Sunshine 4 Your Soul: Positive, Powerful Parenting . . . One Breath, One Step, One Day at a Time.

By Marion Ingerson-Heart

Sending a message to all you wonderful, hardworking parents!

Would you like to discover and release your personal power, make positive changes, and create greater balance and harmony in your family life? Well, responsible parenting is at your fingertips. You don’t need me to tell you how hard parenting can be. Babies don’t arrive with a manual, a Parental Guide for Dummies. We just have to get on with it and do our best whilst watching everyone else seemingly do it better than us.

But so many other parents feel the same. They experience self-doubt, guilt, fear. They lack belief in their abilities and see themselves as failures. They’re tired, overwhelmed, demoralised. And becoming a parent doesn’t mean we automatically shrug off our “stuff.” We’re still stuck with our insecurities, our history and herstory—the family experiences, habits, learnt behaviours, and often unresolved feelings from our experiences as children.

Still coping with all that in our now grown up lives, we then become a parent. Now we have small people relying on us—tiny, fragile people we love so much, needing and expecting us to nurture and care for them and make sure we get it right. Then they grow into toddlers who seem to challenge our every word, then children with changing needs and an answer for everything, and then come those dreaded, wonderful teens!

But it doesn’t have to be such a challenge. Here is where it can all change, if you believe it can and if you want it to. Positive, powerful, responsible parenting is within your grasp. Read my book, find some sunshine for your soul, and start today. Rediscover the wonderful, unique, incredible person and not just the parent that you are and do it just one breath, one step, one day at a time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press UK
• Release date: May 2, 2019
• ISBN: 9781982280604

Marion Ingerson-Heart

Marion believes that everyone deserves Sunshine 4 their Soul. Her unique book is based son her life experiences and the lessons she's learned and benefited from. With equal measures of frankness, honesty and self deprecating humour, Marion invites to you read about her childhood, her family, her rebellious teenage years, her parenting years... and offers you the opportunity to explore yours whilst giving you the tools to make positive changes. With over 25 years experience of working with teenagers, Marion passionately believes that the behaviours they display are just their way of acting out their hidden emotions and fears and asking for help and guidance. Investing time, energy and love in our young people today means that tomorrow the world can be better, for them, for you, and for us all. Marion believes that is our responsibility as parents to set the clear, healthy, positive boundaries and rules that our children need. And if we replace negativity and hopelessness with a positive outlook and faith in the outcome, we will succeed in changing family relationships for the better. But the place to start is with yourself. Finding self belief, self acceptance, self love... Marion didn't have these - but she was superwoman. She flew around assisting, helping, sorting, advising her family and friends - whether they wanted her to or not! With painful honesty Marion recalls moments from her life that she would possibly rather forget. But what she has tried to take from every experience is the lesson to be learned and how to move forward. And how to work on loving herself. No longer superwoman. Just a caring, passionate, insightful woman. Willing and happy to share her story and advice with you in the hope that you may find a little personal Sunshine 4 your Soul - just one breath, one step, and one day at a time.

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Copyright © 2019 Marion Ingerson-Heart.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8059-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8060-4 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date:  05/01/2019

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1 Marion Jill Wright - That’s Me!

Chapter 2 Have Faith

Chapter 3 Acceptance And Acknowledgment

Chapter 4 Responsible Parenting

Chapter 5 Mindful Listening

Chapter 6 One Step At A Time

Chapter 7 Nice Words Please

Chapter 8 Yes And No

Chapter 9 Co Parenting After Divorce Or Separation

Chapter 10 Feeling Put Upon? Then Find Your Personal Power!

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

How lovely to meet you!

I’m so happy that you are reading this and thinking about taking some steps towards finding your personal power and creating greater balance and harmony in your life.

When you’re feeling low, when you’re feeling stuck, when you’re feeling as if your strength, your energy, your power has all drained away… Well, I just want to let you know that those are feelings I understand really well!

I know how hard it can be to imagine that anything can change.

I know how hard it is to believe that things can improve when you don’t feel as if you have any control over what might be going on in your life.

I know how easy it is to just keep doing the same thing over and over again because you don’t know what else to do, whilst desperately hoping that something will change, a miracle will happen, and life will magically get better.

And I know how easy it can be to end up feeling a bit lost, a bit desperate and wondering what on earth you can do next.

I’ve been there with you, honestly I have!

But I also know that change is possible, and just the simple fact that you are now reading this speaks volumes. You chose to pick this book up for a reason, and I truly believe this could be the start of a wonderful journey for you. You’ve made a decision, you’re on your way, and I’m delighted to walk beside you for a while.

So first of all I’m just going to ask you to bear with me while I tell you about me and my decision to finally write this book. I feel it’s important for you to know what motivated me and why. I’m going to share some very personal experiences with you because I think it will not only provide you with an understanding of who I am, but more importantly, why I feel I may be able to guide you towards greater personal and family harmony.

Whilst I don’t know your story and haven’t walked in your shoes, I do believe that my own life experiences have provided me with opportunities for reflection and learning which has created an awareness that allowed me to make some good, positive changes. I’m so grateful to be able to say I’ve reached a point where my relationships seem more fulfilling and harmonious. And I feel calmer, more balanced, and more able to keep going!

And so if any of my experiences and what I’ve learned can offer support to you, then that makes me happy.

Of course, this hasn’t happened overnight. And it’s still a work in progress because that is what life is! Isn’t it interesting that when you meet someone and ask how they are, they often say ‘Oh, I’m getting there.’ I used to say it myself. But then I started to think about it, and my question now is - where is ‘there?!’ What does ‘there’ look like? And do we ever actually get ‘there?!’

So I now wonder if maybe it’s more about the actual journey and not the destination. It’s the things we experience along the way, the knowledge and understanding that we gain, the emotions we feel, the life we live just one breath, one step, one day at a time.

So basically, whatever I offer you in this book is based on my own personal learning curve and what I gained from it. I didn’t spend years studying and I don’t have any letters after my name. So you certainly won’t find a lot of psychobabble or clever, highbrow explanations.

Hopefully what you will find is some sensible support and a useful tool here and there.

And an opportunity to look at things from a different perspective with someone who has maybe been where you are. Along with equal measures of honesty, understanding, openness, and some humour too!

I won’t judge you, I won’t criticise you, and you certainly won’t hear me telling you what you ‘should’ do. I tend not to use the ‘sh’ word. I try not to tell other people what they should do, and I don’t tell myself either!

The way I see it is this. People will give you advice, and of course they are generally well meaning and trying to be supportive and helpful, which is lovely. We all need advice and support at times.

However, I personally feel that we don’t really need the word ‘should’ in our lives. It sounds a bit like an order to me, and when we are looking for help and support we don’t need orders.

Let me give you a quick example of what I mean.

Your lovely, well meaning friend knows you have been feeling stressed and fed up lately, and is trying to find a way to help you.

‘Oh,’ she says, ‘you should get up early every morning and go for a walk because it’s so good for you’. Well yes, she is quite right, we all know that walking is good for us. It not only benefits us physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Endorphins and all those marvellous things are released and we can’t help but feel a bit better after a good walk.

So there you are, she’s given you a good piece of advice and you’ve been told, you should go for a walk every morning!

Now, this person, your friend, has taken the time to offer you this helpful advice. You value their friendship and it’s lovely that she wants to help you. But now if you don’t take her advice and start going for that early morning walk you could appear ungrateful, even a bit rude. And if you don’t follow her advice you are potentially risking upsetting her because she’s told you that you should!

Of course, we know On a conscious level that this isn’t strictly true, but the message you have received prompts unconscious beliefs and if you are feeling low this won’t really help.

So there you are, telling yourself you should take the walk, come on, get up, get going, do what you know is good for you.

But just maybe you are now feeling a little more pressure, and at this point any added pressure is just what you really don’t need. You’ve been giving yourself a hard enough time anyway, and when we’re feeling low we can often self sabotage and not do the things that we know might help us feel better.

So this might just be one more thing to feel bad about.

Now it may seem as if I am making a big deal out of one small word! But later on in this book I’m going to tell you more about how the words we hear and the messages we receive can affect us quite deeply.

So I much prefer using the word ‘could’.

If you hear your friend saying, ‘you could get up and go for a walk…’

You can say to yourself ‘yes, I could try getting up every morning to go for a walk because I know it would be good for me’.

This is a gentler approach, creating more potential for the opportunity, the possibility, and maybe you are better able to make this decision without the pressure of the implied order.

I just believe we need to find ways to treat ourselves kindly, and the words we use are part of that.

Ok, enough of should and could, hopefully you now have a little flavour of what I am trying to say here. And as I mentioned, we will find out more later on.

When I started writing this eight years ago my initial focus was to offer support and advice to parents of teenagers and older children. And it still is very much geared for that.

However, over time it has evolved into a book that all parents could benefit from. And maybe not just parents. I’m sure I could have used it at different stages in my life as I had a pretty negative outlook and I sometimes felt a bit useless. And a bit bonkers. And obviously not good enough because everyone else seemed to be coping alright so why wasn’t I?! I honestly never realised that other people may have felt the same, I thought it was all just me.

And then when I became a parent, things became even more challenging in different ways. So I would have loved to read a book that reassured me and helped me to feel better about myself. A book that could support and guide me towards becoming more confident and powerful. A book that told me I was alright being who I was. In fact, I was more than alright - I was pretty unique, amazing and fabulous! Because I am - and so are you.

I’m convinced that parenting is probably the most difficult job in the whole wide world. But of course it’s the one that provides us with life’s greatest rewards. I guess it would be fair to sum it up by saying that it’s the most incredible, wonderful, terrifying, life altering experience of all! I just hope that by reading my introduction, and then my book, you will find a little support, advice, and maybe a tool kit to reach into where you could pick out a little something to help you feel better and effect a positive change for you and yours.

But all without any orders, criticism, judgements, or ‘shoulds!’

Well, that’s almost it for now, but before we go any further I want to say this. The most important thing to remember is that it all starts with you.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and support yourself in a loving, positive way.

Think about how to let go of old habits that don’t serve you well anymore.

Find out how to take small steps towards making some changes.

And please don’t panic, I will show you how!

Fear can be our most difficult challenge can’t it?

Fear, and the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves.

Fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of judgement.

Fear of change… and then the fear of NOT changing!

But here’s the thing.

Even though you know something isn’t working and you feel that nothing seems to be changing.

Even though your life might seem to be going round in circles and you feel stuck in the hamster wheel of negativity

Even though the daily grind seems inevitably endless…

Please remember this

You ALWAYS have the power

Of course, it may not feel as if you have, but you do.

You just need to learn where it is and how to find it!

So why not try something different?

What have you got to lose?

Go on! Seize the moment, grab life by the scruff of the neck and give it a good shake… And then take a deep breath and read on!

CHAPTER

ONE

MARION JILL WRIGHT - THAT’S ME!

I was born on 17th September 1959, after my poor mother laboured for four days to give birth. She had endured her pregnancy throughout one of the hottest summers on record and it must have seemed like an endless torture. By the time I arrived she was almost two weeks over her due date and I finally weighed in at 10lbs 10 oz. Oh yes, I made my presence felt… poor old mum Apparently visitors to the hospital used to go to the baby ward to see the huge baby that looked more like a three month old than a newborn.

Ah well, I always was a something of an attention seeker!

I’m one of three children, an oldest child with two beautiful sisters. And the irony of it all is that my mother never wanted any children at all!

I can recall feeling a bit put out when