Swipe

By Aesha Waks

NYC society has drastically changed since swipe sites came
about and therefore the rules. Vocabulary, timing and what
people as a whole are willing to deal with are all fresh terrain.
I choose to explore, research and interview to draw up a
map. I came up with scaling systems and graphs in order to
simplify and explain my ideas. Morals, principals and ethics are
all things discussed in getting what you want while keeping
your self-respect. In conscious stream of thought free form
and during quarantine, I present to you SWIPE.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Jun 11, 2020
• ISBN: 9781698701219

Aesha Waks

Aesha Waks has written a guide to navigate the unsafe and difficult process of dating. She explains what we need to know in understanding people’s behavior and the new vocabulary. Even an older person like myself can benefit from reading this book as it explains words that are often used in conversation that I have no knowledge of their meaning. Definitely worth the read!!

Book preview

Copyright 2020 Aesha Waks.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by

any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or

otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-6987-0120-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6987-0121-9 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web

addresses or links contained in this book may have changed

since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do

not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the

publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Trafford rev.   06/08/2020

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North America & international

toll-free: 1 888 232 4444 (USA & Canada)

fax: [phone]

Contents

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Foreword

Inspiration

Foreword

Titles

Cheating

Having a Word

STD

Say No to Hate

Redefining Feminism

History of Abuse Questions

Ghosting and the Walking Dead

The Walking Dead

Are You Mad at Me?

Apologies

Pretend Friends for Possible Sex

Turning Unhopeful Love into Friendship

Being Born Warm

Addiction

Truth

Do Not Be Jealous

Whose Burden Is It?

Misunderstood and Not Given a Chance

Chemistry

Choosing to Be Cool or Take a Risk

Act Right or Let Me Show You How

Logical versus Emotional Reaction

When Truth Is Greater Than Trust

Friendships and Control

Grudges

Faith

Self-Acceptance

Bait and Switch versus the Player

The Modern-Day Enemy

Sexuality versus Affection

Choose Love

Turn-Offs

Passive Aggression and the Covert Narcissist versus the Outward Narcissist

Hard-to-Get Gone Overboard

Closure

Ego, Id, Superego

Attachment On-Off Switch

Addressing

Healing from Pain

The Force—Not Allowing People to Use Your Power against You

Gaslight

The Sociopath

The Psychopath

The Educated Road

Compassion

Finances

Business

Business-Zoning

Stage 5 Clingers

PC

No Sex in the City

Mine on the First Date?

Base Needs

Same Future and Values

The Roads between Mono/Poly versus Mono/Comm

Sex and Real Estate

#NotMeToo

Dating or Friends with Benefits

Get It while It’s Hot

Blood, Skin, and Fluid Rules

Purpose of Monogamy

The Relationship Tip Sheet

Self-Empowerment

Closure

The information, ideas, and suggestions in this book are not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising as a consequence of your use or application of any information or suggestions in this book.

In this stream of consciousness, I communicate what to look out of while navigating the seas of dating. This ethical unorthodox view of relationships in the millennium can be used as a functional road map for finding what you want.

Foreword

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I have known Aesha Waks a long time, and her insights, intelligence, and wisdom are right there for the taking. She is a warm and compassionate soul and has spent years thinking and making sense of why dating and relationships can be so hard. She is the best combination in real life and in her writing as compassionate and smart. Her observations and thoughts about relationships are helpful and wise—they come from a place of goodness and hope. Rather than give into the pain and resignation of our culture of ghosting and hardness, she gives insight into warmth and health, which is what we should all be striving for.

Debbie Seagull, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Dating has never been an easy task. Today social media is creating a fast-paced world where we have little privacy, lots of stories, and the creation of a new vocabulary to explain what is happening.

Aesha Waks has written a guide to navigate the unsafe and difficult process of dating. She explains what we need to know in understanding people’s behavior and the new vocabulary. Even an older person like myself can benefit from reading this book as it explains words that are often used in conversation that I have no knowledge of their meaning. Definitely worth the read!

Marilyn Gelfand, MA

Staff Educational Coordinator (retired)

Creedmore Psychiatric Center

Queens, New York

Aesha Waks and I have spoken consciously and consistently over nearly the last two years.

On the side for years, I trained under my father, psychiatrist/psychoanalyst, Dr. Martin J. Weich.

She and I discussed decoding the confusion behind the actions of others in relationships, and with all the knowledge I have shared with her on my learnings and discoveries of these topics, she adds invaluable sides to it by illustrating points of views that fill in blind spots.

She sheds light in a positive manner on some of life’s darkest moments.

Once you read Aesh’s writings, you will fall in love with her words as much as everyone who knows her has.

Graig Weich

Life Coach

Artist/Writer/Director

BeyondComics.TV

Inspiration

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Cheating and lying has always been around, but in today’s world, it is not as cut and dry. A lot of women (and some men) out there have been raised to wait for the one, but when enough betrayal happens, it changes people. Things in the millennium are not always as black and white as being boyfriend/girlfriend or friends. If enough deceit happens in a person’s life, some tend to follow suit, instead of learning how not to treat people. Many lose sight of the path and their intent and start acting disrespectful to one another as if their actions go unnoticed. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of failure and vengeance. People’s health is at risk, as well as good morals and well-being. I was inspired to write this book to shine a light or a magnifying glass on society to help people see and hear more clearly to navigate the darkness of today’s dating scene. Looking at one’s own approach or one’s relationship as a dial-up or dial-down really removes the pressure. One just has to know what these backward or forward steps look like. For example, I will highlight the word grace. Everyone should be entitled to a couple of days to process things, past that the relationship would need to take a step back or forward. Enjoy my easy-to-understand, unorthodox, and laissez-faire way of serving you my knowledge and experience!

Foreword

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In a time when courtship seems dead or a means to an end and gender roles are so ambiguous that both parties stand back and wait for the other to make a move …

When we are more connected than ever yet are swiping our way to our next disconnection and blocking at the first sign of trouble instead of working through things …

When morality and logic are gone with the wind and covert emotions run high in the moment and logic and reason abandoned …

When lying is now replaced with changing of the mind on the drop of a dime and the excuse is they didn’t get around to it …

In a world so detached from our parents’ ethics that we need to make up our own boundaries and rules yet no one wants to talk about anything …

Where people seem like zombies walking the street with their wireless earbuds in, silence, corona virus clearing the subways, making things even creepier than ever …

I write this book as a gift to you, funded and produced by me, to help you see things past the surface.

Titles

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Let’s talk about the different people we can be to the different people we know in the millennium that fall between engagement/marriage and the hook up.

Both Committed and Monogamous:

Usually boyfriend/girlfriend or boyfriend/boyfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend, etc., but for the sake of this book, let’s call it the official couple that has intentions of taking things somewhere.

Committed:

You can be committed to a relationship, a project, even a friend. Monogamy is what defines things sexually, but commitment or what you are committing to defines a relationship.

Monogamous:

When you are one on one with a sexual partner and have trust between you both to define the rules.

Dating:

Some people date one, some many, rules apply personally, but generally, when you are going out and getting to know if this person is right to fit your needs.

Seeing or Talking To:

An undefined way to hang out. A way to determine how and where that person best fits into your life. Some may end up dating, some friendship, some creative, and some may jump into monogamy or commitment.

Friends with Benefits:

These two may never have sex, but the attraction and option is there, based on whatever agreement is made, as well as going back to friendship later if both don’t opt for a relationship.

Friend:

Platonic.

Poly/Open Relationship (with or without rules):

When it is agreed upon to not be exclusive, rules may or may not apply.

Acquaintance:

Someone you don’t really have a deep connection with but you see from time to time and are in good standing.

Social Media Friend:

Supportive, mostly online only.

Biz Associate:

Some you may get creative with but not necessarily personal.

Nowhere Zone:

When a person doesn’t respond but not necessarily on bad terms, it’s ambiguous.

Enemy:

A person who made it clear they can’t stand you, even if they won’t tell you why.

The Hookup:

All these terms are versus the hookup. The hookup, basically, doesn’t mean you have to be dating or in a relationship, nor does it mean you have to be friends, honest, get-an-STD-test-after-your-last-hookup, or anything at all. You don’t have to have an equal exchange of energy or want or ever have to see that person again. It is all based on impulse alone. This is primarily what I am trying to help combat in society. This is not like Woodstock, free love. This is more like New York free sex. To me, that is what the monster looks like. Anything is better than this. In this hookup culture, you will find vocabulary such as …

Bread-crumbing:

Leading someone on.

Shelving or couching:

When you avoid a person while you are off with someone else with the plans of a possible return, leaving enough time to go by without an explanation or enough time to numb the situation.

Ghosting:

Disappearing indefinitely.

Zombie:

To ghost then reappear in a different form like social media likes with no explanation.

The reason I feel there is confusion is people tend to give their own meanings to words, especially modern day. With monogamy and commitment, you can have one without the other, yet you