Son Rising

By Wendy Crawford-Daniel

Dexter painfully listens to his fathers last words. I am dying a sad man . . . You have broken my heart. I always knew you were one of them. Even at eighteen, Dexter still has no clue as to what his father is talking about. He is puzzled why it feels like his father increasingly hates him no matter how hard he wants to please him. And why does his father keep calling him Nancy?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 16, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984512185

Wendy Crawford-Daniel

Wendy Crawford-Daniel is a leading Caribbean Social Scientist, who uses her training to research socio-cultural issues that affect the day-to-day life of the people of the Caribbean. Born and educated in Grenada, she later advanced her academic and research skills at The University of the West Indies, Jamaica; Polisher Research Institute; The Multicultural Training and Research Institute and Temple University in Philadelphia, where she earned a Ph.D. in Sociology. Wendy brilliantly engages difficult sociological concepts and controversial socio-cultural issues in a non-threatening, captivating manner, to convey knowledge, stimulate critical thinking, promote social justice and harness greater appreciation and respect for the diversities in society. In Son Rising she boldly engages the issue of sexuality which is almost taboo in her homophobic, Christian conservative Caribbean. Her profound writing appeals to the best of humanity to respectfully embrace differences and the many forms of diversity in our world. Wendy Crawford-Daniel is also author of Unveiling Island Passion, a celebration of the rich cultural heritage of her island nation Grenada.

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Copyright © 2018 by Wendy Crawford-Daniel.

Library of Congress Control Number:      2018902604

ISBN:      Hardcover                  978-1-9845-1220-8

                 Softcover                  978-1-9845-1219-2

                eBook                        978-1-9845-1218-5

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without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 03/20/2018

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Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1 The Journey

Chapter 2 Sexual Dilemma

Chapter 3 A Father’s Rage

Chapter 4 Parenting and Sexuality

Chapter 5 A Father’s Regret

Chapter 6 Glory

Chapter 7 Desperation

Chapter 8 Searching for Sue

Chapter 9 Edward the Advocate

Chapter 10 Making the Connection

Chapter 11 Self-Discovery

Chapter 12 The Blissful Kiss

Chapter 13 Anticipation

Chapter 14 The Awakening

Chapter 15 A Mother’s Predicament

Chapter 16 Reflection

Chapter 17 Back Home

Chapter 18 Return to Glory

Chapter 19 Jeff’s Obsession

Chapter 20 Seeking Help

Chapter 21 Arnold

Chapter 22 Jeff’s Exit

Epilogue

Dedicated to the LGBTQ community of the Caribbean

Foreword

This second novel by Dr. Wendy Crawford-Daniel plunges the reader into the mind and heart of its protagonist Dexter Lovelace as we join him as he navigates through the difficult passage of adolescence and sexual awareness. The novel begins with Dexter’s first confrontation of his sexuality at a meeting of GLORY a Gay and Lesbian support group in the island of Grenada.

For any Caribbean reader this first introduction to Dexter in this setting fills us with angst, knowing the complex and sometimes volatile relationship that exists in the Caribbean with issues of same-sex relationships. Dr. Crawford- Daniel, a trained sociologist and social researcher, bravely explores all the issues through the development of Dexter and his growing understanding of his feelings. This awakening is described by the 28 year old Dexter and goes from his childhood and misunderstood behavior to his first sexual and romantic experience.

The novel has multiple layers of psycho-social exploration, as we expect given the author’s discipline, which expose and interrogate several issues that are current but often hidden in the Caribbean environment. The interpretation of masculinities, and what is perceived as true manhood, are revealed through the snippets of recollections by Dexter of his painful relationship with his father; the heartbreaking stories that come out in the testimonials of the male GLORY members as well as the naive reflections of our hero, who recalls with beguiling innocence being called "señorita", because he was able to master the waist movements of a typical ring game but usually restricted to girls on the playground.

Of related concern for the author are the issues of sexual abuse of both male and females by older people in the society and the horrific stories of rape that are often hidden by the families of the young victims. Dexter’s sexual encounter with Ruju the older woman is recounted with a slight comedic twist but the bathos is clear as the woman tries to force advances on the perplexed and repulsed Dexter. The issue of our societies’ equating homosexuals with pedophiles is also discussed and debunked in the seminal conversation between Dexter and the only father figure that he finds in his search for self-understanding, the urbane former diplomat Edward.

Despite the many social themes treated in the novel, the central drama resides around the relationship of Dexter with his father and mother. The title of the novel therefore points us in the direction that the author wants us take. Dexter tells the reader, in tones of growing awareness, of his life with a father who rejects him because of his lack of manliness, calling him girl names and generally derogatory epithets, and a protective mother but one who can protect neither her son nor herself from the verbal and emotional abuse meted out to them both by her husband. His growing awakening of the reason for his father’s alienation reveals to the reader the cultural complexity of fathers and mothers in the former English colonies who struggle with acceptance of the sexual identities of their children. Dexter, as a voice here for our author acutely sums up the dilemma:

Being homosexual in the Caribbean brings the father’s own sexuality into question, and the mother’s parenting skills would be considered an absolute failure in the society. Those were commonly held cultural beliefs about sexuality, and my parents were not prepared to deal with the issues.

As Dexter comes to full realization of his homosexuality, he meets along the way the love and approval of several persons who guide him into full awareness. The authenticity of the description of relationships with Melissa, her boyfriend Bruce, his first love Jeff and the father figure he finds in Edward his mother’s boyfriend after his father’s death, shows Dexter’s growing self-awareness and most particularly his self-acceptance. Finally his forgiveness of his father and the acceptance of his mother are key to the son-rise that occurs at the end of the novel.

Despite the perhaps optimistic end to the novel, the author clearly leaves us with no doubts of the difficult road that faces Dexter and all young persons in the Caribbean, where our societies struggle with acceptance and tolerance of the LGBTQ community. She also gives us a fleeting glimpse into how this enforced secrecy and fear of openly homosexual relationships lead to complex and sometimes violent jealousies within those relationships. The continuation of the struggle for acceptance and tolerance in our Caribbean communities is a clear message that the author leaves us with as she closes the book with the epilogue and the full circle of Dexter’s journey as the novel ends with his leadership of the very GLORY movement that started his search for answers.

The novel is a timely one that puts up a mirror to our Caribbean societies by reflecting and reflecting on the complex views of masculinity, sexuality and social acceptance of difference that are daily challenges for our people. The Dexters of our region have found a voice through Dr. Crawford-Daniel’s novel, but so have the voices of the fathers and mothers who are treated with empathy by the author. In the end the plea is for Grenada and all who seek justice in the world to recognize the human rights of persons of all sexual persuasions because they deserve that respect and …It is what it is.

The author adds to this debate with her artistic contribution of a novel that sometimes takes on the tone of a docudrama. Her own deep understanding of the social, economic and cultural issues that need to be fully interrogated openly if we are to get justice for all Caribbean citizens no matter their sexual persuasion. It is an enjoyable read, but one that will and should lead to deep introspection on the part of each reader to confront deeply set beliefs and prejudices that create sorrow and hardship for so many of our young persons.

Dr. Luz M. Longsworth, BA, MBA UWI, MA Queens, DBA Bath

Principal and Pro Vice-Chancellor

The University of The West Indies Open Campus

Acknowledgements

Son Rising epitomizes the true meaning of team-work and the spirit of Caribbean collaboration. I give major credit to my life-long colleague and friend, Claudia ‘Hoody’ Halley who edited this book and for her transformational work to the draft manuscript. Hoody, your genius in taking passive narratives and converting them into captivating conversational pieces is unparalleled.

‘Dexter’, members of GrenCHAP, and the LGBTQ community in Grenada, many of you risked your safety, livelihood, and reputation to provide material for this publication, without your willingness to provide information this book would not have been possible.

Dr. Luz Longsworth, you readily agreed to an academic review and your pointed and compelling foreword elevates Son Rising to one of the leading novels on Caribbean sexuality and appeals to others to make it ‘a must read’.

My special friends, Peter Fraser and Karen Pyke, and my mentor, Cheri Averi Black, all of you read and critiqued the manuscript. Your recommendations and sincere interest in this project’s success and completion are highly appreciated. Peter, after reading the manuscript you automatically uttered an appealing and appropriate title, Son Rising, which adequately embodies Dexter’s awakening to his sexual identity.

Hendy George, your artwork on the cover captures the essence of Son Rising – from a place of hate, fear, shame, and ignorance, to a place of love, freedom, confidence, and self-acceptance.

To all those who contributed in one way or another, receive my sincerest gratitude. This novel would not have been possible without any of you.

Chapter One

The Journey

It has been a journey, spanning almost one-third of my life, since I was finally able to find comfort with myself and to come to terms with who I am. This journey was long, confusing, and rugged. For eleven years, between the ages of sixteen and twenty-eight, I went through a period of self-discovery that today I can reminisce and celebrate my coming to being where I can truly enjoy the fullness of life. That phase took me into extended periods of lows and distress - a life of ignorance, fear, and terror.

Growing up in a region and country that does not respect one’s right to self-determination can be, on one hand, a nightmare, but on the other hand a time to prove oneself. This was my opportunity to be introspective, strong, confident and fearless. As I look back, I am grateful for my life experiences in a homophobic society, because without those experiences my days would have passed by in a perpetual state of pretense and awkward ignorance.

The Caribbean’s schizophrenia toward sex and sexuality has unintentionally invigorated my resolve to rise above intolerance and devote my life to the most fulfilling activity one can engage in: self-discovery. This is an ode to all those who have gone before me not knowing who they were.

This journey awakened my awareness and I salute the bravery of the few who, through GLORY (Gay and Lesbian Organisation for Youth), weathered the storm, when being a homosexual in Grenada was literally, and figuratively, a death sentence.

Eleven years ago to the day, I had just returned from my first GLORY meeting, a meeting still vividly etched in my memory, as if it just happened. That evening I sat on the balcony of my parents house looking onto the unpaved parking space of a big hotel just one hundred yards away. Rain had fallen the entire week and in the open parking space, pools of dark brown muddy water had formed, and this made me cringe because I still harboured a childhood fear of mud touching any part of my body.

Coming out of the GLORY meeting that day, I was confused, torn, and did not know then whether I should be angry, bitter or relieved. My friend, Edwin, had invited me to an exclusive meeting in a private location for which he swore me to secrecy. At first I was intrigued especially since Edwin did not tell me the nature of the meeting and he constantly warned, Dex make sure you don’t tell anyone where we going.

I thought that maybe Edwin was planning a surprise party for our hospitality tutor, Mrs. Joseph, whom we all loved, and who had hinted several times, that an important birthday marking a milestone in her life was coming up in the next few weeks. However, that was not the case. Edwin was one of the few male friends I connected with since I entered the community college in the city for the first semester of classes. Edwin and I were students in the hospitality department that had an enrollment of approximately 95 percent female. We were therefore always in the company of females at the college, and felt extremely comfortable among them.

When the meeting started and I understood what it was all about, what GLORY meant and who were the members, my world turned upside down. I sat, stupefied, with my head in my hands and my eyes closed. How did I not know? Could the GLORY members be correct about me? Why did no one hint or say something to me before? Maybe they did but I just was not in tune with their innuendos. Oh Lord! … Why? A million questions invaded my thoughts.

My thoughts flashed to my parents. Did they see something and say nothing all this time? Is that why my mother looks at me with such pity in her eyes, and my father with such disdain and disappointment? My head spun from the type of information I received at the meeting I had just attended and I felt myself shifting into panic mode.

My mother would often look at me with blank stares, while my father would steal glances at me from the corner of his eyes, and I never understood why. In my childish imagination, I just thought that they were both crazy and never paid any mind to their odd behaviours.

My thoughts continued to race and I wondered how long ago they figured out my sexuality. Were they disappointed and ashamed of me all those years? Did they keep their feelings private or did they discuss it together? What about my teachers at Westmorland Private School and my teachers at Presentation Brothers’ College? What about the priest and the congregation in the church where I served as an altar boy, and sang in the choir every Sunday? The same church where I occasionally gave Bible lessons to children. Did they know and keep quiet too? My head spun as my thoughts ran wild.

I felt a growing anger brewing from deep within my gut for the years of deceit and silence. Why did they not help me understand? Even if they did not do so when I was a child, why not when I became a teenager, when I could better understand issues of life?

There were so many questions I wanted answers to, but then I was not even sure that GLORY members made a correct assumption about my sexuality. They could have been wrong after all.

I did not feel anything at the time. I am not sure how I was supposed to feel or behave. I felt as any man should - or so I thought. I did not have any romantic feelings for women just yet but then maybe there was no woman who could do it for me. I had time on my side because I was still quite young. I consoled myself then. Yes, that was it. I was convinced that when the time came, I would surely meet Miss Right.

I had not interacted with too many women so that might have explained why, at eighteen years old, I did not have any girlfriends in my life and I was still a virgin. I do understand that being a virgin at age eighteen is highly unusual in the Caribbean. Nevertheless …

I sat in the growing darkness and privacy of the balcony and became increasingly confused and disturbed. I did not want to go indoors to encounter my mother who was sitting in the living room with the television looking at her. I started to reflect, thinking about all the things I did for any clue that I was that way, anything that could provide me with a hint that someone knew something. At first, I drew a blank. Then slowly, reality dawned on me. I had just turned sixteen and had recently completed high school when my father passed away. I remembered sitting at his bedside with my mother, who was constantly mopping beads of sweat from his forehead. She was unable to contain the flow of tears rolling down her cheeks and onto the bed sheet. It was only now I began to understand that the tears had more to do with me, and less to do with my father’s illness.

Then, like the force of a brick to the head, I remembered my father’s dying words. My father took a deep breath, paused from his painful groaning and turned toward me. With a tormented expression, he looked me directly in the eyes, and said with undeniable strength despite his illness, I am dying a sad man … a very sad man … you have broken my heart. All that I have worked for and accomplished adds to naught. I thought you would find yourself a wife and give us grandchildren, but I guess that will never be. It will never happen. Never, never. Oh God what have I done to deserve this?

His voice faded and his eyes closed.

But … but … Daddy, I said. I just finish high school and I plan to go to college. I not ready for that kind of life."

Why? Why Dexter? Why? He was bewildered and on the verge of tears.

Daddy, this is not time for that right now. I am more concerned about you. Daddy, I want you to get better … In any case, it will be a long time before I even think about wife and children. That is not important to me at all. Let’s focus on getting … I did not complete the sentence as he interrupted my words and shouted at me.