn’t you? Didn’t we agree not to?

She shook her head as she brought herself to stand with her fragile heart broken into pieces as she said sternly. I didn’t read the content of any messages but I… She rolled her eyes. …. did happen to saw her name by accident. Rachel crossed her arms.

Your reaction explained it all. I… She inhaled sharply. … no longer need to know what the contents were and neither are there any reasons for us to ever meet again. Rachel said calmly as she stormed off still holding back her tears.

Rachel! Love! He chased her and stopped her to explain. Wait, I can explain…

What is there to explain Daniel? A dog could love better than you! I hope you could reborn into a dog and learn to love properly! She rummaged her bag and took out the air tickets which she has booked on their behalf for their vacation and hand them over to him before she ran off.

Take this and never find me again.

He held the tickets and stood there knowing he wasn’t able to do anything about them anymore with the fact that he did cheat on her and that he can either move on with Anna or end things with her and mend his broken relationship with Rachel. He finally took a seat at the bench as he stared on the tickets.

The reality finally hit him right at his heart as he burst into tears. He knew he did a huge mistake and it’s too late as he had already lost the love of his life.

She took a cab home instead of driving as she was too emotional to control herself especially when she was alone. At least she could still control her emotions in the cab, despite missing several tear drops but she managed to pretend as though she was sleepy to not provoke the taxi driver from asking anything. When she got home, everyone was in their room and perhaps her sister was still awake but she knew Shelly would be resting after a hectic day at her bakery.

She would usually first thing find her especially when she was home late but that night she went straight to her own room and before she could move after shutting her door, she let go of all her sorrows and miseries in the pitch black dark. She was careful enough to not be too loud to trigger anyone to her room as she needed to be alone.

She lay on the floor for at least half an hour and was very exhausted from crying. She decided to head on to shower and retire for the night. While she showered, she thought about her future and became realistic. The reason she was still in her current job was to sustain her career in journalism but now it no longer matters as it was her dream but she has other dreams she wanted to fulfill too.

She thought about was she able to sustain herself financially and individually without Daniel and as she assessed her debts and savings and dreams, she had convinced herself the whole night that she is independent to live on her own. Her decision to break up was right and she didn’t need a man who took her for granted neither what he did deserved her giving him any more chances.

She couldn’t help but to wept at the fact of Daniel’s deed. As she slowly tried to pull herself up from the misery, she also thought a lot about what’s her impending future would be like.

Each time she tried to think of a plan it kept leading back to her past memories where her childhood was build around Daniel. She recalled the times where she used to come to the beach with Daniel over school holidays with their family and had a whole lot of fun just to rekindle and take some time off to rejuvenate.

She kept questioning herself where went wrong and how did she missed out on not being detailed about him back then.

Funny how she never really noticed this small hidden hide out whenever they came too.

Her thoughts started to side him. Maybe it was due to Daniel often travelled which made it an excellent excuse to not get caught and she couldn’t determine how true his daily plans were either.

As she sighed at the thought of her failure, she looked forward to find healing through nature. She was tired from crying. She knew clearly that time will heal her horrible experience where at present she felt her life seemed to be not heading anywhere. She even quit her job and decided to take a long break with her savings to sustain. Fortunately, her family was still there for refuge and was very supportive of her to take a break she deserved.

As she lingered around her past memories from childhood to college days and then their career path, she eventually drifted to sleep with a troubled heart and a haywire mind. She didn’t get a chance to sketch anything or neither colored her old drawings. Just by looking at her old drawings brought even more memories of the past. She nagged her mind to bring a torchlight tomorrow night before falling asleep as the street lights weren’t brightly lighted for her to even color.

Jonathan was closing up at the diner and he let Mike to wander around as usual before Mike goes home. Jonathan left the small opening at the main door for Mike to come in when he was done.

Mike usually wandered nearby the house but he was more adventurous that night and went down to the seaside. He could sense someone was in the stone structure hide out. He stumbled upon Rachel and went in to wake Rachel but she was too tired to respond to Mike’s nudge. Mike end up settling down by Rachel’s side and accompanied her the whole night while she slept.

The next morning, she awoke to the sound of the waves washing ashore. As she tried to seat up she was startled by a furry ball by her side. When she looked closer only then she realized it was a dog!

Rachel loved dogs very much and she had three family pet dogs at home. She instantly grabbed Mike and hugged him awake. Mike was shocked a little as he barked but later enjoyed her embraced. He licked her delightfully. She wondered how he arrived to the cave.

As she followed his lead out to the sea side while enjoying the sunrise, Jonathan was opening the diner for business. When he caught the sight of Mike playing at the shore, he whistled to signal him to the diner.

Rachel was trailing quite far behind Mike for Jonathan to notice and when Mike responded to Jonathan’s whistle, only then she figured out it could be his pet dog.

Here, Mike boy! Enjoy your treat! said Jonathan as he gave Mike his biscuits treats. Where have you been whole night huh Mike? Heading for so much adventure and never went home?

At the point Jonathan said that, Mike barked towards Rachel’s direction.

Jonathan didn’t notice Rachel till Mike barked at her to come up to the diner.

She enjoyed watching Mike being excited while greeting Jonathan. She walked up to the diner for breakfast instead and exchange smiles with Jonathan.

Morning., she chirped. Morning! Jonathan cheered as he stood up to greet her.

Your dog?, while she gestured to Mike.

Yup! Meet Mike. Was he with you last night?

Yeah he was. Nice terrier you have there. she managed. Yes he definitely is a bundle of joy. I guess he didn’t do much harm to you, did he? Jonathan joked.

Rachel laughed as she squatted down to pad Mike. Nope he didn’t. By the way, I saw the closing down sign. But why when business was so good?

Jonathan sighed as he replied. My dad recently passed away of old age. It’s our family business. Since both my parents isn’t around anymore and my siblings are running their own business, I no longer find any meaning in running it anymore as despite earning so much but I don’t seek any happiness in doing so.

I’m sorry. I am sorry to make you bring up such news. My apologies. she quickly stood up and held Jonathan’s arm. He smiled, telling her it was alright as he went back to open up the cafeteria for business with Mike trailing along.