I Had No One to Tell

By Sadiyyah

From a small child I was always told, “Don’t tell anyone the things happening within the household or what happens in my house stays in my house. Behind closed doors should be kept a secret. People snickered behind the backs of the people they should help. What was supposed to be a mechanism to build a healthy family relationship, ended up keeping me bound in fear. I was failed by societies don’t tell policy not being extracted from our home. In a small town Justice doesn’t prevail for our children. Falling prey to savages who tell you they love you” but within the same minute, harming you happens often to children. Their life becomes a living hell, searching for a way out and for someone’s Love without pain infliction. The Don’t tell” policy has been lifted by this six year old girl without damaged growth and now the secrets out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 23, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728305301

Sadiyyah

My name is Saddiyah and I'm from the small town called Century, FL. My Mom and Dad got married when I was 5 years old and we moved to Brewton Al. Where my dad is originally from.. I went to WS Neal elementary school and throughout the years received many academic awards. I joined the band playing the saxophone in my 5th grade year. Once I got to 8th grade, we moved back to Century and I became a mother in the 9th grade yet I graduated high school early with honors and academic scholarships while dual enrolled at PJC high school and college. At 21 my 2nd child was born and I finished 2 years in college. I appeared on Steve Wilkos show and was influenced to write my manuscript. l married at 32 and I've spent time working, writing and studying to be a sex abuse activist...

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© 2019 Sadiyyah. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 03/21/2019

ISBN: 978-1-7283-0531-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-0530-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019903442

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

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CHAPTER 1

I HAD KEPT IT a secret for a long time. It was killing me inside to hold in the abuse I was suffering. No one knew anything about it. There was no one I could tell. The day she caught him on top of me in the closet, my mom punished me and my brother. She thought we were just being mannish children, so she punished us accordingly. She didn’t even ask for an explanation. I knew I had to break my silence to free myself of further punishment. She had placed us in the corner but we both knew a spanking was coming soon.

My mother wasn’t a mean lady, she had a troubled past herself and was raising us the way she knew how. She always made mind our manners and listen to what grown-ups tell us to do. We were never to talk back to an adult and we should follow the rules of all or behave wherever we went. After graduating high school, she had my brother at the age of 17 years old. She had my sister and I when she was 22 and 23. My mom was very attractive 29 year old woman with long curly hair and beautiful light brown eyes. She was 5'7 and very light skinned. I believe that’s where my sister and I have our light skin from. My sister has many similarities of our mother. Many people in our family said she looked just like my mom when my mom was a little girl.

Everyone called me little Red because I looked just like my father and Red is his nickname. He is a very short man and he always wore glasses. His light brown skin was always smudged because of the job he had but he cleaned up really nice. He kept his facial hair nicely trimmed around his chin and face. Even the hair on his head was cut low. After my dad finished high school, he worked hard everyday making sure he kept money in his pocket. When he met my mother, he was four years younger than her but they got married soon after my sister and I were born.

We all lived in an apartment in Florida when I was born, up until I was 4 years old. We shared a room with my mom and dad but my brother had his own room. My parents seen the apartment was over crowded so we moved into house down the street. The house was infested with bugs and the landlord never fixed anything so my mom and dad moved to Alabama. My dad had land there and that’s where he was from. They left me in Florida with my grandmother to finish out my kindergarten school year.

My grandmother worked at night and the lady across the street would keep me. I loved living with my grandmother because I was the only child in the house. She spoiled me, buying me anything I wanted and giving me so much love. We went fishing on every other weekend because she wasn’t working. I loved to go fishing with her. She brought her boyfriend along with us and he was funny. He was so black, his teeth shined in the night and they were the only thing you seen of him but he had so much love in his heart. His kindness and giving spirit was the foundation of his relationship with my grandmother and I.

The weekends my grandmother and I didn’t go fishing, my mom and dad would come get me and take me to their house in Alabama. My sister and I shared a room there with all our toys and clothes together. All our clothes looked alike but you could tell by the sizes who’s clothes were who’s. My sister was a little wider than me and I was just a little taller than her. We both wore glasses like our father. He passed the bad eyes gene down to his girls. We didn’t get our moms good eye sight. Most people would often mistake my sister and I for twins.

My brother was darker than my sister and I but he was tall. He kept a high top fade because they were in style at the time. My brother had to keep up with the fashion. He had to have the latest Nintendo games and he had to keep a basketball. One year for Christmas my parents bought him a basketball goal and he played basketball with the family anytime we had the chance. He was fun to be around because he was always laughing and making jokes.

After I finished the school year, I had to move back in with my mother. I missed my friends when I left but I missed my sister more. I wanted to stay with my grandmother but I wanted to stay with my sister. The decision would’ve been hard if I had to make it but luckily the decision was made for me. I didn’t mind living with my family. I loved everyone with all my heart and I wouldn’t trade them for anyone else in the world. Everything about our family was great until the day my whole life changed.

I ran into the living room where my mom was sitting in disgust and anger. She looked so disappointed. Her eyes pierced into my soul as if she needed to cleanse me of all my wrong-doings. I sat down beside her and when she looked up at me, I told her it wasn’t the first time he did that to me. My thirteen year old brother had been molesting me for a whole month and not one grown-up seen the signs.

My brother has always been a babysitter to me and my sister because he was 7 years older than me and 8 years older than my baby sister. When my mom and dad would leave my brother to baby-sit on Friday nights and sometimes Saturday nights too, he would wait until my sister was sleep before he made his move on me.

I can never forget the very first time. The memories still manifests its undying presence in my mind and haunts me like a ghost in a haunted house.

When my mom and dad got dressed to go out this meticulous Friday, everything was as a usual night. They left at the time my brother was putting us to bed. For some odd reason he put me and my sister in separate beds. My sister and I had bunk beds in our room but we slept together on the bottom bunk for comfort. She was scared at night so I would get down on the bottom bunk with her. I didn’t mind my sister sleeping with me but on this night I didn’t understand why he didn’t put us in the bed together but neither one of us asked.

He came in the room, once my sister was asleep and got in the bed with me. I wasn’t sure why he was in the bed with me. I thought something was wrong. Then he kissed me with his sloppy wet lips. It felt so nasty. Over and over my mind wondered how long and how far he was going to take this. I asked myself, what was he doing to me and why was he doing this to me? He had never kissed me like this before or even acted like he wanted to kiss me.

The next thing he did still makes me awkward to this day. He put his hands in my pajama pants and rubbed my private area firmly. It hurt so badly. His rough cracked hands felt like prickle plants tearing through my skin. He took his hand out my pants and pulled his clothes down while he was still on top of me, under my covers. He then reached under my quilt and pulled my pants and panties down past my knees. He struggles at first because he was rushing but he got them down in due course. Until this time of my life, I never knew what it was like to be touched in my private area. I definitely didn’t know what to do as he was getting on top of me. He moved up and down a few times but nothing was happening that he could feel. He couldn’t find where he was supposed to go.

Since he couldn’t feel anything, he got off me. He looked me in my eyes with his dark, devious eyes as if I was the love of his life and told me to go in his room. The infatuation in his voice told me that he was thinking of me as someone other than his sister. He was thinking of me as a toy or experiment but a joyous thing to play with and control. Maybe his intentions were to see how it felt to have sex with someone but he made a bad choice in who he singled out.

As I walked I realized I left my pants in my room. I didn’t know whether to go back and get them or keep walking. I just continued to do as he said. After I entered his room, he told me to turn over on his bed so he could have sex with me from behind. I turned over on my stomach contemplating the fact that he wasn’t going to stop until he got whatever he was trying to get. Once he got on top of me this time, I felt the worst pain in my butt that I had ever felt. The agony clouded me taking away everything that made me a young girl. I screamed in the most unbearable anguish a 6 year old has ever endured. In between the thrusts of his body, I pleaded with him to stop because he was hurting me. He didn’t want to stop. At the moment he was getting what he was aiming for so he just held me down with his body weight and became more aggressive, thrusting harder and faster. He made sure I didn’t get away from him while he was feeling manly.

In what seemed like a lifetime but in reality was maybe 3 minutes, he stopped. He pulled himself off me in a sluggish type manner. He scared me because I didn’t know what sex was to know the reaction afterward. I was only six and while I was hurting I thought he was hurting too but I quickly noticed he wasn’t in pain at all. He seemed to be exhausted. When he fell unto the bed, I got up off the bed slowly. My anal cavity was throbbing vehemently but I reached down to pull up my panties. I was so distraught, I forgot my pants were in my room.

In a state of alarm, I ran out his room, back into my room and climbed into bed. I was surprised to see my sister slept through the worst 3 minutes of my life. Instead of waking her, I put my pajamas pants back on and sobbed quietly to myself half the night. Before I knew it, I had cried until my mom and dad were home. My mom walked into my room and checked on us but I pretended to be asleep. I could always tell when mom was back because she smelled of cigarette smoke and liquor from a bar. Her and my dad were totally opposite people. She was always a non-smoker and non-drinker so she always the one to come check on us. Most times she had to check us after she carried her drunk, incoherent husband in their room.

The next morning, I didn’t tell my parents what happened to me. It should have been obvious by the limp in my walk but I didn’t appear unfamiliar to them. Since I was unsure if I should tell, every Friday my brother did his dirt to me because he seen he could feel good and get away with it. After a while it didn’t hurt anymore. I started to get use to the sexual abuse I was undergoing. I became so numb, to the point I put all my frustrations and strife into tears. I cried out to myself all the time. My emotions quickly over took me and drowned me in sorrow everyday. I just couldn’t handle it.

One day my brother went snooping and found a porn movie my dad had hidden in a dresser drawer. He put the movie in the VCR, in his room, and watched it. He got the idea for me to perform oral sex and other sex acts on him. He had to be thinking of it all day because later that evening he lured me into the closet. This particular day he decided to do the other obscene things he saw on the porn movie. He figured he had watched enough of the movies to do it right this time. Mom had been doing laundry and cleaning all day. She was so busy and my brother saw this as his opportunity to come play with me.

He showed his face in my room and instantly, I became nervous. I knew he was up to something. I could see the deception in his face. By this time our half brother / sister relationship was over. Just his presence made me jumpy. He stepped into my room and asked me, what I was doing, but I couldn’t say anything. I was too busy wondering what he was going to do to me while my sister was playing outside.

I wasn’t too concerned with him pulling anything because my mom was around the house. I was secure knowing my mom was around so I let my guard down and played Ken and Barbie dolls with him. I knew it was too good to be true. We were playing together normally until he suggested we play hide and go seek. I was easily convinced it would be a good game to play.

While he counted, I ran and hid in the closet. When he got to ten and uncovered his eyes, he turned toward the closet. The whole time I had been hiding, he was peeking between his fingers to pin point exactly where I was. He walked slowly to the closet and slowly cracked the door open. Instead of capturing me when he opened the closet door, he came inside the closet with me and slammed the door.

Everything happened so fast in the dark at first but before he started to do what he saw on the porn movie and actually penetrate my vagina, a burst of light appeared in the closet. It was my mom swinging the doors open to the closet. I was so relieved she was coming to save me or so I thought. She snatched him off of me, made us get up and pull up our clothes. She