No Shame!: How to Have a Sex Life That Glorifies God

By Christine Denham

What does a great sex life look like? What does a holy sex life look like?

Have you ever wondered what God thinks about sex? It turns out that He has an opinion about it. After all, He created it! Whether you are a young lady wondering how to navigate through the dating world, or a pregnant mom with two kids already, this book will answer your candid questions about how God designed sex and why He wants us to enjoy it! Every area of our lives should bring glory to God, and our sex life is no different. You don’t need to feel ashamed about sexual intimacy despite past mistakes you’ve made or incorrect information you’ve received. After reading this book, you can feel liberated to enjoy sex at every stage of your life!

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973645528

Christine Denham

Christine Denham is an author, teacher, speaker, business owner and mentor. She enjoys speaking to groups about women’s and family issues and coaching women one-on-one. Her passion is educating the next generation with life changing spiritual truths that build the kingdom of God. She resides in Davisburg, MI with her family.

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Copyright © 2018 Christine Denham No Shame!.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Unless otherwise noted, scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978,1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

Scriptures marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scriptures marked God’s Word are taken from GOD’S WORD®, © 1995 God’s Word to the Nations. Used by permission of Baker Publishing Group.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-4553-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4554-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4552-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018913635

WestBow Press rev. date: 01/17/2019

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the women whom I counsel. It has been a tremendous blessing watching you grow and put God’s promises to work in your own lives. The fruit in your lives is a testimony that the recommendations in this book work.

Special appreciation goes out to Jessica Mielke. Thank you for seeing the value in this book and dedicating so much time to it. Thank you for painting the vision of the finished product before I could see it.

Finally, praise for my husband. Barron, thank you for keeping your vow to God and to me, so that writing this book was possible. I hope and pray that you are a man who can be respected at our city gate because your wife is becoming a woman of noble character.

CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter 1     In the Beginning: What Did God Want a Sexual Relationship to Look Like?

Chapter 2     The Root of Our Problem: Why Our Sex Lives Don’t Look Like God’s Model

Chapter 3     Let’s Talk About Dating: God’s Way

Chapter 4     A Word on Finding the Right Person

Chapter 5     Sex from a Woman’s Point of View

Chapter 6     Sex from a Man’s Point of View

Chapter 7     God’s Design for Marriage and Sexual Oneness

Chapter 8     Transitioning to Marriage

Chapter 9     Creating a Family: The Ultimate Climax of a Satisfying Sex Life

Chapter 10   Creating a Family: The Beginning of a New Life and How Sex May Change

Chapter 11   Your Legacy: Passing on God’s Truths to the Next Generation

The End and the Beginning: My Story

About the Author

Quoted Texts (In Order of Appearance)

Scripture Reference List

PREFACE

Do you have any STDs? My doctor kept her head down as she went through the health questionnaire. They always need the most up-to-date information on file.

No, I responded.

Genital warts? It’s always a bit uncomfortable when you get to this part of the exam. The most private questions are asked about things no one really likes to discuss.

No, thank goodness.

How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime?

One, I replied. Whew! At least that was a quick one. I paused, waiting for more embarrassing questions, but nothing followed. I looked up to see my doctor looking me straight in the eyes.

Really? Only one sexual partner? I’ve never had anyone say that.

Wow! I was blown away. I didn’t know what to think. Out of all the patients she must see on an annual basis, every other person had more than one sexual partner? I wondered how many felt proud of their number. How many had double digits? How many couldn’t quite remember their exact number?

I shuddered briefly, but then I explained why I had waited until after marrying my husband to have sex with him. I shared God’s word with her that day because I believe God’s word and obey Him in this area of my life. I had not thought about it for a few years, but then I realized how rare and awesome it is to follow God’s plan. That’s what this book is about.

I wish that you and I could be sitting across from each other in a quiet coffee shop. Topics like this should be explored away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We’re going to delve deep into a part of you that you perhaps share with no one. It may be that you don’t even share this part of yourself with God—and that is where the trouble starts.

As a loving Creator, God made sex to be good, and it’s my deepest belief that God’s way is always the best way. If we want to be frank about it, sexual love was one of the first concepts He designed for mankind. We may grow anxious discussing this topic. It may be edgy when it appears in secular songs or movies, but the original artwork was a genuine masterpiece. If our sex lives line up with God’s word—yes, sex can line up with the Bible!—we can expect a multitude of blessings to burst forth from a wellspring of life.

Perhaps that’s why I feel qualified to write this book: I’ve lived it. I couldn’t possibly say that I’ve done everything right or that I’m a perfect example. However, my sex life with my husband has lined up with God’s word in many aspects, and I’m not ashamed to talk about it. Why would anyone be ashamed to talk about victory? Some who write or speak on the topic of sex start out by saying, I did it wrong, and it didn’t work. Don’t do it like I did. Let me tell you my story. Let us start from the opposite premise and discuss the reward of walking in obedience to God.

What if there are blessings linked to a pure sex life that you never thought of before now? What if purity in your sex life could lead to holiness in other areas of your life? What if I told you that the decision that my husband and I made to start our marriage as virgins becomes more meaningful every year of our marriage? Well, that is the thrust behind this book: I tried sex the way God designed it, and it turned out fantastic. Let me tell you God’s story.

1

IN THE BEGINNING: WHAT DID GOD WANT A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP TO LOOK LIKE?

Have you ever wondered what Adam and Eve’s sex life was like? What about the very first human sexual encounter? They had no parental influence, MTV, Glamour magazine, Kama Sutra, pornography, or other partners to think about. What was going through their minds? Did sex come naturally or did they argue over foreplay techniques? It may seem silly to talk about these things, but open your mind and think about sex like never before—not from a worldly perspective, or even a religious one where sex is a secret and we hide books like this under our pillows, but from God’s perspective.

God cares about every area of our lives. He loves humankind so much that He died on a cross for us. He died for the most public parts of our lives and the most private. We have feelings about our public and private lives, and we treat each area differently. Because sex is such an intimate and private experience, some of the worst private hurts we endure can erupt from it. This is why understanding God’s plan for sex is so important. Sex is so private that it compares to the Most Holy Place in God’s temple. Paul makes a reference to the private parts of our lives when he talks about the body of Christ:

On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. (1 Corinthians 12:22–26)

The private parts of our bodies (literally, our sexual organs) deserve reverence and care, both our own and our sexual partner’s. We need to take care of our sexual partner as that person opens his or her life to us.

Sex embodies the physical, emotional, and mental realms of our beings. A sexual encounter can be the pinnacle of ecstasy or the lowest point in our lives. Therefore, it makes sense to look at what God offers us for instruction on the subject. The Lord knows our hearts, motivations, thoughts, and struggles (Proverbs 16:2). He knows if we wonder about Adam and Eve’s sex life. Believe it or not, He wants to redeem our sex lives, as well as every other area of our lives. He loves us so much that He gave us recommendations for the perfect sex life. I will discuss the top three in this chapter. First, God instructs us that sexual union is designed to be between a man and a woman. Secondly, sexual love is meant to be experienced within a lifetime commitment. Finally, a loving, fulfilling sex life is meant to be the foundation on which to build our human family relationships.

1. Godly sex is between a man and a woman.

If you’re reading this book and you are in a gay or lesbian relationship, I have to tell you that God does not accommodate it. This is not about my personal views or perceived homophobia. I want to show you God’s plan for sex. I will simply present the evidence God gives us. God is more than able to defend His own word. This is not about my political