Battle of the Sexes

By Donna Robinson

We have discussed whether any conclusion to this book is really necessary. The fact is that neither of us have a definite answer. We are inclined to believe that emphasizing certain points is necessary. We both believe quite strongly in the acceptance of every human being with all their flaws just as we want our flaws to be accepted. That does not mean we accept or tolerate unacceptable behavior.
As a woman, I seek the strong emotional attachment with another human being. Whether it’s with a man or a woman is immaterial to me. I believe this kind of connection is more important to women. My interest in why we enter relationships and what we seek in them is what motivated me to write this book. I formulated the areas I wanted to discuss and laid out the chapters accordingly. Sex and the act of it is not what this book is about. This book is about relationships. Sex is a natural and basic part of human relationships and is therefore discussed, but as mentioned throughout, it is a basic instinct and drives the male in a much different way than the female.
I realized during the course of this writing that news on what people are currently up to has given us much to write about. A few examples include Reggie White’s ignorant and inane comments, the sexual wanderings of a US president, and picketing the funerals of Barry Goldwater and Frank Sinatra, who are labeled as the cause of gays and lesbians taking over our government and the entertainment industry. This book is not about gays or gay rights. It is about people. It is about you and me, the way we relate to each other, and the way we marry and live together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728313931

Donna Robinson

Donna Robinson was born in Yorkshire where she spends most of her time. When she is not working, she will be at home with her partner and their young children. Donna’s passion is writing children’s stories in rhyme, sprinkled with a touch of humour and lovable characters to inspire a child’s imagination.   In her spare time, Donna enjoys walking, travelling, eating good food, and enjoying a nice cup of coffee.

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© 2019 Donna Robinson. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 06/18/2019

ISBN: 978-1-7283-1394-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-1392-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-1393-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019942708

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgement

Introduction

Chapter 1 What is Acceptable Behavior Compared to Unacceptable Behavior?

Chapter 2 Does our Family of origin along with our childhood determine who we are today?

Chapter 3 Why does an individual person Have an emotional and physical attraction to the same sex?

Chapter 4 Why does an individual feel shame concerning an attraction to the same sex?

Chapter 5 My perspective and views as well as family, close friends, associates as to whether people are born gay

Chapter 6 Do you believe that an individual is born gay?

Chapter 7 Does the opinion of society control how you feel about gays or are you, your own person?

Chapter 8 Are Same Sex Relationships Wrong in God’s Eyes?

Chapter 9 Do you trust yourself?

Conclusion

In memory of

Dedication

I would like to dedicate this Book to Dick Raskin. He was such an important person in my life back then and we became best friends. He became my mentor, my trusted advisor and my confidant. Unfortunately he passed away in May of 2017. Henrey Richard Dick Raskin 1937-2017 he will be forever missed.

I would like to dedicate this Book to Kriss my life long friend of 32 years. She became one of my best friends through the years and became my mentor as well.

I would also like to dedicate some of the material in this book to my two sisters Paty and Kathy for the pain and suffering that we endured as kids.

I would like to dedicate this Book to Debbie for allowing me to discuss important topics regarding her family… And our life long friendship we have had over the years.

Finally, I would like to dedicate this Book to my daughter Kasey and my daughter-in-law Landri which both made contributions to the Book. However, I would like to take this moment and just say Kasey I love you with all my being. Wow we have been through so much together and through it all we stood together, cried together and laugh together and I want to say that I am me today because of you. I am so proud of the beautiful young women you have become… Your smart, intelligent, funny and you have a good head on your shoulders. And the maturity level is unbelievable. With that being said you are an awesome mother Kasey as well as Landri is, you and Landri are doing such an amazing job with my grandkids and I want to thank you both for being a loving caring attentive mothers to my two grandsons Brentley and Tristan.

Acknowledgement

I would like to acknowledge my husband Doug Robinson for being a wonderful husband for the past 10 years.

I would also like to acknowledge the transgender community for the horrific recent news of the despicable hate crimes against the Transgender community. I am appalled that after 20 years this sort of hate crime still exist.

Introduction

For me to undertake and write a book of any kind considering where I came from, my family origin and the environment of my growing up years, is unbelievable. Without appearing overconfident, just the undertaking is an accomplishment. Beyond those people set out in the acknowledgement, I do have a strong belief in a Supreme Being and would like to thank God for giving me what I have been allowed to feel, to express and to experience. This includes changes in decisions I have made, some right and some wrong. I believe God is the Supreme Being and that Being has allowed all of us to become who we are.

We are loved and our sins are forgiven whether we take the right path or the wrong one. We all have the ability to make decisions and mistakes and have experiences, which will identify who we are today. I feel that God allows us to seek our own happiness and what feels natural and complete in our hearts. God also gives us the option of seeking our own misery, though I doubt those of us who are miserable will accept the responsibility for that misery. Many of us prefer to blame others.

We are creatures of life, and all have our own identity; in having our own identity, we are all unique and different. As human beings, we come together in our circles of living to form civilized humanity. There are cultures different from our Western civilization which might not be classified as civilized in our society. However, the subject matter which is addressed in this book applies to those as well.

I have long felt the need to write about the subject which this book addresses. I would be unfair to you, the reader, if I tried to boil down the subject matter to a single sentence. Bars are full of people who are going to write the Great American Novel. This work is based on my experiences, and the thoughts and impressions I possess today as I review my life.

This book is an accumulation of my own personal experiences, and what I have observed in my own circle of living. An individual can be intelligent and intellectual with an IQ of 140. However, the basic ingredient is a common sense approach to dealing with the pressures and stress of life in today’s society. We need to appreciate the dynamics of human behavior to a certain degree, and to communicate with, and learn from one another. Our society is what molds the way people live in modern society. God has vested each of us with the ability to do so. We have to accept and appreciate who we are and one another. We also need to learn not to be judgmental of others’ needs and wants. We all have to allow everyone in our circles of life to be who they are. We don’t have to agree, but we should learn to keep our advice about their lives to ourselves.

The Declaration of Independence states and declares that an unalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, exists for each of us. We would do well to take that document to heart, and allow every other person to exercise those same rights.

We all have to learn about our insecurities and the fears we possess, in how we feel about ourselves, and how we deal with others. When we deal with someone’s homosexuality, whether a friend, co-worker, associate, spouse or family member, our fears and insecurities shouldn’t make another person’s life miserable. We are intolerant because we don’t understand our own fears and insecurities, and who we truly are on the inside. If you do live your life with fear and insecurity, take a long look in the mirror, and come to terms with yourself, and why you are having those feelings.

When our basic instincts for food, shelter, society, or sex status are threatened, we react with fear and insecurity. When we think that we can’t control our lives and environment, our actions could begin to become unhealthy and perhaps even illegal.

I had originally asked Dick Raskin, a very good friend of mine, to proofread my material. I have known him for a number of years and he has shared many of his experiences. I began to realize the male viewpoint was necessary for a true sense of balance. Dick became very involved and started doing research and making contributions to the work. We have worked together, discussed the material, and often argued in the making of this book. Relying upon each other’s thought processes and having Dick’s input has allowed us to stimulate and to allow creativity to flow.

This work is my attempt to put into perspective what we experience with one another, in terms of relationships, and why we have relationships with the same sex or the opposite sex. Let me repeat that thought of why many of us have relationships, whether it is with a man or a woman. My hope is that with this book, it will allow you, the reader, to answer some questions in this area that you may have, as well as having a better understanding of the differences in society.

It should also be noted that much of the material in this book was written over a decade ago. It is remarkable how much things have changed in our society over the past dozen years or so regarding tolerance and acceptance of same sex relationships. Significantly, restrictions against gays and lesbians serving in the U.S. armed forces have been lifted, and same sex marriage was recognized as a legal right by the United States Supreme Court. These are major advances in a relatively short span of time, mostly due to evolving societal attitudes and improved dialogue between people with diverse viewpoints, which always leads to increased freedom and justice for every member of society as old prejudices, stereotypes and ingrained forms of hatred fall by the wayside, especially with the coming of age of a new generation.

Chapter 1

What is Acceptable Behavior Compared to Unacceptable Behavior?

Is someone who has a physical and emotional attraction to the same sex abnormal? Are same sex relationships abnormal? Female to Female and Male-to-Male. There are so many unanswered questions about this unique subject for those who are attracted to the same sex, the feelings in their hearts, souls and minds seem natural and complete, but society’s mores scream no. Hence, it’s difficulty. We would empirically have to answer the question either in a straight line by observation or in some way by experimentation. However, we as a society also would connect and evaluate ethics and human rights rather than facts. Therefore, I started thinking about where the terms gay, queer, and lesbian originated. Obviously, gay means happy, carefree, festive and pleasurable, but in the seventeenth century, it became synonymous with immoral pleasure.

In doing research and interviewing with friends one day we were discussing where these terms were coined and a friend of mind mentioned that in Shakespearian times, the English Nobles sat around the Court, and young boys would flirt around to entertain, and these boys were often referred to as fairies. Boys played the female roles in Shakespeare’s plays, and women were not allowed to participate or even attend.

The Greek and Roman Empires several hundred years before the birth of Christ not only tolerated, but also accepted same sex relationships between men. Much admired people like Socrates, Plato and Alexander the Great, loved other men while the great writers of this era such as Ovid and Virgil wrote of such relationships. The women were not in this picture.

The Greek and Roman Empires were dominated and controlled by adult male citizens, and the women were subservient. An ancient female poet named Sappho was born on the Greek Island of Lesbos about 700BC. Her writings about love between women have survived to this day. Other writers referred to the women of Lesbos as being of the same kind. A Lesbian was a woman of this kind from Lesbos. You might find the book, Becoming Visible, edited by Kevin Jennings, a readable source for Gay and Lesbian History.

Apparently, history repeats itself. We have moved in the last twenty-five hundred years from the Greek and Roman Empires’ acceptance of same sex love as being normal through a period when it was abnormal to a trend toward or at least tolerance of it in this generation. Incidentally, from this information men were the dominant ones, and they controlled all situations in making all the decisions. Men made the rules, and women apparently followed along without questioning the rules or their roles. Today, women manage situations, and make decisions just like men do. We have lived in a male-dominated society for centuries until as recently as the time of our grandparents or great grandparents.

When a person has an emotional and physical attraction for the same sex we are given a label, which is gay, lesbian and queer, and we all know the definition. Of the three, I find the word queer the most interesting: it means different, odd, and freaky. These words gay, lesbian and queer sound like a terrible disease and that everyone is contagious. While this is written tongue in cheek, this is a great fear of many segments of society.

Therefore, what is normal and abnormal? The vast majority of people would say normal is an acceptable behavior and abnormal an unacceptable behavior. If in these early societies, men spent most of their time with other men and women did the same, it was natural with the intention of men and women fulfilling basic human needs in same sex relationship. In today’s world, our behavior is not acceptable by various people if we have feelings for the same sex. Abnormal to me, particularly in discussing same sex relationships, is what the vocal part of society has said is abnormal. I don’t believe this group is the real majority, however, normal and abnormal are what society says they are. Those who speak out against this behavior have never had those feelings for the same sex, nor would they admit if they did. It is normal to have feelings of care and warmth for another human being. These romantic feelings are normal whether they are for a man or a woman.

At the present, as we live our lives today into the millennium, it seems there have been several significant events that truly define, distort and influence a definition of normal and abnormal.

Can it ever be normal to hit seventy home runs in a single major league baseball season? Will life in the United States ever be normal again after the only second impeachment of a President, for the first time in over one hundred years? The legal cause of impeachment-perjury, lying to a grand jury while holding our country’s highest elected official to a certain standard of conduct-was the subject matter of the lies that intrigued us: sexual activity by a married man inside the White House with an employee of the federal government.

His illegal acts were not deemed serious enough to remove him from office. Today, as this book is being written, the former President, Bill Clinton, did overcome the fear of his costly mistake, and has written a book about his life experiences, and what he had to face.

As a society, we confront a moral decline or decay from a high place. Does society say that our elected officials must adhere to a moral code? Is it normal for us? Are acts of violence, shooting, child abuse, and drive-by shootings so commonplace that they are normal?

Dick and I, along with just