Reborn as the Self: How to Shed Your Identity, Contain Your Mind and Become the Creator of the Life You Desire

By Paola Corinaldesi

The author's story is of a woman who expanded into the external world through a corporate job, money, family, traditional view of success, identified herself totally in her self-created psychological reality, became imprisoned in her own comfort zone, and found herself feeling dead while still living. Life had to shake her up to bring her to awareness.

Paola waded across life in search of transformation and had to metaphorically die while living to find her way back to joy and fulfillment; a death which was not of the body, but of her mind, conditioning, beliefs, judgments, thoughts and emotions. The concept of her had to perish before she could merge with the beauty and authenticity of her natural self.

In Reborn as the Self, she shares her story and offers a guide for inner transformation. Through her experiences and her real-life awakenings, Paola helps you merge with your true self and sculpt the life you desire. She provides basic, Inner-Management principles for transforming suffering, fears, depression and disease into freedom, joy, health and a magical life, making out of spirituality a "technology" for wellbeing in daily life.

Combining spiritual teachings and the wisdom of a lifetime, Reborn as the Self includes practical tools and specific exercises to help you contain your thoughts, shed your conditioned identity, and become the creator of the life you desire.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jul 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781982206994

Paola Corinaldesi

Paola Corinaldesi was born in Rome, Italy, and moved to Munich at age twenty-three, where she lived most of her life. She earned a bachelors degree in arts from the University La Sapienza in Rome and worked in the corporate world in change management, consulting, and coaching until dedicating more time to writing. Paola volunteered in an ashram childrens school in India, where she got transferred a powerful yoga and meditation method for inner transformation.

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Copyright © 2018 Paola Corinaldesi.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0697-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0698-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0699-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018907336

Balboa Press rev. date: 07/11/2018

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1     Growing Up As A Survivor

Chapter 2     From Compulsion To Awareness

Chapter 3     The Importance Of Assuming Responsibility

Chapter 4     Heaven Is A State Of Mind: Mind & Co.

Chapter 5     Entanglement: My Biggest Challenge

Chapter 6     Acceptance: The Shortcut To Enlightenment

Chapter 7     Learning To Love

Chapter 8     About Compassion

Chapter 9     Fear And Me

Chapter 10   Self-Love And Radical Acceptance

Chapter 11   What If Our Life Purpose Is Connection?

Chapter 12   What I Have Come To Understand

Conclusion: Living From The Space Of The Self

Afterword: The Subtle Play Of Life And Death

Acknowledgements

About The Author

Appendix I: Finding A Yoga Center

INTRODUCTION

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I know you’re tired but come, this is the way.- Rumi

As I think about this book and how it came to be, a profound sense of reverence flows through me, for the amazing perfection—and absolute fragility—of this masterpiece called life.

This book is the manifestation in form of my longing and seeking; it is the result of my journey from identity to self and the proof that if we consciously decide to live from the space of our true self, we can live without suffering and literally create the life we desire.

Let me tell you how it came to be written.

Some years ago, while mentally scrolling through scenes from my life, I saw an unhappy and frustrated woman. She had raised a child almost completely on her own, working nine to six her entire life and watching the world turn around her without being a part of it. She was imprisoned within the safe walls of self-preservation; though life continued on outside, inside this fortress of her own making, she already felt dead.

I was this woman, trapped in identity and psychological reality while real life passed by—until the day I realized that there must be something more to life than just surviving and functioning.

Up until that day, I was merely a survivor. My story is of a woman who expanded into the external world through a corporate job, money, family, traditional view of success, identified herself totally in her story (identity), became imprisoned in her own comfort zone, and found herself feeling dead while still living.

Life had to shake me up to bring me toward awareness. It did so ruthlessly.

I had to lose everything: my family, my health, my father. I also had to face the terrifying possibility of losing someone else: my gentlest friend and truest mirror, my beloved daughter.

I had lost track of myself. I was enveloped in suffering and I could not see a way out.

My cyclical, repetitive mental patterns, my identification with them and with my story (identity) had to perish before I could start living a new, joyful existence out of my true self. I had to find a joy from within that no person or situation outside can ever affect.

I ended up with an existence built on pure love and compassion for others and myself, where success means that I am the creator of everything I desire and long for, and where my decisions come from a place of love for myself rather than fear.

I waded across life in search of transformation, only to come to the realization that my concept of love was not love, my concept of death was not death and my concept of life was not real life at all.

From a purely functional, compulsive, fearful and conditioned identity who lived mostly within her self-created psychological reality, I transformed myself into a free, fearless, aware and joyful being who resides in the beauty and grace of its own self.

I had to metaphorically die while living to find my way back home; a death which was not of the body, but of my mind, beliefs, judgments, thoughts and emotions. In short, I had to face the death of the concept of me.

I still can remember the morning at work when, without planning it at all, I stood up and went to speak with my boss. I had spent most of the previous days unhappy at my desk, and suddenly a voice within, a force of some type, pushed me to act. I remember how I silently and fearfully walked across the office without really knowing what I was going to say. Then I heard myself calmly and firmly state, I want to request a sabbatical year. Though I expected resistance, I was astonished to hear my boss answer, Okay. Let’s see how to shift your projects; if you need time off, you can take it.

In that exact moment, it felt like a stone had fallen from my heart. I realized that I had been searching for a way to break out of my non-life without knowing how to do so. It was not a typical mid-life crisis decision, where changing to another place and different circumstances would have been enough. I was truly seeking for transformation. I needed ample time and silence to look inward and merge with my true essence.

I temporarily left my job, rented my house and moved to Mauritius with the firm intention to only be.

I lived near the ocean with only nature around me—something that had long been one of my heart’s desires. I gave myself the freedom of living at my own pace, of slowing down from the frenetic rhythm of modern life. I did daily yoga, meditation and writing; I took enough time for friends and life, giving them my fullest attention. I travelled to India, where I volunteered in a children’s school while my mentor, best friend and most sincere mirror showed me the way to freedom and inner joy.

I lived simply and happily, one hundred percent involved in everything I did and doing things that really mattered to me.

It was during this time that this book was born. My daily writing, done without any intention of writing a book, turned out later to be my gift and contribution to all the people, who, like me, were looking for answers. The more I wrote down what I thought, felt and experienced, the more I realized that there were many people there outside who could be helped by it; people who had the same longing and the same thirst; people who were looking for practical tools to break their own conditioning and become creators of the life they desired.

I went through so many challenges in my life and I learned so much from them that I feel it is my responsibility to share this awareness and wisdom with you. There are so many people who are facing or will have to face the same challenges that I did, and if I can help save them from having to suffer unnecessarily—if I can quicken their path to an increased awareness and the life they always desired without needing a lifetime—I am more than honored to do so.

So, please consider this book a gift from me for this generation and the ones to come. It is a gift for all those who are longing for and open to true transformation. I don’t want the experience and awareness of a lifetime to be a waste. I don’t want it to remain trapped within the limited boundaries of my person. It is my wish to spread it to everyone that is consciously or unconsciously seeking it.

I want everyone to know that there is a way to find true happiness and become the creator of the life one desires—a way which can spare lots of unnecessary suffering, and which doesn’t necessarily have to take a lifetime to come to fruition.

Every page of this book is the result of lifelong conversations with my self and my meditations about the ego, the mind and its destructive power; love and our incapacity to let it free; relationships; children; and death. It describes my expansion from self, in which we naturally abode during childhood, to identity, the conditioning we take up during adulthood—and then back home to the self, which is the next level entirely. I came to this after having realized that everything I was longing for—money, career, relationships, family—were only illusory surrogates for my happiness. They weren’t true life, the one that was burning within me to be heard, loved and revealed against all odds.

This book is the result of my sadness, desperation and confusion, transformed into love for myself and for other human beings; of my anger, aggression and resentment, transformed into understanding and compassion for the human nature and condition; of years of anxieties, fears and unanswered questions, transformed into radical acceptance of my being, life, and everything that is.

This book is the path of life of a little girl who had to put forth strenuous effort to be loved and accepted the way she was, who lost herself to please others, who made herself unimportant and invisible. A little girl who became identified with too many people and things, who got lost and found her way back home at the age of 50. This didn’t happen suddenly, but after a process that was strongly initiated, wanted and longed for; after a strenuous process of self-observation, self-love and radical acceptance of herself and life.

This book is the result of a myriad of other books that I gorged upon in the hope of finding something more than the petit physicality of life. It is the result of my conversations with my beloved mentor and of the teachings imparted to me by my own fears and my false sense of loneliness as I searched for something that seemed so far away, but which has always been right there, inside of me. Something which is a no-thing with no form and is the true me.

I started writing this book a million times and I stopped a million times, too. My thoughts kept me from writing and sharing my story and wisdom with you. They told me that I was not special enough to give advice to others and questioned whether I could really be of help to anyone. As you see, my mind was trying to preserve my safety by not allowing things to happen—because when things happen, we transform, and the mind doesn’t like transformation at all. By raising all kinds of doubts, my mind was preventing me from having a whole, magic life, expressing and sharing my experiences and being of help for others.

It was only when I reached a certain degree of awareness, and after I learned to accept and love myself radically, that all my doubts dissolved and I felt the necessary love, compassion and responsibility to reveal such personal contents about my life with the vision of being of help. It is my will and my commitment in helping people get out of suffering and entering a space of joy and wellbeing that gives me the courage to write the story of releasing my Identity and the teachings I gained from doing so.

My journey was a long one and it could start only when I realized that the way in is the only way out; when I understood that joy must be sculpted and nourished from within, as this is where it comes from; that I, and only I, am responsible for choosing happiness over misery. It all started when I realized that I had to gain back that space within me, my authentic self and essence, knowing that if I reside there, I reside in pure joy and peace, regardless of the situation outside.

Learning to manage my inner experience was fundamental to me. It has taught me how to observe my mind and emotions without becoming identified with them; how to ignore negative thought patterns by consciously refusing to give them my energy; how to understand where my pain-body and all the false beliefs about myself and others came from; how to manage my emotions and understand that fears were created when I identified with my negative thoughts; last but not least, it led me to manifest everything I truly desire in life. Eventually, I organized a training program that reflects this, called Inner Management.

Today, I have freed my mind of all unnecessary thoughts, emotions and beliefs, and I can use my energy to create and sculpt my life exactly the way I want it. My focus and perception on things and people have heightened to a level that I can be one hundred percent present with the persons I meet and