The Victimization That We Call Parenting

By Kahane Lynes

Becoming a parent is the one thing that almost everyone looks forward to, but good parental skills is the number one thing that most people are lacking. Even though you may believe you are not lacking this trait, there are a lot of circumstances in which our children’s mental problems go unnoticed; you may only see this pop up when it’s too late. We may think we’re good parents right now, but little do we know we’re the ones responsible for screwing up society, and creating rapists, murderers, and abusers. In order for all of this to stop, we ourselves have to stop being the victims, and find a way to correct our problems.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 28, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796068337

Book preview

THE VICTIMIZATION

THAT WE CALL

PARENTING

KAHANE LYNES

Copyright © 2019 by Kahane Lynes.

Library of Congress Control Number:        2019917339

ISBN:                   Hardcover                  978-1-7960-6835-1

                            Softcover                    978-1-7960-6834-4

                             eBook                          978-1-7960-6833-7

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 10/28/2019

Xlibris

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CONTENTS

Newborn-Age Two

Age Three

Age Four

Age Five

Age Six

Age Seven

Age Eight

Age Nine

Age Ten

Age Eleven

Age Twelve

Age Thirteen

Age Fourteen

Age Fifteen

Age Sixteen

Age Seventeen

Age Eighteen

There are few good parents in America today. In order to be a good parent, you have to be a doctor, a physician, a comedian, a teacher, a counselor, a child, a discipliner, and a provider. You also have to be a master of the English language, you have to know how the mind works, and you have to be a historian and a master manipulator. There are few people left in America who possess all the skills. We have been trying to parent our children while missing those important ingredients. What we think is parenting is actually a criminal act. We are victims raising victims.

There was a time in history when multiple generations lived in the same household; if one family member was missing an ingredient, more than likely another member possessed that trait and would pass it to the new generation. When you were old enough to go on your own, you were a refined product with all the tools necessary to instill good parenting. The parenting chart has been in a downward trend for a long time. The chart will continue to go downhill because the problem has no solution. You can’t solve or address a problem that you can’t comprehend. As bad parents who are around bad parents, in our mind, we become good parents.

Good parenting these days means getting your child or children through high school without them having a criminal record or picking up any bad habits, such as smoking or drinking. If we can accomplish that, then we falsely label ourselves as good parents. True parenting skills were eradicated so long ago that we probably will find the fossils alongside the dinosaur remains. Those skills are all but myths now. This is one of the greatest structural collapses in society. The more we move forward in time, the more parental skills erode.

We live in a world now in which everyone has attention deficit disorder and everyone’s mind is in a different place and on a different wave. It is a miracle to capture adults’ focus for even an hour, and these are the adults in speaking of. The way America is structured now is that we probably only allow twenty hours a week to parent our children. We spend around two hours a day parenting during weekdays because of school and work conflicts and maybe ten hours total on weekends. We are concerned about devices captivating our kids’ attention, but these are devices we bought them, the same devices we parents are addicted to and that we let parent our kids. We don’t understand the school curriculum, but the devices do, so why should a child embarrass you when the device is more capable?

Many times when children ask for help with their homework, their plea is met with anger. The anger is just masking the fact we can’t help because their homework is too advanced for us. It’s pride-saving anger. Look at the adult products that have been placed into the workforce. No matter what the job is, we have lost the ability to function around others.

We don’t even communicate anymore. We are now zombies. The big screen has become our reality, and now we just eat. Technology is moving forward, but our minds are moving backward. The fundamental structure of existence has been wiped out. Reality doesn’t exist only in virtual realities. Knowledge has been replaced with conditioning. With all of this going on, we need a parenting ritual. The most beautiful part of parenting is the metamorphosis parents have to go through.

NEWBORN-AGE TWO

When you have a newborn baby, you have to become a newborn yourself to begin the parenting process. You can’t be in your adult mind-set and try to communicate with that child. You have to learn how to speak a newborn’s language, and you have to understand the meanings of your newborn’s facial expressions and body movements. As the child ages, you have to age along with the child.

When the child gets to be about two years old, you have to become a split person. You have to be two years old, and you also have to be an adult parent. You have to balance the two correctly. You have to be a great friend, but you also have to begin setting the boundaries that the child cannot cross. If you become too much of a friend to your child, you will never have the ability to correctly parent that child.

If you are too strict, you can lose that child. It’s a delicate balance that you have to master. You have to know how to deal with injuries; the greatest pain reliever for a child is a kiss. Two is probably the age when the child will get curious about the device we parents are using, and we probably will have no choice but to introduce it to them. As technology advances, we have to know how to incorporate technology into our parenting.

It’s not scary. It’s a decision that has to be made. You can’t be an obsolete old fossil. You have to adapt your skills to the time at hand. You cannot ignore what has your child’s attention. If it has your child’s attention, it must have yours.

You have to move forward in the future with your children. You can’t lag behind. If you do, you will be tuned out. At this stage of their lives, your time and attention is key to their eventual success.

AGE THREE

At age three and moving forward, questions will start being asked. As curiosity grows, they will need answers. You have to be able to answer every single question presented to you; even when the question might be a little uncomfortable, you will need to provide the correct answer. Make sure your answer is detailed; if not, it will be followed by another question. Even if you get frustrated, you cannot show your frustration.

You have to answer as calmly as possible. You don’t want them to start developing negative traits. Anything that they see you do will be copied. During discipline, Because I said so is never an acceptable answer. Discipline needs to be followed by answers. Children need to know why their actions are unacceptable.

Just because your parents parented you a certain way doesn’t mean the same way is acceptable for your child. A lot of adults are screwed up mentally from their parents’ discipline, and we should be smart enough to end the cycle. Just because you got spanked doesn’t mean you should spank your children. Spanking causes significant mental damage to the young mind. It introduces violence as an acceptable way to solve disputes.

Whatever you say to your child, be sure there is an ample of literature to back up your claims. There are many occasions when your children will come to you and say they understand because they saw videos online validating your stance. Work and home always need