Quest for Ideal Marriage

By Solomon Chuks

An ideal marriage is the ultimate desire of every grown adult of marriageable age, but unfortunately and against the will God, the activities of older folks in the field have painted a scary picture of the sacred institution, making an ideal marriage appear unachievable to the younger generation. This to me is an anomaly. Considering the fact that marriage is the first agent of socialization to a child, humanity owes it a duty to the younger generation to preserve the tenets of the institution based on old values handed down by God. The endemic crisis witnessed today in the institution escalated because of limited knowledge of values, inadequate culture of communication and poor handling of myths and fact of the institution. These factors among others are regrettably responsible for the embarrassing rate of divorces witnessed globally. The religious bodies have no doubt been contributing through workshops and seminars in solving the problem, but the conflict in their doctrines and restrictions does not give them the needed free hand to address the problem considering the dynamism that characterize life at that stage, so the problem has continued unabated.

Quest for Ideal Marriage is written without unnecessary doctrinal restrictions to unveil those avoidable human mistakes which the young people especially, make in their quest for an ideal marriage. With recourse and sincerity, an Ideal Marriage is of course attainable by anybody who will discipline his/herself and follow the rules as handed down in this book. The difference between successful and unsuccessful marriage is simply distractions. If people have made their marriage work, you too can make yours work. All you need is to acquire the relevant information as contained herein and intelligently follow the rules in its application, and you will contract and enjoy a successful marriage. That is a promise. It is not a magic, Zig Ziglar once said “Just any dummy can succeed, if he cares to know what it takes”, in this book, you have it

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 29, 2018
• ISBN: 9781984529305

Solomon Chuks

Solomon O. Chuks is a multitalented writer and public speaker with rare grace of combining religion and social activism without a breach of integrity. He holds Accountancy Diploma from Kaduna Poly and B.Sc. in Sociology and Anthropology from the Prestigious University of Abuja. Born into humble family of Elder & Mrs. Samuel Chukwu Offor in the South Eastern Nigeria. He has served humanity and the Nigerian government in various capacities, while in higher Institution, he rose through the ranks of the Nigerian Student’s body National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS) to become the national Vice-president of the body. He has served also as the President of Ohaneze Youth Forum and Country Rep. of United Nation’s of Youth Assembly, (UNOYA) and headed many other organizations. Through NANS recommendation, he was at various intervals nominated into three reputable Presidential Committees in the past. He is a recipient of several Awards for defense of human rights. He has written many other books including The Coach, ‘A recipe for impactful leadership’ Unmasking the masquerade, Meeting the happiest people, etc. He is a member of Full Gospel Business Men Fellowship International (FGBMFI) and presently lives in Southern California with his family.

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Copyright © 2018 by Solomon Chukwu.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2018906150

ISBN:                  Hardcover                       978-1-9845-2932-9

                            Softcover                          978-1-9845-2931-2

                            eBook                               978-1-9845-2930-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 10/25/2018

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CONTENTS

Comment

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter One      My Turn

Chapter Two      Origin Of Marriage

Chapter Three   Adam And Eve: The Ideal Marriage

Chapter Four     Purpose Of Marriage

Chapter Five      Mistakes Young People Make In Relationships

Chapter Six        Preparatory For Marriage

Chapter Seven   Stages Of Preparatory For Marriage

Chapter Eight    Possible Challenges In Courtship

Chapter Nine     Self-Control In Courtship

Chapter Ten       The Beauty Of Womanhood

Bibliography

COMMENT

I am convinced that the present generation of our young people are indeed products of failed homes orchestrated by the ignorance of the rudimental marital processes by their parents. It is therefore of urgent importance that a process of inculcating this rare ideal is initiated to forestall total collapse of this age-long institution called marriage. Quest for Ideal Marriage is a phenomenal book on how our society can get back on the right track of getting the best out of their proposed marriage. It is a must read for intending marriages and even subsisting ones. I strongly recommend it.

—Felix Nweke, PhD (president, Games Village Residents Association)

Bro Solomon Chuks, a young enthusiastic Christian, was divinely moved to articulate a thought pattern on this very much needed topic in Quest for Ideal Marriage. A more umpteenth time for such a topic in a world that is bedeviled with meltdown of marriages cannot be better than now. It is a must read for those that have entered into this experience and those intending to enter into the experience. Without hesitation, I therefore recommend the book to all that desire to make the world a better habitat according to God’s will for all of us.

—Mr. Leo Onyia (director of finance and admin, National Hospital, Abuja; president, Full Gospel Business Men Fellowship Int., Games Village Executive Chapter)

I have carefully read this piece of work and consider it very thoughtful, helpful, inspiring, and useful to the institution of marriage, especially coming from a young man who is yet to experience the bliss he has envisioned in this book; I have no doubt that he will be an excellent husband to any lucky woman.

—Dr. Kenneth C. Kalu

Fundamentally, God created marriages to define and express his beauty in creation. In homes, in families, and in communities, the lightening effect of this divine purpose is felt. And so, like every other institution with a clear mandate, there is always a pocketful of opposition intentionally focused on derailing the vehicle of delivery. The author has, in this book, set his eye on a clear foundation upon which this life can be built. The invention can never be better than the inventor. Marriage, according to the author, was a creation of God’s Word, which he purposed in his heart, and every intended couple will need the light of God’s Word to navigate their road of relationship and find fulfillment in it too. The state of the nations and homes is determined by the level of compliance to the instructions highlighted in the book, which makes it an invaluable tool for everybody.

—Mr. Ebere Enyi (president, City Center Chapter, FGBMFI)

This book is first and foremost dedicated to the Almighty God, the father of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who alone is worthy of all praises and without whom this book would not have been possible.

To my late parents, Chief and Mrs. Samuel C. Offor, who went to be with the Lord so early that I and my younger siblings—Nnenna, Agnes, and Ifeanyi Chukwu—barely remember their faces.

To my lovely wife, Success, and my son, Samuel, may the Lord manifest his glory in and around you both.

To my late namesake and his wife, Mummy Mrs. Solomon Anyas.

To all members of Full Gospel Business Men Fellowship International (FGBMFI).

Finally, to all young men and women and all would-be readers whose lives this book will help to design or redesign in one way or the other with its outstanding, clear, uniquely simple, and criticizeable messages.

Thank you, all.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First of all, I thank God, and I acknowledge all members of the Full Gospel Business Fellowship International for their resilience and dedication to the propagation of the Gospel in which lies the faith of every believer for an ideal marriage. Again, me strategy of reaching people is through sharing their stories.

I appreciate in particular several great men of our time whose marriage life and ideals have greatly influenced the topics of this book—a few among them are Mr. Leo Onyia, Chief Ononiwu, and Alhaji A. S. Gurin. It is in their lives that I came to understand the silent facts that one does not need money to enjoy an ideal marriage.

The completion of this book could not have been possible without the constructive criticism and enduring advice and encouragement from my brother and my uncle, Dr. Chris Enyi. May God bless you richly.

My appreciation also goes to Dr. Felix Nweke for all the attention and willingness to support. I cannot thank you enough.

My gratitude as well goes to my good uncle and friend, my late uncle Cyril Okoro, who gave me unimaginable shelter and support when all seemed not to stand anymore. I may not be able to pay you back, but with the examples you left behind, I am convinced that the Lord has greatly rewarded you there.

I sincerely express my heartfelt thanks to a worthy Igbo man who understood me and my predicaments when all other people who are supposed to understand refused—Okwuru Orah. If all my Igbo friends are considerate the way you are, then the saying that the Igbo has no king will not hold.

Bar. Chuks and Chioma, it will be unfair to humanity if I refuse to acknowledge your assistance as you both represent humility. Where can I start from? Is it your brotherly support, advice, and encouragement or your wife’s delicacies that are capable of making a man forget his name? Thank you very much. May God bless you.

My good friend Miletus Ugwueke, I cannot thank you enough. If all friends are like you, the world would have been a better place.

My manager, Chris Chukwuma, you have almost disproved the traditional belief that you cannot trust a man.

Finally, Amarachi, my dear wife, the meaning of your name (gift) cannot be more apt in my life than now; I’ve always believed that you were made for people who will understand your worth. You are one of the reasons why this book became necessary; please continue with those virtues that has distinguished you among other women.

My son, Samuel, I cannot quantify in words the joy your coming into our family brought to us. As you continue in your speedy growth, I pray that the strong arms of the Lord will protect you.

Space will not permit me to mention everybody who has contributed in making this exercise a success, but I acknowledge everybody that has, in one way or another, assisted me even by way of smiling at me, criticizing me, even scolding me. I say thank you to you all. May our good God keep and bless every one of you in Jesus’s name, Amen.

INTRODUCTION

As man continues to quest for an ideal kind of living, there are, evidently, many institutions of socialization he must, as a necessity, pass through in life to attend his destination. Prominent among them, and perhaps the most important of them all, is the family, a by-product of the marriage institution, which, by implication, is the first point of human formation. As a result of the importance of this sacred institution to the overall performance of humanity in her quest for a balanced kind of life, every society owes its posterity the duty of ensuring that the right values and orientation are communicated to the younger generation, especially the religious and moral angles as it affects marriage as soon as couples prepare to make the decision about the institution, which may possibly change their lives permanently.

With the role that marriage institution plays for the general stability of society, getting it right from the beginning will obviously do the generality of humanity good as most of the problems encountered by humanity in their everyday life are primarily influenced by the family that such people are raised from. As a result of these, the enemy, having discovered this indisputable fact, has capitalized on the weakness of mankind in following simple basic steps that will guarantee success in marriages and has wreaked havoc on the social fabric of the society. And the results of such damages are broken marriages, social deviants, and distorted family values that we are witnessing globally. It is regrettable that the devil’s relentless effort to further destroy the world paid off immediately. He chose the closest and dearest institution of God himself (the family) to actualize his deadly mission.

God no doubt understands the undiluted fact of what an ideal marriage in every home will do to the reformation of our society, but unfortunately and against his will, the activities of older folks in the game have painted a scary picture of the sacred institution, making an ideal marriage appear unachievable to the younger generation. This, to me, is an anomaly. Considering the fact that marriage is the first agent of socialization to a child, humanity owes a duty to the younger generation to preserve the tenets of the institution based on old values handed down by God. A close observation of the institution unfortunately reveals that the endemic crisis witnessed today in the institution escalated because of limited knowledge of values by the senior players who, apparently, are supposed to serve as role models. The whole crisis was compounded further by an inadequate culture of communication and poor handling of myths and facts about the institution. These factors, among others, are regrettably responsible for the embarrassing rate of divorces witnessed globally. The religious bodies have no doubt been contributing through ritualistic workshops and seminars in solving the problem, but the conflict in their doctrines and restrictions does not give them the needed free hand to address the problem, considering the dynamism that characterizes life at that stage, so the problem has continued unabated.

Quest for Ideal Marriage is written without unnecessary doctrinal restrictions to unveil those avoidable human mistakes that the young people, especially, make in their quest for an ideal marriage. With recourse and sincerity, an ideal marriage is, of course, attainable by anybody who will discipline him/herself and follow the rules as handed down in this book. The difference between a successful and an unsuccessful marriage is simply distractions. If people have made their marriage work, you, too, can make yours work. All you need is to acquire the relevant information as contained herein and intelligently follow the rules in its application, and you will contract and enjoy a successful marriage. That is a promise. It is not a magic. Zig Ziglar once said, Just any dummy can succeed, if he cares to know what it takes. In this book, you have it.

Having studied the biblical principles as the only sure guarantee to marital happiness, I have written Quest for Ideal Marriage to guide young people to the silent truth and enduring rudiments to achieving that desired qualitative marital life that has been elusive to mankind over time in his search for the restoration of the dignity of mankind. It is a known fact that our generation is living in unusual times, and unusual times require drastic and calculated remedies. So in setting the pace for the future we aspire, we must realize that we are grossly in arrears of our moral developmental expectations and capacities. Our goals and targets for this very important aspect of human relationships must be premised on our individual conviction rather than the submitting of our fate and dependence on a select few; otherwise, we will continue to promote mediocrity.

Those who believe what is said need no explanation, and those who need an explanation do not believe. I have the belief and conviction that our generation can bring about the desired change that will revolutionize our society through ideal marriages and instill the consciousness that will drive progress. If you believe with me, come with me, and let us explore our hidden, untapped potentials.

CHAPTER ONE

My Turn

Can two walk together except they agree?

That was the voice of the presiding priest as he admonished the congregation who gathered to witness the marriage vows of Johnson and Janet. I had gone back to the house with the groom’s younger brother to fetch the wedding ring he had nervously forgotten at home, so we only met the sermon halfway. I ask again, the priest continued, "can the car move without a battery to ignite the engine? We are living in a perilous time, brethren. A time when marriage is not what it used to be, a time when love for money surpasses love for our neighbor as designed by God, a time when marriages are contracted not for who you are but for what you have, a time when marriages are contracted with a divorce mind-set even before the solemnization of the marriage. Accidents happen in life for many reasons, most times out of our carelessness and negligence. But even sometimes in our carefulness, they still happen, though they happen for a purpose. But one unpleasant assurance is that they usually leave a scar.

Failed marriages are like accidents that cannot happen without leaving a scar. It’s very sad, brothers and sisters, that those who are lucky to live long enough to tell their stories, like some of us seated here today, still have not learned nor are they willing to show a good example to the younger ones. Brethren, our gathering here as witnesses to this marriage solemnization is not by any means accidental but is divinely orchestrated so that older congregants in the game may, through God’s help and the example exhibited by these young ones, begin to appraise their lifestyles to see how they can get down to mend and lubricate their dilapidating matrimonies for the good of the body of Christ. With what I know, children, who they are, how they started, where they started, whose authorities upon which they built their union, I have no doubt, as much as I am convinced, that, by God’s grace, they will raise good soldiers for Christ.

At this point, the church, an old Scottish church with a building pattern that had its altar where priests seat facing the congregation, which was now filled to capacity. The stylish and eloquent presiding pastor, who was having a field day, now faced the other neatly dressed priests sitting on altar. Again facing the congregation, the pastor paused, obviously to allow his inflammatory statements to sink into the congregants, who were apparently dazed by his crude and unromantic preaching. Convinced that he had settled with the seniors, like he called them, in marriage institution, he now turned to the about-to-wed couple and their train sitting separately from the congregants. They were evidently enjoying the pastor’s fury at the senior married couples, but unknown to them, the pastor was only preparing to dish them their own piece of the soured bread. He took few steps closer to them, as if trying to make himself audible to them properly. Our Christian society is disappointed in your generation, he howled at them. We are not unaware of the amorous behavior of your generation of young men and women who often regard themselves as children of the digital age. Your generation has succeeded in bastardizing the sacredness of humanity and called it civilization. You have ridiculed the time-honored value system of Christianity and called it enlightenment. You misrepresent freedom of learning for freedom of profanity and pornography, but what they do not know is that the foolishness of the old find its meaning in the wisdom of the young. May God forgive your generation, he concluded, carefully avoiding the possibility of sowing seeds of resentments in the minds of the different generations represented in the church.

The pastor got closer to the couple. Mr. Johnson, I am convinced you made this choice yourself.

Johnson replied, Yes, pastor.

The pastor again said, Please don’t look at me, face your fiancée. Look at Ms. Jane properly. He continued. Is there anything that will discourage you from loving this beautiful lady for the rest of your life? Remember that this is the last opportunity you have to change your mind if you want to. Assuredly, I say to you, if you miss this opportunity, you are in the game of no return. He laughed, and the congregation joined in. At this point, the pastor paused for the noise to die down, and then he continued, After this moment, my son, it will be for better for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer, till death does you part.

It was at this point that it dawned on me that my friend Johnson, whom I had known since the cradle of our lives, was about to be tied, if not glued, to a woman who would finally shut the doors to our usual secret enjoyment and night outs. This was a friend who we all knew as the hottest among all our pals. His level of socialization and understanding of what we know as life enjoyment was far beyond our contemporaries as he was always the one making suggestions of what we would do and how we would go about doing them.

Sitting there all alone, as if I was the only one in the church, I battled with this unbelievable fact staring me in the face. Is this real? Is this a dream? What will happen to those numerous girlfriends of Johnson? I suddenly realized that some even came to church to witness the marriage. How will he cope without drinks and clubbing? Assuming his wife is a born-again Christian, will she condone this guy’s habit of chain-smoking? What about the duty of fatherhood? Will Johnson have the patience to deal with the children’s messes and sometimes-unnecessary crying? Will he be able to contend with sleeplessness associated with distressed children or play with them even against his wish? It was at this point that I realized that I was drenched with my perspiration, despite the church’s split-unit air conditioner standing well in front of me.

As I contemplated moving outside to catch a breath of fresh air, another question from the priest struck me like a missile and glued me back to my seat. Is there anyone here who has any reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony? The person should speak now or remain silent forever. My adrenaline short up at this question. If a doctor were to examine my heartbeat, I am sure he would have recommended for my admission. Uncertain about my position, I almost raised my hand in objection to the marriage, but a superior reasoning prevailed in me not to do so. However, it engendered two contradictory opinions in my mind as the reverend priest repeated the question again. This time, a stronger opinion reminded me that marriage is a lawful institution designed and ordained by God from creation and, therefore, any attempt to put asunder what God was about to join together might attract the wrath of God. With this realization, I became more confused on whether or not to allow my very good friend to get into an arrangement that he knew very little or nothing about. I was equally not too sure of the innocence of his potential wife especially as there were rumored diabolical means used these days by desperate young ladies to tie young men down. On the contrary, should I discourage this marriage on the grounds that my friend’s decision seemed hasty or that he was yet to fully capture the essence of the institution called marriage, wouldn’t the public see me as being envious of my friend?

But come to think of it, the superior voice in me continued, how many of our contemporaries can be said to have taken their time to study and understand the rudiments and challenges in marriage before venturing into it? How many young adult of marriageable age care to ask the simple question on why we have more broken marriages than peaceful ones today? Was I sure that Johnson had not been secretly studying about marriage and its principles? It was the answer to the last question that finally held me back from foiling the marriage. That same spirit that raised the question reminded me that, even I, who was tempted to obstruct the marriage on the grounds of love and affection for my friend, knew little or nothing about marriage either. My friend, from all indications, might even know better than I do. At least he completed the required two months church marriage counseling usually designed to educate intending couples. I therefore concluded that I did not have sufficient grounds or knowledge in this matter; rather, I opted to pray for my friend for success in his marriage. With this stream of thoughts, I suddenly realized how ignorance would have led me to sin in the face of a plausible condemnation. Still deep in my thoughts, the choir stirred me when they began the famous Hallelujah Praise usually sung after marriage.

After the praise songs, the marriage train marched