Finding Jesus at Dover Manor

By Randal A. Wiedemann

If you have always wanted a ministry but haven’t found a niche in your church, Finding Jesus at Dover Manor will show you how to reach people who need what you have to give. It will teach you how to recognize your calling and how to pray and encourage lonely people. There are thousands who qualify as “the least of these,” as Jesus put it. They are the forgotten people who live in nursing homes. It may seem daunting to begin a ministry such as this, but you will be amazed at how much God will pave the way for you. You are bringing the cup of cold water to thirsty people. And while we do not want to visit people in nursing homes out of guilt or duty, we should let the words of Jesus urge us into action.

Often we sit waiting for a nudge to go and do something positive. You will be amazed at how fulfilling it can be to bring joy to those waiting to receive it. This book can help you learn to share your gift and to bring life to people in your community. Once you get started, you will find out that you are the one who receives more blessings than your care receivers do. If you want more information, please visit our website: www.NHVPN.org. It stands for nursing home visitor and prayer network.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 9, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973667254

Randal A. Wiedemann

Randal A. Wiedemann has an M.B.A. from the University of Cincinnati, and a Master’s in Practical Ministries from Cincinnati Bible Seminary. He is an authority on making mistakes and experiencing the grace of God firsthand. Randal is president of an aviation consulting firm and lives with his family in central Kentucky. Randal's ministry to nursing homes began when he visited his mother at Dover Manor. It has continued and grown over the years. He has recorded stories about this process to help others discover their hidden ministry talents.

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Copyright © 2019 Randal A. Wiedemann.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-6724-7 (sc)

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WestBow Press rev. date: 03/23/2021

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CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter 1 The Beginning Signs

Chapter 2 Selecting a Nursing Home for Your Loved One

Chapter 3 The Inner Call

Chapter 4 How to Begin

Chapter 5 The Power of Reflective Listening

Chapter 6 Praying for People

Chapter 7 The Power of Scripture in Prayer

Chapter 8 The People of Dover Manor

Chapter 9 Dealing with Death and Dying

Chapter 10 Interacting with Dying People

Epilogue

Afterword

PREFACE

Many people look for ministry opportunities but fail to find them. Perhaps their church is small, or the ministry position they are seeking is taken. They may wait for a mission trip or a fund drive for a good cause to get involved. In the meantime, they go through life without the fullness of serving others on a continual basis.

However, I have found a source of unlimited ministry. In our nursing homes, there are millions of people who need a Christian friend who will visit them, pray with them, and treat them like a real person who deserves respect. While some nursing home residents have friends and family that visit them regularly, many do not. These are the forgotten people who go through the motions of living each day without hope, inspiration, or companionship.

If you have ever wanted to do something for the kingdom of God, here is your chance. You may wonder how it is possible or where are the instructions for starting such a ministry. I hope you will use this book to jumpstart one of the most rewarding phases in your life – that of ministry to the least of these, as Jesus put it.

Scripture says, Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27a NIV). The concept is to take care of those who do not have the ability to take care of themselves. In previous eras, orphans and widows had no means of support. The apostle Paul instructed the Church to care for widows who were really in need (see 1 Tim 5).

In a similar way, you and I can make a huge difference in the lives of people who need loving interaction with people who care about them. There is no telling how our simple acts of kindness will impact those in nursing homes who are in want of love and compassion. Yes, they receive care for their physical needs, but it is the spiritual side that is often neglected. You and I can make that difference.

Our mission, if we choose to accept it, is to find and minister to residents of nursing homes in every community. We need to bring the love of Christ to these people in a way that changes their lives for the better. When we do, Jesus will meet us there. We will find Him in new and deeper ways in our own lives. You and I can participate, and it will not be painful! In fact, it may be the most rewarding ministry you will ever have.

Randal Wiedemann

Author’s Note: This book was written before the COVID-19 outbreak. Since that time, nursing homes, including Dover Manor, have been closed to visitors. However, at some point, they will reopen. Now is the time to train for that opportunity. This book can help you in that process.

CHAPTER 1

The Beginning Signs

It began with small memory lapses about names and dates. My mother, Dorcas, was in her mid-seventies when we noticed what we later learned were the beginning signs of Alzheimer’s disease. She was a robust person who was always coming and going, working on a farm, and living a full life. My father had died some fifteen years earlier – a young man of only sixty-four. Cancer.

We didn’t know it at the time, but Dorcas would get lost while driving. We found out later from her young granddaughter (a passenger) that she would continue to drive around until she could ask someone which way to go. It wasn’t until she had a wreck that we had to take her car away for good. It went to the repair shop and never came back to her. She protested a little, but we siblings all agreed and held firm.

It is a difficult thing to watch a person you love slowly lose his or her mind, for it is in our memories that relationships are curated. As those memories fade, so does the closeness of our connection. Certainly, our all-knowing God would not let that dissolution of mind and body be permanent. At least, that is our Christian hope. We trust that God will one day restore that which was lost. In the meantime, however, we must deal with a relationship that becomes more distant as time goes by.

If parents live long enough, at some point they begin to regress, and we children become their parents. The relationship is flipped. These evolutions do not always occur with ease. In the case of my mother, we took her to the local university medical center for an evaluation. They confirmed what we already knew. Mom was losing her mind. We didn’t know how long a process this was, but I had read that there is an average of ten years between diagnosis and death for Alzheimer’s patients.

Like many people suffering from memory loss or dementia, my mother was in denial about her condition. She was capable of faking it by using laughter, well-worn phrases, and body language to hide her memory loss. If she lost her way in a conversation, she would change the subject and say something like, Aren’t we the luckiest people! It was a statement, not a question. Over time, she developed a happy attitude that could not be swayed. I suppose it was a defensive measure, but I have heard that some Alzheimer’s sufferers go the other way. They become mean and belligerent. Not Mom.

Dorcas decided to be happy. It was the best decision of her life. Instead of being untrusting of people and suspicious, she simply assumed everyone had also decided to be happy. The smallest things would ignite her joy. She would look at the clouds and ask if I had ever seen anything more beautiful. I couldn’t quite see it. That didn’t stop her. She began to notice all the ingrown beauty God had installed around us – flowers and trees and blue sky. It was a divine gift to replace the slow loss of her awareness of the dullness and routine of everyday life.

My siblings and I decided it would be best if she came to live with us. Although she was functional in daily routines, she needed care and transportation. Before Mom came to live with us, she had been living on an estate in a large house. She was a collector of fine things such as china, furniture, paintings, and silverware, and her house was packed. She loved to arrange flowers and always had beautiful centerpieces on tables and sideboards.

When it came time to move her out of her large home, I took her to the local mobile home dealer to look at trailers. When she saw them, she laughed in disbelief. She knew all her things could not fit into any one of those we went through. It was one of many disappointments she would endure in the process of getting old.

We picked out a single-wide trailer that was sixteen feet by seventy feet. That was to be her new home. In order to get the permits to move the trailer to our property, I had to split our lot into two five-acre tracts. Her new residence would be two hundred feet from our door. Then came the move.

By the time we began fitting the Chippendale chests of drawers, the leather chairs, and all the bone china, paintings, pictures, and so forth, into the small living quarters, the place was packed to the rafters, so to speak. The items that would not fit were placed with an auction house and the date was set. The money would be used for Mom’s new home and expenses.

My mother loved her things and wanted to be surrounded by them. Well, she got her wish. When we sold the furniture she couldn’t fit into her new home, she netted what the trailer had cost. My mother lived in her trailer for the next six years.

As her cooking skills faded, we invited her to eat dinner with us each evening. We also hired in-home nursing care professionals to help her function on a daily basis. I took over her financial matters and paid the bills as they came. Sadly, but inevitably, her mental faculties continued to decline.

THE DECISION

In January 2012, my brother, a doctor in California, came to stay with Mom and evaluate her condition. The debate was whether she needed full-time, institutional care. During his visit, he accidentally locked himself out of her trailer. Banging on her window, he asked Mom to open the front door. Mother couldn’t understand what was needed and couldn’t get to the door to unlock it. Fortunately, my brother was able to crawl through a back window and unlock the door.

And that was it. All the debating came to an end when we saw she was not able to perform a very simple task. It is easy to be in denial about a loved one, but in our hearts, we knew it was time to find a nursing home for Mom. We called a meeting of all the siblings (there are five of us) and laid out the options. The only question remaining was where Mom would go. At that time, we began to search for a nursing home that was convenient to the three siblings that lived nearby.

The search began on the Internet. There were three nursing homes in our town. From the descriptions, we narrowed our investigation to two. We visited both, looked at the rooms, and interviewed the administrators. Either of the homes would have worked. However, one place had a better feel to it than the other.

Most nursing homes use Medicaid to pay for their residents’ rooms. Those rooms are all double occupancy. However, some nursing homes keep one or more private rooms available for patients who pay their own way.

Because Mom still had some savings, she was ineligible for the Medicaid rooms. She would have to go in under a