Resilience and the Internationally Mobile Family: Navigating Changes and Transitions

By William G. Nicoll Ph.D. and Peggy Pelonis Ed.D.

The process of international relocation can be an exciting, empowering, and fascinating life experience. Or, it can be an emotionally volatile situation for family members that may adversely impact personal wellbeing, marital relationships, and/or children’s behavioral and school adjustment.
In Resilience and the Internationally Mobile Family, authors Dr. William G. Nicoll and Dr. Peggy Pelonis assist international families, as well as international school educators and employers, in better understanding the internationally mobile family experience.
The resilience building model outlined in this book enables parents, youth, schools, and employers to better understand the process of change. It provides practical skills and strategies for successfully navigating the international transition process and realizing a positive, life-changing, and life-enriching experience.

In a world where more and more families are moving globally, William G. Nicoll and Peggy Pelonis join theory and practice as they discuss the paradoxical dynamics of these changes. After explaining how different stages of transition frequently present, they offer concrete strategies for how parents and educators can help build resilience during these times. A timely book!
Ruth E. Van Reken, B.S., R.N., D.L.(h.c.),
co-author Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, 3rd edition,
co-founder, Families in Global Transition

Resilience and the Internationally Mobile Family is an invaluable resource for anyone in the planning stage or in the process of relocating to another country. It shines a light on the many psychological and cultural pitfalls and benefits of such a life-changing decision and offers countless strategies and resources to deal with the disruptions to normal life.
Bill Oldread, Assistant Director,
East Asia Regional Council of Overseas Schools (EARCOS)

The authors provide not only good advice and support but do so in an encouraging way, seeing the undoubted challenges as opportunities to enrich the experience of the whole family.
Dr Jeff Thompson, CBE,
Professor Emeritus, University of Bath, UK.

Resilience and the Internationally Mobile Family is a must read for parents and educators who work with internationally mobile families as well as anyone who supports these families at home and abroad, to navigate the many changes and transitions that they will experience over the course of their various travels and assignments. Written by experts in the field, who have not only done their research, they practice what they advocate.
Barbara Coloroso,
author and educator

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Sep 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781480881396

William G. Nicoll Ph.D.

William G. Nicoll, Ph.D. is a consultant with the Resilience Counseling & Training Center in North Conway, New Hampshire, USA. Bill has served as a special education teacher (behavioral adjustment issues), school counselor (U.S & international schools), family counselor in private practice and agency settings, and university professor. He has provided consulting and professional development training services for international schools, professional organizations, mental health organizations, and universities worldwide including the U.S. Department of State’s Office of Overseas Schools. Bill’s primary professional interest has been in the development of resilience and social-emotional well-being in youth through positive, supportive school and family environments. Considered one of the seminal authors in the area of school-based family counseling, he has authored numerous articles in professional journals and chapters in textbooks on mental health and education issues. Bill has also served on the editorial boards of professional journals and held leadership positions at local, state, national and international levels. Bill is the author of the book, Developing Resilient Youth: Classroom activities for social-emotional competence and a forthcoming book, Raising Resilient Children: What every parent needs to know. Peggy Pelonis, Ed.D., MBA, LMFT is Vice President at the American Community School, a k-12 international school in Athens, Greece. She is a leadership, personal and professional growth coach and a trainer of school leadership and transformation. Dr. Pelonis conducts workshops in Europe, the Middle East and the USA. She is a frequent lecturer at conferences as well as an invited speaker on various TV and radio programs to discuss change on an individual and organizational level. She is the author of numerous journal articles, book chapters and magazine & newspaper articles, as well as three books: “Change in the journey of life” Fytraki publications, 2001, “I Exist, I Change” Isorropon publications, 2006, and, “Everything Changes” Ioakistis publications, 2019 (currently published in Greek). Her primary interest is in providing holistic education in schools that fosters character and contributes to youth living by principles of excellence, social interest and living meaningful lives.

Book preview

Copyright © 2019 William G. Nicoll, Ph.D. & Peggy Pelonis, Ed.D.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Archway Publishing

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.archwaypublishing.com

1 [phone]

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-4808-8140-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-8139-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019911252

Archway Publishing rev. date: 9/18/2019

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1   The Internat.ionally Mobile Family Experience

Chapter 2   The Change & Transition Process

Chapter 3   Developing Personal & Family Resilience

Chapter 4   Resilience Enhancing Strategies for Parents

Chapter 5   Resilience Enhancing Strategies for the International School

Chapter 6   Going Home

Additional Resources for Internationally Mobile Families

Introduction

This book is intended to assist Internationally Mobile Families and educators in international schools to better understand the Internationally Mobile Family (IMF) experience. Successfully navigating this journey requires first an understanding of the change and transition process. Second, it requires the practical skills, strategies and social support systems necessary for the optimal adjustment of both parents and children.

The process of international relocation can create either a) an exciting, empowering and fascinating life experience or b) an emotionally volatile situation for family members that may adversely impact personal wellbeing, marital relationships, and/or children’s behavioral and school adjustment. The information and ideas provided here are firmly grounded in the resilience and wellbeing promotion framework. This strengths-based approach seeks to maximize the Internationally Mobile Family’s potential for successfully realizing a positive, life changing, and life enriching experience. As the author Leo Tolstoy stated, "Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". Such is also the case with successful and happy Internationally Mobile Families.

IMF parents are invited to use this book as a brief resource or guidebook for optimizing their family’s international experience. Similarly, international school educators are offered practical information and strategies for providing the unique supportive resources necessary in order to facilitate positive IMF student and family adjustment. Establishing and maintaining a positive, inclusive international school culture is the cornerstone of a quality international school.

Knowing the specific issues and tasks that await you in the process can better prepare you for dealing with them successfully. This book will offer you: 1) a better understanding of the emotional and personal adjustment process involved in change and transition 2) an understanding of the resilience factors affecting your ability to successfully navigate through these transitions and 3) practical tools for helping children grow and thrive from this unique international experience.

Following a brief overview of the IMF experience in Chapter 1, Chapter 2 introduces the change and transition process so that you might better understand and prepare for your international experience. Chapter 3 then introduces readers to the components and dynamics of personal and family resilience. In Chapter 4, IMF families are offered very specific, practical strategies for fostering both personal and family resilience and successfully navigating the changes and transitions. Chapter 5 then builds on the idea of resilience enhancing strategies by providing international school educators with practical ideas for school-based programs in order to provide the needed supportive resources that facilitate resilience and optimal social and academic adjustment of both IMF students and their families.

Resilience building strategies serve not only to maximize the positive aspects of an internationally mobile experience, but also to minimize or prevent any potential adverse adjustment aspects of this new lifestyle. Finally, Chapter 6 seeks to provide an understanding of the re-entry/reverse culture shock transition when it is time for an Internationally Mobile Family, or certain members of the family (e.g. graduating high school senior), to return to their home country of citizenship. Again, practical ideas for navigating this transition ‘back home’ during the eventual repatriation process are offered.

The IMF Experience

As our world becomes increasingly more global and interconnected, more and more families are being presented with the opportunity, or are choosing, to become part of this global community. Overseas work assignments or job options are increasing. In 1975, there were approximately 800,000 families living temporarily in countries other than their own. This number grew to approximately 4.3 million by 2011 and by 2015 increased to 8 million. With the increasingly global interdependence of economies and the growth of international business, it is obvious that this trend will continue at a rapid rate in the coming decades

By taking advantage of a job offer that entails an international experience, you and your children will have a unique opportunity to experience personal growth and strengthened family bonds. Together you will experience other lands, other ways of living, different cultures, and other languages. It is exciting to know that you and your children will learn to understand and appreciate other cultures and people as well as develop lifelong friendships with people from many other nations. Jointly, you will all learn to integrate new ideas and values leading to a more holistic, global perspective and a deeper understanding of the ever changing world in which we live. This unprecedented experience will forever impact the lives of all members of your household.

However, the opportunity to live and work in another country, and to experience other cultures, also presents many unique challenges. Such challenges can often elicit conflicting feelings of both excitement and fear for all family members. Change can be, and often is, a rather daunting challenge. The inevitable loss of close family and friends, leaving the familiarity of your neighborhood and home country, and the process of disconnecting from the familiar will elicit a myriad of feelings including loss, anxiety, frustration, confusion, and insecurity. There is always some degree of stress and anxiety which accompanies the encountering of new, unpredictable life circumstances. Such feelings are often particularly acute in the initial transition stages.

In other words, this whole process of transition and change for the Internationally Mobile Family can create an exciting and fascinating life experience. Likewise, it can also lead to a relatively volatile emotional situation for both your personal and family adjustment. It is important to be reminded that having such emotions is a normal reaction to transitions. Also keep in mind that each family member may initially have quite different reactions to and feelings about leaving the known of school, job, family, community and culture. A nicely synchronized family transition process among all family members is seldom a reality. Family members will not always be in sync as they progress through the varied emotions associated with the adjustment process of transition. This variability has the potential for considerable stress and conflict within the family. That said, much can also be done to assist you and your family in handling the transition process more smoothly and eventually make this experience every bit ‘the opportunity of a lifetime" that you, your spouse, and your children had hoped for.

The experience of an international placement can feel at times very much like a ride on an emotional roller coaster. There will be periods of excitement and joyful planning of new, shared experiences and opportunities. At other times, however, each of you will face the realization that with such change also comes unpredictability and loss. This, in turn, tends to elicit feelings of fear and insecurity. As previously mentioned, keep always in mind that it is perfectly normal to feel a sense of loss and apprehension when in a position of not knowing and not understanding. The familiarity and predictability of daily life is no longer there, therefore, we inevitably experience some emotional lows in the form of fear, anxiety, stress, anger, or frustration.

One thing in life is certain. At various points along our life journey, we all experience various changes