The Way Out: Of the Maze of Offense and the Prison of Unforgiveness the Divine Prescription

By Donna Marie Pratty

The Way Out of the maze of offense and the prison of unforgiveness is a must read for anyone struggling to be free from past or present wrongs. We all suffer wrongs, injustices, and pain in this world, but how we react and cope with them will determine the quality of our daily life. Holding on to resentment and anger significantly effects how we interact with others, how we view ourselves, our circumstances, our future, and our ability to live in the promises of God through Christ. Jesus promises every Christian peace and joy in this lifetime; however, these spiritual benefits are rarely seen or experienced in believers today.

God is the great physician, and there is no wound He cannot heal, no sorrow He will not comfort, and no loss He cannot fill. The bible is God’s divine prescription, and if followed as prescribed, will lead you to the key that will open the door to the prison of your past.

This book is written is an easy to follow, step by step format. Isn’t it time for you to let go of what is holding you back from enjoying a rich and rewarding spiritual life? Come and join the others who have been set free from the control and imprisonment of past injuries, and learn to walk in your predestined spiritual destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 5, 2018
• ISBN: 9781512793604

Donna Marie Pratty

Donna Marie Pratty is a remarkable and anointed bible teacher and preacher. For the past fifteen years, she has taught on a variety of Christian topics at many different churches and seminars. She’s known as a powerful speaker with the ability to make the bible easy to understand. www.donnaprattyministry.world

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Copyright © 2018 Donna Marie Pratty.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked AMP are from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament copyright 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified Bible, New Testament copyright 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 byThe Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Tree of Life Translation of the Bible. Copyright © 2015 by The Messianic Jewish Family Bible Society.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-9362-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9361-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9360-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017910784

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/06/2021

Contents

Section 1. GOD’S WARNING

Chapter 1: The Maze of Offense

What Is the Maze of Offense?

Chapter 2: Offenses Will Come

A Bed of Roses?

Thorns in the Church

Chapter 3: The Anatomy of an Offense

The Source

Obedience, an Old Testament Command?

Alive yet Dead

I Did It My Way

The Heart of the Matter

The Vessels of Offense

Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

The Purpose of the Offense

The purpose of offense is to destroy your faith in God.

The purpose of offense is to cause confusion.

The purpose of offense is to trap you and cause you to sin

The purpose of the offense is to give the devil a place in your life.

The purpose of the offense is to steal what is rightfully yours.

The purpose of the offense is to bring forth death.

You Don’t Have to Perish

Section 2. GOD’S WAY

Chapter 4: The Way

Man’s Way

God’s Way

It’s Never Too Late

Jesus, Sweet Jesus

Just a Prayer Away

Live and Learn

Chapter 5: The Divine Prescription

Take Your Medicine

The Word of God

It Is of Divine Origin

It Is Power

It Heals

It Is Light

It Is Our Guide

It Is Our Counselor

It Gives Life

It Never Changes

It Comforts

It Gives Hope

It Is Supreme

It Is Truth

It Sets You Free

It Is Jesus

Section 3. GOD KNOWS

Chapter 6: Has God Rejected You?

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

A Learned Response

God’s Response to this Accusation

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Look and See

Accepted Forever

Chapter 7: Does God Care about Your Hurts?

Closer than You Think

Priceless Treasure

I’ll Take Your Hurts

Open the Prison Door

Lay Your Burden Down

Chapter 8: Where Was God When Things Went Wrong?

The Providence of God

Who Crucified Jesus?

When Was Jesus Slain?

Born to Die

What about You?

Chapter 9: Why, God, Why?

Why Did This Happen to Me?

According to His Purpose

Spitting Image

Beauty for Ashes

It’s All Working

Comfort with the Same Comfort

What Is God Trying to Tell Us about Our Life and Troubles?

Section 4. GOD’S ANSWER

Chapter 10: The Keys to the Kingdom

A Sure Foundation

Kingdom Laws

To Err Is Human, to Forgive Divine

To Forgive or Not to Forgive: That Is the Question

If You Don’t Give, You Don’t Get

Seventy Times Seven

Drop It!

Asked and Answered

What Forgiveness Is Not

Chapter 11: The Dangers of Disobedience

Knowledge Brings Responsibility

The Effects of Sin on a Believer

Sin Separates Us from God

Sin Is Deceitful

You Become Bitter

Sin Binds You

It Produces Rotten Fruit

Sin Grieves the Holy Spirit

Sin Gives Place to the Devil

It Takes the Power Out of Your Prayer

You Are Delivered to the Torturer

Chapter 12: Evidence Demands a Verdict

No Time Like the Present

First Things First

Second Things Second

Chapter 13: How to Forgive

The Pathway to Freedom

1. The Posture

Ready, Aim …

Do You Want to Be Made Well?

Where There’s Your Will, There’s a Way

2. The Power

You Have What It Takes

Like Second Nature

The Power of Grace

Grace, Mercy, and Forgiveness

More Grace

The Prerequisite

The Power of Retaining and Releasing

Retain or Release: It’s Up To You

The Power of Retaining

Generational Curse

The Power of Releasing

3. The Price

A Free Gift?

Remember the Cross

Humility and Forgiveness

Your Cross

4. The Process

God’s Part in the Process

From Glory to Glory

God Fights for You

Your Part of the Process

Grace, Our Teacher

Exercise Yourself

In Your Right Mind

Life or Death?

The War Rages

Feeling Frenzy

Patience, Patience

5. The Purpose

Restoration and Reconciliation

God’s Goal

Are All Reconciled?

Repent and Confess

Two Kinds of Sorrow

The Fruit of Repentance

Healed Relationships

Chapter 14: Victory or Vengeance?

Victory

Responding to an Offense

Jesus, Our Example

Two Wrongs Won’t Make It Right

Turn the Other Cheek

It’s Too Hard

Stay and Display

The Spirit of Self-Control

The Power of Doing Good

Vengeance

God’s Prerogative

God Is the Righteous Judge

Measure for Measure

God’s Will

God’s Timing

Chapter 15: A Bright Future

Press On!

A Bright Future

God Meant It for Good

Do You Know Jesus?

Bibliography

Section 1

God’s Warning

Chapter 1

The Maze of Offense

What Is the Maze of Offense?

A maze is an intricate, usually confusing network of walled or hedged pathways; a confusing or intricate condition or situation. I have written this book using the imagery of a maze as a way to portray the emotionally confusing place we find ourselves in when we are terribly wronged and hurt. Offenses drop us into what I call the maze of offense.

Offenses assault us in childhood, as teenagers, and as adults. They can happen at any time and in any situation. There are varying degrees of offenses; some are minor, and others are of such magnitude that they are able to severely impact our emotional makeup in an extremely negative manner. Hurts can actually imprison us emotionally and prevent us from receiving our God-given blessing of an abundant life and joyous liberty.

There is an emotional maze you enter when hurts come your way. What do you do with the wrongs done to you? How do you get off of the pain and anger merry-go-round that never stops? How do you end the pain and anger that keep tormenting your mind, as the recollection of the offense makes you feel like a victim over and over again? You want it to stop. You want to have peace. You want to move out of the emotional prison that keeps you confined in time.

We all have ways of coping with our hurts. No one wants to feel pain, so we come up with all kinds of distractions to avoid it. Unfortunately, those distractions can only bandage our wounds for a short period of time and completely lack the power to permanently remove the pain from an emotional injury.

Some coping mechanisms are well thought out, premeditated, and intentional, and some are not. Some are simply learned behaviors programmed in our minds during our formative childhood years. For example, have you noticed that alcoholics often grew up with alcoholic parents; abusers were often abused; bullies were often bullied at home; and so on? Without being aware of it, or having a say about it, we learned these very unhealthy ways of dealing with issues.

On the other hand, we can also come up with our own ways of coping that have nothing to do with the environment that nurtured our development. After experiencing terrible hurts, we can make deliberate choices to behave in very self-destructive ways. These coping mechanisms are behaviors patterns we act out trying to handle all the bad stuff we’ve suffered.

Let me illustrate a few of the more common and often-traveled-upon coping pathways familiar to most of us. Feeling sad? Feeling angry? Feeling depressed? Shop, shop, shop! Shopping makes you forget about your pain and anger for a while, offering you a pleasurable experience. This is the emotional pathway of shopping.

Instead of the pathway of shopping, you may prefer the pathway of eating. Emotional eating is a common pathway in the maze of offense. Thinking about the hurts you’ve suffered makes you feel lonely, unlovable, fearful, and insecure. So you eat in order to experience something pleasurable. It temporarily makes you feel good, but it does not take your offense away. There are others whose pathway of eating involves no eating at all or very limited eating—trying to be perfect in an effort to be accepted and loved. These people are anorexic, bulimic, or both.

Another pathway in the maze of offense is the pathway of psychology. Frustrated by not being able to get out of the maze of offense by their own efforts, many try secular psychology. Believing that an intellectual understanding of self and people will free them from the pain of their emotional imprisonments, many people have gone down this endless, powerless, and expensive pathway.

A different pathway is the pathway of control. This is a fear-based behavior. Those who try to control everything and everyone around them usually do so because they grew up in an environment that was horribly out of control. Children can’t control parents or adults that hurt them. Once grown up, abuse victims often try to control everything around them in an effort to prevent further abuse, or any kind of hurt for that matter. It is a self-protective behavior.

Additionally there is the pathway of people pleasing. Never feeling approved of or good enough, you may do or say anything in order to make someone like you. Never wanting to offend, you rarely voice your true opinion or stand up for yourself. Your worst nightmare is that someone won’t like you or will say something bad about you. A people pleaser tends to be a personality chameleon.

One more is the emotional pathway of depression and self-pity. This is a dark, dark pathway. This pathway does not keep you on level ground; instead, it is a pathway that spirals down into a deep dark pit, and the only company down there is the spirit of suicide. There are times when we use suicidal thoughts to comfort ourselves. The comfort comes with the thought that if our life ends, our pain ends. This is a very dangerous pathway to travel, since the thought of suicide can lead to the act of suicide. Most of us don’t really want to die. We just want the pain to die.

There are many more pathways. There are pathways of self-righteousness, which involves putting others down in an effort to feel better about yourself. There are the emotional pathways of hatred, abuse, anger, phobias, pacifism, materialism, alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, lust for power, being a workaholic, gossiping, bullying, lying, sexual promiscuity, self-mutilation, pornography, criticism, negativity, stealing, and so on. We’ll do almost anything to avoid confronting the true issues in our hearts and feeling the pain of our pasts. As I said before, we may or may not be aware that our unhealthy behavior is really just a way of coping.

The number of emotional pathways in someone’s mind may be few or many; they may be common to us all or unique. However, they all share something in common: a dead end. Our human coping tools never bring us to the exit, to freedom, to victory over our past hurts. They may make us feel better for a while, help us forget for a time, but offer only temporary relief. You find yourself still in the maze of offense with all your hurt, anger, and frustration because your way of handling the wrongs done to you will never lead to your deliverance.

The maze of offense is really an internal prison. Wrongs done to you have the power to imprison you to your past, unless you find the key to open the lock on the only door that will allow you to walk out of the maze and never look back again.

The Way Out is written to all who want to get out of the maze of offense in their mind. If you apply what you learn in this book, you will find the key to unlock the shackles of sorrow that have kept you bound to your past. There is a way that will lead you out. The way is not human, but divine.

Chapter 2

Offenses Will Come

A Bed of Roses?

Then He said to the disciples, It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!

(Luke 17:1)

Becoming a Christian is no guarantee that life will be a bed of roses. It will be a life where you will experience the soft petals of peace and the sharp thorns of grief. Nowhere does God promise us a life free of heartaches, difficulties, betrayals, injustices, tears, and pain. It is good to know that God is aware of the harsh realities of interpersonal relationships, isn’t it?

Jesus warns us in Luke 17:1 that offenses will come. In fact, He says it is impossible for them not to. What is an offense anyway? An offense is a malicious assault or an aggression against you. It is a wrong done to you. It is sin. James’s epistle tells us that the motivation behind every offense is the desire to satisfy the lusts of the human heart. If you have your Bible, turn to James 4:1 and read it.

The good news is that the day will come when we who are God’s children will feel His gentle hand wiping away every tear from our eyes, forever erasing from our minds the memory of our sorrow and hurts, but that time is in the future (Revelation 21:4). Although that wonderful promise is for another time, God has promised to help us here and now to be free from anything that binds us, holds us captive, or hurts us. He is called the Father of mercies and God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3).

Many of us have suffered devastating hurts, such as:

◆ child abuse

◆ divorce

◆ adultery

◆ betrayal of trust

◆ betrayal by a spouse, family member, or friend

◆ false accusation

◆ being lied about

◆ being used and discarded

◆ slandered

◆ gossiped about

◆ bullied

◆ victimized by wicked schemes

◆ had hurtful church experience

◆ been abused physically, psychologically, emotionally, sexually, or spiritually

Thorns in the Church

Hurts and betrayals come from Christians and non-Christians, from inside the church and from outside the church. Just because people say they are a Christian doesn’t mean they won’t hurt you. Mere profession of Christianity doesn’t even prove the genuineness of their faith. If you’ve ever been badly hurt in church by a Christian, then you already know it hurt way more than if an unbeliever hurt you.

I was severely hurt at church by a pastor and his wife, along with their groupies. I was a baby Christian and lacked any real Bible knowledge. I thought everyone who said they knew Jesus was a person of integrity and love; I supposed that they had a heart filled with goodness.

I found out the hard way that I was very wrong in that supposition. I was hurt and betrayed so badly that I stumbled right out of church. I asked God why it hurt so much more when the offenses came by way of Christians and in church. It took a while for the answer to come, but finally it did. I was expecting a deeply complicated, theological answer; instead, I received a profoundly simplistic one. The answer as to why it hurts you more when a Christian hurts you is simply because they weren’t supposed to. Firemen aren’t supposed to start fires; policemen aren’t supposed to commit crimes; doctors aren’t supposed to cause harm; and Christians aren’t supposed to intentionally sin and commit evil, unkind acts.

We expect the ungodly to behave in an ungodly manner, but we don’t expect it from someone who claims to have a relationship with Jesus. Because Christians aren’t supposed to intentionally practice sin (2 Timothy 2:19), we can let our guard down around them, thinking it’s safe. God didn’t tell us to do that, my friend. God actually warns us against such people in Matthew 13:24–30. We are to use the same discretion in trusting an individual, regardless of their professed spiritual status.

Even King David suffered this kind of hurt when his friend Ahithophel betrayed him (2 Samuel 15–17). Just look at this Psalm:

For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; Then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, And walked to the house of God in the throng.

(Psalm 55:12–14)

King David said if it was anyone else other than his good friend and spiritual brother, he could have taken the hurt. David experienced the trauma of betrayal and lies at the hand of a brother. The knife of betrayal thrust into your back goes in deeper when it is the hand of a fellow believer pushing it in. Yes, it hurts more when a Christian wrongs you.

Because of my naiveté and ignorance of the Word of God, I really believed that Christians were all good people who would never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone. Sure, they could still sin, but they could never be cruel, two-faced, backstabbing liars. Oh boy, was I ever in for a shock. And shock me it did. I have described my church experience in this way: I went into the house of God whole and rejoicing and came out in a body bag.

We think all Christians love Jesus and are nice, wonderful people. That may be true of some, but not all. Christians are not perfect people. That is not taught in the Bible. Only the godhead is perfect. What is taught in the Bible is that anyone who claims to be a Christian is to depart from iniquity (2 Timothy 2:19); in other words, they are to stop willful sin. Some are further along in their walk with Christ than others, and some are self-deceived, not even knowing Jesus, which accounts for the lack of adherence to this teaching.

Shattered by the hypocrisy of Christians, I cried out to God, day after day, for help. I was confused and hurt. My faith was shaken. I was stumbling badly and staggering around in the emotional and spiritual realms. How can people who call themselves Christians do such evil things to other people? I had no answers, only pain. I continued to pray. I didn’t bother with formal prayers; there was no time for that. But prayers that were birthed from pain; prayers that gushed out from the cracks of a broken heart. Prayers that you pray until you feel like your insides are coming out. Prayers that cry out, Oh God, this hurt is too much for me, help me please. I remember saying this over and over again, day in and day out, week after week, and month after month.

The only answer I received from God was, Read My Word. I thought, That’s it, God? That’s all you’re going to say to me? I can’t stop crying long enough to read