Disco Driver

By Jay Yates

What is it really like to be a rideshare driver? What types of people do you meet? What types of situations do you get into? Find out in Disco Driver as author Jay Yates takes you on a thrill ride. From inebriated frat boys to drug dealers to drag queens, youll have a front seat for all the action. He may even take you through a fast-food drive-through if you ask him nicely.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984520203

Jay Yates

Jay Yates was born and raised in rural Indiana, land of corn, and well, more corn. He attended Indiana State University and majored in Telecommunications. A wordie since grade school, Jay wrote some of his first stories while in the eighth grade at Waynetown Middle School. He enjoys cooking, playing drums and acoustic guitar, and starting arguments on social media. He devotes hours to writing stories about people hes met while ridesharing. Sometimes to the chagrin of his friends and family.

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Copyright © 2018 by Jay Yates.

ISBN:                     Softcover                     978-1-9845-2021-0

                                eBook                            978-1-9845-2020-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 04/12/2018

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CONTENTS

The Beginning

Disco Driver

The Punch

Happy Valentine’s

Girl Drama

Little Ragdoll

Halloween Night

Brown Men

The Wedding

The Pro

Alcohol Taxi

Free Tickets

Red Black

Sign Language

Sticky Situation

Bragging Rights

Heavy Petting

Frantic Girl

Phone Finder

Uninvited Guest

Naïve Parents

Pro Bono

Candy Man

Hood Girl

Lost Man

The Joke

Best Quote

The Waiting

Shame Walk

Black Out

The Ride

New Year’s

New Year

Late Bloomer

Zombie Man

Wedding Bells

The John

The Entertainer

Running Errands

This Guy

Gamma House

Sports Groupie

Sibling Rivalry

Lover’s Quarrel

Rock Stars

Gated Community

Bike Cops

Parking Lot

Mistaken Identity

The Band

The PhDs

Reappearing Man

Can Competition

Car Crash

Sketchy Situation

Lost Phone

Bachelor Life

ER Visit

Drive Thru

Fearless One

Home Safe

Another memorable quote

Trash Guy

Counseling Advice

The Burrito

Law Dawg

Third Degree

Car Line

Poor Girl

The Bottle

Pledge Brother

High Times

Hot Head

Double Whammy

True Friends

Dying Breed

City Cruise

Kicked Out

Secret Puker

Beach Girl

Frat House

Crazy Girl

Four Stories

Wardrobe Malfunction

Saving Face

Three Words

Boy Troubles

Harsh Traffic

Precious Cargo

Classy Townie

The Kidnapping

Getting Got

Something Different

Food Delivery

Another Quote

WYA IDK

Mama Drama

Tied Up

Birthday Girl

Fast Food

High Spirited

The Arch

Fair Practices

Hit Parade

Douchebag King

Cell Phone

Impatient People

Shoe Time

No Ride

Great Quote

Athen’s Finest

Baker’s Dozen

Long Story

Location Help

Dumpster Guy

Mind Blown

Freshman Transportation

Spitfire Girl

Thug Wannabe

The Remedy

Some Feedback

Online Dating

Eat Up!

Great Memory

Woman Scorned

Drama Time

White Horse

Customer Service

Pissed Off

Retired Stripper

High Anxiety

Free Tacos

Ten Thousandth

My Ride

The Beginning

I became a rideshare driver to make a little extra money. I was working for a company doing tech support and I decided to look for a part-time job. I wanted to make some extra cash to pay off a couple of credit cards.

I had heard of ridesharing and I thought it might be interesting to combine some of my favorite things; driving, talking and making money. I applied and was hired.

It was also interesting when I found out I was hired. It was Valentine’s Day 2015, and my wife, and I were having a lunch date. We were antiquing in a Madison, Ga and we had stopped for lunch. While we were eating I received a text that said that I was approved and could begin driving right away. I was ready to jump in the car and pick up some riders.

I thought my wife would say, Aw, you’re going to work on Valentine’s Day? But no, she said, Great, go make us some money. I think she had her eye on some of the antiques we had just seen.

I took her home and then headed to Athens, Ga, the city that I would call my home base for the next three years. I would work my day-time job and then jump on the interstate and head to Athens to drive at night. To be honest, I wasn’t all that familiar with Athens when I began ridesharing.

I knew where the mall was, and I knew if I continued driving on that road I would eventually pass The Arch. I knew once I got to The Arch I needed to turn around and go back the same way I came. I would soon become very familiar with every road, apartment complex and downtown business. There were even rides where a passenger would say, Wow, you really know your way around. And I would think to myself, If they only knew.

The next three years would be filled with many twists and turns (pun intended). In three years I would meet many wonderful people. I would also meet many characters. The next three years would also be filled with a lot of interesting situations. Some I wouldn’t trade for the world, others make me cringe when I think about them.

I hope you enjoy the stories I’ve collected as much as I enjoyed living them and writing about them.

Disco Driver

A new store opened in Athens, Ga. One of those stores with all kinds of tchotchke and novelty gifts. My curiosity got the best of me, and I stopped in to browse around. They had all kinds of fun items from a guitar shaped spatula to vintage action figures.

I looked around a little then came across a basket full of mirrored disco balls. They had assorted sizes, and I picked one up the size of a Christmas ornament. I thought, just for kicks and giggles, I would buy it and attach it to the dome light of my car as a conversation piece.

I had no idea that the disco ball would take on a life of its own. People loved it. They would get in my car and say things like, Oh, my gosh. You have a disco ball! People always wanted to know where I bought it, and some were even curious as to how I had it suspended from my dome light.

I became known as the guy with the disco ball in his car. Students would get excited when they realized that I was going to be their driver. I added a light to shine on it to create the star effect and even played disco music to get the whole party vibe going in the car.

And thus, my brand was born. It wasn’t something I set out to do intentionally; it just happened.

The Punch

My phone beeped. It was an alert to pick up some riders in downtown Athens, Ga. The GPS took me to a place called Ocean Bar. Two freshman girls came and jumped in my car. I could tell they were freshmen because they were dressed for a night out on the town. As I pulled away, two more girls came running up to the car. They evidently knew each other because the girls invited them to ride along.

As soon as we drove away, they started asking me silly questions. They were very tipsy and acted very comical. I remember the first question one of them asked was, Have you ever had sex in the back of this car? I said, Well, my wife and I have never seen the attraction of the back seat of a car. Not when we have a perfectly good queen-sized four-poster bed with a pillow top mattress in our master bedroom. They laughed but continued their line of silly questions.

One of the girls asked, How did you and your wife meet? I told her the truth, but embellished it a little, knowing it would get more laughs from them. I said, My wife is a school teacher, and I asked her out during a parent/teacher conference. They were flabbergasted and asked, What did she say? I said, She said yes, and then we got frisky. They screamed in disbelief but continued their silly questions.

As we drove toward the freshman dorms, one of the girls decided to poke me in the ribs. I’m very jumpy and had drunk a lot of coffee, so of course, I jumped. They thought this was funny and all four decided to start poking and tickling me as I drove. It was everything I could do to keep the car on the road.

It was at this point that one of the girls in the back seat thought she would take it up a notch and hauled off and punched me on the side of my head while I was driving. Her fist caught my ear just right, and there was a Pop! and a flash of white light and then my ear began to ring.

I was in shock. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, Not cool! And then I said, You do not hit the driver! There was a silence, sort of like in the movies when there’s an awkward moment and the needle on the record player scratches and everyone gets quiet. Then one of her friends said, Dang, you psycho witch! Why did you do that?! Then the other girls started calling her psycho witch as well. I think she got the point.

We were only half a block away from their dorm, so I played it off. I couldn’t let it be known that a freshman girl just rang my bell. I put a water bottle to the side of my head as if I was nursing a wound and told them, if they needed me, I would be at the local emergency room.

Two girls got out at the dorm, and the other two mentioned they needed to be taken to an apartment. As we drove away from the dorm, the two remaining girls said sarcastically, Boy, we’re glad the psycho witch isn’t in the car anymore. I knew the culprit was still in the car, but I continued to play it down.

I took them to their apartment and let them out. I haven’t seen the girls since that night. I have an idea who they might be, but I’m not entirely sure.

Happy Valentine’s

It was the Monday after Valentine’s Day 2015. It was my third day on the job, and I didn’t have to be working, but I wanted to get more familiar with Athens and the driver app on my phone that tells me when and where to pick up customers. It was dark and rainy and nasty, and I was about to log off and go home when my phone beeped alerting me to pick up a rider. I picked this person up at a condominium tower close to downtown. She came out of the parking deck with what looked like everything she owned. She was also quite possibly the most masculine female I have ever seen.

The first thing she said to me was, Some fine freakin’ Monday this turned out to be. I asked where she wanted to go, and she thought about it for a moment then said, Let’s go to downtown Atlanta.

To make a very long story short, she told me she had just broken up with her girlfriend. She was in San Francisco for Valentine’s Day and met this girl in a bar, and they hit it off. The girl mentioned she had to get back to Athens, Georgia for classes. On a whim, my rider flew back to Athens with her. Well, evidently when they woke up the next day things weren’t all rosy and sweet like they were in the bar the night before and she was flying back to California to get away.

I couldn’t help but think she was famous though. I thought to myself, Who has the money to jump on a plane on a moment’s notice and fly to the other side of the country? She was on her phone the whole way to Atlanta making hotel reservations and flight plans. She was also talking to someone who sounded like a manager, but I was never able to figure out who she was.

At one point I even asked, Are you a celebrity? I had a feeling I was going to run into someone famous today, and you seem like a celebrity.

She replied, You’re going to have to keep looking, because I’m not anyone famous.

One interesting tidbit is that when she was trying to figure out the name of a hotel she wanted to stay at, she asked me, What’s that gay hotel in the gay part of town near that gay park where they hold that gay festival? That’s verbatim.

And I thought, I get it, you’re gay. She ended up making reservations at a posh hotel, and that’s where I dropped her off.

Also, at one point, while she was on the phone making flight reservations, I heard her say, What? I can’t fly out until Wednesday? You mean I have to stay in this dirty town for two more days?

After she got off the phone, I casually mentioned that if she needed a personal driver and tour guide, for the next two days, that I would be happy to oblige. She kindly turned down my offer.

We arrived at her hotel, and we both got out. She gave me a hearty handshake and a twenty-dollar tip and headed into the hotel. I got back in my car and began the long trip back home. The fare ended up being eighty dollars, and with the twenty-dollar tip, I made one hundred dollars off the ride. Not bad for a couple of hours of work.

Girl Drama

I arrived at a young guy’s house to pick him up, and he didn’t come out to the car right away. I waited a few minutes, then called him on his cell phone. He told me he would be right out. I waited for another two to three minutes and called him again. Again, he said he would be right out. He finally came out and got in the car and explained that his girlfriend didn’t want him to leave and that all he wanted to do was to go downtown with his guy friends for one hour.

Before we could even get out of the driveway his cell phone rang, and he looked down and saw that it was his girlfriend calling. I told him to put the call on speaker, so I could hear what she had to say. He did and what I heard was her screaming and crying saying, Don’t leave me! Stay here! Whyyyyyyyy? Why are you going downtown? (a little mellow dramatic if you ask me) He tried to calm her down and assure her he would be back in one hour, but she continued to beg and plead for him to stay. I must point out that this guy was not good-looking. To be honest, he was a little on the homely side.

He then advised her, Honey, you’ll be safe. The guns are in the bottom of the closet, and the bullets are right beside them.

I was thinking she wasn’t going to use them for safety, but that she was going to commit a murder/suicide when he got back. The old If I can’t have him, no one can have him scenario. He then began asking me where the property lines for the university were. I think he wanted to know if he technically had guns on campus property. Thank goodness, we finally reached downtown, and he got out of the car.

I’ve given him rides since that night; so, evidently, she didn’t murder him. He still proves to be a little douchebag though.

Little Ragdoll

One night, while I was on my way to pick up a rider, I called to see exactly where he was located. He told me he was at the bar named Mooney’s. I said him I was going to pull up to Parker’s Bar, the bar next to it, to make it easier for him to get in since it was off the main road and out of the way of traffic.

He then stated something that floored me. I had never heard anyone say anything like this until this night. He said, No, my friend can’t make it that far.

I fumbled for words, then said, Ok, I’ll pull up in front of Mooney’s. He came out to the car and opened the door and told me he was going to get his friend and he would be right back. He left leaving the passenger side door open.

He came back out carrying this girl like a rag doll. He was holding her like they were slow dancing; except she wasn’t moving. He poured her into the back seat, and there was some discussion between his friends and him outside the car (the phrase emergency room even came up). The debate was that the other couple didn’t want to ride along because they didn’t want to end their night early. I thought to myself, Your friend is comatose, and all you can think about is how it’s ruining your night? They decided to ride along, so I ended up just taking them back to the dorm where they could take care of their friend.

As we drove, the birthday girl remained silent. She was out like a light. It may sound funny, but I kept telling her friend to check on her and make sure she was breathing. She was that far gone.

The blacked-out girl never uttered a word on the way to the dorm. I gathered from talking to her friends that she was celebrating her twentieth birthday. Not twenty-first, but twentieth, meaning the day before she was only nineteen and she had apparently had a little too much to drink.

When we arrived at the dorm, the guy had to do the same thing. He had to drag her out of the car and pick her up like a ragdoll and carry her into the dorm.

I haven’t given them a ride since. I trust the birthday girl recovered.

Halloween Night

It was Halloween night, and I was taking a couple to their home. It was just as well because the girl was extremely inebriated and in no shape to continue partying. I immediately handed her a plastic grocery bag just in case she had an accident. Well, she had an accident. She was so drunk she missed the bag. The fact that she got sick not only ticked me off because it happened, but it happened at one-forty-five in the morning, fifteen minutes before the bars closed and everyone needed a ride home. I was about to miss out on a lot of rides and therefore miss out on a lot of money.

Her guy friend wasn’t any help at all. When she asked him to help her he said, Ew, no, get your puke away from me! And they say chivalry is dead.

After I dropped them off, I drove as fast as I could to the closest convenience store and bought some disinfecting wipes and cleaned everything up. I sprayed air freshener in the car, then went inside and washed my hands. I was able to get back downtown right at the stroke of two-o’clock to pick up more riders. My company dinged her credit card for a two-hundred-dollar cleaning fee and put it on my next paycheck.

I spent a total of ten-dollar cleaning my car, so I profited one hundred ninety dollars. Not a bad bonus check, and I was still able to make the two in the morning rush when the bars closed.

Brown Men

I was on my way to pick up some riders one night after a home football game, and I called them, as I usually do, to find out exactly where they were located. I was having trouble hearing the guy since there were hundreds of people around him yelling and screaming. In his Indian accent, he shouted, We are three brown men! He then told me where they were located.

I pulled up to the corner where they were located, and two guys, with a third guy in between them, like a football player being helped off the field, came walking across the street. The two guys were around six feet tall each, and the guy they were supporting was around six-three