The Final Act of Grace: Live Well. Love Well. Die Well.

By Mary C Dwyer

When Adrian Beardsley is diagnosed with cancer at age forty-nine, no-one can imagine how quickly death will come, nor the challenges it will present. Mary Dwyer details with courage and candour the substance of a marriage, a family, a business partnership, a spiritual journey and how she and her children faced profound loss and grief. This moving memoir of life’s most mysterious experience brings us into the light of an eternal grace.

A companion for the dying, for those losing a loved one, and for all of us wising to arrive at our own deaths well-prepared.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Jun 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781504313391

Mary C Dwyer

Mary Dwyer is the Founding Director and CEO of Impact Solutions International specialising in large scale cultural change and ethical leadership. She works with business, spiritual and political leaders nationally and internationally. Mary believes that loving kindness is a powerful instrument for the transformation of global leadership. She views herself as a citizen of the world, travelling and working across the globe, but makes her home in Tasmania, Australia. www.marycdwyer.com Facebook: @ftlcommunity #ftlcommunity

Book preview

Praise for The Final Act of Grace

Through beautiful prose, and strong visual imagery, this book uncovers many layers of self-revelation and invites the reader to do the same. It encourages us, urges us, to ask penetrating questions that need to be asked about how to live and die consciously, and which are rarely answered with the deep and open-hearted wisdom Mary shares with us in these pages.

Dr Kerry Howells, Author and Gratitude Researcher

www.kerryhowells.com

‘Wow! Mary I just finished the book in two days. I didn’t want to put it down. I love the way you write. I felt connected all the way through. Thank you for sharing this. I loved reading about how you met, what Adie was like as a younger man and how you navigated the highs and lows of your relationship. I also loved the Camino journey and the truly wonderful quotes and poems scattered throughout. You have a true gift.’

Pip Coleman. Author: Finding My Soul at Sea

Mary, you are one extraordinary woman and your book is a masterpiece.

Diana Grant, Intensive Care Nurse

and Bereavement Counsellor, United Kingdom

‘I stayed in my bedroom all day with your amazing book. So, so much resonated with me. You write so beautifully about such sensitive things that are needed more than anything in our world today…very much how Steiner understands spirit, experience and life forces and well-being. I appreciated your expression very much!’

Chantal De Brauwere. Retired Steiner Teacher

‘Wow, it’s very powerful. I was quite struck by your honesty and rawness. It was indeed an easy read, although difficult at times to really appreciate what you went through. You told a very deep and personal story.’

Michael Spinks. Wealth Creation Advisor

‘I have finished reading your amazing book. It certainly does show the merging and interconnectedness of bliss and death. I was completely absorbed by your time on the walk. Beautiful work Mary.’

Brett Torossi

‘From the moment I started the book, I could not put it down until I had read the whole thing. When you buy this book, I recommend you get a big cup of tea and cozy blanket and tuck yourself in for a moving and inspirational experience. Mary’s words were like liquid gold weaving their magic of this beautiful story on every page. It is a love story, a unitive story, a story that integrates the joy, grief and mystery of living and dying in the most conscious and beautiful way; and her writing captures the essence of love, celebration, sadness, hope, strength and courage all at the same time. I have taken so much from this book, and have used it to speak about love, life, death to my children in a very different and graceful way. Thank you Mary for sharing your story with the world… what a gift it is for each and every one of us!!’

Gwen Pennington. Executive Leadership Coach.

Gwen Pennington Consulting

‘I am deeply moved by your writing and profound sharing of such intimacy. Many people will be touched by the story. We have so much to learn. Thankyou for this book.’

Cawley Farrell. Deputy Principal

‘I met Mary and her amazing family as a teenager over 40 years ago. That family was and still is so full of love despite amazing personality and philosophical differences among 9 siblings. Despite knowing Mary for all that time our paths rarely crossed and I have never met Adie, Jack or Ella. The Final Act of Grace is a book about courage as well as grace. Adie’s courage and grace in facing death and being so unselfish about it, Mary’s courage to write this book and the grace her life has become to help others. The courage and grace of Jack and Ella to allow their Mum expose their love and grief is a key ingredient that is essential to the book. At times I cried real tears, laughed out loud, felt anger and joy while reading The Final Act of Grace. It was so enthralling I read it from cover to cover in one sitting. There are lessons in this book for all of us as we face our turn to leave the mortal coil. It might sound trite, but in popular vernacular it’s a ripping yarn.’

Peter V

‘The Swiss Alps accompanied the sounds and images of the book from The Final Act of Grace whilst I was softly rocked in a silk hammock. Tears rolled down my face the whole day as I was being blessed and soaked by the energy of the art of Mary words. The way Mary writes, how she transforms her energy into words have touched me deeply. It touched me with magic. I read the book with whole my soul non-stop in one day. What a blessing. Thank You. I’m in awe of your spiritual art.’

Sophie Vrolijk

‘Mary has given us all a true gift with writing The Final Act of Grace, Mastering a Peaceful Death. I will keep this gift close to my heart and also share with loved ones. Death like birth can be difficult and yet incredibly beautiful during the transformation when seen through new eyes and an awakened spirit. Mary takes you on an intimate personal life journey of true love full of joy, pain, grief, vulnerability, forgiveness, humor, kindness, and peace with grace. This true love is beautifully described while her loving husband was physically here and then beyond. I am grateful to Mary and her family for sharing this story and detailing their experience with the mystery of afterlife. Where there is love there is no fear.’

Karen Wooldridge. Sport and Wellness

Industry Executive Consultant-Los Angeles

‘This book cocoons you in joy and sorrow. Its great treasure is helping to understand that life and death are ONE. With gentleness and love, this book encourages and inspires us to participate in death as keenly as we participate in life. Thank you for sharing your journey of deep grief to profound grace. To grace, stillness and light.’

Amanda Bucirde. Registered Nurse

‘The Final Act of Grace is a beautiful expression of profound love and loss of a very dear friend. Mary’s words are eloquent, deeply moving, insightful and a wonderful tribute. It is a privilege to turn each page and delve into her personal story as she generously offers insight and comfort at the end of life, as Adie transitions to a peaceful death. It is a very special story that will resonate around the world and touch your heart.’

Christine Robinson

The mark of a great book (to me) is one that I can not put down and where the rest of the world disappears. I sat down to Mary’s book and did not put it back down until I finished the last page. It completely captured me and left me with a resonance of inspired awe. Quite simply, The Final Act of Grace is a magnificent and courageous piece of writing taking it’s reader on a journey of the human experience. It is poignant, heart-felt and raw as the magic of the story unfolds. While this is very much Mary, Adie and her family’s story, it is a story for us all - exploring our fears around death and the possibility of enlightenment, as Adie so gracefully and beautifully transitions from this world to the next. Adie’s death propels Mary into deep grief and enquiry presenting her with questions around everything from identity, parenting, love, the meaning of life and relationship. Put this on your list of must reads!

Amy Currant. Executive Leadership Coach,

Change Agent and Facilitator

‘This book is the most generous gift. It is so personal and intimate. You have shared so much of yourself and your life. This is why it is so giving. It is also full of guidance, on a life well-lived, and a beautiful death’.

Kate Domeney

‘A wonderfully written story of family life and challenges, Purchased the book this morning and couldn’t put it down - finished with lots of tears and joy.’

Jilly Freeman

‘Like so many others. I could not put it down until it was finished. Beautifully written, so very honest and insightful. You should be very proud of this book. I can see how much it has taken to achieve and I am proud of you. It is a privilege to share your story. Thank you.’

Sally Williams

‘I started reading The Final Act of Grace late one evening and finished reading it in the early hours of the next morning. Mary takes her deeply personal experience and turns it into something for everyone. I wonder how many people, after reading this book, will reach out to their lost loved ones to find them again in spirit… looking for a sign of them here or a glimpse of them there? What a beautiful gift to give the world… an awakening of all the things we can’t yet turn to science to fully understand and a powerful reminder of the life altering benefits of surrender and daily meditation practices.’

Naomi Gora

‘Thank you for sharing your experience of death, of the death of your beloved Adie, your ideas around death and love and living.

It was comforting, challenging, inspiring to read. The last couple of deaths I have been privileged enough to witness, to be with, have allowed me to really see the wonder of death, and I’ve been sitting with the words, ‘the miracle of death’, because it really does seem to me to be a miracle.

It’s such a comfort and an affirmation to hear someone speak of death with similar language, expressing similar ideas. And having the courage, the will power, to write it down and make it available to the world with the hope that we can move past the fear that currently fills the space around death. I dream of a time when, as a society, we can encounter death, embrace it when the time comes, with love, positivity and maybe even excitement, alongside the sadness and heartbreak.’

Kate Tenni. The Healing Arts.

‘The book had me in tears nearly every time I opened its sacred pages. Tears of joy, sorrow, intense knowing, tears of challenge and elation, relief and disbelief. This book invites you in with a warm hug. The heart, the love, the experience seems so tangible and I could not help to become completely immersed in the writing.

This is so much more than a book about death and likewise, more than a book about life. The pages carry a profound and sacred message. This book is a lesson, a reminder and a promise all in one… and proof that there is an immense benefit in embracing a mindful and planned ‘good death’. This book takes the reader by the hand and says, You can do it too.

The author is both courageous and humble. She is wise and kind. As much as she admits she is still learning, she is the maiden, mother and crone combined. She writes with the innocence and vulnerability of the maiden in a way not often displayed in day to day humdrum of life, she is the mother in her nurturing and protective approaches yet still free from ego in her telling of them and she is the crone in all these things, so very wise and enlightened in what she lays bare for the reader to absorb.

This book, ‘The Final Act of Grace’ by Mary Dwyer should be read by everyone including nurses, palliative carers and specialists, doulas, funeral directors, those scared of dying, those grieving, those coming to terms with someone’s imminent death… It is masterfully crafted as a piece of writing, it is a beacon of hope for all of us who want to see this shift in society towards death awareness, mindfulness and literacy and it is one of the most personal and moving accounts of a journey towards death and the bereavement after death that I have ever read. Ever. The wisdom and insight contained herein is remarkable and profound.’

Rebecca Lyons. yountaboo.com

‘Raw vulnerable honest emotion. Heart centred and Spiritually uplifting. A courageous, honest and at times challenging account of death, life and love.

A catalyst for unexpressed grief for those who have assisted anyone in the transition from life to death. A wonderful example to those who are yet to have the privilege to help and comfort someone during their death.

Buen Camino, a walk of healing the grief and finding the courage to go on and start a new journey into love.’

Quentin Smith

THE FINAL ACT

OF GRACE

LIVE WELL. LOVE WELL. DIE WELL.

fullsizeoutput_52f8.jpg

MARY C DWYER

A story about love, death and the spirit of all things.

29106.png

Copyright © 2018 Mary C Dwyer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com.au

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-1338-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-1339-1 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 06/04/2019

Contents

Praise for The Final Act of Grace

Acknowledgments

The Bell

Introduction

And We Are…

An Enquiry

Chapter 1     Young Love

Chapter 2     Facing our Future

Black Elk Speaks

Chapter 3     The Diagnosis

Chapter 4     Sitting in the Fire

Chapter 5     Compassionate Suffering

Chapter 6     Surrendering to Grace and Peace

A Passion for the Possible

Chapter 7     You Are so Beautiful

Meet Me in the Middle of Nowhere

Chapter 8     Gone Fishing

The Bell and the Blackbird

Chapter 9     The Visitation—A Miracle

Chapter 10   The Funeral—The Wedding

‘A Prayer for my Daughter’

Chapter 11   Stumbling Through Pain and Joy

The Well of Grief

Chapter 12   The Abyss of Grief

Chapter 13   An Invitation to Heal

Desiderata

Chapter 14   Alone

The Journey

Chapter 15   Buen Camino

Dance Me to the End of Love

Chapter 16   Love—All Encompassing and Expanding Love

Thank you.

A Moment of Happiness

Persona Absentia

Further Reading

Acknowledgments

Cover illustration by Adrian Beardsley 2009. The first page of his last journal. Pencil drawing of a male Mayfly, Atalophlebia australis. Used with permission by Mary Dwyer.

Words of Thich Nhat Hanh reprinted with permission of Parallax Press.

Words of Black Elk reprinted from Black Elk Speaks; The Complete Edition by John G. Neihardt by permission of The University of Nebraska Press. Copyright 2014 by The Board of Regents University of Nebraska Press.

Poems by David Whyte reprinted with permission of Many Rivers Company.

i thank You God for most this amazing. Copyright 1950, (c) 1978, 1991 by the Trustees for the E.E. Cummings Trust. Copyright (c) 1979 by George James Firmage, from COMPLETE POEMS: 1904-1962 by E.E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage. Used by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Death & Dying 1969. Used with permission. For more information on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross go to www.EKRFoundation.org

Excerpt from pp. 154-55 from A Passion for The Possible: A Guide to Realizing Your True Potential by Jean Houston. Copyright (c) 1997 by Jean Houston. Reprinted by permission of Harper Collins Publishers.

Dance Me To The End Of Love – L. Cohen © 1984 Sony/ATV Songs LLC For Australia and New Zealand: Sony/ATV Music Publishing Australia Pty Limited (ABN 93 080 392 230) Locked Bag 7300, Darlinghurst NSW 1300. Australia International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

The Journey from Dream Work by Mary Oliver. Copyright © 1986 by Mary Oliver. Used by permission of Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Poem for My Daughter. Used with permission from Gabriel Byrne.

With love and deep gratitude to

Adie, Jack and Ella.

‘If you want a book that will ease the pain of death, this is it. Mary Dwyer takes us gently, kindly and with profound insights through the process of her husband’s departure. Her courage to go deep into the abyss shows how transformation is possible, even in the darkest days. We are allowed into the agony as well as the joy that appeared at the end, and through it all runs this gold thread of her own constant awareness, shared with her family. It enabled me to see how self-knowledge and self-reflection, as a practice, can prepare us for being truly present even at the mighty events of life and death.’

Dr. Scilla Elworthy, three times Nobel Peace Prize nominee for her work with Oxford Research Group to develop effective dialogue between